I know I should, but I've been there already a couple of years ago. No amount of professional help can do anything when I don't have a support network.

People who should be on my side were not and still aren't. They believe anyone with mental illnesses are freaks who should be sent far away to die in order to minimize damage to society because it's contagious and they don't want to become a freak like me. I make them look bad. They blame me when someone accuses them of contributing to making me who I am now. Some are keeping me in their network only to make sure I tell everyone later on that he or she was the one who brought me out of my depression. Others cut ties with me because I am not beneficial to their career or network. It only makes me more depressed to remember their reaction and know they haven't changed the slightest bit. I wouldn't be asking for help from an Internet forum if I saw a way out in real life.

I was reading about Vincent van Gough's life a little while ago. At Eternity's Gate brought me to tears. At least he had support. At least he was able to paint such a painting. I have nothing at all save memories of brief moments of happiness here and there that I try to recall as often as I can to make myself slightly less sad.