It was really just flukes. We were young (and they were all online), we talked a few times and "became friends", i suppose, and got together, and they cheated on me. Since we were so young, I should've seen it coming. They just wanted free cybering, which i never gave. Even with my low self esteem, I'm not degrading myself to that. They just wanted attention and sexual stimulants and took any applicants. So even though they were relationships to me, they really shouldn't count.
My boyfriend really isn't manipulative.. He may or may not have been back then though. I just mark what he did down as males having a lot of hormones and wanting some sort of power. He's nice and shares, what seems like, everything with me now.
I have been trying to find more places for friends, and its hard to find places where theres people I can actually stand. I dislike a majority of people around my age, and people too much older seem to know a lot more about the stuff I'm interested in, like programming in Python (I'm trying to make a visual novel with Ren'Py for example, and if I tried to get into a community about that, I'd mostly see people showing complex codes they do there) or if I lower my standards to general anime, it seems to mostly be people with 2D fetishes and don't care for wholesome anime too much or they watch it but be perverted about it anyway. I have one community I like that I try to frequent, but a lot of my friends there are gone, and its difficult to post anything there without rebuttal and criticism. Its like no one can play nice there.
However, I should mention there's a kid in my karate class I may try to talk to once in a while. I'm awkward as heck in real life (I sweat and say really embarrassing things) but he hasn't really gave me a vibe that he dislikes me much. When I had to slow spar against him, he even smiled once when I smiled. He's chubby and seems awkward as well. He seems like he'd make a nice friend, but I'm worried that since he probably has a social life at least in school, again I'll feel inadequate. Which is wrong and unhealthy of me to do, but sometimes I can't help it.. I haven't had a friend in real life for at least a year now as well. I'm not quite sure how I'd act. I get giggly when I'm awkward and my old friend criticized me about that. But when I don't giggle, I get awkward and its painful to watch. And I also make the common mistake of awkward people, and that is to be serious with your friend when you hardly know each other.
The thing is, I may have to take next month of karate off. So I may not get the chance to try to develop any kind of friend there.
If i had to choose one; an online community or the person in karate, which would be a better course of action? Real life would be way more painful and risky, but an online community may not bring me any form of social satisfaction. What have your guys' experiences been?