My brother confessed to me yesturday that he has been in love with me romantically all throughout highschool (He's a senior right now and i'm a junior). This was a shock to me because, well obviously, he's my brother. It kind of makes me feel all dirty that he loves me in that way even though i never did anything to make him love me except be a really good sister to him. I really love him, as a brother, so i don't know what to do. He's been a really good brother, very protective of me, kind of extremely so (now that i think about it maybe i'm mistaking his protectiveness towards me whenever guys are involved with jealousy). I basically told my brother that i was shocked and that i didn't know what to say to him. He told me i didn't have to say anything and that he doesn't expect me to love him like that in return. So i don't know. What should i do because i don't want things to be awkward for us, even though he reassured me that it wouldn't. It's not like a crush either but he says he's in love with me. He's rejected a lot of girls throughout highschool and now i learn that it's because of me! I dont' know how to act around him now, do i just act like nothing has happened or do i address the issue and tell him nothing can come of this because he's my brother? The thing is, if he wasn't my brother i would date him because he's really handsome and he cares for me a lot and would make the perfect boyfriend i think.
Wow. I came here thinking. This thread is coming along nicely... Then it just ends like that?! I don't really think its the end of it. This situation has gotten a lot deeper than you think it has. ... Was it real kissing or just a peck on the cheek. because there is nothing wrong with a peck on the cheek, but what it sounds like is that you guys just gave eachother their first kisses... Well I guess its over now... God's in his Heaven, All's right with the world :P
Dammit! FO warned you for exactly this no? Ok. You did well to break the silence and start the talking. It not really wrong to unveil some of your emotions either, but you need be careful about it. Since you interpreting own emotions still, you extra vulnerable.
Frigid Onanoko see it this way: You brought over the message of nono. He kissed you anyway. Whatever - you can brush it aside as a mistake - you made your point and fulfilled your duty to communicate. You think you need to discuss anything else with him? Like what? You are in charge also, so its your fault also for the kiss (that is, in social terms, which is the level on which you interact with your brother. In reality he abused your vulnerability.)
An apology from him therefore is the cavallier thing to do, but you cannot demand it from him. Perhaps you want to discuss how relation between you two should now go? Perhaps you can ask your older, stronger, handsome, loving brother to please not kiss you and not touch you... "oh please, brother, don't! not there!" (humbly apologize for trying to make risk disgustingly obvious.)
Do you understand the risk?
This is what Frigid Onanoko meant by 'assaulting,' although granted, choice of word was awkward because assault is an act of aggression whereas your brother is acting out of weakness. Nonetheless, the effect on you is the same. FO implore you, please please value your own feelings above your brothers'. Instead of discussing with your brother 'where this is heading'/ 'how are we going to resolve this'/ bla bla, why not set the rules on your own? You can, you can do that.
It may be a bit of a struggle though, a struggle against yourself at least and perhaps your brother too. Against your desire to not let your brother down, against your sense of guilt perhaps - can you think of others? Against your brother, and FO (such a doomthinker!) sketch worst situation where your brother corner you in your own room to 'demonstrate the extent of his affection,' you need to be prepared for that. Perhaps you think your brother will never do such things... But do you really want to give him a platform to actually prove he wont? Better to just close the door on that possibility.
Dont let yourself be put off, don't subordinate your actions to the demands of your brother, don't subjugate yourself to his sorrow, his desires. Above all don't think you can get support from your brother. You may ask it, he may offer it, but it will be worthless, in fact he will gain from it, which is here your loss. Struggle through this and push through this fight. The big reason why you not inform your parents about this is to protect him, right? This is your weapon, a threat. You need the proper way to handle this weapon. Describing here:
The threat is a commitment to tell on your brother. If you are unable to make a credible commitment, the threat is void. Therefore you need to set an example beforehand. Repeating the 'hitting' argument from before. Threaten to hit him if he gets too close. Be a bitch. Hopefully he won't stress it but if he does, make sure to be aggressive (He no respect your demands wtf!!!) Now if you threaten him with telling on him, he has adequate reason to believe you have the balls to do it. This strategy much more effective than whipping out the gun that really hurts, immediately, before even demonstrating you can actually aim and shoot. Every time you fail to validate your threat, your opponent feels strengthened and you feel weakened. This game is simple. It has just started. There are three relevant outcomes:
(in next post continued)
1) Both of you win if you can get it into your brothers head that you are off limit without executing your threat. This is what we aim for.
