( LƒΦ`) Grandpa (v2.0) (1018)

1 Name: CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL 1993-09-4417 18:34 [no]

( LƒΦ`) hello kids!

441 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4455 17:22 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Shut up, damnit!

442 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4455 19:54 [no]

( E~E)

443 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4455 19:56 [no]

( EƒΦE) I've been waiting for you...a messenger from the Relatives.

(EΝE) So you're the grandpa around here?

( EƒΦE) No, not just here. I'm the grandpa to surpass Great Grandpa himself: Clonepa!

( LƒΦ`) No! That is not Clonepa!

( `EƒΦEL) Brother, I'm a whole different game from Darkpa! HRRRRR!!

( `EƒΦEL) The world needs only one Great Grandpa!

( MƒnL) Don't forget me!!

444 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4455 20:04 [no]

@@@@|„«ŽO Slam! Slam! Slam!
@@@@|„«@@@@ ———
@@@@|„«@ί@ —#A— @
QQ__.|ƒ~_QQi @ Ι`j @HoneyIWhy did you let all
@@@@|„«=QQ||R ^ /|_ of these people in the house?!

445 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4455 20:36 [no]

(EΝE) So Grandpa! You want that wierd looking furry thing to help you fight?

446 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4455 21:06 [no]

( ;LƒΦ`) Damn, I need a drink!

447 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4455 23:33 [no]

@@@@|„«ŽO Slam! Slam! Slam!
@@@@|„«@@@@ ———
@@@@|„«@ί@ —#A— @
QQ__.|ƒ~_QQi @ Ι`j @HoneyIWhy did you let all
@@@@|„«=QQ||R ^ /|_ of these DQN in the house?!

448 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4456 00:30 [no]

( LƒΦ`) I o-only had Junior in here to answer his questions! I have no idea where these other DQN came from!

449 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4456 01:29 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, what happen to the Edmund Fitzgerald?

450 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4456 02:15 [no]

( LƒΦ`) The captain got blitzed, the first mate was taking a shit, and the damn thing ran into some rocks and spilt oil everywhere.

( LƒΦ`) Wait... that what the Exxon Valdez.

451 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4456 03:58 [no]

---------
( LƒΦ`)
| |
| | squirt

ƒΦ===D ---- -- 

452 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4456 03:58 [no]

>>451 grandpa fail at squirting

453 This post sucks.

454 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4456 06:26 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, today was Veteran's Day!

(EΝE) What was fighting in the war like?

455 Name: W.T.Snacks 1993-09-4456 17:30 [no]

( LƒΦ`) It was like club med, but only with bullets

456 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 00:52 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, you really have to admit it. You are losing popularity.

457 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 01:03 [no]

( LƒΦ`) My Q-rating slipped below Ricky Martin, but I'm still higher than Bronson Pinchot. I blame marketing.

458 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 01:13 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, I'm going on a school field trip to see the Amish people in Pennsylvania or some such crap. Anyway, I'll be gone for a few days.

(EΝE) But don't despair! I have constructed a replacement for while I'm gone. He will ask questiona of youthful innocence and enthusiasm just as I do to keep you from feeling lonely. I call him... The J-bot Mk.1 (patent pending)!

|EQE| GREETINGS-PATRIARCHAL-UNIT. INTERROGATIVE-PROGAM-COMMENCING....

|EQE| BEGIN QUERY: "Grandpa, why does your bedsheets smell so much like tobacco and Ben-Gay?" END QUERY.

459 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 01:37 [no]

(;;LƒΦ`) A J-bot? But I've never been so good with machinery..

@@@@click
( LƒΦ`)☞|EQE| What's this do?

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@.,@_
@@@@@@@@@@@]-;-.,_ "''=;- .,__ _ _
@@@@@@@@@@@@@"]ƒj]-„@"`"'-'@ " _"
@@@@@@QQQQQQ“ρ)@@@@ @@@ @ -R''
@@@@@@@@P"'''„Ÿ-€@@@@@@@@@@@@@ "''_
QQ@@@QQQ-„Ÿ ΌάR@@@@@@@@@@@@(ά½R,
@@PPPP@@@@ŽO@ _ _@ @^άR@@@^ ^ R
@@\\@ @ @ @ @@ Ό“ρ“ρ“ρ@|EQE|“ρ“ρ½ | @@BEGIN QUERY: "BU-N." END QUERY.@
@@@@@@@@\\@@@@@@@_@__Ώ_^@^ / |
@@@@QQQQQ@@@@@@@ i@@(::)(::)@@j !
PPPP@@@@PPPPS€@_€RQ,*€Qƒm@ |/
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @S./@@@@@@@@//
@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @€°`€-€S€€,@@€, /i^
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@/^@./^^ /
@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@/@@^ ^ ^

460 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 03:45 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Ah, so realistic -- just like the real thing!

