Successes and Failures and Everything in Between, Beside, Above and Below (119)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-15 03:40 ID:S7gvVkeR

I thought it would be a good idea to make a sort of group journal here, of our plans, our days, our lives, whatever. Why?

Because I think a lot of people here could use it, including myself. There are many here with lots of insight, and obviously many who come here who have problems, so I thought we could post some things about our lives (that is, our successes, and our failures, thoughts, and so on) and receive insight and support from each other, and also because, as a very wise man once said "You never know what you're really thinking until you write it down". (hope this is as good an idea as it sounds in my head lol)

So, I'll start off here, hopefully I can give you a better idea of what I'm thinking of.

Today I looked in the mirror and saw that I had really improved my body, and my style, and I really liked the way I looked. I've been working out for the past several months (sans most of the holiday vacation, plus a little time off for a minor surgery) so I'm glad to see it's paid off.

I also realized I promised to give my mom a christmas present (that is, to re-do a part of her house) but I keep forgetting to do it! AGH! Although in my defense, I had a surgery just before the holidays, so I was doped up and laid up for a while up to and afterward.

And I've wanted to sell my old ps2 and all my games for the last month or two but ffs I keep getting distracted. orz

70 Name: notOP : 2010-05-15 16:11 ID:sF1rep/u

I've been thinking that this world is too restraining to be enjoyable; other people make it arbitrarily restraining and tedious when it wouldn't be the case, too.

Work is such a waste most of the time. It seems like people just don't want to give up their jobs to automation. Apparently I should get a job just so I can say I have a job and make things 'feel' right.

I'm tired of hearing people complain about their awful workload when they're still enjoying whatever little things they get as a reward. No one even does anything for a good purpose, it's all for the same pathetic aesthetic experience. None of them has any special merit but they want to feel like they do, ugh.

71 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-15 21:35 ID:d8bYLJhB

Oh man I love it when hard work pays off. I love that high I get, where you just sit back after a long days work and just sit. Doing nothing, but feeling (rightly) content- at peace.

I'm working on a project right now (a farm) that requires a lot of time and effort, but I'm seeing the fruit of it as I go and it's so much fun, even though it's hard. And I'll be munching on carrots, and lettuce, and squash, and tomatoes, and peppers, and garlic, and onions, and wheat and everything else I've got planted, in no time.

It'll be so much fun to make pancakes in the morning with flour I made from wheat that I grew on my own land.

I can't wait to cut this years wood, too (I heat my home with a wood stove). That is hard work, but so much fun.

A dear friend of mine took me out with his family on an outing to a road out on forest service land (the women picked berries while me and his sons cut the wood), and we cut all the wood that I used last winter in one day.

What a great guy. I hope to repay the favor to him.

That would've taken me weeks to get, since I don't have anything that could haul that amount of wood (he had a huge truck with a huge trailer- I have a puny truck, that probably wouldn't even have made it halfway his truck did on that road). And he didn't even ask to be paid. And he gave me a bag of homemade jambalaya after we got home! lol

Wow. I really hope to be like him one day.

(Eh, I know I'm rambling, but this is the journal thread after all.)

72 Name: notOP : 2010-05-15 22:36 ID:Heaven

73 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-17 05:50 ID:FPVnPRXW

Long car trip today. I always get dazed when driving for long periods. I had a friend with me, and a really annoying friend of that friend. Which equals one tolerable acquaintance.

But it was OK. I need to work on my patience anyway. I get angry too easily these days, and it does me no good.

74 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-17 19:01 ID:1r015TTv

I'm applying for a job today, I may actually get it!

75 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-20 03:49 ID:P9TDh3D7

I've done nothing today.

Well, I fapped once, and played a bunch of video games.
And went for a run.

That was about it though.
I need to get out more.

76 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-20 10:25 ID:xRfW1xyI

>>72

The kicker is that I was actually being completely honest, and even better is that I wasn't replying to your post. It was just a coincidence.

I did notice your post, but only in the middle of writing mine out.

77 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-21 01:11 ID:r8oIqurq

>>74

So, did you get the job?

78 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-21 05:44 ID:mf36sOOy

I don't know yet, the guy said he'd let me know next week (the application dead line is Friday).

79 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-22 11:28 ID:c96hBJYc

>>78

Please let us know how it went. If you don't mind sharing, what did you apply for?

