Well I guess I should start with a list of everything wrong.
So... any reasons why I shouldnt?
Nobody can give you a real reason. You'll have to find one yourself.
Anyway, as far as internet help can go, I take it you don't want to kill yourself, otherwise you wouldn't even bother to post here. Considering that, If I were in your shoes, I'd try to start a new life in a place faraway from where I currently am. Maybe things will turn out differently this time.
It'll be difficult, of course, but I don't think there's an easy way out of suicidal thoughts (personal experience).
Good luck.
"Great things happen when men and mountains meet."
op, you know what will happen if you kill yourself. What might happen if you actually tackle the mountain?
This.
Considering you're posting on the internet about suicide means you're not really serious about it. Rather, you probably just want somebody to listen and offer advice.
I can relate to you, through my past. When I was younger I spent my time selling drugs, extorting money from people, and living the life of money hungry dealer. I got arrested and thrown in jail for 3 months. I've had friends die, seen friends kill. When I got out I moved away from my hood and enrolled in school.
5 years later I earned a masters in political science at a reputable university. I couldn't ask for anything else, now that I look back on my past life and where all my so called friends ended up (jail or dead). Why continue existing like this? It's not a life, it's not how human beings live. Take whatever you have, get the hell out of there and try starting life over.
I'd probably be dead or in jail if I continued the way I did, but now I have a really fun career in journalism and have gone to Africa and Asia many times, which was a real eye opener.
OP, if you have the possibility, maybe you should go to a place like India, travel there with just some clothes and the bare minimum of money for 3 months or something... See something of the world, appreciate how other people struggle to survive. Maybe once you get away from those people who are negatively influencing your life, you'll find something worth living for. Maybe not, but at least then you'll go out having seen some of the beauty the world has to offer.
Find people that make life worth living; people who you truly respect and care for. That'll give life some meaning more than anything. Trust me, I speak from experience. At one point in my life, I was contemplating suicide, but opted out in hopes of something better. That something turned out to be friendship (as corny as that sounds).
Go make some friends, find love, fix your life somehow. You'll have to work at it, but things will get better if you try hard enough.
OP, there's no difference if you do it or not. When you die you'll have no memory of what you did and felt. Why should you bother with existence if it'll all have no value for you when it's over, though?
We have to stay alive, because we have to see how the story ends.
I can't understand how you feel, but please, stay strong, be who you want to be, be faithful and be proud.
If you decide to stay alive, please be careful as well. I don't want you to be killed..
All the best for you.
Email me if you need a listener. - m_kanoji@yahoo.com
As long as you live you have the opportunity to fix what's wrong with your life, even if it takes a long time.
If you die, no such luck.
Make a list of things you will need to do to get into college in the next 6 months and consistently work to complete it, also figure out a contingency plan for if things don't go right. EG enroll in community college/vocational school in the meantime and plan for college at the next available opportunity.
Also remember that there are a lot of people out there who can help you achieve your goals, get in touch with a GP or counselor and ask for a referral to a social worker or similar. This person will be able to help you with your college apps and any other practical issues you come across.
Unlike what you thought, there many studies showing that talking about a suicide plan is, indeed, a stage that might lead to its conclusion. It's one of the many "hints" suicidals tend to give others about it, and it's pretty serious. However, I definitely liked your advice and I'm in total agreement with your suggestions.
Just like many people here said, OP, getting away from this place that makes you act this way is a must. I don't know if you've got any stored money or possibilities elsewhere, but you definitely have to get away from your neighborhood.
And trust me in this - if you've got the skills to keep yourself alive through so many ordeals, you've got what it takes to do MUCH better.
Life is an aimless drive that you take alone, might as well enjoy the ride, take the long way home.
First, if you wanna do it just do it.
If you want to live though, try to get a low paying phisycally intensive work? This shit will go quickly out of your head.
