Sorry for my poor English. I hope you Guyz will understand this message... Somehow...
I have a problem. I never asked anybody for help (even via Internet) so I feel awkward but it affects my daily life so much that I decided to write here. I hate myself. And not about some small matter but almost everything - my look, personality, the way I thing, speak, behave. Moreover, the stuff I hate about myself is gradually increasing. This is driving me crazy. I know it is pathetic and this is making me hate myself even more! I don't have self Confidence and every time I want to do something I lost motivation after almost no time because all I can do is think that I am too stupid, too ugly, too f***ed up... Sometimes, when people talk with me I think something like "Whoa. He/She is talking to me!? Doesn't he/she feel disgusted?" and try to cut off conversation as soon as I can so he/she won't notice how "bad-at-everything" I am. I try to avoid people (for the same reason as above) but it is rather impossible because I am still attending school (I'm 17) and guyz from my class are really sociable and easy going... How I accept myself? Help.
I really tried many times to write this but I... hate my self for bi***ing like that...
tl;dr: Some pitiful n00bzor whining about how bad he is with awful grammar.
If you are having trouble with change, you can always get professional help, Cognitive Behavirioul Therapy would be perfect you.
Goodluck
If you can't bear to talk positively to yourself, you can at least drown out the negative talk.
You seem to be adverse to swearing, so in your position I'd cuss whenever I caught myself putting me down (under your breath of course).
Also, don't put yourself down here either, because then you have to see your putdown everytime you read.
I've been where you are, in fact I would say your post is verbatim exactly how I would feel everyday of my life at your age. If there's someone you can talk to about how you feel, reach out to that person. (Parent, teacher, school counselor...?)
While I may never get out of the hole completely, things have gotten a whole lot better. And they will get much better for you, because you've already taken the first step.
I think your over reacting to your self consciousness. You should relax when your talking to people and when your around a group of people. And you should remember that every person hates things about there selves but its up to you when your just going to realize that it is normal to not like things about yourself and move on to making the thinks you do like about yourself shine!
I fly a gigantic monster
I am captain evil stomper
I get to wear big black helmet
I pilot the Hatredcopter
I fly the beast made of steel
Thick knives that cut the night
Gas tank is filled with vengeance
Machine guns shooting spite
Can't find the thing that makes this thing take a hard turn right
I follow where it leads me blind bats with wings of might
You will most likely die from the hands of my arm
When I come and fly and take off-a your face
with the front of my Hatredcopter
ooooooooooooooooooogh
I fly a gigantic monster
I am captain evil stomper
I get to wear big black helmet
I pilot the Hatredcopter
I fly the Hatredcopter
I'm going to hunt you down
I'm getting lots of money
for all the bounties found
Can't seem to find the button
that turns the radar on
Can't work the hatredcopter
The hunt for you is on
I am likely to find
for my failure to fly
that I will be fired
for not killing you
cause that is my job
Hatredcopter
You will most likely die from the hands of my arm
When I come and fly and take off-a your face
with the front of my Hatredcopter
Hatredcopter x8