2) Your brother wins by getting at you while you do not tell on him because you still want to protect him. (and you obviously lose from this situation.)
3) Both of you lose by if you execute your threat way too late.
The fourth option is the one you tried to avoid from the beginning - telling on your brother straight away and make him suffer the consequences. Play for the win-win obviously.
Frigid Onanoko sincerely apologize, these advices are based on ugly assumptions. However, even in the case that situation is much less severe, solution still very applicable. Be aggressive!
Gonna finally shut up now. whew... Bye now! and wishing you much strength!
>>91 It wasn't a kiss on the cheeks. He kissed me on the mouth both times. And i wouldn't say it's over, it's pretty much more complicated now than ever, arghaolhfahslkdfhklashdflkh. I just feel weird writing to strangers about this since it's turned out this way. It's kind of embarrassing.
>>90 My brother isn't like that and he DOES care about me. It's true that he kissed me after i told him that we can't have a boyfriend girlfriend relationship but I don't think he did it because he didn't respect my feelings. I think it's because he wasn't really thinking when he did it, kind of like how i told him i liked him even though i wasn't planning to and knew it was a bad idea in the first place. And i also blame myself because i could've said no and i could've stopped him but i didn't.
>>92 Thanks FO. And yes, like i said, i realize it is as much my fault as his because it was my responsibility to stop the kiss but i didn't. I feel so guilty because, despite everything, i did like the kiss. Everything's so conflicting! I wish none of this happened at all and that he just kept his feelings to himself! Arghhh! What you advise me to do is so hard. I can't picture myself doing any of that. I love my brother so much that it's going to be really hard to treat him as an "opponent". You're right, i really don't want to let my brother down and i hate to see him sad or depressed which is why i told him my feelings in the first place. But because i have this mindset of always "subjugating myself to his sorrow and desires" as you said because you put it in such better terms than i could, i just don't want to do anything to hurt his feelings. And my not telling my parents about this isn't only to protect him but to protect me as well. I have feelings for him too so we are both in the wrong. I think my worst nightmare is if anyone finds out about this, especially my parents because they are very very strict and if they find out about this, especially the kiss, I don't know what they'll do, they'll probably disown us or something lol. So i can't threaten to tell on him or anything like that. Also, i can't see myself hitting him, i can't even see myself having to resort to that. My brother is not a bad person. He kissed me in a moment of weakness but he would never force himself on me or rape me. But you're right in that i need to set boundaries and i have.
Since the talk i've told him again that we can't possibly have a romantic relationship. He made it clear that he wanted one with me but that he respects my decisions and that he didn't want to force me into anything that i was uncomfortable with and that no matter what he will always love me and be there for me. He's been really really understanding about everything.
>>My brother isn't like that and he DOES care about me. It's true that he kissed me after i told him that we can't have a boyfriend girlfriend relationship but blablablablablablablablablabla
Give yourself a break and just look at all the facts, or are you to caught up in all your emotions to see clearly? Stop defending him because he is your brother and try to see this whole thing with my clarity, I have no emotional attachements here, nor any other particular interest in this issue that would sway my judgement.
I mean from start to finish, he did all the things that would disprove he ever had any true love(not romantical) for you:
He allowed himself to become infatuated with you, i.e. he played along with some retarded impulse, because he found it amusing.
He continued to harbour these feelings, in spite of you being his sister, he made no real effort to, in the name of love, kill them. And I don't CARE if he has told you differently.
He THEN, told you about this shit, not in a desperate attempt to rid himself of his feelings, but to try his fucking LUCK!
Then, he goes all emo about it, not really because he thinks he has done something totally moronic, that he has ruined it for his family, but because he's afraid you wouldn't LIKE him anymore, and because the both of you didn't get down with this shit!
AND FINALLY, WHEN YOU FUCKING TELL HIM(sure that was really fucked too)ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONAL SLIPUP, HE GET'S HAPPY, AND THEN KISSES YOU!!
Now you tell me your brother actually cares for you..... He doesn't, and if you think so then hey, maybe you don't really care for neither him nor yourself. Maybe you too care more about emotions. And in that case, whatever, then it is as if I've been speaking to a stone all along.
Happy to see you are dealing with this with both your mind and heart. Yes, it difficult to see your brother as opponent because he no want harm to you. Don't worry, he's not your enemy, no need to force yourself. However, you can see that he sometimes not think about his actions, and in the heat of the moment, you two get too close. This to be avoided because it too stressing on you. >>93 is too harsh judging your brother, but correct in one thing: Even though there no malicious intent, he trying his luck. It great he respect your demand, but it not enough for you to stop being cautious, both towards him and towards yourself.
