So I'm back still annoying as ever, but I've learned to calm down a bit....you could say I was turning into what you would call a hiki but didn't(and please don't go into the whole word thing yeah). I was just too traumatized at something and still have trouble going through it. I hear shit too and think everyone is talkin bout me and such, so what I did was stick in my room for bout 2 years and a half, well more like just 2. I really forced myself to go out, it sucks being cased in your room. What I did was meditate to stop hearing voices it helped calm me down a lot, and with willpower and philosophy I started killing my anxiety and paranoia, but still paranoid. Even though now i still hear voices at times and don't like going out much but I do because i figured I'm a man and this shit could happen to anyone. My mental trauma caused me to be sort of my own idea of being catotonic,(I know what the word means and I've wikipedia the bitch) as in looking at my past and experiencing the same tremor as if it were real. I tend to be a smug showoff out of compulsion or impulse, I think it's my trauma or fear of not being liked by anyone and being alone, dunno. I have fear of calling black people that specific word. Well I've become strong enough to stop crying and shrug it off. Now my main issue is I'm 19 and in need of a job, I use the sorry excuse of fear that i don't get a job, which is true though. Lets see what else...? uhh, I'm not sure if I can get a girl again, it's not a thing of being scared to talk to them but scared to think anything bad or rude about someone, that is also an issue of mine, which is sort off an impulse in my mind. That is the core of my problem, anything else is becomes a problem because of it. I spend too much time worrying over it. So... this time on the real, what do you think? How do I kill the fear of being prejudice and offensive in my mind? BTW this the real suffering I've gone through in my life, yeah it sucks when a person goes through it but I've realized it happens to anyone, don't you think? Writing this message helps me relieve some load so cool :-).