[Jealous]Am i not worth anyone's attention?[Self Esteem] (27)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-13 18:48 ID:ObgAKAcR

(This isn't about relationship problems, even though lower, I talk a lot about my boyfriend. Its pure inadequacy in everyday life. Its poorly written and put together. Its hard for me to write intelligibly when I'm upset about personal problems like this.)

I haven't ever posted here, not even a comment. I'm too worried to. This'll be a very long post, so I'll get right down to my problems though..

No one pays me attention. I always hear complaints from girls about creepers being creepy to them, usually pedophiles, and old men, and things like that. Even otaku girls who seem unattractive. I never have that thing happen to me. Not even online. Sure, I don't go out and be a whore, but i thought that pedophiles like the young innocence and what not.

I always thought I was a very average looking girl.. Well when I was younger I was very ugly. Very ugly and obese. I was very nice though.. I was polite and god damn pleasant. When i grew up and my face matured a little, I thought I've gotten prettier. My fat has turned mostly into curves and I found out I was obese from a medical condition, and we start giving me medicine for it soon, and so I'll be in pretty good shape.

I was always sort of jealous about people who have other people talk to them. My parents would always tell me it was because I was quiet and shy, and thats why no one approached me. So i started to try to be more social. Recently I did that as well. I sat next to someone in my karate class and was going to try to strike up a conversation.. I was called weird.

When I was in elementary school, I had a lot of friends. But I wasn't any of their best friends. They always had someone ahead of me in the ranks. I realize now that I'm older, no matter in what medium, that's what its like for me. I'm second fiddle or worse. I'm no one's #1.

My parents like my brother more, I was never my boyfriend's best friend (well maybe now) because he always liked other girls and would talk to them so much more than me even though he says he never was like.. with any of them. I don't have many friends now at all. I consider a girl I know my only friend, and think about her during lulls in my day. She doesn't even realize this though. She has friends in real life, and even closer friends online. Online friends other than me. The thing that kills me is my boyfriend though. Its immature to be jealous of old messages, but when you see girls flirting and him flirting back, and you remember "I thought we were best friends back then.. not them.." it kills me.

I daydream and read manga and watch anime, and even lurk around on here. I see things about liking otaku girls, or just plain nerdy girls. I know for a fact no one thinks about me in the lull of their day. I know no one is bored and looks through their contact list and sees my email and thinks "I wonder what her life is like right now." I do these things. For many people. It kills me to know that no one even thinks about me once in a while. I dream for the day a boy actually tells me he likes me. Or a girl for that matter.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-13 18:49 ID:ObgAKAcR

Yes I have a boyfriend and I'm happy with him.. It makes me happy with each compliment he gives me. But I know that half of the things he says to me are just to comfort me. He always says how I'm a little chubby but he likes that because I'm cuddly. Well, a few days ago I said I was going to get some medicine that should help me lose weight. He was so happy it killed me. He sends me mixed messages like that, and so what I have to do is assume what he likes. He says he likes my dull dark brown hair, but I know he wants me to have black hair. All of his crushes and friends that he was best friends with had black hair. When I bring up getting lowlights, or just dying it black, he gets sad/mad at me. I know he wants a skinny, black haired latino girl but I'm just a "cuddly" pale, dark brown haired, irish girl.

My boyfriend would always say how he was "forever alone" and stuff like that. I thought "Maybe he's like me" which is partially why I tricked him into being my boyfriend. Yes, I say tricked, because he didn't want to even after the 5th time I asked. I finally convinced him and he didn't even like me back then. He would watch his ecchi anime instead of spend time with me. He loves Kuroneko and Mio and he watched some sort of anime with nekos everywhere and it kills me to think of that. Him and I agreed that cheating isn't just physical. Adultery is a sin. A sin is anything you think, say, or do. So him fapping to other girls breaks my heart. But theres no way to stop him. He says he changed now, but I have no proof. His internet is fast enough to download a series within an hour, and then he can watch it when I'm not around. Oh, yeah, we're a mostly online couple. We've visited each other though.. He spent 3 months with me and my family, over the holidays. so he has plenty of time where I'm not there. I know being jealous of anime is dumb and immature, but look at it my way. If you had a girl you really liked and she said she liked you and would not like anyone else, and then you find out she has a ton of Justin Bieber photoshopped to be naked, or shota everywhere.. I mean.. That'd upset you a little.. right?

