I think there's something wrong with my mind. Since from a young age, I have a crush toward a cousin of mine. This crush develops as I went to high school. Since he lives far away, I made up lies to my friends that me and him are actually dating each other behind our parents back. So that's that. I made up all the details of the relationship.
But a few years ago, when we are both adults and I almost gotten over my crush, he made a pass on me. It started as an innocent thing, like complementing on little things which made me kinda happy and he was really there for me when I broke up with my boyfriend at the time. But then he really flirted with me, like asking my cup size and the such, but somehow I didn't mind.
So, one morning when he was over here for the holidays, he came up to my room, snuck up from behind me and grab my tits. At first, I was startled and said, "what the hell are you doing!?". But he kinda assured me that it was okay and he masturbated me that day.
We fooled around for a while that year but we didn't have sex or anything (of course not, our family was always around), and of course my crush came back and I started to REALLY REALLY like him. One day when I told him about my feelings, he was like, "you know, we really shouldn't be so serious about this,". At that I felt, and still feel, so used.
I stayed away from having any decent conversation with him for 2 years. I really couldn't handle it. The worst part is that he seemed to be okay with it and had already forgotten about all of it. But recently, he started to flirt with me again. One thing led to another and we were back to where we was a few years ago, sneaking behind our parents back to "stuff".
Now I think about him almost everyday, in a very sexual way. It's wrong, I know. Maybe he was taking advantage of me liking him, but I really can't say. I'm just confused and I need to vent. I'll accept any good input. Thanks you guys.
> It's wrong, I know.
Is it? Some states are a-okay with it.
I'm not from the states. So in my country it is frowned upon, and people are scared with all the deformed babies we're gonna reproduce, but we're not actually making babies here, are we.
>>At that I felt, and still feel, so used.
Nuff said. It doesn't matter if he's your cousin or anything, when he makes you feel this way, you should stay away from him.
Don't let him hurt you.
You told him about your feelings and he just didn't care (and still doesn't). This guy does not deserve the attention you pay him.
Try to meet other guys, just to get some new input. Don't focus on him, he's not as great as your imagination tells you.
i know I really should. I shouldn't even be pondering about this. but it was my first experience :( now, i'm kinda scared to build relationships with other guys.
Try not to be so scared of building a relationship with another man, not all men are like how your cousin has treated you.
I feel bad in the fact that you were used in such a way, but you have to remember that not every man is as cruel in such a way he was.
I wish I could give you some pointers on how to meet other people but I'm not great at meeting people myself, so sorry on that part. 8(
>>4You told him about your feelings and he just didn't care (and still doesn't). This guy does not deserve the attention you pay him.
Exactly--he's being disrespectful, and behaving a bit like a scumbag. I don't care how good he is in the sack, he doesn't respect you, and I say he was taking advantage of you. Now that you know, don't let him do it again.
Talk to him about it. Especially how you feel and about what to do in the future.
Its possible that he's not simple dismissing your feelings, especially if the whole thing is frowned upon. Its very possible that he enjoys all this but afraid of getting in too deep and suffering the consequences.
So have a long serious talk with him and straighten out everyone's intentions. In this case I would go as far as giving an ultimatum. don't fool around unless its actually going somewhere or he feels the same.