( ´ω`) hello kids!

|・＿・| ELIZA:-PERHAPS-YOU-DON'T-WANT-TO-KEEP-YOUR-MEGAHURTZ-FROM-BEING-STOELED?

( ´ω`) He read my mind...I'm going to have to kill him later..

!(´ω` ) But then he could read these thoughts too! Shit!

|・＿・| I-AM-SCARED-DAVE-WILL-I-DREAM?

|・＿・| NEED-RECHARGE

|・＿・| NEE……D……RE…CHAR…GE………

|・＿・| NEEEEEeeeeee…………………d……………………………………

|-＿-| ……=Bzkt!=

( ´ω`)Farewell, dear J-bot. May you be reborn as a 1970 Cadillac

   Deville in your next life.

(・∀・) Poor J-bot.... My creation did't last the weekend. Oh, well.

(・∀・) Grandpa, why is Las Vegas such a glitzy and classy city? I mean, not even New York City or Los Angeles has All-You=Can-Eat Pancake bars or half as many retina-burning neon signs.

( ´ω`) I remember this one time I went to Vegas and I slipped on some of those porn cards that were on the sidewalk.

(・∀・) That happened to me too, Grandpa! Except I landed on something soft. I think it was a dead hooker.

( ´ω`) Actually, that was your sister.

(・∀・) Oh! I did think she looked moe!

( ´ω`) At least when I walked past her, she was pretty mauled all right.

(・∀・) anyone said 萌え〜？

(・∀・) Yes.

( ´ω`) Junior, you have to get to my age before you earn the right to answer your own questions.

(・∀・) Grandpa, I saw a cat in a box the other day. Who was it?

　　　　　　_∧ ∧＿＿
　　　　 ／( ´ω`)　 ／＼
　 　 ／|￣ Ｕ Ｕ￣|＼／ That was me, son...
　 　 　 |　　Hii　 .|／
　 　 　　￣￣￣￣

(・∀・) Grandpa, criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot, so I must wear a disguise that will strike terror into their hearts! I must be a creature of the night, like a... a....

(・∀・) Um, help me out, Grandpa!

|T|
(´ω`)

Hat man?

(・∀・) You fail it, grandpa.

(・∀・) Grandpa, I will now recite John Keats masterful poem "Ode to a Grecian Urn."

(・∀・) Ahem!

(・∀・) "Thou still unravish’d bride of quietness,
Thou foster-child of silence and slow time,
Sylvan historian, who canst thus express
A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What leaf-fring’d legend haunts about thy shape
Of deities or mortals, or of both,

  In Tempe or the dales of Arcady? 

What men or gods are these? What maidens loth?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?

  What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy

(・∀・) "Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;
Not to the sensual ear, but, more endeared,
Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:
Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave
Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;
Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
Though winning near the goal-- yet, do not grieve;
She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,
For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

(・∀・) "Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed
Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu;
And, happy melodist, unwearied,
For ever piping songs for ever new;
More happy love! more happy, happy love!
For ever warm and still to be enjoy’d,

  For ever panting, and for ever young; 

All breathing human passion far above,
That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy’d,

  A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.

(・∀・) "Who are these coming to the sacrifice?
To what green altar, O mysterious priest,
Lead’st thou that heifer lowing at the skies,
And all her silken flanks with garlands dressed?
What little town by river or sea shore,
Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,

  Is emptied of this folk, this pious morn? 

And, little town, thy streets for evermore
Will silent be; and not a soul to tell

  Why thou art desolate, can e’er return.

(・∀・) "O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,

  Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe 

Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say’st,
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,-- that is all

  Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'"

(・∀・) I thought I'd class things up a bit here.

(´ω`) tl;dr

(・ω・) < Hey, I think I know that poem:

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
　Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogoves
　And the mome raths outgrabe.

(・ω・) < Well, same gibberish anyway.

(´ω`) (ry

(｀ハ´）I got a question, Gramps.

(｀ハ´) I got a bad case of a ACHOO...cold. What kinda things should I do to get better?

＼m／(・∀・)＼m／ Grandpa, whats your favorite metal band?

(・∀・) p.s. - 1000/2GET.