Frigid Onanoko try to illustrate with silly metaphore. You live in your house, the house is a zoo, your brother a baby elephant (cute!) and you the keeper of the elephant (jumbo). Happy Jumbo, upon seeing you may rush to greet you when he sees you. He likes his familiar caretaker so much and just want to be close! However, if you don't step aside, or stop the kiddy elephant in its tracks, it gonna trample you. Oops, accident! That never the intent, but then, can you trust a baby elephant to understand all that? Jumbo need to learn to keep distance and you need to teach.
Method is simple conditioning. It take time. Just keep at bay. You already showed you can do it during first two weeks since original confession, no? FO confident you can manage, especially after seeing you can and want to think through this problem. You could be a bit more critical perhaps, (even about FO's babbling nyah!) So don't worry about the 'opponent' mentality. When Jumbo is too eager, you can just shove him aside gently but decidedly. Your brother will understand that. He will respect it. In fact he probably expect it anyway.
BTW, you not so alone in your adventures. Wikipedia mention that in USA, 10-15% of college students have had sexual experiences with siblings Floyd Martinson study (which usually remains limited to kissing - definition of sexual experiences very very broad.) And then Frigid Onanoko also... well, very glad this is anonymous board! Anyway, it by no means so very odd.
Stay alert and succes to you!
~Frigid Onanoko
>>95 Yes, i agree with you that my brother has made some mistakes and has acted selfishly on some occasions. I believe him when he told me that he tried to fight romantic feelings for me however because this has been going on for 4 years! Don't u think, if he hadn't tried to fight it at all, that he would've told me or made a move on me sooner rather than wait until his senior year to do it? Bottom line is that yes, he made mistakes and acted selfishly but who doesn't?? That doesn't mean he doesn't love me or care about me. People act selfishly all the time, it's human nature. My friends all have love-hate relationships with their siblings and most of the time i think they treat their siblings like crap but deep down i know that they love each other because they're family. In fact, I think that me and my brother have a better sibling relationship than most people (aside from the romantic feelings for each other part of course lol). Look, loving someone romantically and loving them as family is not mutually exclusive. In the end, i know that he'll always be there for me (yes, even if i reject him 100 times) and that's all that matters.
>>96 Thanks FO. I will keep that in mind and it's great to hear that our situation isn't THAT unusual lol. It's so comforting to know in a way that 10-15 percent (that's a lot!) of people around our age have gone through the same thing.
As for an update, me and my brother are closer now than ever. We've been spending all our time together lately. Of course normally we would spend a lot of time together anyways, walking to and from school and hanging out afterschool but these past days he would also wait for me by my locker between classes to walk with me to class as well as eat lunch with me and my friends (usually he would eat lunch with his own group of friends). I don't mind it at all and think it's nice to spend more time with him but i just hope he doesn't have other ideas. Don't worry, he hasn't tried to put any moves on me lol, we've just been acting like normal (which is great b/c i didn't really like his emo self =P). Off topic but today is the last day of school, yay!! Summer!!
But if he truly cares for you, why can't he respect and honor the fact that you are siblings?
I think he's just a bit too much of a drama queen.
He's not searching the world for other opportunities and meeting other girls.
I think just because when you told him that you don't think that you're feelings for each other will go anywhere. Him being all depressed and sad is all an act so that you would be sorry for him and get even closer.
And if you guys are still in school, (dont know what grade) but I know many relationships (not all) in school don't really work out. Especially if you were to date your brother, think of the criticism you will get. Have you thought how your parents would react if they knew? How they'd react to your brother being the first to admit his feelings towards you and causing you to question your own feelings towards him?
Because you are siblings, you have a strong bond with them. But it shouldn't be that you'd actually think of dating one another and getting married in the future. Perhaps your brother is lonely. He needs other friends to hangout with. Nothing wrong with hanging out with your sibling once in a while, but not all the time. It creates a bond between you that when it becomes strong enough, you wont let anyone come between you or perhaps even neer you both that all you have to depend on is each other and that isn't totally healthy in a relationship with anyone.
My advice to you is, try to keep some distance from your brother, while you're in high school anyways. Focus on your friends, getting new friends, school grades, getting a diploma and all that Jazz.
I know an anime that is kind of a good example of this. If you're into anime that is.
