I HATE BEING SINGLE!!!
As requested in http://4-ch.net/general/kareha.pl/1130119860/12
So it is likely that posts >>2-8 were all done by men? You scoundrels!
This guy who liked me but I didn't like him keeps writing depressed LJ entries and putting up afk messages on AIM which I am pretty sure are supposed to be about me. I guess he is trying to make me feel guilty (which I guess is somewhat working.. orz) but I don't really know what to do. He never actually asked me out, so I never really had an opprotunity to turn him down, but I know he likes me. I stopped talking to him because I didn't want to lead him on. I guess I should just get a backbone and tell him I don't like him, but at the same time, I would feel weird and arrogant saying "I'm not interested in you, leave me alone!!" when he never told me he likes me... But from how he acts it's REALLY obvious he wants to be more then friends.
So anyway he keeps on making depressed(emo) posts, artwork, ect and making up all these reasons in his head about why I don't like him... I feel guilty seeing that he is in pain, but he never says they are about me directly, so it seems it would be weird for me to say something. (They could technically be about someone else and I am just thinking too highly of myself assuming they are about me and I hurt him that badly?)
I also worry that the truth of why I don't like him would hurt him more then the imaginary reasons in his head. His reasons usually revolve around his looks and his social standing. In other words, he says it's because he's an "ugly nerd". The truth is he's not ugly, and he is only a semi-nerd. (I meanwhile, am a HUGE nerd, so that reason makes no sense, being a nerd is a plus if anything.) The real reasons are he has anger issues, drinking issues, is extremely sensitive and clingy, and is always cracking jokes I find painfully unfunny (I have a strange sense of humor, I admit, but still, it takes the fun out of hanging out with him.)
Anyway, I dunno if I am really asking for advice or just trying to get this off my chest. He doesn't talk to me much anymore, I just have the guilty feeling left, and we never cut off our online ties so I still see him complain about it all the time. I have never really gotten to talk about it much cause I hate being a gossip, and some of my friends are his friend and all that, but I guess if I post here, it can't hurt anything and will let me talk about it safely with people who will never know who he is anyway.
Thanks for listening to a long ramble.... m(_ _)m
And maybe this thread should move to the love and romance section?
hes a stupid retarded highschool kid. Or college, whatever. let him suffer and be a total retard unless he approaches you, in which case you should say "leave me alone, faggot!" except nicely, of course.
There are many guys that will love you for who you are, and want YOU to be happy, not them to be happy because of you.
> The real reasons are he has anger issues, drinking issues
^he, apparently, is the latter. Teach him a lesson and end his retarded teenage angst. God I hate kids like this.
Also, I always see girls mention clinginess as a bad thing. I am very clingy to my girlfriend, and she says she never liked it before but it "suits" me. What's wrong with clinginess? Doesn't it just make for a more intimate relationship, where you're secure and with each other all the time because that's what makes you happy? You know, clinging and being with the one you love?
>>12
I think that being clingy is bad. A relationship should make you happy, but if it's the only thing that makes you happy, stormy weather is ahead. And "clingy" isn't just a synonym for "intimate" -- it denotes an inability to let go, which is a bad thing.
FWIW, I am male and I say this as someone who has been "clingy" in the past.
As a female who has her clingy moments, you put it best. It can also put too much pressure on the other partner to keep you from falling. Interdependance is well and good, but there needs to be some self-sufficiency.
>>11 forget him and come ride with me on my horse.
>>12
Thanks a lot for the advice, made me laugh too, haha! He actually is in college, though the emo LJ entry/artwork would make you think otherwise.
Well I don't think clinginess is that bad of a thing in itself, but basically, I'm very busy with school right now, and he didn't seem to understand that. (Such as, I had my AFK message up, and the second I wasn't idle, he would IM me and get angry if I didn't answer. Of course, I was just changing my song on my comp while I did HW....) I guess clinginess can just get to an annoying/obsessive level with some people. I'm probably especially sensitive to it because I like to feel independent and hate to feel like I need someone. (Not doing good for me in the relationship department though, I guess...) I didn't mean physically clingy though (Though he was that too... ug..)
Er I guess all this makes it sound like I know him only online, but that's not true, I met him at a party. (Now I hate parties even more...ug... Gotta be a better way to meet people.)
>>12
Yeah I agree a lot.. I have a ton of other stuff going on in my life right now, I really can't make it revolve around one other person all the time...
>>16
Thanks for the offer anon ;D
I didn't really think I'd have any updates on this situation since I don't see him much but... I am supposed to go to my friend's birthday party... but he will be there. orz Dunno if I should go or not. Besides the girl holding the party, no one else I know will be there, so I can't travel in a group.. (´･ω･`)
Well, I didn't wanna go that much in the first place.. I hate drinking and I am shy... But my friend is really nice and wants me to go...