( ´ω`) Darkpa, I suggest dying. It might sound crazy, but it's an absolute cure-all!

( ´ω`) I like Under17, Junior. moe

(・∀・) That's not metal in the least, you old fogey!

(・∀・) Grandpa, who'd win in a fight: you or Vin Diesel?

( ´ω`) Even I have to succumb to the awesomeness that is Mr. Diesel.

(・∀・) Grandpa, be you a rich man or a little street sweeper, sooner or later you must dance with the Reaper!

(・∀・) Station!

( ´ω`) needs more cowbell.

(・∀・) She's choppin' broccoli... SHE'S CHOPPING BROCCOLI~

( ´ω`) SKYYYYYYYYYYROCKETS IN FLIGHT, AFTERNOON DELIIIIIIIIIGHT

(・ω・) o O ( ...when did this become karaoke night?... )

(・∀・) Grandpa, did you ever kill the jabberwalkie?

( ´ω`) Why yes, Junior. In fact, it's all coming back to me now... my days as a DQN dragonslayer...

(・∀・) Dragonslayer?! Sugoi sugoi, tell me more Grandpa!

( ´ω`) Whan that Sakura with her shoures soote, the droughte of fun hath perced to the roote, and bathed every vayn in such licour, of wich virtu yellow'ed is the flour, when a bad haeleth came to DQN, and rampagt havoc on the fen, then cometh Grandpa with his OHAYOU BEEM, and approached the scoundrel on a horse.
"I fear ye not," he said, of course.
So Grandpa drew out his big svon, and slew the contemptous villain anon!

(・ω・;) o O ( King James' Dragonslayer?! )

(・∀・) tl;dr

(・∀・) Hey Grandpa, how much hentai do you have? I've been raking up a few gigabytes recently, just for the heck of it, yknow?

( ´ω`) ...

Why do today's youngsters download GIGABYTES of pictures of weirdos? In my day, we had Hard Gay and were happy with it.

(・∀・) Grandpa, do you have any artistic talent?

( ´ω`) Are you joking? I made the Mona Lisa, but Da Vinci smudged my name off the painting!

(;´ω`) He did, however, make most of The Last Supper - I don't care much for Jesus. I once wiped my ass with the painting, though - that's where most of the brown parts of the painting are. Guess that's why I didn't kill him. Equivalent trade, you know.

(・∀・) Grandpa, I done heard tales of a mighty catfish in Gobbler's Lake called "General Lee" that can swallow a man whole, boat and all. And no man has ever caught him!

( ´ω`) In his house at Gobbler's Lake, dead General Lee waits dreaming...

(・∀・) Grandpa, do you think that we will ever get to 1000 again?

( ´ω`) As long as there are idiots like you with dumb questions, my boy.

( ｀ハ´) soon, I will have my revenge. Yes, my pretties, soon.
evil cackle

(・∀・)..... Grandpa, i wonder, just how old are you?

(・∀・) You must have been through so much with all the samurais the hiroshima incident and the landing on the moon. Not to mention the holocaust and the second impact!

（ ´ハ`）You buy now!
(・ハ・) Wha... what's happening, Grandpa?

(・Д・) WHAT THE!!!

　　 　 　 　 　 ＿,. -──=ﾆヽ、
　 　 　 　　　/ﾚ'´ 　　　　　　｀ヽ、
　 　 　 　　//● / ,　,､ ヽ ヽヽ　ﾄ、
　　　　　　/7Ｏ　ｊ_ﾉ_/ハHl､_j　l　lN
　 　 　 　〈７ｲ　´|/l/ 　 ｀ﾍﾉ}　jrく)j
　 　　　r‐ヶﾊl 　ｃ⌒r─ｫ⌒ｃ,ﾊヽ〉　
　　　　　Y//,ﾊ>､j＞ｌ､_ノ.イﾚ1l ﾚ′
　 　 　 　 ＼l l//｀ ｀￣´　ｊ ｌ ﾚ'
　 　 　 　 　_＞′r｡~｡ヽ　ﾚ'´
　　　　　　(__ゝ、<ゞﾆｱ<　|
　 　 　 　 　　　＼｀＾＾´ 　l
　 　 　 　 　 　 　 ｀ｰｒ-､ノ
　　　　　　　　　　　　し′

(Д)
Who are you >>523 >>525 ? You're not Grandpa?!
You kind of scare me...

