It's been something I've been dealing with since February 2008. Maybe a little before, I'm not too keen with exact dates; but It was definitely winter when my friend started going out with the girl I had a thing for.
I didn't really hear it from her that she was going out with somebody until a week after my attempt to come forward to her was botched. I had already suspected a week before that something wasn't quite right. I wasn't happy at all to hear they were going out.
I'm past being sad about it now, and I don't care to steal her away from him like he did to me. I want revenge. I want somebody to pay for this sleight against me. No matter how much I try to suppress that feeling, it always dredges itself completely back up six days later; like clockwork.
I find it especially heinous what he did because he KNEW what I thought about her. I was being slow about it, and maybe some assumptions were made, but he STILL knew, and he was unusually nice to me the weeks before, almost as if he were mocking me. Not to mention that mutual friends that me and him have APPROVE of the relationship between those two!
I'm angry and frustrated. With my friends, with her, with him, with my enemies, and even people I don't even fucking know. They all seem to be on top of the world, laughing at me. I wanna knock the stupid grins off of each and every one of their faces!
Sure, I might have more important things to worry about, like my studies, or more importantly how exacting revenge or releasing my frustration will ruin my future. That's really the only thing that's stopped me before, but even that is becoming less important.
My future won't necessarily be better. Some people I've went to about this have said that I have my future to think about, that I should just grin and bear it and work towards bettering my future. And I hate it when people say that to me. Hard work today doesn't guarantee a brighter tomorrow.
How was your attempt "botched"?
She's going out with someone else now. Doesn't matter who. You have no claim over her or him or anyone else. Next time, don't dawdle around. Time doesn't stand still just because you're too scared to approach someone. Everyone elses' lives keep moving along. You lost your chance with this girl. Learn from it and look for someone else. Geez, even your friends agree that theirs is a good relationship... you should listen to them.
Find some better friends.
Find some non-slutty girl.
>>2
Oh I've learned from this situation alright. I've learned that none of those bastards are trustworthy.
I was wrong to believe that perhaps there may be some trustworthy people in the world after all.
OMG, he took the chick you liked. How could he dare to take away the rights you have over the girl, those rights that liking somebody grant you. Those... oh wait, what rights?
>>1
I'm agreeing with >>2 and >>6. Just because you like her it doesn't mean she has to return it. Neither does it mean your friend can't go out with her. Do you think he'd be right to be mad at you and want revenge if you went out with her before he could confess?
>>4
OP wasn't even dating her. Calling her a slut is completely unwarranted.
>>7 and people he agrees with
>Neither does it mean your friend can't go out with her.
I'm sorry but somehow it does. I'm not saying that she should have returned her sentiments and whatever, but from his friend's perspective, that's something else. I know that well, because I always made a point not to mix friends with sentimental issues; a girl a friend of me loved was heavily hitting on me one night but I turned her down (she's a bit crazy but very hot nonetheless and I would have had fun with her) because I didn't want to hurt him.
Then again, the girl I used to like way too much went out with a friend of mine for a few (but somehow he wasn't too much into it, I suspect because he felt bad towards me) so they broke up, and right now she's with another of my friends. And this, guys, hurts terribly.
The fact alone that she's with someone else is hard, of course, but I agree with you - no rights, blah blah. But no, it's the fact that someone whom I consider a friend and who knew about my case still went for it and even if quite subtle about it sometimes happens to rub it on my face. Don't see them both much now, too bad. And oh, a third friend was a bit hitting on her, but went talking to me about it, asking how I felt and such. I told him exactly what you said, that I had no "right" on her whatsoever, that he could do it, etc. But in the end he told me he wouldn't for friendship's sake. So my point is valid, there are actually some people who have a sense of, say, trust and duty (not really the word I'm searching for but I can't find a better one) towards friends.
tl;dr: bros before hoes, or as I've read for the girl's version chicks before dicks. Don't screw with your friends' heart and head.
>>7
I did used to think that this was my fault for bumbling around like an idiot for too long, and that I didn't have any real right to her, I really did. But if I go along with that, that is, that it IS my fault things didn't go the way I wanted to, then I have no justifiable reason for wanting revenge.
In short, rights be damned. This is about something entirely different.
>there are actually some people who have a sense of, say, trust and duty
I think the word you mean to use is decency.
As I said above, I don't think I had any rights to her either, but it's not as if you can rationalize anger away. The human psyche just doesn't work that way, no matter how much you want it to.
Generally speaking now, I know better than to trust him or the people he was friends with before we met, obviously because his friends will favor him over me, and that he isn't trustworthy or decent.
Or for those of you who are nit-picky and want to challenge my claims, he's untrustworthy and indecent in my mind; that's all that matters to me.
On a somewhat unrelated note, I did try looking around for somebody else, but those ventures didn't end favorably. If things did go the way I wanted to, I wouldn't have returned to my original obsession and I wouldn't be angry about this.
>>9
Decency indeed. But actually I was looking for "loyalty". Which in my opinion regroups the three: trust, duty, and decency.
But loyalty these days... as much as honor, it seems a barely living concept.
>>10 Everyone betrays, trust no one and Life will be a bit better.
>>11
Actually, I think I'll take the "start betraying too so you don't feel like the clueless dumbhead everyone screws".
Fuck the few remnants of ideals and values I had.
I'd say don't 'take revenge'. The only real way for you to get over this is to forget about it. Trying to get some kind of revenge is not forgetting; it's obsessing. I'm sorry, but from your description, it really doesn't sound like you were slighted by anyone in this situation. You missed your chance, but if you play your cards right, you'll learn a valuable lesson from this whole ordeal instead of pissing everyone off.
