Okay, normally, a person's development happens at a gradual pace. You don't just go from having your mother or father hold your hand while you cross the street to suddenly being a full-blown adult, it happens gradually. But for myself atleast, this development was halted, and I haven't been able to make the transition into adulthood.
I've been a shut-in since I was 14, and this has a lot to do with why I haven't been able to make that transition. Had all this happened later, the transition would be a lot smoother.
Anyway, I was wondering if anyone here is in a similar situation? I know a lot of people here are Hikikomori/Shut-ins, so I'd imagine there are fairly odds.
Has there been any sort of trauma in your past that would lead you to being avoidant? Severe bullying at school, sudden loss of a loved one, etc.? I understand that the majority of hikikomori have had some sort of traumatic experience; Shutting themselves away from the world is simply a rather destructive way of hiding the trauma.
How old are you now?
Are you saying that your parents still hold your hand while crossing the street?
Like >>2 asked, how old are you? Have you ever had a job? Do you go to school?
I'm 21, and I would definitely consider myself a kiddult with hikikomori tendencies.
I still live with my parents, haven't had a job since high school, and only go out for my college class... some of which I take online.
My summers and winters are spent staying on the computer all day and sleeping... which is also how my weekends and free time is spent.
Join the Army. They will cure you and make you a killing machine.
Giggles. At least I'm not THAT messed up.
>>5
POINT SEVEN SIX TWO MILLIMETER.
FULL.. METAL.. JACKET..
>>6
That movie ruined the military for a lot of genuinely crazy people who are otherwise nice guys
>>2
Well, I was teased in school, physically assaulted, followed home, etc. But there wasn't one big incident that I'd single out.
And I'm 19, by the way.
>>Are you saying that your parents still hold your hand while crossing the street?
No, that was just an analogy, although I definitely do rely on my parents for more than the majority of people my age would, a lot more!
>>I still live with my parents, haven't had a job since high school, and only go out for my college class... some of which I take online.
I don't mean to diminish your problems or anything (I'm sure things are rough for you), but I'm a little envious. I've never had a job, and it's certainly too late for college, so I doubt there's any hope for me ever landing a half-way decent job, or a job, period.
Oh, and by the way, sorry to respond so late.
>I don't mean to diminish your problems or anything (I'm sure things are rough for you), but I'm a little envious. I've never had a job, and it's certainly too late for college, so I doubt there's any hope for me ever landing a half-way decent job, or a job, period.
Haha, it's okay. I really don't consider them problems.
Are you in Americam? (Or rather, the USA?)
If so, there are job training programs that will place you in a job. They're usually up to the age of 21, for the youth programs (the better ones IMO). If you start off with that you'll have references and experience, so it'll be easier to find a another job afterwards. One of the jobs I had during high school was through them.
As for college, it's never too late. And you're only 19! you're not 51 or something. Hell, I'm 21 and I'm only finally about to transfer to a 4-year (as a third year student) next fall... and most of the college people I know are around my age and at the same level.
>>9's totally right. 19 isn't too late for college. 19 isn't too late for anything! Believe me, there are a lot of non-traditional students at universities these days much older than 19.
So, definitely don't give up. Take it one step at a time, but 19 is way too young to give up. I'm much older than you. I just went back to school. It's been a struggle. Not sure whether this will work out in the end. But I'm not dead yet, so I might as well make a go of it.
I don't know what your living situation is like. If it's possible, start small. Rather than comparing where you are with where you feel you "should" be, just think about what the next step is. How can you make a little progress in some part of your life? You can build on little successes.
You could try to get a job. Any old job. I was unemployed for a long time. I remember feeling like I really didn't belong in society. I didn't have a place. The term NEET sort of emphasizes that - I didn't have much of an identity. People I met asked me what I did, and I didn't have an answer. Just getting a job - not a particularly great one - gave me a lot more confidence and sense of belonging.
You're 19; being relatively inexperienced is expected. People won't look down on you for not having work history. I know how hard this stuff is, but you can get through it.
Employment is just one possible next step. If you need a GED (I don't know your educational background), that could be something to work on. It's just important to do something. Break the pattern and all that.
Are you getting any professional help? It can be useful for some people.
Most of all, don't give up. Especially not so young. You have so much time to turn things around.
