[Jealous]Am i not worth anyone's attention?[Self Esteem] (27)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-13 18:48 ID:ObgAKAcR

(This isn't about relationship problems, even though lower, I talk a lot about my boyfriend. Its pure inadequacy in everyday life. Its poorly written and put together. Its hard for me to write intelligibly when I'm upset about personal problems like this.)

I haven't ever posted here, not even a comment. I'm too worried to. This'll be a very long post, so I'll get right down to my problems though..

No one pays me attention. I always hear complaints from girls about creepers being creepy to them, usually pedophiles, and old men, and things like that. Even otaku girls who seem unattractive. I never have that thing happen to me. Not even online. Sure, I don't go out and be a whore, but i thought that pedophiles like the young innocence and what not.

I always thought I was a very average looking girl.. Well when I was younger I was very ugly. Very ugly and obese. I was very nice though.. I was polite and god damn pleasant. When i grew up and my face matured a little, I thought I've gotten prettier. My fat has turned mostly into curves and I found out I was obese from a medical condition, and we start giving me medicine for it soon, and so I'll be in pretty good shape.

I was always sort of jealous about people who have other people talk to them. My parents would always tell me it was because I was quiet and shy, and thats why no one approached me. So i started to try to be more social. Recently I did that as well. I sat next to someone in my karate class and was going to try to strike up a conversation.. I was called weird.

When I was in elementary school, I had a lot of friends. But I wasn't any of their best friends. They always had someone ahead of me in the ranks. I realize now that I'm older, no matter in what medium, that's what its like for me. I'm second fiddle or worse. I'm no one's #1.

My parents like my brother more, I was never my boyfriend's best friend (well maybe now) because he always liked other girls and would talk to them so much more than me even though he says he never was like.. with any of them. I don't have many friends now at all. I consider a girl I know my only friend, and think about her during lulls in my day. She doesn't even realize this though. She has friends in real life, and even closer friends online. Online friends other than me. The thing that kills me is my boyfriend though. Its immature to be jealous of old messages, but when you see girls flirting and him flirting back, and you remember "I thought we were best friends back then.. not them.." it kills me.

I daydream and read manga and watch anime, and even lurk around on here. I see things about liking otaku girls, or just plain nerdy girls. I know for a fact no one thinks about me in the lull of their day. I know no one is bored and looks through their contact list and sees my email and thinks "I wonder what her life is like right now." I do these things. For many people. It kills me to know that no one even thinks about me once in a while. I dream for the day a boy actually tells me he likes me. Or a girl for that matter.

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