( ´ω`) hello kids!

( ´ω`) Also, stop ripping off Calvin&Hobbes gags!

(・∀・) Grandpa, you get stinkier and smellier every day! Just how old are you?

( ´ω`) Older than the trees, younger than the mountains.

(・∀・) Grandpa, do you think the Loch Ness Monster is real?

( ´ω`) That's actually your grandmother sonny.

(・∀・) Grandpa! I found slightly retarded cosplay of myself on the internet!

(・∀・)つ http://img339.imageshack.us/my.php?image=j9we.jpg

(・∀・) Am I cool yet?

( ´ω`) Yes, you do look retarded.

(・∀・) Grandpa, in regards to your letter of inquiry, I'm sorry to say that we no longer offer that particular product. However, I have enclosed one (1) book of coupons for many of our other fine products that I hope you will also enjoy. Thanks for writing.

Sincerely,
Junior, Vice President of Marketing.

( ´ω`) Hmph, that's not how we did business in my day.

(・∀・) Grandpa, I'm sorry, but I like to listen to Linkin Park.

(;∀;) CRAAWWWLLLINNGG INNNN MY SKINNNN

( ´ω`) The crap you listen to these days...

(・∀・) Grandpa, I'm sorry, but I have H5N1

( ´ω`) Too bad can't find any tamiflu

(・∀・) I am bored, Grandpa. Tell me a story!

( ´ω`) A long time ago in Washington, NY a giant robot fell on Arc de Triumph and accidentally ate the queen of the Mexico. THE END.

(・∀・) What was the queen of Mexico doing in Washington?

( ´ω`) Trotsky had sent her on a special mission to seduce the queen of England

(・∀・) We never learned that in school, Grandpa!

( ´ω`) Of course not... the government controls what the schools teach! They erase events from history to suit their own ends!

(・∀・) Grandpa, when I say the Pledge something in my pants goes 'Thump!'

( ´ω`) That's your little skinhead!

　 (*´ω｀)
　( ヽっﾉ　　　fapfapfap
　｜｜

(・∀・) Grandpa, I got a flu shot today and I'm all like, "Hey, flus! I'm pretty much invulernable now, so y'all can kiss my butt" and the flus are all like, "Oh, no! This guy is strong. but what until there's the Avian flu!" and I'm all like, "No humans have even caught that yet!" and they're like "Oh, you'll see."

(・∀・) So, anyway, I got a flu shot today.

( ´ω`) Ok

(・∀・) more liek はｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗｗおｋｗｗｗｗｗｗｗ amirite?

( ´ω`) No, more like you're a incompetant little infe-

( ;´Д`) HUGHH!! Oh, my heart!! Junior, call for help!!

(・∀・) Ha ha! What's that, grampa?

( ´ω`) Too much moe. I sorted it out with my brutal excessive masculinity! Harrrr!

(・∀・) Tell me more 〜 ♡

(・∀・) Grandpa, I think the Sox are going to win tonight. Are you a Sox fan or a Rally Monkey?

( ´ω`) Ozzie Guillen can go fuck himself, Junior.

(・∀・) Grandpa, was candy any different in the olden days?

( ´ω`) Was it ever! 5¢ would get you a jawbreaker as big as your head!

(・∀・) Grandpa, was TV any different in the olden days?

( ´ω`) Yes indeed! TV and movies were both black and white, and so was the entire world! Color was not invented until 1982.

(・∀・) Grandpa, who would win in a fight: Boar's Head sliced turkey or the Fox network (if it were a transforming robot)?

( ´ω`) Your questions are dumb. I am going to bed.

(・∀・) Good Morning Grandpa! I was wondering, what does Hic-a-doo-la mean?

( ´ω`) That's the mating call of the striped-breasted costume player, Junior. Be careful though; sometimes it's just an ordinary camwhore making that call.

(・∀・) Grandpa, will a camwhore finally love me if I buy all the items on her Amazon wishlist?

( ´ω`) Oh, Junior. There's so much for you to learn.

(・∀・) And there's so much to learn from you, Grandpa! Somehow I feel that this will always be the case!

(・∀・) Grandpa, can I be JISAKU JIEN with you?

( ´ω`) I guess. This will be the first and last time though.

(・∀・) Grandpa, did you know that humans are descended from the gracile line of Austrolipithecus? Specifically, Austrolipithecus afarensis?