461 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 12:24 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, whats the longest time you have sex, and with who ?

462 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 12:26 [no]

|EQE| c

|EQE| c

|EQE| BEEP

463 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 13:30 [no]

( LƒΦ`) I though you were gone on a field trip sonny. Are you back already? My sense of time is diminishing it seems.

464 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 13:33 [no]

|EQE| I-SHALL-ACCOMPANY-HIM-TO-THE-BUS

465 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 14:58 [no]

(EΝE) I'm the "other" sonny, did you forget about me ?

466 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 15:48 [no]

(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)

( LƒΦ`)@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@(EΝE )

(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)

Welcome back, Mr. Grandpa..We missed you.
Like what I've done with the place?

467 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 15:49 [no]

|EQE| LET-US-TRAVEL-TO-THE-BUS

468 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 18:46 [no]

(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)(EΝE)
All aboard the man train, choo choo~

469 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 21:27 [no]

|EQE| ERROR: TRAIN NOT FOUND. NO "MAN" TRAIN IS SCHEDULED FOR THIS DATE.

470 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 21:28 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Dang these contraptions.

471 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 21:47 [no]

(;E„DE) Wha-what are all these other juniors doing here?! I leave to mock the Amish and this happens?!

|EQE| STAND-NEXT-TO-THESE-STAIRS

(;E„DE) Why next to the sta- AUGH! WHY DID YOU PUSH ME DOWN THEM?!

|EQE| TO-PROTECT-YOU-FROM-THE-HORRIBLE-SECRET-OF-SPACE

|EQE|

472 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4457 23:09 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Well, as long as I'm here, maybe I'll ask a few questions myself.

( LƒΦ`) J-bot, I want to try this 'Internet' thing I keep hearing about...

       but I'm kind of worried.. How can I keep my megahurtz from being stoeled?
I'm told that sort of thing happens all the time!

473 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4458 00:01 [no]

|EQE| ELIZA:-PERHAPS-YOU-DON'T-WANT-TO-KEEP-YOUR-MEGAHURTZ-FROM-BEING-STOELED?

474 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4458 12:52 [no]

( LƒΦ`) He read my mind...I'm going to have to kill him later..

!(LƒΦ` ) But then he could read these thoughts too! Shit!

475 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4458 12:59 [no]

|EQE| I-AM-SCARED-DAVE-WILL-I-DREAM?

476 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4458 13:08 [no]

|EQE| NEED-RECHARGE

477 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4458 14:55 [no]

|EQE| NEEccDccREcCHARcGEccc

478 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4458 14:57 [no]

|EQE| NEEEEEeeeeeecccccccdcccccccccccccc

|-Q-| cc=Bzkt!=

479 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4458 15:58 [no]

( LƒΦ`)Farewell, dear J-bot. May you be reborn as a 1970 Cadillac

   Deville in your next life.

480 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4459 02:37 [no]

(EΝE) Poor J-bot.... My creation did't last the weekend. Oh, well.

(EΝE) Grandpa, why is Las Vegas such a glitzy and classy city? I mean, not even New York City or Los Angeles has All-You=Can-Eat Pancake bars or half as many retina-burning neon signs.

481 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4459 03:10 [no]

( LƒΦ`) I remember this one time I went to Vegas and I slipped on some of those porn cards that were on the sidewalk.

482 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4459 03:27 [no]

(EΝE) That happened to me too, Grandpa! Except I landed on something soft. I think it was a dead hooker.

483 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4459 12:55 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Actually, that was your sister.

484 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4459 13:34 [no]

(EΝE) Oh! I did think she looked moe!

485 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4459 18:00 [no]

( LƒΦ`) At least when I walked past her, she was pretty mauled all right.

486 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4459 21:38 [no]

(EΝE) anyone said –G‚¦`H

487 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4459 21:58 [no]

(EΝE) Yes.

488 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4460 00:04 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Junior, you have to get to my age before you earn the right to answer your own questions.

489 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4460 03:50 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, I saw a cat in a box the other day. Who was it?

490 Name: shii 1993-09-4460 05:04 [no]

@@@@@@_Θ ΘQQ
@@@@ ^( LƒΦ`)@ ^_
@ @ ^|P ‚t ‚tP|_^ That was me, son...
@ @ @ |@@Hii@ .|^
@ @ @@PPPP

491 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4460 13:00 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot, so I must wear a disguise that will strike terror into their hearts! I must be a creature of the night, like a... a....

(EΝE) Um, help me out, Grandpa!

492 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4460 13:36 [no]

|T|
(LƒΦ`)

Hat man?

493 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4460 13:36 [no]

(EΝE) You fail it, grandpa.

494 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4460 18:38 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, I will now recite John Keats masterful poem "Ode to a Grecian Urn."

