I'm sure you are all used to this sort of story by now. I am a 19-year-old British guy who recently failed computer science at university. I quite enjoyed the course, but depression, social anxiety, and--admittedly--laziness all got to me in the end. I have lived the past few months doing absolutely nothing: just existing in my room and browsing the Web. Even watching anime has started to feel like a chore. I've even cut off all contact to the few people who might want to get in touch with me; I deactivated my Facebook, turned off my phone, etc. My parents keep dropping hints that I should get a job, but I'm too scared and lethargic to actually do anything. I haven't even signed on for Jobseekers' Allowance.
I am just completely clueless as to what I do now. I am in quite a lot of debt from my student loan, but I don't think I have it in me to get a job. I have a psychiatric assessment in several weeks' time, but I'm not sure what to expect. I had to attend psychiatrists' appointments in the past, but I usually just skipped them. I am sure history will just repeat itself if I have to attend regular appointments again.
I don't want a job. I don't want nice things. I just want to exist, preferably with an Internet connection.
What do I do?
Pop an adderall and get to work.
>>2 is actually right, in the sense that you need to stop trying to escape your problems. They will not go away, because they are within yourself.
I think right now your first job should be to finally face your depression and grab it by the horns. Depression is a real condition that can be treated. If you had cancer, it would not help one bit if you skipped the chemotherapy cessions.
You should also get counseling from a social worker, as your financial situation is probably spinning out of control, and that is an issue that can be tackled. Perhaps the psychiatrist and social worker can also help you refocus your activities into something that realistically fits your current capacities. Later, when you're back on your feet, you may want try again your first choice, if it still looks like a good fit for you. You know perfectly well the trainwreck that you are preparing. Stop the morbid fascination with self destruction, that won't make you special, it's all very mundane. Be humble enough to reach for assistance and let other people help you.
British guy here too, OP, How well can you program? I may have something for you to do if you want.
Apart from the above, When I was 16 I was in the same situation. In a way I am now. At 16 I left school for a year and got sad, no friends or prospects. I ended up working at Tesco and it was horrible, so I went back into education.
Although now I am 22 and back in the same position. I would suggest forcing yourself to look for a job. Don't think you can't do it, just blindly apply.
>>2
I would be interested in taking some sort of drugs if they helped. Not recreational drugs--that's something I've thankfully avoided. I used to take fluoxetine but it didn't do much. Would adderall work for me? Would I be able to get it if I asked, or even fake the symptoms of ADHD if need be? What other medicines might work for me?
>>3
Thank you for your advice. I know you're right of course and I need to be proactive, it's just difficult for me. If anything I'm likely to start caring about things, then stop after a few weeks or perhaps months. Good idea about asking for financial counselling, I hadn't really considered it. Thanks!
>>4
> How well can you program?
Unfortunately not very well. I know some C but can't use it very well, and a few higher-level scripting languages I've probably forgotten. The course taught Java which I picked up quickly, but after months of not using it I seem to have forgotten everything I didn't already know. I really doubt I would be able to help you, sorry.
>I would suggest forcing yourself to look for a job. Don't think you can't do it, just blindly apply.
I have no idea what to do though, and I don't think I can get a job. Even if I had gotten a job and I showed up, I don't think I would be able to do it. I don't know. I just can't see myself doing work like a normal person.
I feel like I am you, three years in the future. I understand. I'm pretty sure you don't want to be in my position when you turn 22.
Looking for jobs you don't give a shit about and signing onto jobseekers allowance, as well as a few other things that happened in my life recently (a breakup, derp)are so fucking depressing.
Perhaps reapply to university. Dude. The only person who will be able to fix this is you. You just want to exist? Lets go on an adventure somewhere.
>>6
Adventures are scary. I'd like to start fresh, but I think this every time I do get to start fresh (sixth form, university, etc). I just want to sit in my room and live in peace.
I hope things work out for you. Are you the person from the Programming board who was looking for a game programmer?