Back to the forever alone thing I brought up. He would always say that, and thats how I felt. But he was anything but. All of his friends were girls. He liked about half of them, and some of them uglier than me. They all had darker skin and black hair. His online friends were quite similar. There was a girl I knew back when I was 12. Brittany. I liked her then. But years passed, I was 14. I met my boyfriend. My boyfriend and a mutual friend of ours, and I would always hang out together and have a great time on the netz. Then Brittany came back. Our mutual friend knew her as well. Well, Brittany started to replace me. She wasn't that pretty and she was really mexican and I thought she was annoying because she was always "randum!!! XD" and always flirting with my friend who wasn't my boyfriend yet. They started to become the magnificent trio. The trio I was a part of. But a trio isn't 4. and her and I didn't click right. Oh but I guess they all did. So theres a perfect example as to why I feel like I never get attention. This is just one of many. Heres another.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-13 18:49 ID:ObgAKAcR

Once, I decided to ask my boyfriend to show me the torrents he was downloading. I told him "Please dont delete any.. I dont mind if you have hentai on here or anything." and so he said "I promise I won't delete anything." And so he showed me his torrent list. Taking a screenshot as it went down. I noticed the "all torrent" number went down by two. I calmly said "What did you delete?" and he was like "What?" being all innocent. I told him "You deleted two torrents. What were they?" and he said "What makes you think that?" and I said "The total number of torrents. It went from 50 down to 48. I'm not dumb." and it turned into a huge production, but it was HIS fault.. right? I mean you can't promise me the truth, and then lie and act innocent. I have trust issues. All of my previous boyfriends cheated on me. All of them. So I have huge problems with people lying to me. Anyway, this isn't even the thing that upset me that much.

Two days after, I was still sad because he lied to me over something so small and trivial. I didn't see why he did it. Was it the rush? And he gave me an external harddrive, that still had stuff from his computer on it.. And I looked through his school assignments that were on it. I found one that was basically a fanfic of him and one of his schoolmates. It broke my heart because we were together and there he was thinking about her that way, and I know for a fact no one would ever write such a thing about me.. I mean my last hope was him writing that about me. So once I saw he wouldn't even think about me and it was always other people.. I mean its obvious no one would ever. He detailed every single "beautiful" feature of hers. How her thin hand curled around the side of the desk. How her slim, smooth, tan legs were nestled under the desk. God damn.

I havent even said half the things I want to, but I've been typing for a long time and the ends of my fingers are numb, and I'm getting more upset as I write this, so I'll leave it like this. If anyone wants more stories, don't be afraid to post..

Am i really asking for so much here?

I just want someone to want me. I want someone to let the thought of me slip into their mind every once in a while. Maybe stalk my page on facebook, or stalk me, or fap imagining me. Anything.

I just want someone to want me.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-13 22:14 ID:yGCC4sbL

Your boyfriend sounds pathetic.

5 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-13 22:24 ID:ObgAKAcR

He's really not.. He's a really good guy. Like I said, he says he changed and I think he has changed. He's really nice and he's nerdy and supportive of me.

We're fit for each other now, but when i think about the past it makes me sad, you know? I just wish I was more to him back then. He just had higher priorities.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-13 22:54 ID:yGCC4sbL


I don't know, he just seems kind of dishonest. As far as your lack of attention, it might just be that your perspective is wrong. Lots of girls think they're ugly, or at least say they do. Is this just another teenaged girl who knows she's pretty and posts for attention?

