Why is it that I feel more alive when I'm reading a book or playing video games than when I'm at a party or with my friends?
I write stories about everything. Recently, I wrote a story about a man who falls in love with a forest spirit. It's a slash story.
Unfortunately, I come from a rather... Fundamental christian family, and they were none too pleased. I told them that I would keep on writing the story until it was finished. They told me to leave.
Now, none of my old friends will talk to me (they think I'm gay.)
Why do I CARE so much about made up stories? At my age (18) that's just not normal, right? Like, I JUST GAVE UP MY FAMILY FOR SOMETHING I MADE UP IN MY HEAD!!
I feel like a freak. I've thrown away everything I've ever known, and why? Because I don't feel alive unless I'm in a story.
hey man, if it makes you feel better I can say that you sound like a totally awesome person to me.
Why do you care so much about stories? sounds like you're a writer.
Thanks.
I am a writer, actually, and I don't really understand why I care so deeply about stories. It's just important to me somehow.
I don't think it's just the stories,... These stories are a reflection of something important in you (and not necessarily that you are gay) that does not seem to have the right to exist within your family. That's why it's so hard for you. You are refusing to let it go because you don't want to be so repressed, and that is an entirely legitimate feeling.
As for stories being important, there are many artists who gave their life for their creations, simply because it was something very important and real about them and what they perceived of the world around them.
So I think you refused to accept your family dictates simply because you feel that it will prevent you from experiencing a fulfilling life, and your life is what is most precious to you. You are not a freak, but a very reasonable person, on the contrary,...
It's alright, I think up a lot of stories in my head, but don't have the courage, like you do OP to write them down. You'll be graduating soon, right? So don't worry about it, get away from your family and join a liberal arts college with like minded people. You'll be all the better for it.
There's nothing strange about escapism. Many of us don't live in a happy world, it's hardly surprising that we seek refuge somewhere more interesting. Whether or not this is healthy is another discussion altogether.
I do think your family, however fundamentally Christian they may be, is going a little overboard. A story is a story, why stifle your son's creativity? If I start writing hardcore guro fiction it doesn't mean I'm going to chop up little girls.
It's easy to say that your family sucks or you should get new friends, but that's really pretty irresponsible given no one here knows your situation in real life. You can take solace in the fact that you're hardly a freak though.
>>1 WOW, i'm the same way. Every medium from tv shows,graphical novels, anime, rpgs, whatever. If it has a story, i feel alive. I can actually feel it , some hypersensitive shit.
BUT i'm gratefull for it, there are those that feel dead in real life and can't feel shit in the fantasy world. Me, i'm dead in real life. I am, i always felt like it. Parties, going outside, family reunions, NONE do it for me like being alone and watching an incredible scene.
I think i developped it when i was little. I didn't have friends growing up, so i would create a fantasy world to pass time by (before the internet ,rpgs,etc). There was a time i thought the same way as you,"i'm a freak", so i stopped fantasy, stopped daydreaming and Life kicked me in the face numerous times, raped me several times, and deluded me a hundred times. But that is life.
You ever watched that episode in Ghost in the SHell 1st gig, where people put their consciousness inside a matrixbox, where they keep watching the same sappy movie over and over BY CHOICE and being happy and feeling part of the movie. I guess they "escaped" real life, with good reason.
Yes, i'm still in the "matrix", but i'm happy here:)
Peace man, hope everything works out.
>>1
Hah. Sounds similar to what I'm going through. Not so much the escapism thing, but def. the religious family. I'm coming out tomorrow, and I'm really stressed about how they'll react.
Good on you for sticking to what you believe in. You have all the support the internet can give you, soldier.
I agree with >>2, you seem really awesome. I'm sure you'll have no problem making new friends, a lot of people love creative types, particularly ones who do it for themselves.
Move to a new city, throw your roots away and learn to love yourself. That's what I did, and I feel so much better for it.