uh oh. love (23)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-17 03:48 ID:AJKoGw+K

been seeing this girl. like her. like her alot. perhaps love.
sure, i say 'i love you' but it was because i thought it's what she wanted to hear.
a couple of weeks ago, something just struck while i was with her. i felt like we really connected on one day, and i'm falling for her.
been feeling like this around her since. and i've been in love before, so i know what this shit is. a highway to irrational selfless decisions.

advice to 'snap out of it' or cope? tell me this is the most retarded 'problem' ever? halp.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-17 03:50 ID:AJKoGw+K

i should note, i didn't let those 3 words slip out for about the first 2 months i was dating her. pretty sure she was hinting towards it one day, so i went through with it

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-17 03:59 ID:Heaven

retarded "problem"

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-14 23:26 ID:AJKoGw+K

i called it.
i ended up falling for her. last night she dumped me on her birthday when i drove out to the other side of the city to just see her. a really long and depressing drive home.
i had forgotten it was her birthday, but she said she wasn't mad. also i'd gotten her a good present earlier.
at first she told me her reasons were things like "we're not meant for eachother" and that we don't have alot in common. it just didn't seem right, what she was saying. so i asked if there was anyone else she had been considering.
someone shes liked for a year is moving back to the area, and she wants to persue him. i acted like i wasn't too messed up over this in front of her, but i'm pretty down about it. she was such a cool girlfriend too. video games, likes non-shitty anime and manga, likes art, good music, and the sex was good.
so i know i sounded like a dickhole in that first post, but this is what happens. love=heartbreak and bawwwww.
this is a vent post. maybe best to ignore it and continue with your day.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-14 23:32 ID:3A+uM2S7

hey, at least you went out with her for a time. some people (like me) have never even gone out with anyone yet

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-14 23:44 ID:AJKoGw+K

a couple of my friends have been telling me that same thing. i kind of wish i had stayed single. i havn't been able to eat anything since she told me. it feels really fucking lonely. worse than i did girlfriendless previously. and i don't have many friends, or any other girls im interested in. i work too much to meet other girls.
i sent her the obligatory 'friends with benefits' offer, but it sounded alot more desperate than intended and i never heared back. she said she wants to stay friends and hang out, but i think i may have just lost an awesome friend with this.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-14 23:49 ID:AJKoGw+K

also from start to finish i cannot recall a single arguement while we were dating. drama-free significant others are next to impossible to come by.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 01:59 ID:XcWXSUNM

>>7
I don't know for "drama", but argument-free relationship almost never last long.

Arguments are an important part of relationship communication. Skip that part, and you start holding grudges.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 06:49 ID:Heaven

>>8 old wives tale to make people with imperfect relationships feel superior to people with better ones.

It is possible to disagree without argument.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 13:55 ID:Heaven

>>9
Hey, I never said "violent argument with plates flying everywhere".

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 21:06 ID:8b0MJC4o

OP here on a different computer.
i havn't been able to eat since she told me a couple of days ago. both food and porn make me feel really sick.
she texted me last night asking for my AIM, so maybe she feels like talking about some things - or at least is serious about wanting to keep me as a friend (either i'd feel great about at this point).
i still don't know how i'm going to handle seeing her with another guy. i almost think it might be in my best interest to just avoid her until i feel 'right' again. she still doesn't know i'm taking this badly.
far as the fighting thing, i've never had anything i've disagreed on enough to argue. i don't know if she ever held things back.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-15 21:40 ID:Heaven

>>11
If you have the courage to, tell her exactly how you are feeling. She'll help you keep your distances, and it most probably will help you recovering faster.

But that requires you to be really ready to cut off communications for a while.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-16 00:33 ID:Heaven

>>10 neither did I.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-16 20:02 ID:AJKoGw+K

i think i'm doing a little better today. early this morning i ate some cherries. bought something small for my dinner at work, for later.
i think if i see her online tonight, i'm gonna just tell her some things that've been bugging me. how bad i feel for forgetting her birthday. how bad i feel for drinking around her, when i could tell she didn't like my drunken company. that i shouldn't have told her i loved her before i actually did (though i fell for her just weeks later). and i wish i'd gotten to spend more time out of the week with her. thats all i can think of right now. these things are just gonna keep bugging me until i actually say it to her. think this might be a bad idea?