Well... to be honest, life still sucks, but at this moment Im giving up on the considerment of suicide... I liked that one statement "stay alive to see how the story ends"... that right there is a good reason alone just to live. Im still hurting but in the end, it could end up okay. I suppose what Im saying is that to live miserably is 100 times better than dying, because if you die, then your not living. And isnt that the point of life, to just live?
at least you're not crippled with cancer.
>>13
Good for you... you are obviously depressed but I think its definitely induced by your environment. The fact that you realize something has to happen (but decided not to die) probably means you'll try to deal with it through other means. I hope you manage to deal with the things that bother you, and still enjoy the simpler things in life.
>>15 said it perfectly.
Without a doubt OP has experience and he's not an idiot. He's definitely capable of rebuilding his life and getting his shit together. Ending your life at this point would be losing. Keep enduring, OP!
You can move far away and start over. You only get one life. You could miss a lot of good things if you end now.
Excellent way to put it. Driving alone on a long stretch of empty, barren road. It seems futile, endless and hopeless, yet you stop and notice all the beauty around you. The mountains, the grass, the fields, the animals. Yeah, in the end, everything, even us, is nothing but a bunch of tiny atoms, about as significant as a rock or your keyboard, but you might as well take the time to enjoy so called life however you want, rather than harbour a cynical view for 80 years.
Whatever is shitty in your life, get rid of it. If your family hates you, fuck them, they wont change their opinions. Take off and live life how you want. I felt the same way at 17, after my parents died. You know what I did? Took out all my savings, went to Vietnam and spent 14 months of my life backpacking across Asia, from Japan to India to Laos. The things I saw truly change your outlook on life. Sure, everything is pointless at face value, but it's up to us to find and give meaning where it needs it. Or, you can continue to live a pessimistic life, posting shit on the internet about how society sucks. But why bother?
Get out there, live life, meet people, help the poor and less fortunate, see and do things, go places. There are people in the world that try to survive a year with less than what it costs to pay your internet bill for a month. Don't take what you have for granted, spread it around and make friends, because thats all that really matters when you die; the stories, memories and experiences that will stick with you forever.
Sell all your possessions and accumulate as much cash as you can. Get two changes of clothes in a backpack and travel. If you have a musical instrument, busk for extra change.
When you're down to your last $10 or so, buy a bag of charcoal and get it smoldering in an enclosed space, and suffocate.
That's how I'm going to do it.
If you really had any desire to kill yourself you wouldn't be asking us to talk you out of it.
do it faggot!!!
If you're REALLY serious about this, join the army and fuck off to Afghanistan. criminal record and they won't take you? join the French Foreign Legion, they dont' give a FUCK. You'll be dead soon enough, and when you DO die your loved ones get benefits, and in the FFL, you can get teh fuck away from your grotty life now, you might even enjoy the Legion.
Just go somewhere and do a fresh start.It never too late for changing.
Pray.
OD on heroin! Think about it. I can't think of any good reasons not to.
I don't know what to say, just know that i feel for you. I've thought about killing myself, but everytime I think about it I realize that at my funeral would be when anyone would show actual kindness to me. I'm just clinging onto thehppe hat maybe I can make myself lovable to my family and I have to be alive to do that.
The only opportunities for which failure is guaranteed are those which you don't take. And opportunities are everywhere, all the time. If you just think that you failed to get them most of your life, well, all you have to do is to look for the next one.
Looking for an opportunity is different of waiting for it. If you just wait, they'll never come. If you proactively look for them, at first you'll feel frustrated, then you'll start seeing them more and more, until all the frustration you'll get is how could you've been so blind and leave them all passing around you without even noticing.
You asked for a reason not to die?
You clearly haven't taken the opportunity to do something right, something that really matters to someone, to fulfill your role in here. You still have to take it.
Hi,
I hear you. I read a novel called 'Somewhere carnal over 40 winks' and it helped me a lot. Especially, it opened my eyes to see the bigger picture of life. I hope this book gives you the answer you are after or something even better.