80 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-24 05:01 ID:fDJZhq/f

Well I didn't do anything today. Another road trip tomorrow.

Peace all.

81 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-25 02:48 ID:CnzCv1u5

Car trip finished. Not as bad as I thought.

Met some boring people. Bleh.

Bleh.

I went a little crazy today at my in-laws house (I stopped in, they weren't there) and I was like looking through their stuff and climbing trees and shit.

I'm a little nuts. But it was fun.

Also, you're missing the context, which makes this sound a little less crazy, but I will not fill you in.

82 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-27 20:43 ID:TIyJUry2

I applied for a temp job, but didn't get it (I don't think so anyway).

There's another one I've got lined up, I'll have to drop by and hand in an application today. (cashier)

It's a lame job, but it's something.

I hope to save up a bunch of money and travel to France to try out for the Foreign Legion.

83 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-28 08:38 ID:TIyJUry2

I got the letter of disapproval. No job for me.

I've applied for another, I may yet get it, and requested info on another. They both fall within my skill sets very neatly, so I'm hopeful. But unemployment is pretty hefty out in these parts, so it's hard to say if I'll get hired just yet.

...

I'm tired of being angry, I'm tired of people with big agenda's, I'm tired of lies, I'm tired of greed, I'm tired of oppression, I'm tired of pity, I'm tired of death, I'm tired of war.

But I find myself fantasizing about all of them, enjoying them.

Why?

What is going on with me.

I think I need to go to a doctor about this rash, but I'm broke and have no insurance.

My cat is such an asshole, I call him and call him and he just sits there and purrs.

If he could read, I'd send him a very well written letter detailing my complaints about his behavior.

I'm so confused these days.

Just rambling...

84 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-31 10:31 ID:S84i5Mrd

Ugh. I feel like crap. I've been staring at my computer screen practically all day.

I haven't been sleeping on a normal schedule lately. I think I'll stay up all night and go to bed early evening to reset my sleeping pattern.

I tried that yesterday, but I wimped out and fell asleep.

But I just reinstalled SWAT 4 (Fuck yes) so I at least have something to do all day. And I can clean my house (which I need to, badly), do laundry and all that.

My legs hurt.

Peace, all.

85 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-04 02:35 ID:YuC9d97I

I just went out and did this personality test (job compatibility) for a job I've been interested in. The manager said "I don't have the personality for the job".

Come to think of it now, I think she was testing me, and I think I should have argued for myself. But... I don't have experience with people. I know I could do the job if I got it. I would have to teach myself, but I KNOW I could do it.

Oh well. I've got others lined up. We'll see.

Anyway, I'm glad to have this experience. I've been a hermit, living out in the middle of nowhere in a house in a forest (literally) for so many years I've got minimal social skills. It's time I actually got out into the world and learned to communicate properly, and developed my character.

Talking to these people and facing rejection, and all this, has helped me realize how to change myself (or at least given me a better sense of direction in that regard).

86 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-07 07:23 ID:avLhZFqR

I just saw alice and wonderland (the new one obviously) today. It was OK.

The one thing I don't like about it is how they portray the male characters, and it's not isolated to this, it's in most popular shows and movies. The men are either idiots, wackos, or bad guys.

I wonder what young boys think of this? They are obviously affected by it, so I wonder what will come of it? Television and movies are hugely influential on US society. These characters become role models of sorts. It's bound to fuck shit up, and probably has been for years.

I wish I could live in an ideal society, custom fitted to my tastes. Unfortunately I am doomed to live in this world, with this society that I do not care for, for the most part.

Sucks.

There are lots of good things in my life. For one, I am blessed to not be indoctrinated into normal culture, so I am not as affected by these things as most people (I hope).

I have the potential to do many things. I just need to get my shit together and actually go out and do them. I've done a lot so far, but there's so much more to do.

Keep on keepin on.

87 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-15 07:41 ID:o0RHi6Og

So much pressure. I want to be something, I dunno, a teacher or a nurse or something, but that means staying home, and there's too much pressure on me in my current situation. I've got to get out.

I don't know where I'll end up.

88 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-17 06:03 ID:5EPO2D8B

Going into the military soon. Getting in shape.

I'm looking good. Social skills have improved. Nutrition has improved. I've been happier more often, more motivated.

