You see, I skipped junior high and went to high school. My parents were very adamant about me progressing in the world. I never really had great social skills, but I tried to at least talk to people. I always tried too hard, and people found me annoying. I wasn't really bullied or harassed; I was just alone.
I know that it doesn't sound like a big deal. Everyone is alone sometimes, and everyone feels alone sometimes. To me though, it felt like and still feels like a big issue. I've never had any real dreams or aspirations. I don't have anyone I want to be. I just never wanted to be alone. I don't want to feel like I'm useless in this world.
My parents, I suppose have never treated me too badly. It just feels like they don't care about me as an individual but as their child. They aren't particularly attached to me; they're attached to their obligation.
At the beginning of my senior year of high school, I attempted suicide. It's kind of embarassing to say because of what a joke it's become now, but I slit my wrists. My father caught me, and tried to get some medical assistance.
It probably wasn't a coincidence that I put myself in a situation where I could be easily caught. It probably was that I just wanted to know if I would be saved. I thought that maybe if I had, then I'd feel really loved.
But even seeing my mother shed a few tears, I still couldn't believe it. I still felt the same, only now I was a bit more closely watched. I didn't know what to do with myself.
I was let out of school and began homeschooling in a lax manner. My parents didn't want me to get burdened and try anything rash again. They even offered for us to move. Still, I don't know.
I'm still the same person years ago. I still lie in bed and think that tomorrow, I'm going to wake up a different person with a different life. I always hope for that morning when something will happen and my life will follow an upward trend. I think a lot of people have felt like that at one point in their life. I can't be just that special. So, what do you propose I do?
First off I have to say what a nice title you have for your thread...
I know you've probably heard this a lot but have you ever considered getting professional help? Sometimes when you're in a emotional runt you can't get out of it yourself.
There were times when I thought my parents didn't love me and they only did stuff because of social obligations/expectations. Now that I go to college far away from home and I only get to see them a couple of times a year I realized I much I love them and how much they love me too.
Maybe it would be easier if you had some close friends at school. Joining a club or something like a volunteer group might help. I know its not easy at all but neither is living like this, right?
I don't know. Take my words with a grain of salt.
irc.synirc.net 6667 join #4-ch
try emailing to this samaritans.org
it's giving emotional support very nicely.
works really great for me.
Professional help is not a bad idea,... But really, you need to concentrate on three things:
Good luck, and have fun!
If you want to become a new person, then just become a new person. It's hard but possible. Everything can be changed, save for your skin color. But you have to actively work to achieve it.
Hows OP doing ?