So the girl I am interested in broke up with her boyfriend of a few months. We're both in high school, she's a junior and I am a senior. They had been together since last summer so it lasted nearly 9 months I think. She's pretty depressed right now. I've kept my feelings for her out of respect for her and her relationship. Now I have the chance to do something but I don't want to be too hasty and ask her when she still has feelings for him, or be too late and have some bolder rival ask her out. I don't know how long I should wait or how to tell her when I decide to do it. Help.
Be the shoulder she cries on
Duh?
>>4
No, because the shoulder she cries on becomes the rag she clogs her vagina with, you ugly feminist.
>>5
If he let's himself get manipulated like that, it's his problem. Not all women are blood thirsty succubi waiting to latch onto the first guy they meet. If you seem to keep meeting women like that, you're doing something wrong
>>7
Oh fine
Maintain your distance for a little while to let her get over the break up. Some girls recover quickly others do not. Don't alienate or ignore her, just say 'hi' in the hallways or make small talk about stupid things, like acquaintances. Having someone interested in her that quickly looks a little stalker-ish. Look at her reactions toward you, if she flirts, then she maybe over her old bf, but don't read too much into things. Try not to bring up the break up unless she starts talking about it (I don't know why she'd talk about her personal problems with someone who seems to be a complete stranger, but it does happen) Try and get to know her friends, it's a lot easier for someone closer to the person to know when their ready to move on. If your not that close to her, then get to know her, but not too close or you'll be put into the rebound or friend zone, both of which are hard to get out off.
tl;dr Get to know her first before you try and decide if she's over her ex
>>8
We go to different schools, we mostly talk online and sometimes hang out, not that often though. I haven't shown interest in her. I was talking to her the other day and she seemed really sad so I asked her what had happened and she told me about the break up.
Thanks. I'll follow through with it.
>>9
Keep us updated as things develop. I want to see a 4-ch success story!
>>10
Well there was a 4ch'er proclaiming success in a recent topic, but he seemed a bit disapointed with certain flaws. =/
>>12
Actually, I myself had a 4-ch success story! We're still going strong after nearly a year, too! http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1173252727/
No new developments or anything but I was wondering if I should ask her out or tell her about my feelings first? (Once she is over her ex, that is).
>>14
Wait a little while to see if she likes you too because if you confess, she may decide that you should just stay friends, then you'd be placed into the friend zone. Try not to read too much into little actions though, or you may think she's giving off signs she really isn't
I just read the entire thread, and all I can say is "Awwwww...."
OP here. She seems ok now she was a bit sad over the break up for a few days and she seems fine now. But I looked at her myspace and facebook and she's still listen as 'in a relationship' I know it doesn't mean they got back together, maybe she hasn't changed it or something. But how do I find out that they are not together anymore without bringing it up. Also I am not friends with any of her friends. Halp.
It sounds like he broke up with her and she's still a little hopeful that they might get back together, though I could be wrong. It depends on how many times she's on Facebook or MySpace. My friend's ex still has 'I love insert name of ex-ex-girlfriend here' on it because he's hardly ever on. Still try to cheer her up without being annoying, although she may not look sad, she maybe keeping all those feelings pent up inside. If you were to try it early, she may have thought you were belittling her feelings.
>>18
Thanks. I haven't had the chance to hang out with her as she's been busy with school. I think you are right, maybe she hasn't been online that often. I think I am gonna wait a couple of weeks and then drop some hints.
Today we were chatting online and I asked her "What's up?" and she told me that she was really happy since she got back with her boyfriend.
:\
i'm sorry dude. at least you had the guts to try.
So, since she's back with her bf we don't talk as often but the other day she asked me to go to an amusement park. She still has a boyfriend, reason why I haven't asked her out. I don't know why her boyfriend isn't going or why she invited me. Should I go or tell her I can't? I don't know if she invited me because she wanted to go with me or because I am a last resort of some kind.