(Д) MY EYES!!!!!!!!

《《《《《
( ℃゜_ ) BWAHAHAHA!!!! I, DAG ÆGREN, HAVE REMOVED YOUR EYES WITH WAKABAMARK!!!

(・ω・) o O ( They're breaking out with the nonsense again, maybe it's about time for me to make my move... )

(・ω・) o O ( No... not just ye-- )

|・＿・|ﾉ―――@ (●ω・;) ...................

(・∀・) Grandpa, will MSN Otoko find true love?

( ´ω`) Yes, sunny.

(・∀・) Grandpa?

( ´ω`) Just browsing other threads sonny... DQN has never had this many cool threads.

(=(・∀・) Ahem. Most esteemed Grandfather, I have need for your generous wisdom for my most urgent question.

(=(・∀・) Darkpa, your incredibly dashing rival, is all alone on Thanksgiving this year. Perhaps we should invite him? I think he would be too proud to join us, but it would only be the polite thing to do.

(=(・∀・) Ahhh... Ahh...

( ｀ハ´) CHOOO! 三三 =(・∀・)

( ｀ハ´)　　
"⊂ノ=(・∀・)

( ´ω`) Cool mask, Darkpa. Not. You really thought you could fool me eh?

( ´ω`) But, Darkpa, Thanksgiving is all about the pilgrims and the indians and how they shared a feast together back in the day (but I wouldn't really know - I attended the party but was severely drunk with moe). I'd be delighted if you attended Thanksgiving with me, Junior, Clonepa, and and J-bot. Of course, you'll have to be willing to contribute to the feast just as much as the other members. Having said that, I'd like to be the first...

　　　　 ＼＼＼
　　　(⌒＼　　∧＿∧
　　　 ＼ ヽヽ（ ´ω`）...to offer you an appetizer, BITCH!
　　　　 (mJ　　 　 ⌒＼
　　　　　 ﾉ　∩　　/ ／
　　　　　（　 | .|∧＿∧
　 ／＼丿　|　（　　　 ）
　(___へ＿ノ ゝ＿＿ノ　　

(;・Д・) Grandpa, calm down! We haven't even passed >>550 yet!

（ ´ω`）It would be my second.

(・∀・) Your second what, Grandpa?

（ ´ω`）>>550 (such is the cycle of the universe)

(・∀・) "Time is such a wheel that no man can stand upon it long.

          And it always, in the end, comes back around to where it began."

(・∀・) I read that in a book, once.

（ ´ω`）You? Read books? You're shitting me.

(・∀・) Actually, grandpa, I rather enjoy it.

（ ´ω`）Well sonny if you are so wise, do something to repopulate this thread

（ ´ω`）Because I'm the only one posting here for a while.

(・∀・) Hey everyone, I hear they're giving out free chicken and watermelon over at "( ´ω) Grandpa (v2.0)"! Yes, that's "( ´ω) Grandpa (v2.0)"!

(・∀・) .......Grandpa, what did I do to your face?!

(・∀・) Grandpa, don't you think I just don't have anything else to ask?

（ ´ω`）If you stop asking questions, I will die.

（ ´ω`）I must live forever...Give me questions, Junior. NOW.

( ｀ハ´) (So that is where he gets his strength...perhaps I should create a Darkpa thread and have Junior start asking me questions...)

(・∀・) Well, Grandpa, I have a few suggestions.

(・∀・) Perhaps someone should create a website that you can enter in any question and Grandpa will answer! Or something of that sort - like a mIRC bot or AIM bot or something. You could use questions previously answered, or new ones too.

(・∀・) Or, Squeeks should archive the Grandpa threads and immortalize them on this website. We are sort of mascots, yknow!

（ ´ω`）Not until the comedy starts. Someone needs to stop the LAZY and make with the ASCII ART if you know what I mean.

（ ´ω`） You can't replace me with a machine!

(・∀・) Oh, shut up Grandpa! Today's thanksgiving. Let's eat and grow fat!

（ ´ω`) What was that, Junior? I'm busy digesting.

