I posted this on another forum and got crap responses from people basically calling me a doormat and now telling me any new ideas except a threesome suggestion which neither one of us are into, so I am going to try here. I am not a doormat by the way, I do these things to show my future husband that I love, care deeply for, and appreciate him.
I love my fiance, so I work hard to please him. So, I am looking to surprise him with something new to do. To not get answers suggesting what I already know, this is what I do:
I do the cooking and baking, so a fancy dinner is not really special for us. It was special in the beginning because he had never had a girlfriend that cooked. I never meant it to be special or romantic anyways, it's just something to bring to the marriage table and I like cooking.
We do the role play/BDSM thing during sex often. It is extremely pleasurable, but now it is kind of normal for us.
He gets hand, back, foot, scalp massage all the time. He works hard so I want to help him unwind after a long day. So, he enjoys this but it is kind of expected at this point. That's fine, I know he gets sore and he is grateful for every little thing.
The latest thing is when in the bath or shower, I massage and bathe him thoroughly, he doesn't need to do anything except turn around so I can wash his back and lift his feet so I can wash the bottoms. So, at first it was all new and special...but it's going to be a regular thing so I need to please him with something new.
Any new ideas? I would prefer answers from men, because I want to know what men like, not what women think men like.
And please no "this is really a dude" posts, I'm a girl and I just want serious responses. Hell, even if you do think I am man just tell me something new that a man would like.
1) If you've done all that as fiances, what'll you save for when you're actually married? :p
2) Nice job, asking at a forum that mainly consists of losers at love.
3) What does he do for you?
Yeah, I want to ask - does he do anything for you in return? If I had a wife like you I would never ever look at another woman... so much things to appreciate for everything you do for him
And for the things men like... I like being pampered. Most of the time I want to be dominant and stand up for the woman but sometimes I want to be just like a baby so that she can pamper me. Being Q-tipped in both ears? It surprisingly feels good :o
>>3 That is the thing, I need new things to do for later when we are married. Second, it doesn't matter if the forum are "losers at love" what is important is what they would like done for them.
As for what he does for me, he does so much. He works very hard and even does extra work to take me on small trips out of town because he wants to show me new places I haven't seen. He has given me wonderful memories and the happiest times of my life. If it weren't for him, I couldn't cook because he pays for the ingredients. If he didn't work so hard, then he couldn't pay the bills and there would be no hot water to be bathe in or any electricity. He is so good to me that my Mother always tells him how he is spoiling me.
He is the kindest man I have ever met, I am very proud of him. He is very strong and takes good care of me, and he likes taking care of me. Even when I am sick, he will be up all night making sure I am okay and have everything I need.
So, we both do a lot for each other...but I don't want that to stop. He's going to boot camp in January and when he gets back in thirteen weeks for his ten day leave, I want it to be extra special. I want to show him how I admire his strength and that he means the world to me. I can tell him that, but words mean nothing, I want to express it with an action.
Wait... is your fiance's name Tristan?
Lucky bastard, your man.
What can I say. Having a woman who confessedly wants to do everything to make you happy, is all I could ever wish for. And obviously that isn't just words in your case, unless you're full of shit. But I'm going to assume not, because it doesn't really matter anyway.
But come on, this is your guy. You know him better than anyone of us. You should know what makes him extra happy, you should be well capable to find out.
You already got all the basic things covered. Sex, food, tenderness.
How you do these things will always be best your way. If he is anything like me, he will be most appriciative of your personal touch in these matters, because he loves you.
I don't think you need others ideas. Let this remain a thing between you and him. Just pay attention and pick from your own imagination for surprises. It will be worth more to both you and him if you came up with whatever, by yourself.
I consider this a serious answer, hope you will too.
Maybe this will seem a joke, but it's not... why you don't try to talk just as friends, to take an ice cream walking down the park, to see sunsets, try to interchange polithical opinions, laugh at people doings, praying together (if you believe something), choosing a painting together, dreaming about your future home, naming strs at night (maybe during the day too if imagination works), try to hear him, even understand him... Why don't you try just to be normal people? Maybe you discover in usual things the person you have besides you. I mean, just be yourself, that's what a man needs. Courage!
a.
ps/trying to do something new everyday you soon will find those thing truly stops. It's just when you love someone you tell allways the same "I love you". What's the bad about those words? The only thing that is everytime new is the person. Sorrym but by your saying it seems you don't have time to be another thing than sex companions... Don't you think?
> New ways of pleasure
> We do the role play/BDSM thing during sex often. It is extremely pleasurable, but now it is kind of normal for us.
> things to do for later when we are married
I think what you're looking for, is Prostate stimulation.
A google search should reveal everything you need to know.
Save it for special occasions, so he doesn't take you completely for granted.
> Why don't you try just to be normal people?
If >>1 and her man aren't normal people, than I'm taking the train to Freaksville to find me a spouse that gives a shit about me. And is literate.
>>11
I'll buy your tickets, then. I mean pansexuality is not normal. I mean, pangenitality, for we are entire sexuated creatures, but it's not limited to genitals only. Genitals are the 10% of our body and even less if we compare the 'inner' being of oneself that is called 'inner universe". Of coarse if it's filled with genitals, then... The point is one have to learn to enjoy the entire person he has in front of him/her.
And be sure I'm not denying that truogh 'sex' you are opened in a speciall way to a woman. It's just you enjoy very much a person you know (ie, you knows it's reactions towards a stranger asking something, a barking dog, a silly child that drops his meldted ice cream to her new pants, et-ca-etera...).
Nothing more. Not judgeing. Maybe they have this "normal" doings in their lifes. Maybe not. I was just trying to improve the personal relation. I think personal involves sex, not the opposite. Or do you think the inverse? So, if you have a better persona relation, it improves any sexual relation. 2+2=4 ;)
a.
