For four or five years I was hikikomori.
I would spend my days sitting around, spending the entire day on the Internet, or playing games.
For years I would stay inside my apartments, never working out or going outside.
Those years I was miserable, I would go months under depression.
I thought about killing myself tons of times.
Those years I always hated people, the world, myself.
This week however, my life has changed!
I got a bike from my grandparents' garage and rode it home.
The past week I get up at 4am (I used to go to bed at 7am and wake up at 6 or 8pm or something like that) and I ride my bike around the city, fresh air, things getting done, and I don't actually hate people, there are lots of nice people out there.
It's so weird, I see people outside enjoying life, and I'm getting a little taste of that, I want that, I don't want to spend my days depressed and posting on 4-ch and /v/.
Eh, I'm still NEET and a virgin though ;_;
Congratulations!
My only advice is: don't stop doing that if something bad happens. That's only the top of the iceberg! There are road bike tours, why don't you try that? You can meet people, know new places... a lot of thing!
There's hikky fortune in the air or what?
I too was a hikky (sorry I'm not Japanese but not English either and I don't know the right word) for 5 years.
First I was mad, literally I could not use reason, then I got well, but had no willpower to fix my life. But a few months ago I even acquiried this needed will.
However it's not that easy for me as for you. It will still take months until I can function normally outside. The first time I went out, it's nice spring time (south hemisphere), the breeze gently blowing, and I stood there for hours fascinated by the complex movement of the leaves in the wind.
And when I talk to people they ask me who I am what I do etc, I can't say sorry I do nothing and achieved nothing so far in life, so there is awkward silence. (HELP?)
Well at least I'm not a virgin, I partly became a hikky because I got with a young girl, then talked her into aborting our baby.....
>>5
Thanks for saving the thread after my horrible contribution.
I kept to myself in a filthy little room from the age of 14 to the age of 19, when I was forced out and had to make my own way.
I had a lot of trouble coping with people in the outside world, and eventually wound up homeless. This actually flipped my introvert switch and I wound up becoming quite gregarious, and soon I had my own apartment, a great job, and became quite popular.
The depression that hit every time I lost a job or had trouble with money always pushes me towards trying to find a safe place to live and do nothing, but I've got it pretty much beat now, I do the dishes, take trash out, clean the house, all without being asked. I share household responsibilities with my girlfriend, travel on public transit without any fear, and can do just about anything I want.
I just got a job after 4 months of looking for one; it was the longest I've ever gone without work while actually trying to get a job. I felt the pull of depression, hopelessness, and despair as strongly as ever, but I still managed to put on the happy professional face at the interview and got the job.
I think that once you know what a failure you are, there's nowhere to go but up. Fear of failure is a powerful thing, but knowing failure so intimately, it doesn't scare me anymore; it's just a pivot to turn on and launch yourself upward again.
I don't even bother with the internet all that much anymore, I have too many other things I can do to while away the time. Parties, work, having friends over, and spending time with my girl are far more attractive than looking for other lonely people to talk to.
Anyone who's scared or tired of life should just keep trying. Everything we do is awkward at first, but don't let the fact that you've been burned a lot keep you from mastering fire. Life can be wonderful if you don't let it scare you into living in a closet away from all the other people.
Here's a trick I learned to deal with any anxiety or depression. All I do is not worry about it. I just imagine that it's in another dimension or something and it cannot communicate to me. And then I don't fuss over it, and I focus on what makes my life happy instead. Don't know if it helps you.
I've come to hate these success stories of people being able to go out and get back into the world (or at least make an serious, optimistic effort).
I'm probably actually jealous and hate them for it, but I could never see myself going out into the world and get into a "socially positive" routine; doing such greatly frightens me (I did try going out and going to school, but I just couldn't take it and was frighted and hated everything around me.)
Also, good for you all who got out.
i also was hiki. then i found my girlfriend and everything was like i never was hiki. then about a month ago she broke up for some reason(to long to describe, actually nothing special because of me), now i think i'm turning back to hiki.. maybe even worser than before... orz
>>12
No, maybe look for a more beautiful/intelligent/young ;) gf now to piss her off!
I have learnt that love means nothing, all you have is the happy moments you spend together, expecting it to last forever is just fooling yourself.
>>9
Not OP, but this seems like a good idea. I think I'll give it a try. Thanks.
I'm the same way, OP. I'm trying to get into a better shape and bring my life back around.
Having recently graduated, I have to admit I'm scared and excited by the possibilities laid out before me. I used to hate everyone, but I've gotten over that thanks to some very special people.
I think I'll go look for a bike.
"Bike man",
by the producers of "Train Man".
Will Smith "Bike Man"
Scarlet Johannson "Girlfriend"
...
>>13 Nothing means anything, but you can certainly enjoy it while it lasts. A friend of mine once said that love is a promise made already broken.
If you study history you'll find that the entire concept of romantic love is less than 1000 years old; seems troubadors made it up in order to get into girls' chastity belts. But like anything else in this fictional reality that we call society, the game of love can be fun.
Just remember you don't have to play it if you don't want to, and not playing it doesn't mean you're less of a person, and you'll find it easier to play.
I don't believe the Trubaedures invented romantic love, rather we are all born with the fate of experiencing this intrinsic emotion, whether we ever hear anything about history or not, and regardless of societal environment.
I don't know but possibly it's not even unique to humans and other primates or other social animals exhibit it too.