[Jealous]Am i not worth anyone's attention?[Self Esteem] (27)

3 Name: Anonymous : 2012-03-13 18:49 ID:ObgAKAcR

Once, I decided to ask my boyfriend to show me the torrents he was downloading. I told him "Please dont delete any.. I dont mind if you have hentai on here or anything." and so he said "I promise I won't delete anything." And so he showed me his torrent list. Taking a screenshot as it went down. I noticed the "all torrent" number went down by two. I calmly said "What did you delete?" and he was like "What?" being all innocent. I told him "You deleted two torrents. What were they?" and he said "What makes you think that?" and I said "The total number of torrents. It went from 50 down to 48. I'm not dumb." and it turned into a huge production, but it was HIS fault.. right? I mean you can't promise me the truth, and then lie and act innocent. I have trust issues. All of my previous boyfriends cheated on me. All of them. So I have huge problems with people lying to me. Anyway, this isn't even the thing that upset me that much.

Two days after, I was still sad because he lied to me over something so small and trivial. I didn't see why he did it. Was it the rush? And he gave me an external harddrive, that still had stuff from his computer on it.. And I looked through his school assignments that were on it. I found one that was basically a fanfic of him and one of his schoolmates. It broke my heart because we were together and there he was thinking about her that way, and I know for a fact no one would ever write such a thing about me.. I mean my last hope was him writing that about me. So once I saw he wouldn't even think about me and it was always other people.. I mean its obvious no one would ever. He detailed every single "beautiful" feature of hers. How her thin hand curled around the side of the desk. How her slim, smooth, tan legs were nestled under the desk. God damn.

I havent even said half the things I want to, but I've been typing for a long time and the ends of my fingers are numb, and I'm getting more upset as I write this, so I'll leave it like this. If anyone wants more stories, don't be afraid to post..

Am i really asking for so much here?

I just want someone to want me. I want someone to let the thought of me slip into their mind every once in a while. Maybe stalk my page on facebook, or stalk me, or fap imagining me. Anything.

I just want someone to want me.

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