OP
>>22
I think you shouldn't go.
First, it will probably be hard for you.
Seconds, she will be disappointed that you can't go. "disappointed" + "you not there" = win.
Thirds... don't be her puppet. If there is the slightest suspicion that she invites you because you're a "last resort of some kind" and she's sure you'll accept... don't do it.
Well anyway. Tell her you can't go (invent a reason - ie you're already going out with friends, or whatever - if it gets evident that you stood home just pretend the whole thing has been cancelled, or I don't know, find something). Don't be harsh, don't be rude, go something like "awww, I'm so sorry, that won't be possible for me... maybe another time, but I hope you'll still have fun!". She mustn't feel that you're evading the thing at all.
Note that this method also gives you a reason to invite her later to said amusement park, so it won't seem awkward if you do; and as you are asking and giving place and time, you are in control. Girls, most of the time, like that.
>>23
I told her I couldn't go and she was kinda disappointed. Though I told her we could go another time. I also asked about her boyfriend, who didn't want to pay to go with her.
OP
Lol, girls just love jerks, don't they :) Nice guys finish last... with majority of girls (not all though). Learn from her boyfriend and you'll see.
Mr. Nice Guy
>>24
Well done!
It may seem a bit... rude, but trust me, it's for the best. Also you learnt an interesting thing: her boyfriend isn't willing to pay to spend some good time with his girlfriend in an amusement park? Oh well. Chances are they won't stay together long if he keeps acting like that, and you "raise the level".
Keep it that way: be detached, don't be a puppy dog, but when you actually do things with her make it grandiose. She must understand that being with you is fun but not granted.
Wait for the next weekend, maybe even the one after, and then tell her that you're free on that day, and if she still wants to [something that she will want to do because you will describe it as really fun, so she will have the whole 'fun' thing activating before she actually does it]. Actually the best thing would probably to ask her like in the end of next week, but not for this weekend but the next. "I'm not free this weekend, but I have nothing planned yet (note the emphasis) for the next, so blablabla". Make sure you make the whole thing sound fun before it even has begun. That way, she'll probably be impatient to go the next week.
Of course this is all theory, there is no 100% formula, but if it works you will surely mark some points here.
>>26 continued
Oh, and I forgot: you're so much better than her ex-boyfriend. You have to know this; that is, you must be convinced of it on the most deep level of your subconsciousness. But not better in the "nice guy" meaning, but in the "possible mating partner".
Oh, and don't talk with her about him. You couldn't care less. Don't talk with her about him; if she abords the subject, show disinterest and change the conversation flow towards something fun (again), and if possible (I really mean IF POSSIBLE, it has to be VERY SUBTLE, like a subliminal message) something fun that happens between you and her. (ie she has to forget her boyfriend while she's with you).
>Also you learnt an interesting thing: her boyfriend isn't willing to pay to spend some good time with his girlfriend in an amusement park
OP didn't mention that he knew the reason the boyfriend couldn't make it. It could be that he had a previous family commitment.
While I agree with what you're saying about not being a lapdog I think you have to be careful in regards to how important her dissapointment is:
>Seconds, she will be disappointed that you can't go. "disappointed" + "you not there" = win
She's going to an amusement park, and I doubt she's going on her own. It's hard to stay disapointed at an amusement park, those places are fun. Hopefully there will be some element of the OP being in the back of her mind, but we don't really know enough about who was going with the girl etc etc
All in all though, good advice - especially about trying to subtly avoid talking about the boyfriend and focusing on having lots of fun together - OP you should definately take that away with you
>>28
I said that because of op's:
>I also asked about her boyfriend, who didn't want to pay to go with her.
I might have misunderstood that one, of course.
And what I meant was that even if she does go without him and without other persons, on the moment she had be disappointed she couldn't come. Of course it's not a major thing, but it still works for his advantage, imo, as long as it doesn't happen too much of course. It's all a question of balance.