If you've spent any time browsing this board you should realize that most all of us don't have anybody who really pays attention to us. You should try to find other ways to feel good about yourself. Things that don't rely on the opinions of others. It doesn't matter if you are attractive, it's not healthy to rely on the praise and attraction of others.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-13 23:29 ID:ObgAKAcR

I guess everyone is dishonest once in a while.. I trust him more than anyone, despite all that's happened. He just had priorities mixed up and didn't realize I should've been more important.

I really don't try to feel this way.. I just see normals everywhere and it makes me just feel really inadequate. Like.. whats so wrong with me. You're right that its very unhealthy to be thinking this way. I can't help it though. Everyone seems to have had some sort of creeper after them. Why don't pedophiles try to talk to me? I look young enough.. but I guess theres something else wrong with me.

Most teenage girls think this way too, which makes me mad at them. They don't even realize how they make people with actual problems look. Ever since I was little, I've been so 'shy' (mostly just self conscious) around people I'd cry when my parents would force me to converse with people, including my family. It must be some sort of biological thing in my body.. right? I really have always disliked myself, mostly because my parents raised me to be morbidly obese. The amount of weight I've lost is what I lost myself, while they just called me lazy.

I have all the symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder, something i accidentally stumbled upon, but my parents tell me "everyone gets that way once in a while" when it clearly states that its "lifelong".. I guess my attitude as a child doesn't matter at all.

Anyway, if I was just another teenage girl wanting attention, I'd post in some awful place about this. Like 4chan or Facebook or Craigslist or where ever attention whores go.

I just feel awful about myself, and I'm not looking for people to tell me I'm pretty, or to flirt with me, or anything like that. Maybe just some advice or slight comfort. I don't know. The last thing I want is to be a girl who already knows she's pretty but says "im ugly i no XDDD!!"

Thanks for the replies.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-14 00:32 ID:tx77sjBU

If all your current social circles see you in a forgettable light, form new ones. Admittedly it can be scary, but it's not as difficult as it sounds. Friends of friends, clubs, online stuff...just try to meet more people with similar interests.
I have to agree with >>4 though. Your boyfriend sounds manipulative. You should at least talk to him about some of this (if you haven't already) including how you feel about him. You have every right to do this.
One other thing stood out to me:

> All of my previous boyfriends cheated on me.

So you have had boyfriends before? Surely you can't be too unpopular, then? Or were they just flukes?

9 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-14 01:07 ID:ObgAKAcR

It was really just flukes. We were young (and they were all online), we talked a few times and "became friends", i suppose, and got together, and they cheated on me. Since we were so young, I should've seen it coming. They just wanted free cybering, which i never gave. Even with my low self esteem, I'm not degrading myself to that. They just wanted attention and sexual stimulants and took any applicants. So even though they were relationships to me, they really shouldn't count.

My boyfriend really isn't manipulative.. He may or may not have been back then though. I just mark what he did down as males having a lot of hormones and wanting some sort of power. He's nice and shares, what seems like, everything with me now.

I have been trying to find more places for friends, and its hard to find places where theres people I can actually stand. I dislike a majority of people around my age, and people too much older seem to know a lot more about the stuff I'm interested in, like programming in Python (I'm trying to make a visual novel with Ren'Py for example, and if I tried to get into a community about that, I'd mostly see people showing complex codes they do there) or if I lower my standards to general anime, it seems to mostly be people with 2D fetishes and don't care for wholesome anime too much or they watch it but be perverted about it anyway. I have one community I like that I try to frequent, but a lot of my friends there are gone, and its difficult to post anything there without rebuttal and criticism. Its like no one can play nice there.

