Some people seem to advocate a "get to know her first, become friends, then try to start dating"-approach. I don't know exactly where this comes from, but I suspect a lot of it stems from fiction, where the whole neverending chase is a good set-up for drama.
I've talked to a few girls about this subject matter and they all say the same thing. "You lend them a book for an exam. You go for a cup of coffee once in a while. You invite them to your parties. And what do they do? After a year or two they suddenly come telling 'I love you'! It drives me nuts!"
Do people really expect this approach to work? Why can't they see that it's far better to make it clear from the beginning that you are interested in them in a romantic sense. Don't hide and try to bed her by being her friend. It's not going to work.
Well, the logic is that if the other person is a total creep, you can find out while still in the "friend mode" and therefore not waste time and have an emotional crash finding it out while in the "dating mode." On the other hand, if you find out that the person is tolerable but not someone you see yourself actually dating, then you've at least made a friend.
But you're right in that sometimes people spend too much time in the friend mode, leading the partner to believe that that's as far as things are going to go. If you've met a new friend and want to give romance a try with them, I'd say make your move within at most two weeks of first meeting them.
it is best to be clear from the beginning.
Two weeks?! No thanks, I like getting to know girls before I ask them out. There are different worlds of dating, I guess. I don't believe you can know someone enough to be interested in them romantically after only two weeks, though. I know waiting too long is an issue, but geez, two weeks after meeting them?
What do you think dating is? Getting to know someone, just on an exclusive level. Romance is a major goal of dating, but it doesn't have to preclude it at all.
"You lend them a book for an exam. You go for a cup of coffee once in a while. You invite them to your parties. And what do they do? After a year or two they suddenly come telling 'I love you'! It drives me nuts!"
Whereas I can see how this would be annoying, no woman with half a brain would take friendship from a guy at face value. I'm a guy, and I can say that the vast majority of male friendship towards women is purely for the chance at getting sex.
You're selling yourself (and the rest of us men) short. Haven't you ever had any female friends whose company you enjoyed but who you would never see yourself dating? I did and I do; most of the time, they took the friendship at face value, and were absolutely right. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I'd never say that "just friends" is undesirable, but if you want it to be more, you've got to act quickly. The longer a relationship is just friendly, the greater the chances that it'll never be anything more.
you keep trying to be friends with the girls you like and youre gonna die alone. assholes win, end of story
In the end I don't think there's a right or wrong anwer. Love just hits you whatever way it wants y'know? Two friends could end up falling in love with each other and some people 'date' right off the bat. That being said, my personal experience is that waiting too long and not making your romantic interests known right away doesn't work out if you want to be 'more than friends'.
the only place where friends become lovers seems to be in movies and such fantasy. I have yet to see it in real life. make your motives known or you'll regret it.
The whole bit about friendship before dating also is related to that people feel more at ease if they feel they can do things with no strings attached, and yet have a potentially favourable outcome of it (a lover or a good, important friend)
>>14 hey now. nomatter what everyone says, nomatter what politically correct drivel they push onto you, girls like older men and i'm experiencing that first hand.
I am quite sure there is a limit, like a college coed going after a middle age man.
>>11
Not so. I myself was friends with my first girlfriend for 9 years before we dated.
Our relationship was very enjoyable and it hurt me greatly when it ended.
We became friends when we were very young and romance was possibly the last thing on my mind back then.
Despite her leaving, I hold no grudge against her and still retain feelings for her.
I know it will never be again, but I feel it was worth it.
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