How should this help me?

Medication? You mean drugs?
No thanks, i don't want to get addicted.
Rather i would live painfully then living in some illusions.

What i need is a personal angel that god sent to me to help me.
(Unfortunately not going to happen)

Oh well the problems keep on mounting.

The best idea is really to leave everything behind.

Now i need to find the bravery for this undergoing.