[Part XI] ( LƒΦ`) Grandpa [Legendary] (999)

1 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5176 15:50

( LƒΦ`) Hello, kids!

450 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5226 01:01

( ί ƒŽί) Macaronis! Sounds almost like Mittens!

451 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5226 04:57

(EΝE) Grandpa, what was 4-ch like when Mittens had her own thread to natter on about her personal obsession with knitted handcoverings?

(EΝE) Oh, wait, she still does.

452 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5226 11:47

( LƒΦ`) Management's got her doing guest spots in all the character threads, Junior. Polls indicate that she's everyone's favorite.

453 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5226 14:08

i@EΝEjGrandpa why are you so fat have you consdiered a diet old man haha you will never surpass me now

454 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5226 15:39

( LƒΦ`) Yes, I could never hope to surpass your levels of stupidity, Junior.

455 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5226 18:49

( ί ƒŽί) Everybody loves mittens, Mittens, MITTENS, MITTENS

(@>ƒŽ<) MIIIIT-TEEEENNNSSSS!!!

( ί -ί) Whew, I'm pooped.

456 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5226 20:17

(EΝE) Grandpa! Tell us another mildly disturbing fact about your current sex life!

457 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5226 20:24

( LƒΦ`) I use mittens as condoms.

458 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5226 23:05

( ί ƒŽί)

( ί -ί) ewwwwwww

459 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5226 23:07

(EΝE) Grandpa, among the many jobs you've had in your life, which was your favorite?

460 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5227 01:25

( LƒΦ`) Volunteer beer taster.

461 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5227 02:12

( ί ƒŽί) Mittens quality inspector!

(EΝE) Really? Why didn't you stay in the job?

( ί ƒŽί) I failed every mitten so I could keep them myself.

(EΝE) Duh, obviously they would fire you for that.

( ί -ί) No, but they set fire to all the failed mittens.

462 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5227 02:24

( E-E) Serves you right, you greedy little strumpet.

463 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5227 04:07

( ί -ί) ...what?

464 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5227 17:59

( LƒΦ`) THAT explains why that masked whore insisted I use mittens as condoms!

465 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5227 18:57

(@₯ิƒΦ₯ิ) Wow, you too?

466 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5228 02:12

( ί -ί) .....

( ί -ί) I don't know what you guys are talking about.

467 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5228 12:35

( ί ƒŽί) WHORES!

468 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5228 12:55

@ _ @Ώ
(@߁Νί)œc WHORES!
@Όœc WHORES!

469 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5228 15:45

(@₯ิm₯ิ) What's the ugliest part of your body?
(@₯ิm₯ิ) Some say it's your nose?
(@₯ิm₯ิ) Some say it's your toes?
(@₯ิm₯ิ) I think it's your mittens!

470 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5228 19:38

( ί -ί) ..... et tu, Frankpa?

(ί- ί )

|œc

471 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5228 22:24

( LƒΦ`) I thought she'd never leave.

( LƒΦ`) Time to hand out Christmas presents!

472 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5228 22:26

(EΝE) I got a new bicycle!

(@₯ิƒΦ₯ิ) I got tartar control nachos!

( E-E) I got a rock.

473 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5228 22:36

( ί mί) I'm not really into the whole getting a brand new iPhone for Xmas thing.

474 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5229 00:32

Π*ί°ί) I got a bag of
Π*ί-ί) ... oh, it's only chocolate money.

475 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5229 04:55

( ί ƒŽί) Did I get anything?

476 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5229 09:02

( LƒΦ`) I was going to get you mittens, but you allready BOUGHT ALL THE ONES IN THE CITY.

477 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5229 12:46

( LƒΦ`) So I skinned a pair of hamsters for you. If you stick your thumbs into their scrotal sacs, they're kind of like mittens.

478 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5229 17:02

( ί ƒŽί) Yay!

479 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5229 23:13

Π*ί°ί) I got a bag of

480 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5230 01:20

Π*ί°ί) bags.

481 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5230 04:56

(EΝE) Would those be ... funbags?

482 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5230 20:02

i@MƒnLj I received everything in the refrigerator. My most heartfelt thanks, Grandpa.

|œc

483 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5231 14:18

( LƒΦ`) I'd appreciate it if you brought back the thing that looks like a paint can.