We are normal people, we are best friends, lovers, and soon to be husband and wife. We are more than just bed partners, a bed partner is someone you don't care about let alone marry. The word of love, does not even begin to describe how I feel for him. Love is an understatement. This feeling is as rare as seeing Nessie! My question was not necessarily about sex, it was a question of anything that would bring more pleasure.
Most people don't understand our relationship. Sixty years ago we would probably be the normal standard for a healthy couple and we would be a dime a dozen, but in this day in age I think we are a dying breed.
We are just old fashioned in a lot of ways. I was always raised to believe that the man gets "the big piece of chicken". If I were a progressive career woman things would be different, but if I don't work or at least as hard as he does then what business do I have slacking off and doing nothing for him? It's a two way street. I've got a good man and I would be a fool to be lazy, take it all for granted and expect everything but give nothing. A man like him deserves everything I've got to give. I also feel that I deserve what he has to give, we both work hard for each other in different ways. The difference creates a balance and we are as equal as we are in height.
And >>8, thank you for your reply...I think it be the most helpful.
>>13
You're a dying breed alright, there should be reserves for people like you.
If I'd add anything to my advices, there's one thing. I don't know how often you fight, every couple have those things, appearantly. There will be eventually, about something. Mostly it will just be shit for what I've understood, but whatever, what do I know about other peoples priorities:
Let him have them. I mean; let him have it his way. Unless it's about something really major and he is obviously off course.
Let him be the man. This might not be so very relevant yet when you're both so in love and everything, and everything either of you do is perfect and unquestionable, but that won't last forever. Eventually you will start noticing things that annoys and aggrivates, perhaps they're already sneaking up on you.
Acceptance is the key word here. Nothing will ever be perfect. Perfect is when you can put your own ideas aside to let peace prevail.
They be calling you a doormat, and I'm a machiavellistic pig, right, but strenght isn't having everything your way, it's being able to adjust yourself and accept things. Only weaklings cannot cope with 'disadvantegous' situations, it will only increase your own misery fighting it... And ofcourse, that of your counterpart.
So for future 'making it more pleasurable', this might come to matter a whole lot. If you have to critizise him, and object to something, please do so humbly. But don't just be agreeable. Be honest; if you make a sacrifice it's ok if you let him know, but don't bitch about it.
A guy wants a girl... Well, I want a girl who is honest, intelligent, can give good advice and correct me if I'm wrong. But I do not want a smug, cocky motherfucker, just as little as I want a brown-noser. A girl who wastes her intelligence by being smug is among the worst things I know. Noone wants to listen to high strung intellectuals, it's nothing but a burden and flushes good advice down the shitter. Humility is superior, it takes the edge of any issue.
And don't critizise and argue in public or in front of aquintances/friends. Being descrete about such matters is very thoughtful and will earn you much respect.
Oh yes, I agree that it is very important to let a man be a man. A woman should let a man teach her how to swim, but if she is already a swimmer she should be clever enough to pretend and let him teach her anyway. This is very refreshing in our relationship, I treat him like a man and he treats me like a woman. To put it bluntly, I know my place. He is the head of the household, but I am the neck. I support him, like any good woman should support her man.
You also mention the arguing in public or in front of people. Private matters are to remain private. I think in relationships the things people argue about are so trivial. Chances are if you were to wait to be in private you would have forgotten all about it because it was not important at all. It is not hard to wait until you are behind closed doors, communicate the problem, then discuss and solve it peacefully. If two people are unable to do this, then perhaps they are not mature enough to handle adult relationships.
He has the final say in what happens, but he does listen to me and wants to know what I think of something before making any final choices. He cares for my needs and does not want to force me into a bad place. Due to certain choices that he made before he met me, we are both going to have to make some sacrifices but that is the way it goes. If you are going to sacrifice something, then do it but never try to make the other person feel guilty or bad for it. Nobody likes a martyr.
Although he admits that he wished he had met me before he joined the Marines so he could make some different choices regarding that, I think that it is important that he is doing this. It is something he feels he must do, and I have to respect and support this choice. A man just has things that he feels he must do in his life, and I would never question or convince him out of it.
>A woman should let a man teach her how to swim, but if she is already a swimmer she should be clever enough to pretend and let him teach her anyway.
Why?
Personally, I'd find that type of behaviour extremely repulsive and unattractive, why hide what you can and pretend to be "weak"? Why play some sort of theatrical act?
>I treat him like a man and he treats me like a woman
I've never understood that type of stereotypical thinking. For example, I wouldn't mind being together with a girl who is, say, physically stronger than me, and I don't consider myself less "manly", than my male friends, classmates and relatives.
I see... :]
Well. Best of luck to you both.
What do you call sterotypical thinking? Is that of to be man or woman just a thinking? Maybe then Zebras has just a stereotypical behavior with thier lines, or maybe is just a stereotype to pretend being human and help people? Please explain. I really don't understand.
For sure we are in a strange world in where we have to "pretend" to be what we really are. That is the way the things are today. But I don't partucularly minds that of to act like woman o man. If this is their approach to their identities, well, maybe is not the best, but is already something. And is rather better than pretend you can be whatever you want ;). You know, freedom has (by experience) it's limits.
>>15
Congrats!
The only I can say, then, is don't push too much yourself. A man really don't needs that. I mean, let's sex be a part, a consequence or a expression of the whole relation. You really don't need overrate it. For sure you don't do it, but I think following that path maybe you reach and cross that boundary.
Anyhow, it's nice to see there are girls interested in doing their best to her man ;).
Nice to meet you.
a.