This is a story of the events that have led to My present state of existence. I am 26, born near New York city on Long Island and My parents moved way upstate(near the Canadian border) when I was months old.
So I attend school until I reach the age of 13 then it starts to go south, meaning bigtime mental and physical abuse. So Winter break comes and I leave school, never to return. The first critical juncture of life forks for me here as from this point forward I homeschool myself without outside contact from anyone my age living normal lives.
So I spend the time studying eastern philosophy, ancient Chinese History and cultivating my own bleakly nihilistic worldview. The only people I have contact with are my parents throughout this time. I must rely only on my own thoughts with no one understanding me but my Mom, a person with a really poetic soul, to keep me company.
Flash forward 5 years to 1998... After my mother calls them the school agrees to let me take the reagents tests so I can get my high school diploma. The guidance counseler scoffs at my ability to pass the tests, So I show up - take all the tests and pass them scoring over the ninetieth percentile. The principal asks if I would like to attend the graduation ceremonies,I say no in reply ,for me it would nothing but bad memories. I receive My diploma.
Next i take the SAT , apply and am approved for EOP plus the usual grants for college. I miss the deadline to apply to my local university, Plattsburg State. So I checkout the local community college, but since i have never driven a car and have no transportation it goes nowhere. This is the second juncture on the way to .... What?. Years pass....
2001 and the death of my mother from cancer destroys me. Here begins the present phase of existence which is as follows. Living at home in my room, Reading philosophy such as Nietzsche, etc. Dowloading music, anime,with hours in front of a glowing crt display. One day blending into another. Leaving now and then for provisions with My father. Playing my guitar. Years start to blend.
2006 and no end in sight, so i tread onward. I have literally almost never spoken to a girl, The youth which others experience was nonexistent for me, I have Dsl, books to read and live in the realm of thought with a minimal physical aspect to my life. No income, everything provided by my father, This can go on how long? Literally living in the woods 20 miles from civilization.
I just love how there are people going all emo and suicidal over girls and other such. Me ...Girlfriend what the fuck is that? I have no points of reference with the outside world, Many would have opted out of life by now in my place, But for me suicide is still not an option.
My father is 62, If anything happens to him i have a house but almost no income for taxes etc. Perhaps freak out and get $600 a month SSI?.. I enjoy learning ,university might have been fun, but now years have slid by... No Future,Only the present.
Almost no one to speak to. No way out.
Welcome to My life .
You like like me in five years, if I somehow fail now.
Though, I am attending my local community college and getting there via public transportation + rides from my father.
Hoping to transfer to a university soon.
Umm, but anyway. You should try to find or invent some kind of job that you can do from home, so that you'll have income just in case anything happens.
There are many jobs out there like that, such as website content creation or dictation services, but you'll have to look hard to find good ones.
take up philosphy, it'll take some time to get used to other people's presence but if you won't try, no one will
>>15
Not just the army.
If he's smart and wants to have a well-paying job, ROTC is definitely the way to go. Then you get to COMMAND the disposable cannon fodder.
First off, you are a brilliant man. However, you do realize you are lacking something... and that obvious something is human interaction. What joys do you have now? They're nothing compared to the joy of being with people.
You have a very interesting perspective on the world at large. Some might think your perspective is enclosed by the walls of your house. However, as an "outsider" you are less prone to going "emo" i.e. falling into the bottomless pits of consumer culture.
I assume you have tackled the question of god. If you are all about thinking, then why not put yourself in a place conducive to thinking? A place where others thoughts will inspire, perhaps make you think twice about certain held conceptions?
You are right to reject society. But you are wrong to let society reject you.
P.S. I was searching for some magical cure-all for my brother. I was just following links about the Hikikimori phenomena.
>>25
Thanks for the kind compliments and i will address some of your questions. First I realise the importance of human contact now with the greatest urgency, More than half of my life has been in isolation and this cycle had to be broken before time runs out.
