I should just begin to realize that I'm never going experience simple happiness or view life as a humanistic manner. I getting sick of being reminded or watching something (this time being the film Colorful) with such a simple message that could bring joy to me, but me doing nothing or making excuses of me not doing so. No matter how much I see something as simple as having a friend can be and I just spend my days cooped away in my room; what's worse is that I even have someone I known online for many years and always wants to be friends and closer to me, but I can't stand communicating with him and wish he would just stop, as with any other person I tried to be "friends" with.
All I feel I could to try to be more alive is make posts on such sites asking for help, and then never really trying. I know I can never go out and do something living, and while I'm slowing believing I could be brave enough to take an opportunity if it came to me, I know such a scenario will never happen. And while I know the best advice I could get from this is "only you can make something happen" and "to be myself," it's just going to fall on deaf ears and do nothing to be living.
You're doing it wrong.
I've been struggling with the same. I really cannot offer anything else than my sympathy.