( LƒΦ`) That's the stool sample I was saving for the lab tests.

484 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5231 21:42

i@MƒnLj I cooked it up for the stableboy already. He loved it.

485 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5231 23:38

( EƒΦE) It's the only thing I've had to eat all month.

486 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5232 01:12

( LƒΦ`) Dammit, it could be weeks before I pass another one...

487 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5232 15:57

i@MƒnLj I can offer you these premium laxatives at a bargain price.

488 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5233 17:36

(EΝE) Grandpa, what was life like back in your days?

489 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5233 17:36

( LƒΦ`) Back in my day, I could shit like a draft horse.

490 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5235 20:04

( LƒΦ`) Back in those days, I had no wife, no horse, no mustache, and things were just peachy. We had just finished punishing Germany for bombing Pearl Harbor, and I was up to my hips in adorable Filipino girls. It was paradise.

( LƒΦ`) Then WWIII happened, and everything went up in nuclear fire. And it was then that I grew a mustache.

491 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5235 22:02

(EΝE) Why a mustache, Grandpa?

492 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5236 00:46

( LƒΦ`) The mutants wouldn't eat me if I had a mustache. They didn't like the way it tickled their throats on the way down.

493 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5236 20:21

(EΝE) So what's with the nutsack?

494 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5237 01:46

( ί ƒŽί) It's so he can wear more mittens

495 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5237 20:52

(EΝE) Grandpa, what was the internet like before SomethingAwful was replaced by a domain parker website?

496 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5237 21:32

( LƒΦ`) The nutsack happens to all the men in our family. You'll get yours around age 12.

497 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5237 22:23

(EΝE) Speed it up, Cramps. You're two topics behind.

498 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5238 22:23

( LƒΦ`) Go to your room. You're annoying me.

499 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5238 22:25

( ί ƒŽί) What was your proudest GET?

500 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5238 22:26

( E-E) What a stupid question.

501 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5238 22:35

( LƒΦ`) That would be the rare 501get, which I use to make custom bluejeans.

502 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5239 12:27

( E-E) What a stupid answer.

503 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5239 17:37

(EΝE) Grandpa, I know doing drugs is bad, but is selling them to make a profit?

504 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5239 18:08

( LƒΦ`) You wouldn't sell them to make a loss, would you?

505 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5239 19:40

(EΝE) If I wanted to get revenge on someone by giving them a crack addiction...

506 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5239 22:24

(EΝE) Or if I'm just feeling generous...

507 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5239 22:45

@@No generosity in this house!
@@@ Θ__Θ@ Ώ
@@@i,,LƒΦ`)œc™
@@@@Όœc™))ΝE) ow sorry OW ow ow sorry OW
@@@@@™

508 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5241 19:05

( E-E) Take your pills, Grandpa, I'm generously giving them for free.

509 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5241 19:34

( LƒΦ`) Okay.

510 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5241 19:52

(EΝE) Take your smack, Grandpa, I'm generously shooting it up your veins for free.

511 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5241 19:56

(EΝE) See that's my hook. First shot's free, but seconds are double.

512 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5241 20:02

( LƒΦ`)‚Α Thanks, but I can do that myself.

( LƒΦ`)

|ƒΦ` ) ...Now to go sell all this, and spend the profits on beer.

|œc

513 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5241 20:26

(EΝE) All according to keikaku. Now I just have to call the FBI.

514 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5241 20:41

@@@@@ @Θ Θ@@^PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
@@@ @ @ΏEΝEjƒ@ Hello, FBI?
 ccc(‚@@| @ _QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
PPPPPPPP|

@@@@@@@@ CΘ Θ
@@ ___@@@@›(LƒΦ` )
@^_ccCb@ _
@@@@@@@@@@Θ
^PPPPPP@PPPPPPPPPPPP
| What do you want, kid?
_QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

515 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5241 21:14

@@@@@ @Θ Θ@@^PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
@@@ @ @ΏEΝEjƒ@ Could I speak to Agent Rotch? First name Mike.
 ccc(‚@@| @ _QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
PPPPPPPP|