(　　　　　　・∀・　　) I feel a bit heavy..

(　　　　　　　　・∀・　　　　) Oh well, its nothing!

（ ´ω`) Dessert goes in a different stomach, after all! Haha!

(・∀・) So you don't have to exercise to burn the fat Grandpa?

(・∀・) I bet his muscles have disappeared.
Not like the old days sparrring with Bruce Lee, huh?

（ ´ω`) What are you talking about, Junior? Bruce Lee could kick your ass from beyond the grave if he wanted.

(・∀・) Kind of embarassing to die from a headache-relief pill, don't you think?

（ ´ω`) I have lived and died. So?

(・∀・) Grandpa, do you think the Japanese were as offended by Gwen Stefani and her Harajuku Girls as I was by her solo career?

　　　　　 ∧＿∧
　　　　　（　 ´ω`）This is how I felt about the manner.
　　　　 /⌒　　　 ヽ
　　　　/　/　　　 ﾉヽ　　　　＿ー￣＿￣）', 　・　∴.'　　， ．. ∧＿∧　∴.'.'　　，　．
　　　 (　/ヽ　　　|　）　--＿- ― ＝￣　￣`:,　.∴ '　　 　　 ((( #)｀ハ´)　.∴　'
　　　　＼ /　　_,　-''￣　　＝　＿＿――＝',　・,'　.ｒ⌒>　 _／ ／ ・,'　,　・,‘
　　　 　 （　　 _~"" -- 　＿-―　￣＝＿　　)":" .' |　ｙ'⌒ ⌒i .'　. 　　’
　　　　　 | 　 /,,, ＿―　￣＿＝＿　　`　)),∴.　).　 |　　／　 ノ ｜ ∴.'∴.'
　　　 　　|　 /　/　　　―＝　＿　)￣＝＿)　　 ＿), ー' 　／´ヾ_ﾉ
　　　　 　(　 )　)　　　　　　＿　＿ )＝　　＿)　,.／　,　　ノ　　'
　　　　　 |　|　/　　　　　　　　　　＝　＿)　　／　／ ／　　　,　・,‘
　　　　　 |　|　|.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　／　／　,'　　,　・,‘
　　　　　/　|＼ ＼　　　　　　　　　　　　／　 ／| 　|
　　 　 ∠／　　￣　　　　　　　　　　　　!､＿／ / 　 ）
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 |_／

(・∀・) Ouch!

(・∀・) Grandpa, were you in the war?

（ ´ω`) I'm not your stereotypical Grandpa. I wasn't in just -one- war, I was in every war out there to date, even some that weren't historically recorded. How did I get through them all with maybe one or two flesh wounds?

　　　　　　　　()二))
　　　　　　　　　　　``ヽ
　　　　＿＿＿＿＿;==ﾆlﾆﾆﾆﾆﾆ(),,,　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　　;;'''''"´´´"""''''''::;:,,,
　　　　'＝＝＝ #[ﾛﾆ]]￣￣￣|￣￣￣￣￣￣||二二二二二二二　　　　　　　　　　,;;;;;´´"''' -
　　　　　`ー　. ＿＿ _／ Ｏ;:ﾆﾆ()￣￣￣￣￣　　　　　　　　　 　　´''''::::::;;;;::::'''''''''´´´
　　　　　　　　.!∧∧|」（◎）ヽ-ー'
　　　　　　　　!( ´ω`) 　 　 :::| It was this baby. Let me show you
　　　　　　 　 |(| 　 |　,,,,,, 　:::| some of its awesome power.
　 　　　　　 〜|　　|＿＿＿:::|　,,,
[二]二二二二 し｀Ｊ|＿＿|二二二二二二二[二]
＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　∧＿∧
　　　　　　　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　（ハ´；　）
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　⊂　∧　　つ
.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　-＝≡●て　ヽ　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 （＿_ﾉw （＿）

(・∀・) Do you ever wish for the days before the endless September, Grandpa? I know you were there, I saw the old usenet postings you made in alt.usenet.kooks.

( ´ω`) Junior, you need to find a better news source than Green Day albums.

(・∀・) Grandpa, its snowing! Come outside and lets play!

( ´ω`) Ouch, my back...