I feel for you. Don't suicide, and just live until you've found a reason to live. Don't let your shitty past destroy your future.
But why are you so negative to those who actually like you?
You sound like an ignorasmus who never had to face any kind of those hardships in his life, to be honest. Of course we decide what we do with our lifes, but denying that the outside world has a lot of control over us is naive and ignorant.