I find myself exploring my sexuality more often lately. Perhaps because I've spent less time with pornography. Porn kind of feeds you a fantasy, it does all the work for you, so you don't get to use your imagination as much, to find out more about yourself and maybe to find out what really interests you (as opposed to just clinging onto the products and ideas sold to you in pornographic images), what's really enjoyable to you on a personal level. But using my own imagination, I find that I'm much more creative, invigorated, and my sex life has improved greatly because I'm the one in control of my preferences now. Not the porn.

I've been learning more. Especially about politics and social movements. One thing I've wanted to learn is algebra. I did it in high school and passed with decent grades (honor roll), but I didn't care about math and so I just basically forgot it all when school was out. So I've been studying out of one of my old books. I'm genuinely interested now and I find myself really appreciating the time I spend learning.

Also, I need to learn grammar concepts. I can use grammar well enough, but I don't know the terms (infinitive, etc). I did exceptionally well in grammar classes too, so it's really weird that I can't remember anything beyond the most basic ideas (verbs, nouns, etc).

Those are the focus points for me now, but there are several other things I want to learn as well. Biology is another that went in one ear and out the other.

Psychology, art, cooking, carpentry, sexuality (bdsm, general romance, cunnilingus, kissing, generally pleasuring a woman and maximizing my own pleasure), humor (I've been making more jokes lately, I even get an occasional laugh, and they're not even passive aggressive!), confidence, assertiveness, and I'm sure there are others that aren't coming to mind at the moment.

I'm trying a new sleeping pattern. I hate sleeping, so I want to minimize the time I sleep. I heard about this process where you can take a 20-30 minute nap in the day, and sleep about 4-5 hours at night and still be well rested enough for the day. There's several processes to choose from actually, where you can sleep less. I'm going to try to progress from this one to sleeping maybe 2-3 hours a day. Not sure if this will work in the service, but I still want to try it out.

I might be getting a job soon, so I can make a bit of money and help out my family- and spend some more time getting in better shape- before I go out for basic. It's a degrading job, but it's all I can find around these parts that a person my age with my work experience can hope for.

Best wishes, all.

89 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-25 01:49 ID:A3MG72o7

My right tit is slightly larger than my left tit.

Fuck.

Also, I've been productive lately. Met lots of new people. Good times.

90 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-25 04:51 ID:q/bK22HN

I think the important aspects of a relationship, especially the things that decide whether or not it fails, becomes visible very early on.

I met someone, and I was swept up in the romance. Turns out she is very defensive, and gets angry easily. She would be hurt if I criticize it too much, and I feel we will both be hurt if I don't talk about it enough to learn to deal with it. I don't want to fail again, I'm amazed she hasn't just run away with how ugly I am.

My own issues that ruin relationships, depression, self-esteem, self-hate will be hard to deal with when she gets angry. The two problems could excite one another, and we'd burn out. I don't want to lose this, not at all. I believe she's a beautiful person.

91 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-27 05:24 ID:ZBlaniPY

So...

Got accosted/sexually harassed today. That was fun in a sort of degrading, not at all fun, way.

But, at least I played it off with a bit of humor.

It was really bizarre. They were cat calling and whatever, and I thought to myself "there is no way they are talking to me- no one would say this stuff about me" but then they narrowed down their description.

Whatever. I'll probably laugh about it later, but I feel kind of upset right now.

Also, I picked up a hitchhiker (today I was on a road-trip, you see). He was an ordinary sort of guy. Said he had a brain tumor though, so he couldn't drive (?).

I'm glad he wasn't a serial killer or something (well, he might have been, but I wasn't a victim of his, at least... so... yay).

92 Name: Dæmon : 2010-06-27 14:18 ID:3auvRbF4

>>90 Look at the mirror more, soon you will fall for yourself.
>>91 Try not to pick up people unless your in the town. He might even hide drugs in your car
Bad things:
1.As for me, bad. School holiday over, but i din't have the balls to show my parents my terrible result slip :/
2.I have participate in a street soccer tournament and my team got qualified, but i din't told my parents about it cause they don't believe that sport will give me future.
Good things:
1.I have finally gotten over my relationship problems and seeing that girl in the school without getting emo.
2.My head is getting clearer and i finally have a goal in life.
3.I've found this thread :)

93 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-05 00:49 ID:q+FFMPCa

Living on a cattle farm, working as a hand.

