So I'm in highschool, and whenever I come home to my family, I can't be happy at all. We've never had a great relationship, but now I'm finding it meaningless to even talk loud enough to hear. Whenever my Mom talks to me, she talks as if I'm in grade school, in the simplest terms. It seems hopeless, as whatever I say doesn't matter, even though both of my sisters are always cared about.
I can't help feeling like I'm the odd one out. (I'm adopted already, so there's another card to that pile) and whenever company visits, I usually hide in my room or don't talk at all.
I can't talk to them about it, certainly because there are some things that I'd never want to tell them, and I've always envied people that can talk to their parents about normal things. I don't agree with my parents opinion of a lot of things, and they seem to mock a lot of things that I feel strongly about.
Is this relationship really worth it? I can't help but think about the future when I'm visiting for Christmas, and I'm horrified that I'll feel like this.
Cheer up emo kid.
If you want to have good communication with them then make it happen.
Are you the oldest of your siblings?
OP here.
And thanks 43, my sisters commented that I looked miserable when I was eating dinner, and then got frustrated when I said sorry. ><
No, I'm the youngest.
> Whenever my Mom talks to me, she talks as if I'm in grade school, in the simplest terms.
Mothers tend to do that for some reason.
> I don't agree with my parents opinion of a lot of things, and they seem to mock a lot of things that I feel strongly about.
Don't discuss those things.
> I can't help but think about the future when I'm visiting for Christmas, and I'm horrified that I'll feel like this.
It will be like that if you don't remain open to them now. And it will get much harder to change later on in life.
>Don't discuss those things.
I don't think that's a good solution, you just expect someone to shut up about things that are important to them? I don't think that you can consider that a good familial relationship if you have to censor yourself about the things you feel strongly about. You should be able to discuss these things with mutual respect even if you don't agree with the other person's opinion.
Rather than dealing with the problem directly your solution is to ignore the issue completely.
It really depends on what these 'things' are... I think we all withhold certain information about our personal life or deeply held beliefs from our family. It's just not worth souring this relationship with a political or religious debate, for instance.
I've made the assumption here that these things he feels strongly about are unrelated to the core issue, and this is where I'm coming from. I may be wrong. Ignoring a problem is never something I'd advocate.
> You should be able to discuss these things with mutual respect even if you don't agree with the other person's opinion.
That's a nice thought. But reality falls short of these ideals.
>That's a nice thought. But reality falls short of these ideals.
You don't live in a very nice place do you?
I can understand that when referring to friends, co-workers and random strangers etc but family is family, if there is no respect there is no love.
No. I live in an awful, ugly place. As a matter of fact, it's a similar same place as >>1, ten years later.
I really would like it if everyone's family would strive for this ideal. I would love nothing more. But unfortunately we have no control over anyone outside ourselves.
It's unfortunate that some parents would disown their children for having the 'wrong' political or religious views, or being of the wrong temperament or sexual orientation.
OP here again, thanks for all the responses, people.
Yes, the sensitive ideal mainly revolves around that fact that I don't believe in Christianity, and I like other girls. Being raised in a strict Christian family, it's been nothing but hiding and shame that I've disappointed my parents. I don't feel that I'm a bad person, because there's nothing wrong with loving someone, but I can't help but feel as though I've let my parents down. It doesn't help that whenever my parents hear stories on the news about how laws are passing to allow gays to marry that they start talking about how disgusting people like me are.
>>8 I feel the same thing about the respect thing, and that's really my issue I guess.
>>9 I hope it goes better for you, and I'll hope for the best. It is definitely unfortunate that parents disown their kids if they're like that, even if it's not kicking them out in the street, being cold is very harmful also. I'm a very different disposition than my sisters, while they like to go out with a lot of friends, I'm okay with staying home and reading, and my parents don't like that.
>>10
Well I cut off contact with my father. He was not a good person and definitely a negative influence in my life and I don't regret it or feel sad. Since then I have been living a happier and more fulfilling life with people that really care about me.
Some people believe you should hang tight onto your family but I think people should just be with people that make them feel good and essentially the people that care for you the most become a family to you.
In the end, what you choose will be unique to your situation, if you think your relationship with your family is worth salvaging or not, whether it will improve or not and whether you can live with it if it doesn't.
I actually really relate to your situation, since it was what I had to live with for years before I decided it wasn't worth the pain.