In regards to the question of God, while i am not into organized religion I belive that there had to be a creative force perhaps even antecedent to nonexistence which initiated the universe.
I met with a person from admissions at a local university and discussed my situation. She said that i could apply online which i did and get the hs to send my records.
So I call the high school, they say they'll send whatever records are on hand. Some time passes I call the college to check if they need any supplemental info. and they say no records have been received yet from the hs.
Great, so I call back the hs and find out the only record they have of me is a photocopy of my diploma. They lost the results of my regents exams. The exams which after being home schooled I took in 1998 and scored ninety-something percent on.
The guy from the hs was at a loss and said he would contact the college with what they had. Due to gross negligence there was no oversight of my progress by the high school, thus no transcripts of any kind.
Things are against me at every turn. I feel totally shut out of society through no fault of my own. My life has been so surreal its unbelivable. Now I'll just have to see how things pan out.
This is why I don't want to read philosophy
tl;dr
>>27
Yeah that name really is over the top, thats the last time I post under it since the ID code is sufficient to identify myself.
i make videos to tell people that i'm still alive. so, let me tell you that I'm still alive here in the middle of whowhere...
www.youtube.com/jdrw5
it helps. it does something. video seems to "connect" me better than text communication does. You should give it a try. Youtube needs more clever videomakers.
I can identify with your story quite a bit. My story begins with having a nervous breakdown and becoming a hiki. For a long time I couldn't get myself to leave the house. I went through many phases of depression and got put on all kinds of drugs. I had absolutely nothing to live for and contemplated suicide. Eventually, I began to change though. I believe it was partly because of the drugs I was taking but also I felt as if I had been reborn. I began reading nonstop, trying to find answers to the meaning of life.
Fast forward to today, I am much more stable, I have decided to take things as they come. Before I used to worry and was very anxious and I learned to cope with this by just going with whatever happens. It is my believe that we must create meaning in our own lives and that there is no fate or destiny. I guess you could label me as an existentialist. Whatever I am, I am glad to be alive, and this may sound cliche but do not be so quick to end you life because things do get better.
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>>37
uncreative spam by juvenile American who is a likely a frequenter of hackneyed website fark
Are these the people i heard about? People wanking to posts that include sadness? never knew such creatures they existed...
ah well, thats life for you
>>42
But you are uncreative, juvenile, and a frequenter of hackneyed website fark. This is the truth.
>>41
His parents never loved him, so he seeks any kind of attention he can get by spending all day trolling. Sadly, he is so bad at it he doesn't even get a rise out of the most vitriolic reactionaries.
"hackneyed website fark"
I dont know what that is so you are again wrong!
Refer to my post #25 above.
The fact that they lost all your records means very little. As long as you have the diploma you're fine. Worst thing is you will have to go to a community college for a semester or two before transferring to some better place.
What matters most is what you want to do, what makes you happy. I strongly believe that happiness should come first from self-satisfaction, and then from the company of others. We are human, after all; we are not just intelligent beings, we are sensitive beings. A lack of human contact can have drastic consequences.
In Russia we say, "If you do not push the door the door will push you." You will come across unbelievable idiots. I still cannot grasp the reality of it. But with your intelligence you should have no trouble. Intelligence is your greatest powers.
A little bit about me, just in case anyone was wondering:
I was raised in a cult (religion) from day 1. I do not believe in god, which makes me an atheist. I do believe, in the most loose sense of the word, that in order to understand our place in the universe, we must first understand what the universe is, what we are, where we fit in. The obvious place to look is science. Science reveals the best picture of the universe, TO DATE. From that knowledge, one can conclude all sorts of philosophical things according to one's tastes.
I am enjoying a free ride to one of the top engineering schools in the country. I don't like it here. I don't like most people. Not that I don't give them a chance, but because they don't think. And when I make them think by talking to them, they ignore. They will all end up as tools for the American Empire.
Farewell. If you have any questions, please email me directly. Don't be shy!