> As for an update, me and my brother are closer now than ever.
Hah! You rejected my advice but it turned out fine as I said. :)
Just don't let him flirt with you... ho ho ho.
STICK IT IN HIS POOPER.
100 GOT.
OP >> i recommend u to see "dreamers" a bernardo bertolucci film about two siblings in love in 1959 Paris, is based in a true story and the end, IMHO is very typical in this type of infatuations.
while we're talking reading material, "flowers in the attic", virginia andrews.
hey fuck him itl make it all easier trust me
Heh. Play some Hentai games where the main character gets to screw his sister. It always has a happy ending.
Seriously speaking, that's just... That's harsh. You got to go with how you feel. I wonder who you are now that I've read your story. Hit me up on AIM Y!M or MSN. --> " rpencounter "
Dear >>1-san,
Their is only one thing to do..... Kill your brother and feed him to the local hobos
stop responding to trolls, this is the cancer that is killing 4-ch
Hey guys, i'm back. I've just been enjoying summer vacation. It feels so good to not have anything to do! hehe I'm here to update on what's been going on with my brother. We've been hanging out together a LOT, more like all day and every day. Also, we've been more touchy feely with each other lately, and no that doesn't mean we've been kissing or doing anything like that. We've just been more free with each other as far as hugging and holding hands goes. I don't know...do you guys think this is weird? It seems like pretty innocent stuff, but i'm always afraid we might slip and go further than that.
>>98 Ahh, what you say is what i've been worried about. I love spending time with my brother but lately we've been inseparable and like you said, it might not be healthy to do that. We both have our own friends but since school ended we've just been hanging out with each other. It's not like i don't want to hang out with my friends it's just that i prefer to spend time with my brother and i guess it's likewise for him. Plus, like, he just assumes that i'll be spending my day with him. My friends are already thinking something is weird b/c they keep calling me and asking me why i've been avoiding them, when i haven't been, at least not intentionally.
Also, i think our parents suspect something b/c just last night my mom was asking us why we never hang out with our friends anymore.
And yes, i like anime. Could you tell me what anime that is? Maybe it can help me. Omg, turning to anime for advice! That's so pathetic! >_<
>>103 What happens in the end?
>>110 nothing good will come outta this.
>>110
Duh, that's what Japanese Manga is for. They have a Manga for EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP SITUATION POSSIBLE.
>>112
Your brother is in Love with you? Tons of Manga
You want to sleep with your Father but are afraid of what your Step Mother will think? Several Manga
You want to dress your little cousin in Girl's clothing and have a Lesbionic Relationship with him? Sure.
Your stuffed animal becomes conscious and tells you you have to save the world from some Evil, and this mysterious man who aids you won't even give you a second glance at your workplace at Dennys? You can't walk through a manga aisle without seeing that.
>>110
fucking kill yourself
I don't know if this is all real or not (every time the OP posts, it seems more and more fake...) but I'll tell you a true story, OP.
One of my best friends admitted to me that she and her cousin dated for 4 years secretly, from age 12-15, I think it was. No one suspected them. No one ever caught them. So what went wrong? Guilt. They both felt horrible guilt every time they were together. When their relationship became sexual, the guilt was even worse. They both cared for each other, but eventually the feelings of guilt and dirtyness overtook that. Now they avoid going to family reunions and parties because they don't want to see each other because it reminds them of their "sins".
And that's just her cousin. Imagine how disgusting YOU would eventually feel...with your BROTHER! You're already on a slippery slope just by holding hands at your ages. Don't ruin your life or your brother-sister relationship with your brother. Find a guy OUTSIDE the family.
Lame troll is lame. GTFO.
Lame troll is lame. GTFO.
What the hell??! I'm not a fuckin troll!! How hard is this to believe?? Do i sound like a troll? If i were a troll, i'd go around posting "eat my poop" or some stupid shit like that. Just because someone has an unusual problem (that is considered taboo) doesn't mean you can just disregard them as a liar and a troll. I knew i should've just disguised this problem as me falling in love with my best friend or something. Whatever. I'm not going to post here anymore b/c i'm sick of being called a troll and someone telling me to fucking kill myself is the last straw. So i will GTFO as you requested.
>>115 Okay, i know i said i'd GTFO but whatever, I feel like replying to yours.
Yes, what happened to your friend seems like a really realistic ending to these types of situations. These days i feel guilt just for spending time with my brother. We are doing nothing wrong and I STILL feel guilt! It's because i know that i'm falling for him more and more each day. SO i can see your friend's ending as being totally realistic if i do end up pursuing a relationship with my brother.