However, I should mention there's a kid in my karate class I may try to talk to once in a while. I'm awkward as heck in real life (I sweat and say really embarrassing things) but he hasn't really gave me a vibe that he dislikes me much. When I had to slow spar against him, he even smiled once when I smiled. He's chubby and seems awkward as well. He seems like he'd make a nice friend, but I'm worried that since he probably has a social life at least in school, again I'll feel inadequate. Which is wrong and unhealthy of me to do, but sometimes I can't help it.. I haven't had a friend in real life for at least a year now as well. I'm not quite sure how I'd act. I get giggly when I'm awkward and my old friend criticized me about that. But when I don't giggle, I get awkward and its painful to watch. And I also make the common mistake of awkward people, and that is to be serious with your friend when you hardly know each other.

The thing is, I may have to take next month of karate off. So I may not get the chance to try to develop any kind of friend there.

If i had to choose one; an online community or the person in karate, which would be a better course of action? Real life would be way more painful and risky, but an online community may not bring me any form of social satisfaction. What have your guys' experiences been?

10 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-14 02:01 ID:yGCC4sbL

>>8-san, we are your friends.

11 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-14 02:02 ID:yGCC4sbL

Oops, I meant >>9.

12 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-14 04:23 ID:ObgAKAcR


This made me happier than is natural. Thank you. I feel guilty for being such an attention whore though.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-14 10:04 ID:NTTmenSq

You strike me as an intelligent, interesting person. Your upbringing has instilled a stigmatising anxiety, however, which disables you socially. Analyzing and observing your relationships to such a great degree, you feel the next step must be taken with extreme caution. And so, when finally you come into a situation which promises even the slightest level of interaction, the unfiltered actions of others appear far more vast, meaningful and implicating than they really are.

I understand how you must feel. Being highly introverted and a loner by nature, I never fell into very many friendships. In high school I was almost mute. I was deathly afraid to form new connections. I could fill the void a bit with programming, reading, gaming, writing, drawing, playing music... but the knowledge never desisted that I remained isolated and alone. Spending inordinate amounts of time online, I talked to lots of people and opened up more than I'd ever have in person, as you are now. I even met my first girlfriend on the internet, completely by accident. She happened to live in the same town. Yet throughout it all I was never anyone's first, second nor third priority. You'd think on the internet you'd at least be able to keep a friend? Apparently not. I guess even typing is too difficult, unless you have a good reason for doing so.

Then, something happened. Whether it was when I got my first job, started going to anime conventions, or just tried being more charismatic and less repressed around the few people I did know, I began having a lot of fun around others. They accepted me for my quirks and were amazed by my talents. I made them laugh. I discovered that girls actually found me very attractive, which repaired my confidence immensely and enabled me to pursue them with far more than the old timidity I'd been crippled by. Conventions helped me meet people who, contrary to the otaku stereotype, were very friendly and lucid individuals. I even, dare I say -- partied -- for the first time in my life.

My point, of course, is this: nobody knows how wonderful you are. You're like a black-body right now. Capturing electromagnetic radiation within the dark surface of your onyx skin, those around you see no reflection and thus nothing to interest them. Maybe that's a bit harsh, and if it is, I apologize. Nonetheless, you are the unborn bean, the pebble yet to be dropped into that grandiose lake of all human society. For, indeed, where exists the ripples which come from no stone? Still, I only know what you've told us. But from that, it's plain to see you're very articulate, passionate, skilled, sympathetic. Don't worry about physical beauty so much. And you should feel lucky not to have stalkers or child molesters on your tail. Most will stay away because you're not whorish or attention-seeking, and therefore don't present yourself an "easy" target. Saves you the hassle, right?

Don't force yourself to make painful changes just to attract suitors and acquaintances. Do what comes naturally. Let people see you for who you are -- not the scared, cautious girl you're hidden behind.

14 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-16 03:12 ID:8dQSJ9xx

I could have written this post, only I don't have any friends, online or off, and I've never had a partner. But the being ignored by everyone, no one giving a shit about you, the parents telling you it's because "You're just shy and stern looking!" bullshit, the trying to be sociable and it never working and being called "weird", the being second best when you were younger and did have friends- it's all me.

And frankly this thread terrifies me. I haven't finished it because I can't read more than a few lines at a time. It's like looking into my future, or an alternate reality, and it doesn't get better.

