>>4 No problem, happy to help,...
All the issues you mention are variations of the same theme: lack of self-confidence and lack of trust and confidence in your partner. I remember that initially my gf only wanted to have sex in the dark because she was terrified of exposing her body to me in broad daylight. All these fears disappeared gradually, as she became more comfortable with me and also more confident that I was happy with her body.

I think you must build up confidence and intimacy with your partner in order to lose fear of sex. The fact that often sex only worked for you when you had drunk means that you skipped this step of confidence building that is so fulfilling in a relationship. In the end sex should be as fun and lighthearted as having a nice chat and laughing out loud with your boyfriend, not the dark and ominous thing it seems to be in your mind at the moment.