Ok, I really didn't pick up on this trait until recently, but it seems like I constantly subject myself to self-induced insomnia. For a couple of months now, I've been trying to practice lucid dreaming but I could never get a hold of it completely so I eventually gave up. However, this past week I had some pretty vivid dreams so I decided to give lucid dreaming a whirl again. So as I lay in my bed about to fall asleep, a thought enters my head, "I wonder how what it feels like to fall asleep?" Once this thought enters my head, it's all over for me. That single line of thought opens the floodgates to other thoughts, preventing me from actually falling alseep.
My problem is, I can't control when this thought enters my head, it just seems to pop up now. On top of that, once this thing starts to move, much more evil thoughts enter my head. I begin to have thoughts about mass murder, death, and my own suicide. It's not like i consciously try to think these thoughts, they just pop into my head and also, a niggling little thought also appears at the back of my head that continuously curses god(I'm religious, if you don't mind). This happens for what it seems to be like a good 4-5 hours before i fall asleep. When I do wake up, I have no recollection of any dream, which is unusual because I tend to recall my dreams very easily, and I feel strangely more rested than I would with normal sleep.
I tried talking to other people about this but they all said it's because I don't have a regular sleep pattern, but I really not believe that. I really do not like this, because it's very irritating on my part because of the lack of sleep and the mental anguish that I go through for those 4-5 hours. So what's the best thing I can do? Go see a psychiatrist or something?
The three main things are stop drinking caffeine (if you haven't already), do hard exercise as often as you can manage, and set your alarm to wake you up early and follow a routine of early rising for at least a fortnight. If that doesn't work consider getting some off-the-shelf sleeping pills or visiting your doctor.
As to this stuff:
>On top of that, once this thing starts to move, much more evil thoughts enter my head. I begin to have thoughts about mass murder, death, and my own suicide. It's not like i consciously try to think these thoughts, they just pop into my head and also, a niggling little thought also appears at the back of my head that continuously curses god(I'm religious, if you don't mind).
I'd tell you to go let off some steam on /b/, but that might conflict with your ethics. If it's any help the buddhists say you should accept your bad thoughts and let them go, since fighting them only makes them stronger.
i don't know if this is just an old wives tale, but it's worked for me. eat greasy food (meat)
knocks me out quick
I always fall asleep if I shoot my wad two or three times. On nights when my girlfriend isn't over, I just beat the ol' bishop like it's an unwanted step-child (and I know calling a stepchild unwanted is redundant, since they are always unwanted). If for some reason I don't flog the dolphin and get the poison out, then I just stay awake like you and think about mass murder, death, suicide, cursing God, etc.
OP here, sorry I've been away with my family camping(terrible terrible times)
>>5
See, the problem is, I don't want to think about those things. all i want to do is fall alseep, but the problem arises when i keep thinking that it's getting closer to dawn and im losing sleep hours, it just escalates the problem. I always went running right before i sleep so that's out of the picture. I just want to fall alseep like normal people, instead of being tormented almost every night
Try writing down your thoughts and dreams. Not having to keep them in your head is a big step to moving on.