I want to kill myself. (27)

1 Name: ABN : 2011-04-25 20:22 ID:QkoFNQ+V

I want to kill myself. I've lost all of my friends twice, and I'm pretty sure I'm hated by everybody. I've sat in my room for hours just staring at my knife, hoping that I could work up the courage to finally end it. I can't live with how my life is going, and can't stand to be around other people because I'm afraid that I'm a little bit of a downer. After the first time lost all of my friends, I vowed never to lose them again, so I tried my best. I became a completely different person; An inactive, kind of asshole-ish person. All I brought with me from my old life was paranoia (thinking that everyone hated me and wanted nothing to do with me) and a general sadness about me. I tried to act like nothing could phase me, but I still took everything to heart. I sat down in a chair for hours a day, playing games with my "friends", when all I wanted to do was go outside. In essence, I've killed myself once already, but this time will mean a total ceasing of my existence. I don't know what to do, and I have much more to say, but I've written enough and I don't want to bore you.
I've often been called too nice of a person, this being said, does anyone know a way I could kill myself without anyone noticing? I don't want to make anyone feel guilty or really feel bad about what I feel I must do. I'll be 17 in June...if I haven't somehow fixed my problems by then, I will kill myself. I can't live without friends, and I'm slowly wasting away in my house.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2011-04-26 02:56 ID:wqz5wxIt

Well, how about you start living to help others, if you're already done living for yourself. There are plenty of organizations out there you could join.

If not, oh well. Carry on then.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2011-04-26 10:48 ID:XRrPHExv

You are just being a typical angst teenager

Quit being so selfish

4 Name: ABN : 2011-04-27 03:07 ID:QkoFNQ+V

Thanks dude...I've never done anything for myself lol, but insults are cool. This is the most selfish I've ever been. Wanting to die is the most selfish thing I've ever even thought about, dude. Do I come off as that selfish?

5 Name: Anonymous : 2011-04-27 05:41 ID:GmqDkc1a

Killing yourself is nothing but cowardice if you haven't tried to change anything or, in fact, everything. Here's a few drastic ideas: Teach English in Asia. Go into the wilderness and live off the grid. Join the French Foreign Legion. If you try those and still fail, then you can think about killing yourself.

Or, you might realize you don't want to leave your own comfort zone except by making the ultimate sacrifice. In which case, you'd better try and change things where you are now. Approach a stranger, strike up a conversation, make new friends. Join a club or a church. What have you got to lose? After all, you're considering throwing your life away - why not put any dignity you have on the line first?

6 Name: julia : 2011-04-27 06:52 ID:lViBB9ed

Honestly, if they were all so willing to shun you like that, they weren't your true friends anyway. I've had a best friend who cheated with my significant other of 3 years .. then had the nerve to say she was never my friend even though she hung out with me practically daily for a year, I hooked her up with a job, and drove her to planned parenthood when she was violently raped. I can't be mad at her, because she's right. Anyone who can do that was -never- your friend.

I know you hurt a lot right right now and are looking for a way to end it.. and a lot of people are going to tell you that suicide isn't the answer but its not what you really want to hear. I can tell you're a very emotionally generous person because even in your post, you mentioned you didn't want to bore anyone. Sometimes you have to take a step back and realize that maybe these people came into your life at this time to teach you how not to leave yourself open. Take the lesson learned, and move on to find good people who'd never do that to you. Wise men make mistakes ~ they just don't make them twice.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2011-04-27 20:54 ID:XRrPHExv

A smart man learns from his mistakes
But a truly wise man learns from other people's mistakes


8 Name: ABN : 2011-05-03 02:44 ID:QkoFNQ+V

Surprisingly, this didn't help me that much...thanks for trying guys. It feels good to know that there are truly good people in the world.

9 Name: Anonymous : 2011-05-03 05:43 ID:Y5Aut7Rx


10 Name: Anonymous : 2011-05-05 04:23 ID:VoBMhhw2

Don't take it so personally, >>3 is speaking the truth (although it definitely could have been said more gracefully).

Listen, kid, we've all been 16, and we've all been through something similar.

It sounds to me like you're having identity problems. You're not sure who you are, so you define yourself through others (your 'friends'). The simple truth is your friends are going to let you down. They can be the greatest people in the world, but inevitably at some point in your relationship you will be let down.