I don't think we're going to have a happy ending, OP.

15 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-16 04:28 ID:vZCJCPO4

Yeah, this thread does make me wish I were buried in the ground already. Well, maybe not quite, but seeing someone talk about how they got over their social issues and such. I don't believe I have any such future. My only plan now is to restrict my efforts to my job, my teaching and my writing, and to give up entirely on companionship. Some serious drinking might be in order.

16 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-17 01:07 ID:qsuGlc+R

OP here again.

Thanks >>13 for that thoughtful response. It gives me a lot of hope. It really does. You said kind words to me, and I can't thank you enough for that, and the thought it must've taken you to write that. Last Wednesday in my karate class, a guy with a camera came in and started talking to my teacher. He said he wanted to record some stuff for the local news. This terrified me. He had the camera on the whole time, and I was super self conscious. But then a time came where I just said "No, I don't care.. The chances that I won't be cut out are high but hey, even if I'm on tv, who cares how I look? I'm in the middle of a fight. I may have a double chin, or just plain be jiggling my fat around, but people watching would know I was trying to fight. They would understand. If they don't, then they're immature" basically. It wasn't so thought out, but it was basically a "I don't care anymore" situation. The class went really well besides that, and he interviewed some people. Sadly, I had nothing I could really throw in there, so I didn't get interviewed, but I'm making a little progress. In terms of the self-conscious part, anyway.

Another small thing from that day. Theres a little girl named Emily in my class, and she's about 7 or 8. She never talks but she's itsy bitsy and the cutest thing ever. I finally got to spar against her, and when the teacher told us to pair up, she SMILED, SKIPPED over to me, and GIGGLED. HAPPILY. Not even mockingly. I was amazed. I mean, sure, I'm the only girl in my class except for the occasional one, but still. I didn't expect her to be so.. happy. I couldn't help but giggle myself. She smiled the whole time we sparred, and she even corrected herself even though she's barely been going for a week. She was happy sparring against ME. This makes me feel good self consciously and she gave me the attention I've been wanting, even if only momentarily.

Also want to throw in there; I've been to two anime conventions and they were a blast. People actually did talk to me, despite my awful physique and unfinished facial structure. The last time I went, I was 14. I didn't quite understand makeup, since my parents sheltered me from that, but I finally convinced them to let me wear it. I looked pretty fat, ugly, immature and like an emo. A few people talked to me though. I was watching a group of people in a circle dance to music playing loudly on a boombox, and people kept telling me to come on in and dance. Mostly one girl, who was a beautiful casual Sailor Moon. She has an amazing figure and just.. oh man. Just nice. She kept telling me to dance with her. I really wish I did. But she did reach her metaphorical hand out to me. While I was still watching them, an Asian boy, probably Filipino, started a conversation with me. I was surprised and really nervous. And then my guy friend started talking to him instead, which sorta did save me. (Unrelated, but I found out a few months later my friend was gay. He must've just been hitting on him, and not saving me, but to stop digressing..) Later that night, at the rave, I went deep into the crowd (and sorta unrelated, I told my parents "DO NOT VIDEO TAPE ME", and then, of course, they did. My dad apologized though) and just started jumping up and down with the rest of the people. An Akatsuki member started talking to me. Or trying. We had to yell in each others ears. It was about 2 in the morning, so we had no idea what we were talking about, but it was fun none-the-less.

17 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-17 01:08 ID:qsuGlc+R

This leads me to my reply to >>14 and >>15 :

I made it sound worse than it really is. Its not all bad. I don't think I'll ever be very sociable unless I take medicine for it, or something like that. I think its a chemical imbalance combined with extremely low self esteem. Its hard to fix those.

I especially made my partner to sound worse than he is. He's an amazing person for me to be around. He gave up all of his friends for me. Gave up all chances of a different life, so he could spend it with me. But do you know how I got him? I had to reach my hand out to him. Multiple times. I can write out exactly what I had to do to convince him, if you want. I don't want to spam you if you don't care all that much.

