I met a girl one day. It was my best friend's 18th birthday party, and I was invited to come. I didn't really know anyone at this party, but they were kind and end-result, I enjoyed the party.
But I met a girl.
She is also the best friend of my best friend. It was the first time we've actually been introduced. I noticed her throughout the entire night. She was always keeping to herself. Always sitting by herself, and didn't seem to care about approaching anyone.
I honestly don't know why I was drawn to her, but her demeanor was... intense in the most subtle way.
We didn't talk much that night, but she did seem comfortable around me. She gave me a good-bye-hug when she had to go.
I didn't see her again until a full year later.
Same party, same girl. This time, however, we got close; we talked for hours without acknowledging anyone else. She was the last one to leave the party--in my heart at least.
She implied that she didn't want to exchange contact information this time, because she wanted to test out "destiny". I was already missing her.
A few weeks later, my best friend randomly gives me her screen name, and I hesitate before I finally instant-message her. We talk, and talk, and talk, until I realize where I wanted to be in life.
To this day, I've only seen her three times in person, over the course of two years and four months. The third time was for 30 minutes at the mall, where I deliberately ran into her after impulsively deciding to drive an hour to catch her.
She's incredibly hard to get a hold of, keep in touch with, and hear from. She doesn't respond to phone calls, replies to text messages, or letters, (digital or physical). Yet, she supposedly does this with all her friends, close or not. Our best friend complains about her every once in a while for not actively being "around".
I need help. I don't care about getting any closer with her or anything. I just want to see, or hear more from her. I want to assure myself that she will always be safe, happy, and always feel loved. I can't just think about her anymore. I need to do something. I want to actively love her.
...But she comes and goes in my life, like the wind.
Damn. Good luck with that.
Looks like you fell for a shy girl.
Just continue to do what you do: force destiny.
Since she's a shut in, you'll have to do all the opening work. Good luck and enjoy it!
If my reckoning is right, she isn't actually shy, well maybe, but more importantly she has a really loose attachment style, and has less need for social contact than those around her. I'm like this and really, its not that I don't like spending time with people, I really do, but sometimes I need solitude and my interest with people comes and goes. I know that I'm not a good friend at times, and I know that this aspect of my personality sucks but I can't force myself to do something like socialize when I'm not interested in it, since it would be dishonest and isn't genuine. On the other hand I can be really interested in certain people and I'm really driven to get to know and spend time with them, but this is quite rare.
Well, I'm just offering a potential alternate viewpoint for this, whether its accurate or not is impossible to know really. Perhaps she just has her reasons for how she is, and it might not be something that will change. Just keep contacting her every now and then and see what happens. Maybe even ask her why she's like this, ask her how you should be a friend to her, see if you can come to understand her more. I really wonder if anyone has bothered to ask :/
>>4 whatever the reasons, it boils down to the samething. You must engage her, and really get to establish a communication channel with her. Considering what you said so far, I think there's reason for guarded optimism, as long as you keep going for it, and not waiting "destiny". It's your job to be destiny, in this case.
Big update: She contacted me late Sunday, (after a hiatus of 1 1/2 months), and immediately apologized for reasons "I probably already know". And the good news is, I feel she is really trying.
I think you're fully right about her personality; she's not shy, but rather socially unattached. But you know what? I think I can accept that.
I think she epitomizes my ideal form of love, because she keeps me hungry. So I'll do my best to "be destiny" without forcing her to change.
Thank you for your support, everyone. :] I shall update you all on my progress.
Ah that's good. Well if it means anything, I think her contacting you of her own volition is a really good sign. Just to add, you sound like a good person, I'm sure whoever this girl is would be really lucky to have someone even half as patient and tolerant as you seem to be. I'm sure it will work out for you both. Eventually heh.
>I shall update you all on my progress.
Do that, so we can keep cheering or supporting you ^_^
I really want to see that girl break out of her shell
Her birthday is coming up. I've called her once, and left her a voice message. I asked if she would be free from now up until her birthday, and to let me know so I could do something nice for her. Unfortunately, it's already been two weeks, and she hasn't contacted me back.
I'm anxious, and I don't know what to do. Her birthday is on the 11th of this month, but I'm certain she has something planned at least for the weekend before it. Since she's a very family-oriented person, she'll most likely spend time with her two sisters.
But I want to do something with her separately... How do I get something going? If I can't even see her, what's my next best course of action? =/
You could possibly try the flower technique and drop a few off at her house with a note inside.
so how the fuck did she get to live up in the sky?? or was it figuratively, like smoking some pot? boy you got one pretty banged up babe there.
Just send her a nice card, don't say anything sappy or over the top just "best wishes" or something similar. If you want get a gift voucher for something she likes and slip it inside. This is not too big so it won't come off as creepy and doesn't seem unthoughtful either.
maybe you can find her cellphone and text her
What I've read so far, you seem to be a nice person. I envy what you are doing as I can't do that kind of thing for myself. If you like to pursue this girl, then go for it. Like I said, don't expect anything in love.
Good luck, OP. Never give up.
That's a rather beautiful wish of yours, OP.
However, what was the nature of your long conversations? You need to be realistic and ask yourself whether or not she really has an interest with you, and if you're not just using her aloofness to overjustify the situation.
If the answer is yes - or even if the answer is no - then "destiny" is too slippery of a thing to hang your heart on. What do you know about her, her likes and dislikes? Is there a reason she is so disinclined to communication?
Also, how many times have you tried to get in touch? Too few, and you may be jumping to conclusions. Too many, and you may be sending out the wrong vibes.
If you haven't asked your common friend what she thinks of you, or to relay a message for you, do that. Or, you could send her something novel, like a collage or a postcard.
^ lol, late post is late. I typed this up a long time ago and forgot to hit send until just now. Apologies, OP.
Congrats, OP!
I appreciate everything said, and the support you guys have has helped a lot... However, I also can't sugarcoat anything; this girl has not said a word to me ever since.
Before her birthday approached, I decided I would find the time to take her to the zoo. Going to the zoo is an inside "novelty" we have between each other, but we never got around to go.
She never responded to my request to go.
I thought of other things I could do, and all I did was mail her one of the zoo tickets, with a green (her favorite color), origami giraffe, (her favorite animal). She never responded to that either.
It was made clear at one point in time (through video-chatting), that we care for each other more than the average friend cares for another. She has also expressed that she felt close to me, in a way she didn't initially expect. The fact that she also opened up to me about "having a small crush" on me the first time we met, (the 18th birthday party), has lead me to believe that I had good prospects.
Then again, she hasn't responded at any of my actions... In the end, I've decided to let it go, and leave the ball in her court. I expressed through a text message that, "I would not bother her," after the 11th, her birthday. I greeted her with one final "happy birthday" text at 11:59PM, and as expected, she did not respond.
As it stands now, I'm completely ok with my decision. I don't want to be pulled down into false hope, so I've concluded that I will still care for her in my thoughts. She is a person I will still love, if not actively, and even if my romantic attractions for her fade away. Whatever happens now will happen as it will.
If by chance, someday, sometime soon, she picks up the ball, and hits it back, I will surely let you all know. Thank you all so much, again. I really hope none of you have such dilemmas, or any relationship problems. Cherish the ones you love, and have more patience than this one.
I think she maybe avoiding you but if that's the reason, I do not know THE reason why. I think you should visit her or call her to have a chat to see what's up.
Sound like its time for some covert ops.
sounds like the rapeman needs to teach her a lesson.
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< #｀∀´>/ ＜ op your life is now over
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