Ever since I was a kid, I cannot truly recall ever being a "winner" at anything. Be it sports or some competitions or just just having friends, I always did not compete very well and lost.
In fact, I have been having these kind of fantasies lately about being a super type of person such as a governor, mayor, or some other powerful figure, one time a super hero. I sit there and imagine what it would be like to be someone in authority and respected by others. People who stop and listen to what I have to say instead of putting me on hold or getting back to me when someone feels like it. In some of these fantasies, I am still hated, but respected.
Some of these fantasies are quite involved. Almost a novel in fact. I kinda create a new person and want to live their life instead of my crappy one.
Is this the sign of something psychologically wrong with me or is this me wanting some control of my life since I have almost no control over any aspect of my life?
I hate my job yet my boss will likely never fire me because he needs headcount, no matter how bad I fuck up (unless it is a fuck up that costs money). I starting to realize I am not respected by my peers here and likely have never been.
It seems like I bring out two reactions in people, either the urge for me to go away/get away from me or tolerance and non-respect of me. This usually leads to people picking on me while claiming to like me.
I have go to therapists but never mentioned any of this. I was shit scared too. I have been on anti-depressants but they just zombied me out. And withdrawals were hell.
you just want respect.
But I think it is deeper than that. Yeah I tired of not being respected and my opinions or remark just blown off. I have lost count of how many times I will say something or suggest a course of action and be completed ignored. In one case, I told someone not to do something, he did it, and he spent the next 4 days rebuilding a server.
Even on portals like digg or reddit, I am tired of posting there because just about every time I do, here comes two or three people to downmod my post and make me feel stupid for saying it. It is like "there he is...disrespect him, mock his opinion and make him feel stupid...he does not count". I am really tired of it.
I just want to live in mountains or on an island, away from everyone. You know that movie Cast Away, if I knew I could live off an island like that...I would never try and leave. That is the way to live.
I am not sure if I just have nothing in common with my species or just people are programmed to look at me and know how to act and treat me. I am sick of it.
[input name] point of view
"At work, there's this guy who always thinks he knows better. He belittles me every fucking time! Coming all elite, well fuck him. I hate the guy. The thing is, he gave me that look..you know that look when you were wrong and he was right, god mothafucka dammit, i hate life. He can stick that server up his ass" [End]
The point is, people will always fuck with you..ALWAYs, it doesn't matter if you are right or wrong. Respect? Pffff, the only way you get respect is being an asshole. Next time, say a "i told you so" to the server guy just to rubb it in, do it! That's the american away (or whatever country you're in!)
What it sounds like is you don't let your words carry weight. There is what you say, and then there is the way you say it. If people hear meekness, lack of confidence, a statement said softly they shall take it as uncertainty. They'll think you are unsure about what you are saying and thus will ignore you. Lacking confidence does not mean you are uncertain, you just feel that you're invisible and not respected. You have to learn confidence if you desire to be given respect and to have others consider your opinion as an authoritative opinion. How you might acquire confidence is beyond me. I'm not sure how I gained my confidence, but I know it took me years to get it. Good luck and don't let the bastards drag you down.
I don't think you should try to be someone you are not. All your problems can be traced back to that, right?
And who cares about faggots on digg or server admins? If they fuck up then it's their problem. Don't try to do anything positive for people, only for someone you truly love.
This brings us to the next issue. Has anyone ever loved you? Try to figure out what you're good at, and dedicate everything to perfecting it. For example, why not write a novella about your state of mind? If it's good that will earn you respect.
Finally, your thread got me thinking... I did not always win in life, but I never felt like you. There was always SOMEONE who liked me. How can it be there's noone for you? I don't think I'm so awesome, in fact I'm quite a failure. And there are people telling me it's ok and I am still valuable. Why noone for you? Maybe you just never noticed these gestures, only the negative ones?
And bingo managed to miss the whole point again. Stop regurgitating this nice guys lose bullshit. It's overgeneralized and dumb. A confident doofus is worse than a shy genius.
I agree with you. It is a CULTure over there. But I am just sick of the human race in general. I kinda wish I was never born, or at least a different species. But if that happened, I would be at the whim of dipshit human who pollute the earth or fuck each other over for money.
I know I am intelligent and people whom have money and are respected just respond to my problem with "suck it up". Well that does not work for me.
Maybe the new world order (assuming it exists) has a good idea with killing off 80% of the planet. I wonder if there is a web page or something I can submit to them a list of people whos existence is a waste of the oxygen they breathe.
I often feel like OP describes, yet I am more likely to be in a situation >>6 describes. There's often someone who really cares, in my case my parents (while I feel disconnected; weird situation, nvm.).
I remember it being different, having many friends, being confident, being on top of the class, etc. so this (and other advices I have read) lead me to the conclusion "that it's all in your head" and not some fixed fundamentals of the character.
Maybe it came with the realization, that I'm human and therefore damned to be making errors. Historically proven without doubt, but nothing crushes confidence more than questioning oneself.
I often read advise to not over analyze any situation or problem, but focusing on getting the next small step done, but I only read a few weeks ago the reason, why this isn't very hard:
It's because one can choose his state of mind at will.
Every time I think about that I feel better instantly, so I think it works. This answer started with me being gloomy, now I'm way more content. I thought about various other ways to describe the feeling, but they all sound cheesy/hippie like/religious, so I just say: think about the possibilities of you having the power to control your mood.
To some it comes naturally, skeptics like me have to be taught like a retard.
>The point is, people will always fuck with you..ALWAYs, it doesn't matter if you are right or wrong. Respect? Pffff, the only way you get respect is being an asshole. Next time, say a "i told you so" to the server guy just to rubb it in, do it! That's the american away (or whatever country you're in!)
this is why you never do anything because somebody says it's the "american way"
as for me, i feel like i'm pretty good at about everything i do, but the points in my life where i've held first place have been few and far between. i feel like i can't specialize in anything, and that i'll never actually be great at any one thing, just good. i still feel like that, but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to, basically because i have a friend i can bitch to about it now. good luck op