OP HERE.
What you said is a good suggestion, instead of thinking that people are disgusted by me from their facial expressions i should just admit that they're just being interested in what i'm saying or curious about what i'm speaking of.
While talking to my psychotherapist we came to the conclusion that my problem is one of acceptance of the real world. It's like I had this illusion of what the world's like (ergo: how i wanted it to be) and it completely shattered when I met certain people and saw certain people acting in ways i never thought possible.
Y'know, I didn't believe there actually would be bullying in High School, it sounded like a stupid concept to begin with... I mean, my problem is that i didn't believe that some people are plain stupid and actually mistreat colleagues and so on.
So the conflict between my dreams and reality made me want to run away, like the world was attacking me... Knowing all of this now, I can't help but laugh... It's pretty childish of me to have such idyllic concepts about the world in my mind.
But I guess that's what a good Rich-Kid school did to me, i was used to a different environment where people have known each other since forever (from 5yo to 15yo) and where people are all smart enough not to discriminate others.
Going to a public High School for the second year without having been confronted with dumbasses made me think good things only about the world, I guess I'm bitter now. Real bitter. But I won't change what i believe in, I'll just start making decisions based on reality and I'll only involve myself in things which i know won't get me hurt at the end.
I gave out too much of myself to receive so little, now i just want to get back to normality. I've been having nightmares about this every single night :|||| They're really unpleasant.
So, as you can all see :) I'm doing much much better, as a 17yo Girl just nearing adulthood these have been the hardest times I've ever been through and I love all of your support, thank you !! *