( ´ω`) Kopipe from Wikipedia does not count as wisdom, Junior!

(・∀・) Grandpa, you're the coolest ever!

( ´ω`) And I worked damn hard to get this way! We didn't have CAPS LOCK when I was young. And they didn't just hand out wisdom, we had to go looking for it ourselves! And it was hard!

(・∀・) Grandpa, you're trapped on a desert island and you have three books with you. What are they?

( ´ω`) None. I ate them before I could even find out what they were.
(;´ω`) Now I feel sick...

(・∀・) Grandpa! Did you have to puke there? Those were new shoes too!

( ´ω`)

(・∀・) Grandpa, you're trapped on a desert island and you have three boobs with you. What are they?

( ´ω`)

(・∀・)

( ´ω`) A set of oppai, and 1 disembodied hovering boob, of course.

(・∀・) Grandpa! I put my clothing out to dry, and when I went to it this morning, everything but the pants were dry! What should I do??

( ´ω`) Do it like we used to in the good ol days, and get your slaves to blow on them until they are.

(・∀・) Grandpa! If you saw a lady in distress, what would you do?

( ´ω`) Save her. Save her now. Go.

(・∀・) Grandpa! If you had an illegitimate child, what would you do?

(　´_ゝ`) This thread is haunted. Leave now!

( ´ω`) I never told you the story about your Uncle Tom, Junior?

BEEP

(・∀・) Grandpa, does growing up mean we can't trust anymore?

( ´ω`) Growing up just means future sentencings will carry jail time.

(・∀・) Grandpa, look what I can do!

　 ∧＿∧　　　∧＿∧　　　　∧＿∧
　（　・∀・）　　（　・∀・）　　　（　・∀・）
⊂　⊂　 ）　　（　Ｕ　　つ　　⊂__へ　つ
　<　<　<　　　　）　）　）　　　　　（＿）|
　（＿（＿）　　（_＿）＿）　　　 彡（_＿）

( ´ω`) That's not you.

( ´ω`) Oh wait, you make them dance! GJ!

ヽ( ・∀・)ﾉ
　　　つ

(・∀・) Grandpa, what's that up in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

ヽ( ´ω`)ﾉ
　　　つ

(・∀・) Grandpa, how does the tail end up wagging the dog?

( ´ω`) You see, you need to tell the public about the B3 bomber.

(・Д・) Your answers are getting weird, grandpa. Are you dying?

( ´ω`) We are all dying, kid.

(・∀・) Grandpa, we have lost popularity at last.

( ´ω`) Nevarrr! I'll make Elfriede show her goods or whatever it takes to correct the situation!

(・∀・) That would actually be pretty cool, Grandpa! That Erofriede is one hot mama!

( ´ω`) In a second sonny. I got heartburn, too much rum.

(・∀・) Heartburn killed my father and raped my mother, Grandpa. We must exact revenge.

( ´ω`) That's what they told you, Junior....

(・∀・) Grandpa, I'm sick and tired of talking to you.

( ´ω`) Well, too fucking bad!

(・∀・) So this is it. I'm getting out of here.

(o )( o)
  ) .(  - helllooooooo, Junior!
 (  ♥ )

(°∀°) Y HELO THAR!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, as Junior entered paradise, Grandpa decided to play a game.

　　　 　　　　　 　∧＿∧＿___　　 ／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　　＿＿_　　（´∀｀　,） //|　＜ For $1,000,000...
　 　 <──<　＼⊂ へ ∩）//| || ＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
　　 　＼.　　＼,>'（＿）i'''i~~,,,,/
　　　　　￣||￣（＿）￣~||~￣
　　　　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣＼
━━< 　Have you ever showered before? 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　>━━
　　　　＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿／
　　　　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣＼　 ／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣＼
━━<　A：　Yes　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　 　　　　　　×　B：　No　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 >━━
　 　 　＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿／　 ＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿／
　　　　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣＼　 ／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣＼
━━<　Ｃ：　(・∀・)　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　×　D：　Put it in　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　>━━
　　　　＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿／　 ＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿／

( ´ω`) Um, A!

（´∀｀　,）I'm afraid the correct choice was C. Sorry, Grandpa. (D would have been an acceptable choice as well)

( ´ω`) ....

( ´ω`) Damn you, Junior.

(・∀・) Graaaand pa! Where you goin' with that gun in your hand?