I'm sharing a room with an old guy who plays the mandolin. He's a trip. Came in at 8:00 last night and we talked a bit, he played me a tune, tried to teach me some notes, but I'm a blockhead so it didn't sink in. LOL.

Anyway, things are well, work is hard, but at least I have a job.

Best wishes all.

94 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-05 19:45 ID:q+FFMPCa

Having a boss that's German and speaks only rudimentary English is a bit tough. I don't know what I'm doing or why for the most part. I try to get it, but their English is so broken that they only make me more confused the more they explain.

This is a tough job. I'm just learning a lot of this stuff, but they treat me like I'm supposed to be a veteran of it. The fact that one of my bosses doesn't know how to speak properly is not a help.

Oh, did I mention most of my coworkers are foreign and don't speak English either?

Yeah.

Hope they decide to pay me at some point, because this whole "on speck" deal is getting old.

95 Name: Dæmon : 2010-07-06 15:14 ID:0JNhfEDn

>>94
sounds like you need a new enviroment
============================================
Oh yeah... She looked at me a lot today ^.^!!!

96 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-08 15:30 ID:q+FFMPCa

Up at 6:30. Couldn't get up. Slept in to 7:00. They don't really care when I get in, as long as I do it before 7:30.

Taking a break now. I was cleaning for 7 hours yesterday. The various other tasks I do around here comprised the other 5 or 6 hours.

But I'm starting to understand the accents, and there are lots of cool people here, some of whom actually speak English.

Someone is apparently attracted to me, but I don't return their feelings...

97 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-09 01:55 ID:q+FFMPCa

There is no real schedule. I keep asking for things to do, to avoid uselessness, but their isn't much, and the others get tired of me asking.

The few tasks that I do are difficult, lowly, and usually filthy. For instance, I was scraping animal feces off of some tools that were (for some unknown reason) stored in a barn.

At least the things I do are time consuming, so I don't have to stand around like an asshole all day.

But others do difficult jobs as well. It's just that I have never done anything like this before. I feel like the others think I'm complaining when I talk about what work I've done, which is not really my intent when I talk about my work. But I respect them so I'm learning to change my ways.

I've met many interesting people, and have learned a lot from my little time here. I think this place has done me good. I used to sit around home all day, the only people I ever communicated with didn't know much about life.

Now I spend my time with tough, seasoned people, doing tough jobs. I used to think I was seasoned, that I had something to say... now I know just how much of a little bitch I was.

I'm broken down and sore, my bones are weak, and my skin is burnt.

I'm learning here what no college can teach.

98 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-10 01:35 ID:q+FFMPCa

My back hurts.

I'm finding stuff to do, figuring out how things work.

I'll hopefully start getting paid either today or next Monday. If I don't get it soon, I'm out of here.

I heard about a program that allows you to work internationally at various ranches, you get paid plus you get room and board. Holy shit. That sounds perfect, I'll look into it.

99 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-10 07:26 ID:6tMsB7/y

On holidays at the moment, and that means late nights and sleep-ins, yay. I've been more determined to make some self improvement goals these holidays though. Usually I waste away in front of my computer, eating two-minute noodles and shutting myself off from the rest of the world during these few weeks. But this year is different. I'm trying to eat more healthy, exercise more, tackle my bad skin, and honing my cooking skills. It's all part of my big endeavour to change my lifestyle, which will hopefully reflect in my appearance, and thus give me more self confidence. Anyway, I've just started two weeks ago, and already I've been feeling and seeing some improvements!

Started with the exercising, doing small 15 minute intervals on the bike, and hopefully building it up to a 1hr block. Planning to sign up to the gym next week, so I can attend classes. I dislike exercising as much as the next person, so I find I need a lot of motivation, and I think classes will help.

As for eating, I've been making my own food: 4-5 small portions a day, limiting my self to fruit/crackers after 7. Eating until I'm not hungry, as opposed to eating until I'm full. And drinking as much tea and water as I can.

Watched some youtube videos about skincare routines, researched some products, and started diligently following one that suited me. Woke up today with maybe the clearest skin I've had for months! But I think it was a combination of all the changes that I've made to my lifestyle.

I feel good inside, and seeing these changes just drive me to make more improvements :) I totally recommend it to anyone who feels as if they wasted their holidays as soon as they return to school.

