so it turns out this girl i had a huge crush on is... wait for it... gay.
FUCK
which is surprising as hell, because NOBODY knew she was gay. one of my friends made a joke about her being a lesbian (which seemed ridiculous at the time, she doesn't act like it at all, just shy), and i brought it up around her in a teasing way. then, a week later, she tells us.
so now, on one hand, i don't care about anything. one the other hand, i feel sort of relieved, because she never knew, and i think i can keep it from getting awkward, and keep her as a friend. and it's better than blissful ignorance.
and she seemed so perfect, too (don't they all?). except that she's into objectivism right now, a phase i'm hoping will pass.