If you are bored give me your thoughts... But I will probably just pop in and out for a short time to give her a present.
>>19
Boy, that is a dilly of a pickle. If you decide to go, I'd say to pop in like you said and stick to your friend while you're there. If he starts pushing the issue or looks like he might cause a scene then bug out.
These situations are hard when your shy. I went through a similar situation and was too shy to deal with it properly. orz
Ya know, girls do have some weird problems that I'm not sure guys understand. Or do they?
Sometimes a guy will get obsessed with a girl like >>11, but really what he's obsessed with is the image in his head of her... even if she were to capitulate it may not satisfy him because like any human, she changes and is imperfect, UNLIKE that perfect image in his head...
What I'm trying to say is, a lot of times guys treat girls like inanimate objects to admire.. like male gaze or whatever. Girls are really lucky nowadays, if you're a history major then you already know how we've been treated like unthinking shit in almost every place and time.
Well, I just think that's where a lot of single female problems stem from. Flames pls.
>>20
Thanks for the advice. I doubt he would normally do anything, but I've never been around him when he's got alcohol in his system..
>>22
Why do you think you're gonna get flamed for that? It's very true... Even true of him. He barely knew me and became obsessed, and got mad over stupid little things because they didn't fit his image of what I was like in his head.
I think girls are lucky, or well at least fortunate.. That's why I never let guys pay for me or any of that, and also why I tried to cut it off with him rather then string him along...
...sorry if I'm not making sense.. orz
>>22
You don't have to be male to obsess over someone.
>>25 Very true. But, I have always thought that perhaps it is less often that a woman holds that "perfect image" in her mind than a man.
You know the stereotype? That a woman always wants to change her husband, and that a man wants his wife to never change? It's horrible but it might have a little truth to it.
>>23
So, what happened at the party?
I want to say, I agree with >>23 in that girls are fortunate. I'm very glad to be a girl. I don't have to worry about how big my penis is and I can dress however I like, as a man or as a woman. I'm not obsessed over sex, so I can concentrate on expanding my knowledge instead. Because I know so much, I can always out-logic a guy my own age in an argument, because he's very stupid and just wants to impress me. Of course, afterwards he is very mad but I use my kung fu to kick his weak genitals. Women have no weak point!
>>29
Except their hearts.
>>30
lol
>>30
a carefully worded insult lobbed at weight will do far more damage than a kick to the balls as well.
the assertion that expansion of knowledge = expansion of logic is logically incongruous.
an example from programming: you can know a language's syntax very well, but that contributes nothing to your ability to design a correct algorithm to find shortest paths.
>>28
I didn't go. orz
Well I ended up being really busy that day anyway.. I think my friend was upset about it.. but she seems ok now.
>>12
"There are many guys that will love you for who you are, and want YOU to be happy, not them to be happy because of you."
There might be some ... those that fall in love with you but can't say it ... and they will never have you
because when they're in love and they become all nicey-nicey and insecure:
they instantly become a turn off, unatractive wusses even though they might have been studs the day before
so try giving us men a chance to show you who we are ... at least at the beggining before your prejudice.
FACT:guys love as much as women, they just hide it for their own survival, because they have to.
heya fellow loners,
i'm pretty desperate about this so i came to ask for advice:
Actually there is a girl i knew for a long time but because of some circumstances couldn't approach or even befriend (tragic first love misunderstanding blabla 2 long 2 explain)I know she hated me years ago but now kinda hinted me that she liked me(attraction but not love(yet) i think).
So after all these years i decided to act.
However im too shy to approach her and talk and don't know what i should do
(If you're wondering,we are in different classes, we are both the same age: 17 and shy although we both don't look it)
Please help ('_;)
>>"There are many guys that will love you for who you are, and want YOU to be
>> happy, not them to be happy because of you."
exactly how i think.
"There might be some ... those that fall in love with you but can't say it ... and they will never have you because when they're in love and they become all nicey-nicey and insecure."
this is the problem. girls complain about how nobody shows interest, but the truth is guys have a much more fragile ego, and also a deep instinctual need to be wanted. as such rejections are much harder on guys, so the emotional risk is far greater
"they instantly become a turn off, unatractive wusses even though they might have been studs the day before"
a lot of girls don't want anything to do with a guy who's not confident enough to voice his emotions, and at the same time act as if guys have no feelings at all. this leads to the problem above. (a kind of innate but involuntary -it's not your fault really girls, society teaches this thought pattern from an early age- hypocracy across most of the gender?)
my thoughts - random single male.