100 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-11 20:23 ID:q+FFMPCa

I'm learning the banjo, the mandolin, and the piano at the moment.

I'll take up the violin and the guitar eventually, I think.

101 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-11 21:41 ID:LshsU8gx

In 10 days, I'm moving away from my family for good. I haven't even accepted that I don't live in my home of 12 years anymore and that I won't see my father every Friday....it's really an odd feeling. It's surreal. I've planned to move to WA since I was 12, and now it's going to happen in 10 days. It's one of those things that you plan on doing but it's really far off and it's sorta a dream so you kinda think it won't happen...but it's happening. I'm really excited when I think about it..but deep down, I'm really, really scared. I've cried myself to sleep a few nights thinking about it. Thinking about how I won't be able to run to my sister's room when I find a funny youtube video, or how I won't hear my mom's weird laugh from another room, or I won't hear my dog's collar jingling as she comes downstairs to wake me up. I know I'll be living with my best friend and it's going to be awesome, but I feel kind of hopeless about the other stuff. Oh well. Everyone leaves home at some point...and I'm going to have a lot of fun. N is my sister and she'll take care of my like she always has. I know I will be fine. This is what I always dreamed of. I feel really good about it.

102 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-11 23:54 ID:uQFYHyKm

>>101
I'm glad to hear you're moving out. I hope it will go fine.

103 Name: brick : 2010-07-12 10:04 ID:jzfwViJ5

>>101
Hey dude, I felt exactly the same thing when I decided to move overseas after spending all of my life in the same house, same town, same school, same group of friends, with same faces every morning, same music on the radio, same voices on the TV. It was a really weird sensation to cut off completely from the daily routine of my life. Spending the first months away was hard. Coming to terms of my own existence away from everything that I knew was complicated and saddening. But I put in the effort to do my best on my own, work hard and try to get to know people. I am now as happy as I've never been, going to college, working part time, going to parties often and meeting a lot of new and great people. I'm so glad I decided to move.

But yes, it will be a bit tough to adjust to your new life.
Keep at it, don't surrender.

In my case, I spent the majority of my day resting after a 48 hour journey from watching world cup matches, helping my Yankee cousin to move out, catching up with some good old friends in a bar, to going to a DJ Competition to support a DJ friend of mine (and it was awesome). It was so hard to walk after that complete ordeal. INCREDIBLE!!

104 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-12 22:45 ID:S5I4YInR

Since this doesn't really deserve it's own thread, I'm posting this here, in order of hoping to achieve great succes..

I'm a soon to be former-NEET. I'm sort of being forces to get back into college for some sort of whatever degree, and that's fine, it'll be for the best, I guess...

Right now, I'm trying to get myself into the mood of doing things when I set my mind to it. I'll be getting assignments and whatever that'll have some sort of due date. It's been 6 years since I've dropped out of college, and it's more than 6 years since I've actually finished some sort of assignment.

Back to the now, I'm trying to get myself to start, keep working on, and complete my goals. Simple things, little projects. So far it's been a dissaster. I started on a single, extremly simple task, and I haven't finished it. It's been about 3 months into "trying". wat do, 4-ch? They're all things related to my interest, and I don't dislike doing them, I just can't start, or finish anything. I just want to sleep and fap and browse...

105 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-22 00:12 ID:o7Xytnbv

>>104

Hey, don't push yourself. You'll get to your goals when you're ready. You can't accomplish anything if you're not mentally set to take them on. There will come a time when you're sick of what you're doing, and you'll feel invigorated when given the opportunity to improve yourself. Keep your eyes open and don't sweat it, we all fall into funks.

106 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-24 00:13 ID:pXL860gh

My class is fucking killing me. I took a break this year from school after some unfortunate events caused me to really fuck up in school I stopped taking my meds, which was possibly the most taxing experience ever, and I was only able to get though like one class. I decided to take a class during the summer to put myself back on track, but man, I suck. I got an 87 on our first project, but I have a feeling that I got like a 60 or 50 on our second one, even though I busted every fiber of my being trying to do it. I'm losing the faith, and losing endurance. And our teacher wants a floor plan and a section, penciled and inked by MONDAY.