>>14, I'm still young, and you're probably still young. I'm sure things will get better, even if we can't get over these things.. I have a few sites for you to go to if you want to start to try making online friends. Its for anime fans though, so if you aren't into that, ignore this, but.. Try theOtaku.com. Thats where I started. Its really friendly, and you can start going into the chat after 30 days of signing up. People are super friendly, and non-intrusive there. My parents felt safe letting me on there when I was 12, and I really was safe. Its nothing you should feel anxiety about. Please join. Just make sure to read the rules if you have any doubt.

>>15, to be honest, I don't believe in a future like that either. As common and as emo as this sounds, I'll always be an outcast. People either reply to that with "Embrace it!" or "Thats not healthy, you need to better yourself!" and I don't believe in either. I would just talk to people who pluck a string on your mind. Go to places where a bunch of people that have similar interests go to, even if you don't talk to anyone. Its good to be around people, and you might find someone you want to risk your feelings on, platonic or other. I gets better, but only if you have an open mind on what "better" can mean. You're a writer? Getting into a writing community can be difficult, even more-so than a drawing community, but if you find other communities that your writings could fit into, so you don't have too many people trying to critique your work, and they can enjoy it for what it is. My boyfriend is an amazing writer, and thats one thing I can't get enough of from him. I can't stand books, but his writing captivates me. Someone will probably feel that way about you. Don't lose hope.

(Also, unrelated, but my captcha looked like "lovd" but was "loud". This makes me feel a lack of "lov.")

18 Name: >>8 : 2012-03-17 16:48 ID:Heaven

I feel kind of let down now... ( ´_ゝ`)

19 Name: grey!C.MxxuCiTo : 2012-03-17 21:24 ID:QnrtCiXk

I was going to write a long post about how much I identified with this thread, and how when I was a kid all I did was sit around playing Pokemon and getting fat. But I'm tired today. Short version:
Now I go to cons, and the rave afterwards, like someone else said, I partied. Today I am 21. Not socially retarded. I dress artistically. 290 pounds lighter, I still consider myself ugly. But compared to what I used to look like, I'm goddamn George Clooney. Now I have a few good friends, real friends. I've dated before. Women still don't like me so much, but still better than before. But I am so much better than I was before. Just through MY OWN sheer willpower I have forged myself into a better me. On my own terms.
My point is this: You CAN change for the better if you want. You can teach yourself to be more social or more charismatic or more whatever. Personally, I think that while you might not be in your ideal situation, I think you may be doing better than you realise. But either way you can do anything you want better, if you choose to. I guess that's my point.

Oh, by the way?
I still play Pokemon.

20 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-19 03:34 ID:vZCJCPO4

>>17 yeah, I have thought about doing this. The problem is that I don't have such an outlet. The only writing communities I've ever found focus totally on creative writing, and that's not really my thing. I've actually tried creative writing, but with so little past experience socializing, I've found it impossible to draw on anything in my life to create characters.

You bring up a good point about "risking" your feelings on someone. I don't feel like doing this. I've been burned quite a few times, and for over five or six years now I haven't had a single interest in any woman I've met. Maybe it's partly because I don't want to get burned anymore, but I'm not attracted to them at all. It seems to me that when I put my feelings on the line, I'm just putting myself in store for more humiliation again. The whole deal is just fucking rotten.

I am pretty lonely, though, I have to admit that. Otherwise I'd probably feel no need to drink. I know I have to change, and if that means humiliating myself hundreds more times, that might be better than the alternative.

It's great that you've found your own way out, though. This is no way to live.