You seem very angry, which is quite understandable, but it seems you are looking for some kind of justification for exacting revenge. However, you can't really see any kind of real justification for this, hence you come to 4-ch. The trouble is, we have fresh, objective eyes which haven't been infused with the emotions you have suffered, so we are even less likely to be able to rationalize revenge.
You'd do much better to actually talk to those involved about how you feel, if you deem that to be appropriate in your situation.
Allow me to reiterate: Revenge will get you nowhere good. It'd be a shame to let this ruin you. Learn your lessons, and move on.
If my reply isn't really relevant to your situation, please accept my apologies and disregard it. I don't mean to cause offence.
>>1
Jesus christ! This is almost exactly my story. Key differences are that everyone hates him (her friends and my friends, he doesn't really have any friends, more on that in a minute), it was obvious what he was doing (everyone was just blind to it), the friend in question was essentially my best friend, and it involved a rather international and multi-ethnic crowd. I could write a long ten page documentary of what happened, but I'll hold off, unless people want it.
Revenge is completely justified. There's supposed to be a level of trust between friends that shouldn't be violated. Cockblocking for no reason is probably the most serious violation of this trust. If your other friends aren't supporting you, you may be forced to drop them. Not in that you'd say "fuck you", but you'd stop hanging around them. Do your own thing instead. If they're not going to back you up, than you don't need to back them up.
If there's any sort of ammunition you can use against him, use it. I've obtained nude pictures of the guy's ex-fiance (it as surprising he ever got to that point with a girl, as he's a huge manwhore and when it involves asians, he'll jump at the chance to sleep with one. although he's somehow been faithful this time, nobody can see how an attractive 29 year old could be interested in an unattractive 21 year old like him. he's not even an alpha male, except for the sex drive), which were found on his computer. AFTER he started sleeping with the girl we wre both after. I'm planning to begin distribution shortly. Subtley at first. It's a bastard thing to do, but once people figure things out, there's going to be hell pay for him.
Fight back. It doesn't matter how, as long as no one gets hurt (physically. emotional damage is the point of revenge here. violence is never the answer). Don't have a Bad Day like Daniel Powter. Remember the immortal words of Twisted Sister- We're not Gonna Take it Anymore.
>>14
Actually, I got nothing I can use against him. Nothing.
Unless I decided to physically hurt him, there's really nothing I can do.
Also, as I said, my friends favor them, not me.
This is a fight I can't win.
>>1
Revenge is not justified. You can talk about how your friend should have been loyal to you all that you want, but he has just as much right to go out with her as you do. BUT WAIT! BROS BEFORE HOES, MAN! No, real life doesn't work that way. You can't always get want you want. Shit sucks, but you can't change it. He obviously wasn't a very good friend either. If you dislike him so much then ditch him.
Liking her gives you no rights over her. If he likes her and she likes him back then they should be allowed to date regardless of your immature friendship laws. If YOU had any decency you would accept the fact that she is probably better of with him and be happy for their relationship. BUT WAIT! You want revenge on him.
What are you going to do? You couldn't even talk to a female so I doubt that you're going to exact any type of revenge on him. Why even come here? I suggest that you grow up. You act like you're fucking 15.
>>17
And he should get over the girl.
He shouldn't however, forget what was done to him by his friend. In the long run it's not going to matter who you date/sleep with/etc. It's going to matter who you can trust, who you do stuff with, who has your back. As long as he can forget about the girl, he's justified in pursuing revenge against his former friend.
>>18
I don't think he should bother his friend. His friend fucked him over, yes. Apparently he wasn't a very good friend. However, his friend didn't do anything directly to him. It's not like OP was dating the girl and then his friend fucked her while she was drunk or something. OP had no claim over the girl and his friend was justified in what he did. Instead of revenge, OP should just grow up, get over it, and move on with his life. If you try to exact revenge on everyone that fucks you over in life, well, you're gonna be a very busy person.
Look, I don't want to sound like some patronizing 40 year old, but there really ARE other fish in the sea. Seeking revenge is pissy and irresponsible, and life is all about responsibility. I'm sorry, but it is.
You like this girl. Hell, maybe you even love her. I won't judge you for that. But she didn't love you the way she loved your friend. It's her right to date whomsoever she wants, and your plotting revenge against her choice is equivalent to pissing on her face. You are disrespecting and humiliating her, treating her like an object to be possessed. And for THAT, I do judge you.
Grow up, kid.
>life is all about responsibility. I'm sorry, but it is.
You say that like people actually give a damn about being responsible. Maybe in theory that is what life is all about, but I am really yet to meet anybody who takes their responsibilities seriously.
Really, I think OP is just upset that things are not going his way. It is selfish, yeah, but maybe he just feels like nobody gives a damn about him. His friend fucking took the girl he liked right out from underneath him, after all. That would be enough to make me want to kill somebody.
I do not want to give OP any false hope though. I cannot guarantee there will be somebody else or that things will work out for the best. Just do not do anything that will get you arrested. Then things will not go your way for sure.
>>18
Suggestion to OP: Get revenge fast, because histroy repeats itself. I unexpectedly had a repeat of what happened to me months ago (what happened to you). It's quite obvious you can't trust anyone. Drop your friends who didn't support you, because if you don't, another friend will do the same thing to you.
Geez, I suggest the OP and people with similar feelings just grow up a bit,...
It almost looks like the OP OWNED the girl, it's beyond ridiculous.
The only good point of this is that as look as he keeps fixated on this anecdote, he won't inflict his immaturity on other women. Same for friends: hurry up in losing them all, so that you're a bother to less people.