@@@@@@@@ CΘ Θ
@@ ___@@@@›(LƒΦ` )
@^_ccCb@ _
@@@@@@@@@@Θ
^PPPPPP@PPPPPPPPPPPP
| I think Mike Rotch was kicked to death last week.
_QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

@@@@@ @Θ Θ@@^PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
@@@ @ @ΏEΝEjƒ@ Got kicked in the nuts, eh?
 ccc(‚@@| @ _QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
PPPPPPPP|

516 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5241 23:09

@@@@@ @Θ Θ@@^PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
@@@ @ @ΏEΝEjƒ@I'm sorry, I missed part of that because your post was too long.
 ccc(‚@@| @ _QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
PPPPPPPP|

517 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5242 07:34

@@@@@@@@ CΘ Θ
@@ ___@@@@›(EΝE )
@^_ccCb@ _
@@@@@@@@@@Θ
^PPPPPP@PPPPPPPPPPPP
| I said I'm a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt
_QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

518 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5242 14:53

( LƒΦ`) So who ya talkin' to?

519 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5242 18:48

(EΝE) Well, I thought it was the FBI, but apparently I was talking to the cookie monster.

(EΝE) Stupid toy phone I HATE IT!

520 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5242 19:35

( LƒΦ`) Whatever you do, be careful with it. You might damage the camera I hid inside it.

521 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5242 21:13

(EΝE) You haven't been selling videos of me to those voyeur porn sites again have you grandpa?

522 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5242 22:23

( E-E) Oh, how I fapped!

523 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 16:26

( LƒΦ`) So you masturbated, eh?

524 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 16:27

(EΝE) You bopped your baloney?

525 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 16:28

( LƒΦ`) You hit up the backstage party with Rosie and the Five Fingers?

526 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 16:28

(EΝE) You spanked Elvis?

527 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 16:29

Π*ί°ί) You waxed the dolphin?

528 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 16:30

( ί ƒŽί) You spit in the mitten?

529 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 16:30

( EƒΦE) You played with your doll?

530 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 16:31

( LƒΦ`) You hammered out a contract?

531 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 16:36

(@₯ิƒΦ₯ิ) You danced to the five knuckle shuffle?

532 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 16:52

( E-E) All of those, AND MORE!

533 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 19:04

( ί -ί) You're gross.

534 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 20:12

( E-E) Yup, I'm the gloss on your vagina.

535 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 22:33

>>528 wins three internets.

536 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 23:09

( E-E) I was >>528

537 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 23:41

>>535

( LƒΦ`) We don't pass out "internets" here, son. We only have mittens and useless clones

538 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 23:46

( E-E) Hey cramps, I was >>528, he gave me internets

539 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5244 23:56

( LƒΦ`) What he gave you was a LIE

540 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5245 00:38

( E-E) Grandpa, who wrote this shit of a script?

541 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5245 02:11

( LƒΦ`) I did, and you are grounded, young man.

542 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5245 14:53

(EΝE) Grandpa, when did you become so strict?

543 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5245 19:15

( LƒΦ`) A long time ago, in the age of dinosaurs. Those critters were running wild so I slammed my fist on the desk to show who's the boss... thus accidentally creating the Chick's Club crater.

( LƒΦ`)

( LƒΦ`) Ph34r m3

544 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5245 20:35

( E-E) I totally score at the Chick's club all the time guys.

545 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5245 20:39

(EΝE) All the time guys? I would have thought that he'd be able to pick up some women there. But, that's beady eyes for you.

546 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5245 21:08

( E-E) "Ph34r m3"? Clonepa, I thought I told you to stop playing with those goddamn masks already.

547 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5245 21:24

Scream and run in horror from my terrifying visage!
@@@ Θ__Θ@ Ώ
@@@i,,LƒΦ`)œc™
@@@@Όœc™))-E) ow sorry OW ow ow sorry OW
@@@@@™

( LƒΦ`) Here I go to the trouble of picking up the lingo of you hip youngsters and all I get is mockery!

548 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5246 00:15

(EΝE) Would you like some cake?

549 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5246 01:35

( E-E) If this is going where I think it is then you can fuck right off.

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