But that's okay, they're just people. Everyone lets someone down at some point. Whether you know it or not, I'm sure you've let people down before.

You need to start living for yourself. These people really aren't that big of a deal. From the way I read it, it seems like they're actually making you miserable. If you think you're hated by everyone, fuck 'em (chances are you're just overthinking things, though). If you want to go outside, go outside, you don't need them to be with you.

People are going to let you down. That part can't be changed. What can be changed is how you view yourself. You're the only person who is always going to be there throughout your life, so you may as well make yourself someone you like.

If that was a little too hard to follow (it's late and I'm just about to go to bed, so I'm having trouble wording things), then let me summarize: Just relax, live for yourself, and make yourself happy, don't rely on others to do it for you.

11 Name: Anonymous : 2011-05-09 18:21 ID:+93Mhv2H

Go out and do something. If you still doesn't bother to do anything then you're just plain lazy

12 Name: Anonymous : 2011-05-16 20:29 ID:QkoFNQ+V

Well he doesn't do at that. If he was able that the do, then we would all be in trouble *_*

13 Name: Anonymous : 2011-05-17 22:12 ID:Heaven

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

14 Name: Anonymous : 2011-05-18 20:41 ID:VdUxI/R1

Killing yourself if stupid. Grab life by the throat, punch it in the face, and make it your bitch. You are master of your destiny.

15 Name: Giselle : 2011-06-02 11:11 ID:Oqbaay+Q

I work with children and teenagers up to the ages of 18yrs old. at least 1/3 of them will die because they have cancer, cystic fibrosis and other fatal illnesses. They didnt choose to have them - and they dont want to die.
Sometimes when they sit in a room at the hospital with other teenagers who talk about killing themselves the terminal kids get really really angry, they say that if others want to kill themselves then they would gladly, gladly swap their lives with you all so that they could live.
It makes you think doesnt it?

16 Name: Anonymous : 2011-06-02 12:46 ID:XBDuQiHn

Boo hoo.

17 Name: Anonymous : 2011-06-02 17:14 ID:2A8qNPEo

Chances are you're just being melodramatic.
Give it a few weeks, you'll feel better.
If that doesn't work, hit up a local psychiatrist and talk to them, and if worse comes to worst, they can prescribe you some anti-anxiety pills.

18 Name: Anonymous : 2011-06-09 03:14 ID:ulvOxUtL

You aren't alone. It's going to get better, I promise.
Life is beautiful and so are you.

19 Name: loud2731 : 2011-07-27 01:28 ID:mRBAz3H6

Hi,I don't know how things are now with you. I lot of the advice is patronising as people have not been on your position and do not know what you are going through. You are not being selfish. If you were you maybe a bit happier and this is not teenage agnst, as you can feel like this at any age but your lack of experience means you don't cope with things so well.
We will all lose friends throughout life and it really is true that if they give up on you so easily, they were not really friends or are not worth thinking about as they don't seem to value friendship or people too much. Ask yourself if you really liked them anyway and you will probably realise that you did not. The people that I lost were usually people I did not like that much anyway. Having one good friend is better than 100 shitty ones, as they will drag you down. I know it means a lot to be popular or feel accepted at your age but it means nothing as they are just hangers on anyway.
I know what you mean about feeling dead already. I have felt like that for 15 yrs, I took an overdose because I hated myself for being tired all the time and not achieving much. I have been on every pill seen shrinks etc which came to nothing because I was not really depressed. At some point I had glandular fever which was ovelooked by Drs and now I have been diagnosed as having M.E and probably had it all that time. I am pissed off becuase I did everything I could to try and change, cheer myself up etc including emigrating. Alas, there was nothing I could do, I was tired, still am and hated myself for it. Now I know that it is not my fault so at least I can stop blaming myself but I do still have a shitty quality of life.
I want you to get angry. Get angry with your crappy ex friends and dont give them the satisfaction, you dont need them anyway. I know it is difficult to move or make an effort but go out there and try everything, even mad crazy things as you dont want to live anyway so have nothing to lose. You may get or find a passion and if not, at least you did something. Go out and find some people that you actually really like and admire - they will make you feel better and your life will be easier. Friendship is a two way thing. I regard my time as precious as I sleep too much and am often ill so have stopped wasting it on people who are nasty, pathetic, or get on my nerves. Try drs, drugs or anything - please try and fight it hard. If you still feel this way after trying everything and finding nothing has changed - maybe consider it then. Giselle has no idea about how you feel, if somebody said to me we can take the depression away by giving you a physical disabilty. I would have said 'Yes' because life would be easier if I was happy and I could overcome physical things.So happens, go out there and try your best for now and see what happens x