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-16 22:47 ID:Heaven

>>14
At the point you're at, I'm not sure what is a good or a bad idea. Your call on that one.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-16 23:16 ID:AJKoGw+K

i ended up doing it(typing out almost exactly what was above). she said she was gonna call me later. she already called but i had my ringer off, so i left her a message to call again - oops.
i hope she didn't take this as i'm blaming myself for the breakup, rather than just a sencere apology for things i really feel bad about doing.
anyways, now that those things are off my chest, i really do feel ALOT better and less depressed over this, and think i can handle 'just being friends' if thats the way it's gotta be.
still don't know what she wants to say to me when she calls though.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-17 00:00 ID:AJKoGw+K

she ended up taking it kinda of as me blaming myself for things, i think. not sure though.
seems everythings somewhat cool with us though, and she wants to hang out sometime. both of us are busy for a couple of weeks tho :|
success..of a sort. still miss her :/

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-18 21:21 ID:AJKoGw+K

we're talking like normal now online. still not eating well.
if any females are reading, what do you think is going through her mind? she dumped me, but how is this affecting her? after 5 months and sharing a bed many times, how do you think shes feeling over this?

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-20 21:47 ID:47a1d/CW

well i guess i know how she feels now. talking on aim she told me the guy shes interested in is moving in with her. an invitation which was never even hinted at for me.
so she must have offered her room to him weeks ago. surely he wouldn't move here without a certain place to stay.
i feel betrayed. and this is /JUST/ as i was starting to feel alright again. i was even considering going bowling with her and other people tonight.
i lost my breath as soon as she said shes helping someone move in, so i bluntly asked and she said confirmed it was the guy she wants instead of me. i couldn't stand to look at the chat window. i signed off and texted her that i actually havn't been doing well, and that i really need some time before i can be friends again, and that i wasn't ready to hear that bombshell. told her i'd talk to her when i was ready, and apologized for bringing in drama. i spared her the details about how i havn't been eating.
she left me a message saying i could call if i want.
i don't know what i want from this anymore. i don't know if i'm more upset that i officially have no chance of getting back with her, or that she arranged to live with another man while we were still seeing eachother.
i don't even know if i want to be friends now. i'm a bit disguisted, but i still really love her.
i havn't felt this bad in a very long time.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-20 22:18 ID:Heaven

Man, I feel for you. Not really the same circumstances but I bet I kinda feel the same. Clench your fists and hold on. It's all I can say to you...

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 05:55 ID:Rl2NdsQx

six ----- ----- all in a row

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 17:39 ID:47a1d/CW

>>20
thanks. having the support of my very few IRL friends, and people who took the time to read my problem and sympathize helps a little

some more has happened. i cried, first of all. which i have some shame of, being 21. then today i got online and she asked if i was there. i ended up unloading everything demanding the facts, telling her how fucked up what she did is, and even told her about my (not) eating.
turns out she and the guy had decided to me together for about a month, but she didn't break up with me because the decision that he would be moving here wasn't final. so i got lead on for some reason.
she'd told me near the beginning that her last boyfriend had left her for someone else. so i never would have thought she'd do this to me. i thought she was just a better person than that all this time.
i don't know if unloading all of that was the right thing to do. especially the eating thing.
she apologized, but i don't feel like i can just accept it like that. she must have known leading me on like this, and making plans with someone while she was with me was wrong.
are all women just lying sneaks without exception?

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 06:57 ID:az1NJLyP

> i sent her the obligatory 'friends with benefits' offer

How is that obligatory? What the fuck? "I know you just broke up with me, but we can still have sex if you want." Do people actually do that?? Is that actually customary??
Not meaning to make you feel worse OP..

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