21 Name: perfect : 2012-05-07 02:13 ID:osmqAVHH


22 Name: Anonymous : 2012-09-12 06:12 ID:hD5dXcr2

Horoscope have known.
You have been in horoscope.


horoscope JIKU site

23 Name: Rebekah : 2012-09-30 14:55 ID:CQ3IuXbE

How old are you? You sound a little bit like myself when I was younger. The fact of the matter is, sometimes people have pain so deep within themselves, that it blinds them to the truth. How do you know your parents love your brother more than you? You said yourself you're quiet and shy and polite - maybe these things are a reason as to why you interpret peoples' attitudes toward you as "not enough".

An aura a person has about themselves isn't necessarily visible through the naked eye - but people can tell things about others without even talking to them. I thought my mom liked my sister more than me so many times because my own personal pain looked for small things - and believe me, they were SMALL - that "proved" my logic was correct.

If your boyfriend doesn't cherish you and you don't feel like you're special, dump his ass. In fact, dump him for the fact that YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOURSELF. Self esteem is so important. And it's really hard to improved a self esteem when it's bogged down by caring about what your significant other thinks of you or his flirting with other girls. No, you can only love and receive love when you truly love yourself and it appears right now that's a struggle for you because you don't feel like you're special.

You are. You're very special. Not special ed, or any stupid joke people attach to bring down this statement... you're a very special person, as we all are.

What do you do outside of reading manga, watching anime? Do you have any special hobbies or activities? Spend some time with yourself developing an activity or hobby so you can distract your mind from the negative.

24 Name: Anonymous : 2012-10-02 19:23 ID:c04u5vAG

I sympathize with a lot of what you're saying. I guess. I mean, I've been there, and in many ways I still am. I work a lot, and even though I have friends, I haven't had a girlfriend for about five years. I did have a long and serious relationship for a few years in college, but really, it was a total disaster. No regrets, but still.

However, there's one thing you said that I found interesting (if you're even still here after six months to respond at all.)

>Once, I decided to ask my boyfriend to show me the torrents he was downloading.

Yeah, look. Don't do this. I think I understand why you did it, but it is just straight asking for problems. Even though I was faithful to my girlfriend, I would have never showed her my torrent list or, for that matter, the contents of my hard drive. Not that I had anything downright wrong on there, but the loads of doujin and artwork stuff I had was lurid at best and downright shocking at worst. She almost certainly would have left me then and there. At least that's what I was thinking.

But, you know, I had that stuff as an escape. My girlfriend was definitely special, and a great girl, but she wasn't giving me all of what I needed. I'm a pervert and she's as plain vanilla as you can get. I'm not saying anything about you, but consider that a man might have good reasons for refusing to reveal such information. In my case, it just happened that instead of crushing on another girl, I was into girls who only existed on ink and paper. Is that worse? I don't know.

I'm sorry to hear about your issues, though, and I hope you can work them out. I have a lot to work out too.

25 Name: Anonymous : 2012-10-15 21:31 ID:nlW5RXlY

>>24 " My girlfriend was definitely special, and a great girl, but she wasn't giving me all of what I needed."

This is why I made such a thread in the first place. People who do this, and feel like this. Do you not understand how this can wreck a person? If you didn't think she was enough, you shouldn't have been in a relationship with her. Its people that act like you do that made me write this, because it hurts people like me. If you're a pervert as you say, stick to things you can't hurt, until you find someone who will satisfy your needs. Don't "try your best" with a girl you can't be suited for because she doesn't satisfy you.

People like you are selfish and don't care when they hurt people like me, even if its just by looking at porn.

I'm sorry I've been so harsh. You were just the perfect example of what is causing my emotional turmoil.

26 Name: Anonymous : 2012-10-16 00:17 ID:fVLyWrbt

If that's the way you feel towards me, then don't say you're sorry. In fact, I'm sorry about how you feel. I just don't understand how looking at porn, especially the drawn sort, would hurt so much. Is it really that much of a problem?

27 Name: Anonymous : 2012-11-01 02:37 ID:IGDXb3IB


>irish girl

Irish ppl r awesome.
oh lord iktf

Don't worry OP. :3 btw how old are you? I know this is kinda old.

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