You strike me as an intelligent, interesting person. Your upbringing has instilled a stigmatising anxiety, however, which disables you socially. Analyzing and observing your relationships to such a great degree, you feel the next step must be taken with extreme caution. And so, when finally you come into a situation which promises even the slightest level of interaction, the unfiltered actions of others appear far more vast, meaningful and implicating than they really are.

I understand how you must feel. Being highly introverted and a loner by nature, I never fell into very many friendships. In high school I was almost mute. I was deathly afraid to form new connections. I could fill the void a bit with programming, reading, gaming, writing, drawing, playing music... but the knowledge never desisted that I remained isolated and alone. Spending inordinate amounts of time online, I talked to lots of people and opened up more than I'd ever have in person, as you are now. I even met my first girlfriend on the internet, completely by accident. She happened to live in the same town. Yet throughout it all I was never anyone's first, second nor third priority. You'd think on the internet you'd at least be able to keep a friend? Apparently not. I guess even typing is too difficult, unless you have a good reason for doing so.

Then, something happened. Whether it was when I got my first job, started going to anime conventions, or just tried being more charismatic and less repressed around the few people I did know, I began having a lot of fun around others. They accepted me for my quirks and were amazed by my talents. I made them laugh. I discovered that girls actually found me very attractive, which repaired my confidence immensely and enabled me to pursue them with far more than the old timidity I'd been crippled by. Conventions helped me meet people who, contrary to the otaku stereotype, were very friendly and lucid individuals. I even, dare I say -- partied -- for the first time in my life.

My point, of course, is this: nobody knows how wonderful you are. You're like a black-body right now. Capturing electromagnetic radiation within the dark surface of your onyx skin, those around you see no reflection and thus nothing to interest them. Maybe that's a bit harsh, and if it is, I apologize. Nonetheless, you are the unborn bean, the pebble yet to be dropped into that grandiose lake of all human society. For, indeed, where exists the ripples which come from no stone? Still, I only know what you've told us. But from that, it's plain to see you're very articulate, passionate, skilled, sympathetic. Don't worry about physical beauty so much. And you should feel lucky not to have stalkers or child molesters on your tail. Most will stay away because you're not whorish or attention-seeking, and therefore don't present yourself an "easy" target. Saves you the hassle, right?

Don't force yourself to make painful changes just to attract suitors and acquaintances. Do what comes naturally. Let people see you for who you are -- not the scared, cautious girl you're hidden behind.