How bout 20 years old? I don't know how i started to become like this.. If I remember correctly it was on my first year o college. After that I never was able to stay in a school for more than 4 months.. I have changed school 3 times now and right now I'm not going into any. I just watch anime and surf the net now..
well only and the best u can do is dont be afraid and just go out n do something. sitting everytime in front of ur PC isnt a good solution of ur problem. u dont hurry urself, u r only 19 and dont have to get a job straight away, so just go out and do something(watch films, drop in at icecream parlor or whatever) just start with this.
>>1
yes, my dick is just as the same situation as u r in. one day it looks just like a baby weenie, but often it suddenly grows up like a giant sausage.
>>1
yes my ass is just the same situation as u r in. it suddenly gets wide everytime i fart
I am 19,I've never had a job, haven't gone to college, and still live with my parents...The only problem is that I enjoy this boring existence to a point. There are things that I do want to do it is just that I can never bring myself to do it. All I do is go online, watch TV, and play video games I don't love doing that everyday but it doesn't bother me so much that I am willing to change. I was the subject of bullying during school so that might have effected me but that can't explain why I am so damn lazy. I am not really a hikky I do go outside when I need to run errands and stuff like that. I don't like being a NEET but I just don't know what to do to wake up and get on with my life.
>There are things that I do want to do it is just that I can never bring myself to do it.
Like what?
>>3, here. There was a time when I said the same thing. However, I then noticed that I was just wasting my life, and that even if I was going to be lazy/a social outcast, I could at least spend my time doing what I wanted to do, as to give myself a little more character.
I said "to hell with it," bleached and dyed my hair, taught myself the guitar (which I wanted to do for years), wasted $3000 on music equipment, took a trip to another country I've always wanted to visit, started buying and reading books I've always wanted to read, CDs I wanted to hear, Movies I wanted to see. I spent about $200 at my nearby movie festival this year, seeing about 3 movies a day. That's probably something I would have never done before.
I guess the main reason for the change was that I finally realized that I was an adult... and that I haven't done any of the things that I told myself I would when I "grew up."
Because of this, I'm a much less one-dimensional character. And it's given me more of a chance to meet and try to converse with people, though I still have a lot of work to do on that.
That's good to hear you did something most of us fear to do. If you are under the age of 25, then you don't have to worry about how much you spend. Unless you rich, you may have to worry about your savings in the future. Not everyone has the financial backings to do what they want to do otherwise I wouldn't have to work a job I don't want to do and then I would travel other countries to learn their arts.
>>19
hehe, actually I'm now broke. I am the type of guy to worry about my savings. I don't own one credit card, and I hate owing people money. Heck, I haven't asked my father for money since I was 17, since I think he's already doing more than enough, with providing some place I can live and food.
However, since I didn't really do anything, I figured that going ahead with that was more important than saving money for the time being.
In the last two months, I borrowed about $250 from a sibling, and $250 from my father, the first time I ever had to.
I know that I'll be able to pay them back in about a month, though. With either school funds, or income I'm getting from an website.
In fact in a month, my account should be positive. And since I own and have done most of what I want, I can now properly save.
>>18
Doesn't sound like you're an adult to me, your trips and expensive escapades are really kindof childish. If you were somehow surviving on your own and accomplishing something of even small worth to society then it might indicate maturity but going around and dropping money on expensive toys and going on trips isn't really hard to do, nor is it improving you all that much as a person.
>Doesn't sound like you're an adult to me, your trips and expensive escapades are really kindof childish
That's "trip." I only took one. Also, "expensive escapades" ? You have to realize that other than those things I named, I don't really do anything. At all. All of this was from money I saved up. And it wasn't all of the money I saved up either, the rest ended up going towards school.
If you consider how much adults (people my age and older) waste on things like beer, drugs, gambling, movies, and other forms of entertainment, what I spent on all of that total is actually quite insignificant.
Anyway, adults are the only ones who can do "childish" things. :p
>accomplishing something of even small worth to society
Like what?
>but going around and dropping money on expensive toys and going on trips isn't really hard to do
It was for me. But the point isn't that it was expensive... but rather that I will use it to try and accomplish something. Something that I always wanted to try and accomplish, but never did act on.
>nor is it improving you all that much as a person.
That depends on how you want to improve. If a guy was too conservative, making him more liberal would be an improvement. If a guy was too liberal, making him more conservative is how he would be improved.
I'm not much of a social person. I don't do most of what I want to do. An improvement is to do more of what I want to do, and become more of a social person doing so.