FInd a guy OUTSIDE the family, haha that's funny. It sounds like you were expecting me to go after my cousins next or something. Yes, i know i should find a guy outside the family but that's a lot easier said than done. Have you ever tried to date someone when you love someone else?? It's not exactly the easiest thing, especially if the person you love freakin lives with you in the same house!! This would be a lot easier if it was one sided, but since my brother loves me too, i have that to think about. I don't want to hurt his feelings. We're not dating right now but there's this tacit agreement between us that whatever the hell we have right now is exclusive. What am i supposed to do, date behind his back?? And if i DO decide to date someone else, wouldn't that be unfair for that guy if i'm just using him? So you see, i have a lot to think about.
Okay...anyways. BYEE
Just be hedonistic, if it feels alright then keep on it.
ask if you could give him a blowjob. He will say yes. While your doing it bite off his sexual organs and he will instantly never want to be near you ever again!
worked, i did it.
LOL
what? so i got arrested and raped by a pissed-off father, but oh well.
STOP RESPONDING TO TROLLS
no, isnt a troll u shitbag. :(
thats right, u get a frowny face
ooooooo the shame
125 shut up u stupid retard.
Ontopic..i think you should look at this: http://www.psychnet-uk.com/counselling_psychology/counselling_psychology_sexuality.htm
corke is a nut
he has a rubber butt
every time he turns around
it goes putt-putt
>>127
Where are the L&R police when we need 'em?
I only read the first 2 posts by op, but here I come with a few questions, before I give any advice...
How old are you and what is your age difference? Did you grow up together, or was there a time where you both were separated from each other?
Before addressing any issues with your brother, or trying to fix him, be empathetic and treat the situation with care. A man that rejects other girls for a particular girl really means he's serious. Beyond that... I have no advice. I can relate a little since I've felt feelings for a cousin, but that's a relatively different situation (you are relatively closer).
I'll wait for answers. Blessings to you.
>>115 clearly explains what has happened from second hand experience... I'd listen to him/her. Yes, part of the reason I ask these questions is because most posts like these are fake. There's a scientific explanation for incest, but it'll be cleared up when OP answers my questions.
I liked a cousin, and in my culture and background relationship with cousins are not considered incest, so even our families wouldn't get mad if we were very serious. Nothing sexual happened between us, I didn't even say anything, but she somehow got my intentions and rejected me before everything. I was 15 at the time and to this day we avoid each other and I have removed myself from the presence of my relatives, which were relatively close. we were playmates when we were kids.
Seriously, I say it again, drop this whole shit.
Stop whining about what is hard due to your feelings, you need to kill them with fucking fire already, DO YOU KNOW HOW YOU DO THIS?
Doesn't seem like it so I'll tell you. Stop thinking, planning and acting acording to your emotions, and instead start thinking, planning and acting according to your sensibility. If you strive into the direction of the wind long enough it will turn, the resistance is about your feelings lagging where it's most comfortable for you to have them(believe it or not, you need to realize this). That is because we are lazy, habitual bitches, and these facts don't care about right or wrong, they care about easy or hard, more or less. So if it becomes more of a bother for you to have your feelings where you stove them now, you will be able to dislodge them from there, and plant them somewhere else.
So what you have to do is prepare yourself to suffer for a while, and start investing your love somewhere else, even if you don't feel a bit like doing it. This is an excellent oppertunity for you to find a guy according to sensibility and not senses. Senses will only betray you as you can see, so you should start to think of them as a slave to serve your own will insead for them to serve themselves and bend you to their will. Get used to kick yourself around, especially if you define yourself more through how you feel.
this is the same person who created the other incest thread. he is having fun with you, you are a toy to him, stop responding and stop bumping this thread. let it die.
I'd recomend everyone to watch "The Lovers of the Arctic Circle", it is a film about pretty much the same problem, you might find advice on it.
no updates?
>>136
No. Stop bumping this shit. LET IT DIE.
So, what I need to know. Is he adopted? I mean, that would be logical...I'm just wondering.
Hahaha.
Go read a manga called "Hot Gimmick."
Your situation reminds me of Hatsumi's.
Boku wa Imouto ni Koi wo Suru
"IM IN LOVE WITH MY SISTER"
IT TURNED INTO A MOVIE....
WHATCH IT
hahaha! omg its an episode of autumn in my heart!!