I want to kill myself. :(

107 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-24 21:12 ID:o7Xytnbv

>>106

Wow, you're really trying to get back into some semblance of normalcy. If you worked all you could on that project, it makes no sense to start thinking you did badly on it. If you did your best, that's all you could do. That's honorable enough, even if you couldn't get to where you really wanted to be. Getting back into things takes time, even if you're trying to go about changing in full force. Don't be concerned. You have to ease yourself into change, and you can't be too hard on yourself.

Things haven't been easy for you at all, but the greatest thing you can do for yourself is believe in your ability to recover. Take it slow. If you're still hit by setback after setback, don't sweat it. It's not your time, but in the future you'll be hit with a great success if you stick to it now.

As for your recent assignment, I'd just say to buckle down and try to get it done. The motivation isn't there, but you'll feel a lot better about yourself if you can get it done. At least do a bit of it. If you fail, you can try again. There are always opportunities. You'll always have an opportunity to live better, so you've got to get through these rough spots. Focus on getting the project done. It doesn't matter if you do it half-halfheartedly or grudgingly, or even if you're putting all you have into it. Just get it done.

Hang in there! We all doubt whether it's good to be here. Sometimes it feels like it would be better to have a permanent ticket out. But that would be such a waste. You have so much human potential in you and it would be a waste to die with all that you can do never being born. Try to see yourself through this tough time. I'm positive things will be looking up for you soon.

108 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-25 14:04 ID:pXL860gh

>>107
Wow are you god or something? Thank you so much. I'll get it done.

109 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-26 01:09 ID:o7Xytnbv

>>108

All right, great! Just remember to take small breaks, and don't overwhelm yourself. Good luck!

110 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-28 06:30 ID:bJP9VbeL

I guess I'll jump onto the bandwagon.

I regularly keep in touch with my parents in Los Angeles. And when I recently caught a case of the dry cough from a coworker, they decided to drive halfway across the state to my apartment. I share the space with three other roommates who, in addition to moving out for the summer, left behind food in their rooms and the refrigerator.

My parents arrived in the middle of the war I waged against the flies. Noticing me discarding rotten food from the refrigerator, they decided to help me clean the apartment. We scoured the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom, and vacuumed the entire place. Not content with stopping there, we then went shopping for groceries to keep me stocked for the summer. We even bought a new trash can to replace our old, slightly broken one.

But that wasn't all. To help me recover from my cough, they cooked meals for me. They prepared soup to remedy my coughing. They changed my bedsheets. And before they set out for home yesterday, they left notes for me about where to find my dinner, which foods to eat, and so on. I am so grateful for my parents. So. Fucking. Grateful.

Anyhow, this morning I ate one of the muffins they bought and headed to work. But when I returned, there were flies in the muffins. I immediately made a phone call to my mom, who scolded me and advised me to wrap my food next time. And for the first time in awhile, I cried. I felt especially bad because my parents took the time to drive halfway across the state for me.

It's silly, I know. As a senior college student, I reasoned that instead of crying over spoiled muffins, I should do something about the flies. Yet when my mom continued to ask me how I was, I couldn't help but feel the tears coming out. It was lame and dumb, but deep inside I knew that I wanted to cry. But strangely enough, I didn't know why.

That's when my mom told me that I was crying because I subconsciously needed to. And for some reason, I thought of the main character in Black Rock Shooter: Mato. She was able to get along with her new friends in school and do fun things together like shopping or going to each other's houses. Then I realized that in my childhood, I never had a core group of friends like Mato. Sure, I could get along fine with everyone else, but ultimately I was left to my own devices. I was lonely. I was crying because I was lonely.

However, I already understand that if I don't want to be lonely, then I should make an effort to find friends or strengthen the relationships I already have. But this is one of those times where I feel insecure and I just want to rant without worrying about what to do. I'm not pleading for help or asking for advice; on the contrary, this is my catharsis. I ask for nothing more than your sympathy.

111 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-28 22:11 ID:pXL860gh

>>110

Oh lol. You sound like me. Is black rock shooter any good? Anyways, your parents are really great people, man. And you sound like a good person yourself.