( ´ω`) BANG! Spike Daisuki!

　　　　　　　 　∧＿∧　　　┌────────────
　　　　　　 ◯（ ・∀・ ）◯ ＜ For me, its Grandpa-chan!
　　　　　　　 ＼　　　 ／　　└────────────
　　　　　　　_／ ＿＿ ＼_
　　　　　　（＿／　　 ＼＿）
　　　　　　　　 　　ｌｌｌ

(・∀・) Grandpa, what's the best path for the warrior?

( ´ω`) Surely, the new and popular martian art that is sweeping the nation, Do Kyun Dou. That's DQNdo for you uneducated people!

( ´ω`) Want to learn it from me, Junior?

(・∀・) Yesyes! Please teach me Grandpa! You're so cool!

VIPkarakimasuta

<丶｀∀´>
http://japanese.chosun.com/site/data/img_dir/2005/10/28/20051028000081111.jpg

( ´ω`) Kiddo, I've been meaning to tell you - I'm actually Darkpa II.

（｀ハ´）Do you remember post >>741 on the first Grandpa thread?

_, -=''""￣￣""＝-―,.、
　　_,＝、 　　　　　　　　　 ￣＝.、
　　 彡 　　　　　　　　　　　　"" - ,
　　　 >　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 ヽ
　　 :"　　.＿＿＝＿＿　￣＝.、 　　＼
　　/ 　彡⌒　 |　|　　 ￣＝--,、　　　 ヽ　　　　　　　.'　　，　．. ∧＿∧
　 /彡"　/~ﾆ |　j|∧＿∧ 　 "ヽ　　　 　ヽ　　　　.∴　'　　　　　( ))ハ ´)
　／　　 (　/_/　 |( ´ω`) 　　　 ＼　　　ﾐ　　　　 ・,‘　ｒ⌒>　 _／ ／
　　　　　ヽ　ﾐ　 .|ヽ,- 　⌒ヽ. ,_　 　ﾐ　　　,i　　　　　　’|　ｙ'⌒　　 ⌒i
　　　　　　￣|　ﾐ　　　ﾉ|ヽ Y|三） 　ヽ　　.|　　　　　　　|　　／　　ノ ｜
　　　　　　　|　 |　　 /　＼＿ノ 　　 |ﾐ　 ij　　　　　　　, ー' 　／´ヾ_ﾉ
　　　　　　　ヽ　ヽ　 | 　　　　　　　 |　　|i 　 　　　　／　,　　ノ
　　　　　　　 "ー､　 | 　　　　　　　|　　 ﾉ　　　　 ／　／ ／
　　　　　　　　 　 ヽ　ヽ　　　　　 ﾉ /　/　 　　 ／　／　,'
　　　　　　　　　 　 ヽ　ヽ　　　　//　/　　　／ 　 ／| 　|
　　　　　　　　　 　　/ 　 ) 　　　/ ／　　 　!､＿／ / 　 〉
　　　　　　　　　　 /　／　　　　／ 　 　　　　　　　 |__／
　　　　　　　　　　|　 |
　　　　　　　　　　＼_|

（｀ハ´）Your foolish Grandpa may have thought to have defeated me then, but I was reincarnated as Darkpa II by the powers of DQN! Then, I spiked his tea in >>894 of the same thread:

　 ( ´ω`) Silly n00b
　　( つ旦O
　　と＿)_)

　 （　´◎`）
　　(　ﾞノ ヾ
　　と＿)_)
　 　＿, ._
　 （　´ω`） Wait, what...
　　( つ旦O
　　と＿)_)
　 　＿, ._
　 （　´ω`）
　　( つ　O. __
　　と＿)_) （__(）､;.o：。
　　　　　　　　　　ﾟ*･:.｡
　 　　　 _ _　 ξ
　　　 (´ 　 ｀ヽ、　　 　 __
　　⊂,_と（　 　 ）⊃　 （__(）､;.o：。HAX
　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　 ﾟ*･:.｡

（｀ハ´）Your precious "Grandpa" has long been dead since then! It was then I pretended to be your Grandpa. Slowly but surely, I was becoming less and less funny and thus more people lost interest in this thread. It is already too late! There's no more hope for your "Grandpa" or much less YOU, Junior!

(・∀・) Yes yes! We need some action! Drama! I'll save the girl!