( ´ω`) hello kids!

( ´ω`) That was then, kiddo. This is now.

(・∀・) Grandpa, if there is internet, then how come there is no outternet?

( ´ω`) You might as well ask where love goes, or what sound yellow makes.

(・∀・) But the outternet!

( ´ω`) I hear there are rumors on the Internets.

(・∀・) There's even this cool thing called "porn"!

( ´ω`) Only people with horns were born to watch porn.

(・∀・) Don't we all have horns, then? I know you're hiding yours, Grandpa!

( ´ω`) At my age, porn isn't all that exciting. I'd prefer a good bowel movement!

MASTURBATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

( ´ω`) Uh oh. 472 showed up again.

(・∀・) Grandpa! I did 500 GET! Do I win the internet?

( ´ω`) Just one. If you get too many, your mom will scold me for spoiling you.

(・∀・) Grandpa! What really happened in killer7? I can't figure it out!

( ´ω`) Never got it either, was too busy re-watching the rather excellent movie 'Body Double'.

(・∀・) Grandpa, I'm strong to the finish because I eats me spinach.

(・∀・) I'm Popeye the Sailor Man! Toot toot!

( ´ω`) TLPD was yesterday, Junior.

(・∀・) 01010000011011110111000001100101011110010110010100100000011010010111001101101110001001110111010000100000011000010010000001110000011010010111001001100001011101000110010100100001

( ´ω`) And as far as I know, there's no such thing as a 'Talk in Binary Day'.

(・∀・) Grandpa, I wrecked the board's width by posting! What do I do now?

( ´ω`) Atone for your sins by committing seppuku. That's how we did it in the old days.

(・∀・) Grandpa! Does IRC make you stupid?

( ´ω`) IIRC yup

(・∀・) Grandpa! Does DQN make you stupid?

( ´ω`) No, it just reveals your inner idiot. Accepting and embracing it is what the DQN spirit is all about!

(・∀・) Grandpa, I've let loose the dogs of war! I didn't mean to! I just wanted to pet them and I didn't mean to leave the gate open -honest!

( ´ω`) Oh dear... I told your mother to get you some goldfish of pestilence, but she was always a dog person.

(・∀・) That bitch lol

J(`Д´)し What did you say!? You are in a deep trouble young man!

( ´ω`) The prudent man watches his words, Junior. Take note!

(;・Д・) Oh Shit...

(・∀・) Grandpa, why is it "Skip to the loo, my darling?" Wouldn't some Imodium do the trick so he didn't have to skip around everywhere?

( ´ω`) Well, back then you needed to skip a bit to get it a-movin'. If it moved too much you wouldn't be having the time to sing that.

(・∀・) tl;dr

( ´ω`) qwerty

(・∀・) Grandpa! I read the funniest article on somethingawful today!

( ´ω`) And what did those refined gentlemen have to say?

(・∀・) Um, actually I didn't read it. I just go there to look at the photoshops.

( ´ω`) o O ( ...and this is what we're leaving the future to. Heaven help us. )

(・∀・) o O ( ...I wonder if Grandpa tastes like tobacco... )

(・∀・) Grandpa, why is it England gets their tea time, but all we get is a lousy fifteen minutes to raid the lobby's vending machine?

( ´ω`) See, that's one of the reasons we split off from those idiots and formed our own nation. After all this time, they're still idiots. I mean, come on. Take a look at us and them, and tell me who's better off, eh?

...

...eh?

(・∀・) ...eh?

( ´ω`) 999GET wins all

(・∀・) What about 533GET?

( ´ω`) Junior, >>533 is such a mediocre goal. Expand your horizons! Challenge yourself and others! 999GET is the ultimate goal and the Internet its prize!

( ´ω`) Though 1000GET isn't without its charms either.

(・∀・) 1000GET is meaningless. Threads won't close in Kareha (yet) with 1000th post.

１０００キタ--------(ﾟ∀ﾟ)--------！！ＧＥＴ

( ´ω`) Who is >>536 , Junior? One of your friends?

(・∀・) Grandpa, Didja ever notice they sell hot dogs weiners in a twelve pack, but hot dog buns in packs of eight? What's up with that!?

(・∀・) And don't get me started on airline food! I rather eat those complimentary peanuts than their horrible dinners! And what's the deal on those peanuts anyway? Who's idea was it to hand those out as a pre-flight snack? Probably the same guys who thought up those half-cans of soda.

(・∀・) And how about the differences between men and women in this zany, rush-rush modern world of ours, huh? Can we be any different, ladies and gentlemen? Is it any wonder we have a hard time understaning each other and sharing the remote control!

(・∀・) Thanks, DQN; Y'all been a great audience! Enjoy Dave Attell later tonight! And don't forget to tip your waitress!

( ´ω`) Shut up Junior, I'm trying to watch Wheel of Fortune.

(・∀・) Grandpa, what is apology juice?

( ´ω`) The national beverage of Korea.

( ´ω`) It has something to do with the birds, the bees, that time of the month and Korea. You'll understand once you're older.

(・∀・) Grandpa, have you notice we tallk over ourselves and each other lately? It's like two or more people trying to speak at once, but it's just us two?

(・A・) Oh, man... Are we developing Multiple Personality Disorder?

( ´ω`) MPD has been proven to be a faux fad fraud illness, created by the psychiatric movement in order to gain more cash and political momentum as well as public media attention.