College, for some people, is a lonely experience that they don't notice until they actually get attention. It's good that your parents were there for you, because now you want the same attention for yourself. I was friendless for a while when I transferred to my new school, but I went out to things I enjoyed. I love fighting games, I love animu, I like to work out, I like to draw, and I like to eat. So I joined clubs and did things that had stuff like that in it. Sure enough, I found friends that have become much more than that. One of my good friends is 30 years old and a HUGE American comics fan who creates his own art. He always feeds me and the rest of his crew even though he doesn't have to. He's kind, friendly, and tolerant. His girlfriend is the same. His friends are older than I am, and all jokers but I get along with them. My roommates are nerds like I am and they are probably going to be my friends for life. We all went though hard times, and we all got mad at each other, and I put them though a lot of shit this year. But they are my friends. I don't have a girlfriend or anything, i'm just a nerdy black kid with strange interests that people would normally side-cast. But these people didn't. All because I wanted to see what I could find, and I didn't give up. It's hard at first; you feel like the odd one out, awkward socially, etc. It gets better. And you start really caring about your own life.

112 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-05 02:07 ID:bJP9VbeL

>>111
Black Rock Shooter's plot is lacking, but it's got amazing fight scenes. It's like they throw a fight scene at you, then some school stuff, then more fighting, then more school stuff, and then more fighting. And even at the end, there aren't enough cues to give you a solid connection between real life and the world of Black Rock Shooter.

In summary, cute and confusing.

But yeah, I'm glad you're comfortable with your life. Even though you've been at odds with your roommates, you seem to have it good. You do your own thing, then you find other people who do the same stuff. If you can't, then you keep your head high and keep trying. Pretty resilient, you are. I admire you for that. Thanks.

113 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-07 03:51 ID:sii34vga

>>112

the fighting scenes take part AFTER the school stuff, but I guess this isn't the right board to discuss anime

114 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-09 08:25 ID:YUn1EcsX

Fall semester begins in exactly 2 weeks at my university and I could not be any more apprehensive. This is my 2nd year there and I'm still considered a freshman rather than a sophomore due to screwing around too much last year. I failed a fair share of my courses, my GPA is a abysmal, and I have no idea what I want to do at college. I'm surprised they haven't booted me out yet.

I feel like I'm there because that's how I was raised and taught. You go through elementary school, middle school, high school, college, get your degree, get your job, get your family, get old. But is school for me? Throughout high school I had a series of fuck ups but I still haven't learned my lesson in college.

I just have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life. I have no goals, no ambitions. I laze around all day, playing video games, goofing off on the internet, or hanging out with the few friends that I actually have. I've never had a job and I'm too petrified to put my foot forward to obtain one. I'm turning 20 this year but I still feel like I haven't matured.

I need to get my shit together but I just don't know where to being.

115 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-10 00:33 ID:UIkadJAd

>>114

Whoa i was in the same situation kinda. I fucked up hard and got booted out of school in my first year. Went to work manual labour for a year. Working with men in their 30's and 40's put my life into perspective. Could i really become like them and just work to raise a family or did i want something more? I guess i decided to go back to school with a new ambition and so far everything is working out.

Try stepping out there and see whats for you... maybe it was never meant to be school. Or maybe all you needed with a kick in the groin to wake up and see how important schooling is 2 you.

116 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-10 14:50 ID:EeNyHu+X

>>114

Yeah dude, nothing new here. What I suggest is that you try and take a smaller load, if you can, and get a part-time job, if you feel like you lack ambition. It could be that school is far too much of your focus, and you may need to balance that out with something else. Take myers briggs to get a bit of insight into what personality type you are. Answer honestly, and live life well.

The problem with school is that we have people naturally inclined for logic and reasoning running schools that have a melting pot of different students with different personalities that aren't suited for rigorous academia or corporate America. Yes, you make money, and yes, you gain prestige, but do you gain talent? Individuality? Love?

Sometimes life and living is more vital than "following the crowd." I'm not saying to stop school. We need something that questions our way of life to keep balance. But you need to slow down, and find out what fits you best. See if loans will allow you to take a lesser load, and take it. Meanwhile, work to support yourself.

117 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-15 02:28 ID:EkreW07x

Got fired and am now currently squatting at a friend's place. Stop.

Looking for job but no luck; will try harder.
Full stop.

118 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-15 05:27 ID:zp4jwWRh

>>117
That sucks, bro.

Just take it easy and you'll eventually find a decent job.

119 Name: Anonymous : 2010-11-11 08:03 ID:79o/mZWV

bump

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