20 Name: Anonymous : 2011-07-30 06:40 ID:vZylARfG

Provided that you are level-headed with no mental problems, it actually takes quite a bit of courage to pull the trigger or jump off a ledge. That being said, put that large required amount of courage towards something else in life and I'm sure you'd have a good change at success. Suicide is not an easy out and the effort required could be put into better use in other pursuits.

21 Name: Anonymous : 2011-07-30 17:20 ID:VCigLTaq

ive been through it over and over. but coming to think of how my parents would be sad, i couldn't do that. no wonder you are the way you are for your age. friends are of importance you know but not consists in your life.

Belong to what you can be feeling like at your home. And you maybe find there's gotta be more to life.

22 Name: sharky : 2011-08-02 03:11 ID:A7+u/uaK

I know how you feel bro, I used to be a super compulsive lair and in an attempt to make friends, I would lie to them, like tell them I was going to buy them game boys and stuff so they wouldn't hate me, Truth is that they were truly kind people and would have liked me for who I was rather than the liar I made myself out to be. My lying has even caused me to lose my best friend in the whole world, and thats when I broke down and admitted to everyone I was a compulsive liar and a worthless piece of shit and that I didn't deserve anything or anyone. Needless to say I tried ending my life, and it didn't work out too well, because halfway through I realized how upset I would be making everyone by killing myself, so I didn't do it, and now I just try to better myself and be honest with all my friends and family, and so far its working. You could learn a lesson from this, but I bet your not going to, see what your going to do is say "No don't play that bullshit with me, I've tried to be a better person and cheer up but every time I give happiness a chance life throws bricks at my face and kicks me in the dirt, I should just do it now." So what was even the point of this thread? To make us feel sorry for you? because you crave attention like such? Because it seems like no matter what anyone says about you in this thread you keep moping around, so why even bother making a thread like this if its not going to help change your life for the better?

23 Name: Taco : 2011-10-05 21:27 ID:AxSrGqgH

Y would someone want to kill themselves ??? I hate my life but there is still no way I would kill myself..I hate people who r always talking about killing themselves to get attention then there are those who have it much worse then me..but people who kill themselves are stupid your only hurting yourself so I don't get y someone would want to

24 Name: Anonymous : 2011-10-05 23:42 ID:LS+cZJRJ

Dear OP. Going through depression is tough. I am doing it. You will be okay.

25 Name: emily : 2011-11-10 07:41 ID:vonnXPxR

<3 <3 <3

26 Name: john : 2012-01-13 13:15 ID:jUO7nX0G

Well, to be honest most people do suck I would say probably 80%
You just need to get around real people.People that have values
and don,t just think about their own needs but who have humbled
their selfs to help others.People who have taken their pride and gotten rid of that.And the only place your going to find that is in church.For a person to be happy and contient,They must model their behaviour after Jesus Christ.He was the real deal,And what he teaches goes against every thing a person wants to do because ,people do like sins of the flesh.Like
naked bimbos running threw our brains,Or being right all the time and putting others down and being rude ,because in a sick twisted way it makes them better than you they have power over you.Just get away from the punks go to Church wear your dirtest
cloaths you can find.And who ever comes to you confide in them.
Unfortantly you also can find that in church to,Those would be
relegious people,Jesus dosn,t want relegious people he just wants people to do as he would do.And spread the word and help people.

27 Name: Anonymous : 2012-01-20 23:06 ID:Heaven

>>23 you really dont understand? its the ultimate release. i wouldve killed myself years ago if i could push a button and have it done immediately with no pain. i honestly think thats the only thing that keeps most people from doing it. people who comitted suicide cant come back and tell you how much it did or didnt hurt, im not going to trust a method that the internet -tells- me is painless because how the fuck would they know.

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