Okay, this is OP again :( Newest update is that one day after we said goodbye "forever," he called me up again and said he realized he couldn't be without me, even if it's painful. He said he wants to try to make it work, and I don't have to think about the future, just the trip is enough.

So I don't know.

Those of you who think I'm being dicked around, I know that's what it sounds like! ...At the same time, I still really really want to go though. Am I being stupid?

>>9, you hit on all my fears exactly...I do desperately want this, because it feels like my first real taste of love after all the BS I've been through, just from casual dating RL.

I think he won't come see me because he wants to take care of me and provide for me while I'm there, which is kind of the nature of our relationship...he can't do that if I'm hosting.