( ´ω`) You don't know the history of psychiatry, Junior. I do.

(・∀・) Grandpa, have you ever been though a hurricane?

( ´ω`) I think so, but then again all of my life has been some kind of hunkering down so far.

(A) Grandpa, have you ever drunk Jesus Juice?

(A) Grandpa, why does everyone think actors who are forgein sound better than Americans? Especially when the person in question rarely speaks the other Language?

( ´ω`) oh noes wakabamark killed >>547

( ´ω`) Should we have wakabamark turned off? it fuxes with our AA!

(・∀・) Grandpa, I had an icky girl give me a love letter in school today. GROSS! Um, anyway, who was your first girlfriend?

(*A*) Ohnoes

( ´ω`) Oh junior, you won't think all girls are icky one day. Only the fat ones obsessed with anime and furries are.

fat girls are icky, run away!...〆(・∀・ ) Memo memo! Grandpa! Is there anything that you don't know?

( ´ω`) I don't know what I don't know, that's one thing.

(・∀・) Grandpa, did they have anime when you were young?

( ´ω`) Did they ever! Of course, we had to get it directly from Japan in those times and it required a six month journey by clipper ship to get a shipment.

( ´ω`) Many brave men were lost in those voyages. Many, many men....

(・∀・) Wow, they must have been really dedicated!

( ´ω`) Otakus were made of sterner stuff in those days, Junior. We didn't have "subtitles" or speciality mail order businesses. In fact, before women became anime fans, we had to multiply asexually and ensure a viable genetic population by kidnapping people from Star Trek conventions.

(・∀・) but I heard that woman where the first western anime fans... is this all just a clever atempt at brain washing?

( ´ω`) Otakus are above genders, m'boy. We sprang from the very stuff that anime is created from. We first appeared as small, furry balls with brown and white patches. We were called "mogwai" at one point, hiding in our homes, watching only anime and avoiding all natural light and could reproduce with only a few drops of water. This is why Otakus, even today, avoid taking baths and showers to avoid over-population,

( ´ω`) Then there was the night one of us ate something after midnight. I... I can't talk about it....

(・∀・) Grandpa, what was Halloween like when you were younger?

( ´ω`) We had cosprayoween where we made costumes out of sheep skin... There was no fabric available you see.

(・∀・) Grandpa, I need to poo-poo but someone is using the washroom already. What should I do??

( ´ω`) Hold it. Pain builds character!

(・∀・) Grandpa, do you think we should let the WTFux dudes in?

( ´ω`) They should keep the Fux out.

( ´ω`) And the WT, too.

(・∀・) What's so bad about the WT Grandpa? I heard W.T. Snacks is an admirable fellow!

( ´ω`) Junior, whoever told you that is full of aids.

( ´ω`) 566, congratulations on getting the joke.

(・∀・) Grandpa! What´s wrong with the world?

( ´ω`) Well, Junior, you existing isn't helping matters.

(・∀・) Grandpa, do you like Yukorin?

( ´ω`) Truly a delicate orchid blossom of the East and easy to admire by any man. I have her perfume.

( ´ω`) Nabisco Vanilla Extract.

(・∀・) じちゃん。僕、日本語で喋ってもいい？

( ´ω`)　われはそんなこと読めないですから。。。

(・∀・) ぬるぽ

( ´ω`) が

(・∀・) waps..

Relevant Translations:
>>573= (・∀・) Grandpa. Is it ok for me to chatter in Japanese too?
>>575= ( ´ω`) I'm unable to read that kind of thing though...

(・∀・) Grandpa! You need subtitles!

( ´ω`) I have fansubs, go look for them kid.

(・∀・) you're otaku

(・∀・) Grandpa, have you ever met the King of all Cosmos?

(・∀・) Otoko no ko wa onna no ko no koto itsumo oikaketeru 〜♬

( ´ω`) Ichi-nichi-juu onna no ko no koto bakari kangaeteru 〜♫

(・∀・) Dakedo otoko no ko wa yappari sukoshi baka de 〜♬

( ´ω`) Zen zen onna no ko no kimochi nante hora wakaranai mitai 〜♫

(・∀・) Uu hontou ni dame yo ne obaka-san 〜♪
(・∀・) Oshiete hoshii no obakasan-san 〜♪
(・∀・) Sou kono yo de ichi-ban 〜♪
(・∀・) Taisetsuna koto wa 〜♪
(・∀・) Yappari taimingu dato omou kedo...nanchite na 〜♪

( ´ω`) Onna no ko mo otoko no ko no koto naze ka suki ni naru no 〜♪
( ´ω`) Hi-to-ban-juu nemurenai nante kurai muchuu ni naru 〜♪

(・∀・) Dakedo otoko no ko wa yappari itsumo baka de 〜♪
( ´ω`) Zen zen onna no ko no kokoro nante mada wakaranai mitai 〜♪

(・∀・) RaRa RaRaRaRa RaRaRaRaRaRaRaRaRaRaRa, Ra RaRaRaRa Ra
( ´ω`)RaRa RaRaRaRa RaRaRaRaRaRaRaRaRaRaRa, Ra RaRaRaRa Ra

(・∀・) これは、山手線ですか？

( ´ω`) This is Red Light District my son.

( ´ω`) What's that ching-chong crap, kid? In this thread, we're sticking to the Queen's English!

(・∀・) Granpa, it seems there is a time paradox here!