(EΝE) Ahem!

(EΝE) "Thou still unravishfd bride of quietness,
Thou foster-child of silence and slow time,
Sylvan historian, who canst thus express
A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What leaf-fringfd legend haunts about thy shape
Of deities or mortals, or of both,

  In Tempe or the dales of Arcady? 

What men or gods are these? What maidens loth?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?

  What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy

(EΝE) "Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;
Not to the sensual ear, but, more endeared,
Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:
Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave
Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;
Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
Though winning near the goal-- yet, do not grieve;
She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,
For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

(EΝE) "Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed
Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu;
And, happy melodist, unwearied,
For ever piping songs for ever new;
More happy love! more happy, happy love!
For ever warm and still to be enjoyfd,

  For ever panting, and for ever young; 

All breathing human passion far above,
That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloyfd,

  A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.

(EΝE) "Who are these coming to the sacrifice?
To what green altar, O mysterious priest,
Leadfst thou that heifer lowing at the skies,
And all her silken flanks with garlands dressed?
What little town by river or sea shore,
Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,

  Is emptied of this folk, this pious morn? 

And, little town, thy streets for evermore
Will silent be; and not a soul to tell

  Why thou art desolate, can efer return.

(EΝE) "O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,

  Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe 

Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou sayfst,
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,-- that is all

  Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'"

(EΝE) I thought I'd class things up a bit here.

495 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4460 23:17 [no]

(LƒΦ`) tl;dr

496 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4460 23:43 [no]

(EƒΦE) < Hey, I think I know that poem:

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
@Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogoves
@And the mome raths outgrabe.

(EƒΦE) < Well, same gibberish anyway.

497 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4461 00:09 [no]

(LƒΦ`) (ry

498 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4461 04:09 [no]

(MƒnLjI got a question, Gramps.

(MƒnL) I got a bad case of a ACHOO...cold. What kinda things should I do to get better?

499 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4461 04:35 [no]

_m^(EΝE)_m^ Grandpa, whats your favorite metal band?

500 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4461 13:01 [no]

(EΝE) p.s. - 1000/2GET.

501 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4461 23:40 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Darkpa, I suggest dying. It might sound crazy, but it's an absolute cure-all!

( LƒΦ`) I like Under17, Junior. moe

502 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4462 01:06 [no]

(EΝE) That's not metal in the least, you old fogey!

503 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4462 01:07 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, who'd win in a fight: you or Vin Diesel?

504 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4462 02:45 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Even I have to succumb to the awesomeness that is Mr. Diesel.

505 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4462 12:47 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, be you a rich man or a little street sweeper, sooner or later you must dance with the Reaper!

(EΝE) Station!

506 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4462 20:12 [no]

( LƒΦ`) needs more cowbell.

507 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4462 23:37 [no]

(EΝE) She's choppin' broccoli... SHE'S CHOPPING BROCCOLI~

508 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4463 00:22 [no]

( LƒΦ`) SKYYYYYYYYYYROCKETS IN FLIGHT, AFTERNOON DELIIIIIIIIIGHT

509 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4463 01:05 [no]

(EƒΦE) o O ( ...when did this become karaoke night?... )

510 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4463 02:42 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, did you ever kill the jabberwalkie?

511 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4463 04:20 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Why yes, Junior. In fact, it's all coming back to me now... my days as a DQN dragonslayer...

512 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4463 07:56 [no]

(EΝE) Dragonslayer?! Sugoi sugoi, tell me more Grandpa!

513 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4463 18:45 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Whan that Sakura with her shoures soote, the droughte of fun hath perced to the roote, and bathed every vayn in such licour, of wich virtu yellow'ed is the flour, when a bad haeleth came to DQN, and rampagt havoc on the fen, then cometh Grandpa with his OHAYOU BEEM, and approached the scoundrel on a horse.
"I fear ye not," he said, of course.
So Grandpa drew out his big svon, and slew the contemptous villain anon!

514 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4463 21:38 [no]

(EƒΦE;) o O ( King James' Dragonslayer?! )

515 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4464 02:36 [no]

(EΝE) tl;dr

(EΝE) Hey Grandpa, how much hentai do you have? I've been raking up a few gigabytes recently, just for the heck of it, yknow?

516 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4464 03:41 [no]

( LƒΦ`) ...

Why do today's youngsters download GIGABYTES of pictures of weirdos? In my day, we had Hard Gay and were happy with it.

517 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4464 08:01 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, do you have any artistic talent?

518 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4464 23:03 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Are you joking? I made the Mona Lisa, but Da Vinci smudged my name off the painting!

(;LƒΦ`) He did, however, make most of The Last Supper - I don't care much for Jesus. I once wiped my ass with the painting, though - that's where most of the brown parts of the painting are. Guess that's why I didn't kill him. Equivalent trade, you know.