>a lot of girls don't want anything to do with a guy who's not confident enough to voice his emotions, and at the same time act as if guys have no feelings at all.
Then don't go out with those girls. If guys were more willing to be open about their feelings, the girls you are talking about would need to face that fact. It's a reciprocal problem.
Part of displaying emotions is risk. Everyone needs to face that, be they men or women. If a person spends all of his or her life cowing from expressing his or her emotions, this person is at least partly to blame.
You have to do things you are afraid of doing, if you want to get anywhere. Relationships are no different. You can't expect all girls to be psychics, because you're afraid of rejection, and then blame them.
>>38 speaks the truth. It means a lot to a girl when a guy has the courage to tell her his true feelings, no matter how she feels about him.
>>38 You have to do things you are afraid of doing, if you want to get anywhere. Relationships are no different. You can't expect all girls to be psychics, because you're afraid of rejection, and then blame them.
I personally can since i've never heard of a single instance of one who has confessed from one of my friends. this makes this statement a reverse-sexist double standard.
>>38
I agree. Just go for it. You only live once.
I don't understand your response. Please reword it.
>>38
I think it's just bad when: a guy is too "open about their feelings" all the time (or)+ just starts confessing when the girl doesn't know him well (or)+ compliments too much = instant rejection
It just makes her uncomfortable and takes the mystery,the fun and the whole magic of love away.
Guys should give "hints instead" even signs of shyness can be attractive (bad?)ex: densha otoko
>>43 so what you're saying is you're attracted to people you can never get. i can't stand people like yourself because you want to play games with guys' feelings.
>>43
Except that densha otoko got his foot in the door by doing a very un-shy, even macho thing: stopping the harassing pervert while riding a crowded train.
Would a girl be impressed by a guy who cries as much as her during a sad movie? I think when women say they want men to be open about their feelings, they genuinely do want that, but in a "manly" way.
Ideally, there would be no need for any official "confession", but this ain't a perfect world.
Confession of what? I'm lost in this thread.
Isn't it cute how this thread has become a "let's bitch at girls because we're whingy witless sots" thread? 'Sgreat.
So, you can expect girls to be psychic, and blame them because they aren't?
You know what? That idiocy speaks for itself. The girls who don't have any interest in you might be on to something.
Thank you.
What's funny about all of this was that I was the girl who was mocked by boys and girls alike. I was chubby ever since I was a little kid, and the other kids did not let me forget it.
What are you supposed to do? Let them force you to live in fear forever?
Since this thread's true purpose is apparently to coach guys on dealing with girls, let me clarify something for you:
Not all women are the same.
Not all women want the same thing.
Your post amounts to a perpetuation of female steriotypes, and you might want to check in with any potential girlfriends at some point before you try to apply them to her.
Tip: Get to know the girl. For all you know, she laughs at, or is bored by, sad movies.
This single female rant thread needs more female ranting.
>>52
You may be right. How about it girls?....Please?
I'm tired of hanging around really stupid girls. Which are almost all the girls I ever met. (almost all men are stupid too, surely, but I'm not too stressed about hanging out with them.)
Where can you go to find nice conversation with another female that doesn't involve discussions about some asshole they are "in love" with or the new clothes they bought last week?
>>54
...now that's what I'm talkin about! We need your rants, ladies!
Okay, nice female conversation....How about talking with a gay guy? They are supposedly very smart and...ahh, forgetaboutit! They'd probably talk about dating assholes and new clothes too!
>They'd probably talk about dating assholes and new clothes too!
They do.
>>45
My boyfriend cries just as much as me at sad things. Yes, I'm a female, not some gay bloke.
I wouldn't be impressed, but it's definitely nice to see that he's human. He's not overly sensitive, nor overly unsensitive - pretty much the same level of sensitivity as me.
One (just one :-p) of my female friends hate it when guys cry in a nonmanly way (being silent, a few tears running down the cheeks). She knows it's unhuman and stereotype, but she can't help how she feels about it.
I need to get her to read the book about gender studies i have.
Damned interesting book.
Another female friend of mine finds crybabies of any gender annoying, and a third female friend is a sucker for "feminine" boys, including the whole crying often bit.
===The entire 4-ch is hereby commanded to read up on genderstudies. And i do mean serious scientific such, not radical militant "feminist" texts in disguise. Damned good stuff.[ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_Studies as an intro ]===
>>57 seconded!
useless talk:
I like it when guys and girls cry honestly at movies. It shows they have enough imagination to have been sucked into the plotline.
But crying at real life stuff? It's better to save that for when you're alone.