519 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4464 23:42 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, I done heard tales of a mighty catfish in Gobbler's Lake called "General Lee" that can swallow a man whole, boat and all. And no man has ever caught him!

520 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4465 04:32 [no]

( LƒΦ`) In his house at Gobbler's Lake, dead General Lee waits dreaming...

521 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4465 05:49 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, do you think that we will ever get to 1000 again?

522 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4465 05:54 [no]

( LƒΦ`) As long as there are idiots like you with dumb questions, my boy.

523 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4465 11:36 [no]

( MƒnL) soon, I will have my revenge. Yes, my pretties, soon.
evil cackle

524 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4465 12:21 [no]

(EΝE)..... Grandpa, i wonder, just how old are you?

(EΝE) You must have been through so much with all the samurais the hiroshima incident and the landing on the moon. Not to mention the holocaust and the second impact!

525 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4465 19:28 [no]

i Lƒn`jYou buy now!
(EƒnE) Wha... what's happening, Grandpa?

526 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4465 20:24 [no]

(E„DE) WHAT THE!!!

527 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4465 20:43 [no]

@@ @ @ @ @ Q,. -„Ÿ„Ÿ=ƁRA
@ @ @ @@@/Ϊ'L @@@@@@MRA
@ @ @ @@//œ / ,@,€ R RR@āA
@@@@@@/7‚n@‚Š_Ι_/ƒnHl€_j@l@lN
@ @ @ @q‚V²@L|/l/ @ MΝΙ}@jr‚­)j
@ @@@r]ƒ–Κl @‚ƒάr„Ÿ«ά‚ƒ,ʁRr@
@@@@@Y//,Κ>€j„‚Œ€_ƒm.ƒCΪ1l ځŒ
@ @ @ @ _l l//M MPL@‚Š ‚Œ Ϊ'
@ @ @ @ @_„Œr‘~‘R@Ϊ'L
@@@@@@(__TA<UΖ±<@|
@ @ @ @ @@@_MOOL @l
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ M°‚’-€ƒm
@@@@@@@@@@@@‚΅Œ

528 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4465 20:59 [no]

(„D)
Who are you >>523 >>525 ? You're not Grandpa?!
You kind of scare me...

529 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4466 03:08 [no]

(„D) MY EYES!!!!!!!!

530 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4466 03:20 [no]

sssss
( ŽK_ ) BWAHAHAHA!!!! I, DAG ÆGREN, HAVE REMOVED YOUR EYES WITH WAKABAMARK!!!

531 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4466 05:32 [no]

(EƒΦE) o O ( They're breaking out with the nonsense again, maybe it's about time for me to make my move... )

(EƒΦE) o O ( No... not just ye-- )

|EQE|Ɂ\\\@ (œƒΦE;) ...................

532 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4466 06:56 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa, will MSN Otoko find true love?

533 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4466 10:15 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Yes, sunny.

534 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4466 15:54 [no]

(EΝE) Grandpa?

535 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4466 16:01 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Just browsing other threads sonny... DQN has never had this many cool threads.

536 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4467 00:42 [no]

(=(EΝE) Ahem. Most esteemed Grandfather, I have need for your generous wisdom for my most urgent question.

(=(EΝE) Darkpa, your incredibly dashing rival, is all alone on Thanksgiving this year. Perhaps we should invite him? I think he would be too proud to join us, but it would only be the polite thing to do.

(=(EΝE) Ahhh... Ahh...

( MƒnL) CHOOO! ŽOŽO =(EΝE)

( MƒnL)@@
"Όƒm=(EΝE)

537 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4467 04:11 [no]

( LƒΦ`) Cool mask, Darkpa. Not. You really thought you could fool me eh?

( LƒΦ`) But, Darkpa, Thanksgiving is all about the pilgrims and the indians and how they shared a feast together back in the day (but I wouldn't really know - I attended the party but was severely drunk with moe). I'd be delighted if you attended Thanksgiving with me, Junior, Clonepa, and and J-bot. Of course, you'll have to be willing to contribute to the feast just as much as the other members. Having said that, I'd like to be the first...

@@@@ ___
@@@(ά_@@ΘQΘ
@@@ _ RRi LƒΦ`j...to offer you an appetizer, BITCH!
@@@@ (mJ@@ @ ά_
@@@@@ Ɂ@Ώ@@/ ^
@@@@@i@ | .|ΘQΘ
@ ^_˜¦@|@i@@@ j
@(___‚ցQƒm TQQƒm@@

538 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4467 05:46 [no]

(;E„DE) Grandpa, calm down! We haven't even passed >>550 yet!

539 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4467 12:32 [no]

i LƒΦ`jIt would be my second.

540 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4467 21:34 [no]

(EΝE) Your second what, Grandpa?

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