( LΦ`) Well, we'll need this thread eventually.
( ίDί) Who are you anyways?
( LΦ`) I am Grandpa, the ultimate god of death...and...destruction...and stuff.
( ^ิΦOิ) Whuzgon'on dis tread?
( ^ิΦOิ) Whenduh fudk didjwe guh ice creeeeemm??
( LΦ`) I never thought having your own thread can be hazardous to your health...
(EΝE) Grandpa, what's wrong with Virginia Tech?
( LΦ`) zzz
( ίDί) WAKE UP GRANDPA
( ίDί) YOU'RE MISSING ALL THE...
( ίDί) That was done already?
(EΝE) Grandpa, do they have guns at UT in Austin?
(EΝE) ...what would you shoot, from the clock tower?
( LΦ`) You.
( (((EΝE))) ) ...!
(EΝE) Grandpa, do you write poetry?
(EΝE) Grandpa, what was your major?
( LΦ`) Modern Image Board Culture.
(EΝE) Culture of MIBs?
( LΦ`) You will remember nothing...
(EΝE)
(-Ν-) zzz
( LΦ`) Wake up!
(EΝE) !!
( LΦ`) Who am I?
( E-E) To make a long story short, you're Grandpa, you died back in the fifth Grandpa thread after a long and drawn out winding down of quality, and without their patron all of DQN has rotted and will continue to rot.
( E-E) Heaven is just through the door on the left. Have a nice afterlife.
( LΦ`) Whaaaaat? I never signed up for any of these new fangled compost heaps!
( EΦE) I signed using your name. That's O.K, right?
(EΝE) Grandpa, what was life like before the internet?
( LΦ`) It was great. Stupid people had much less influence on the world back then.
( LΦ`) Of course, it took me four days to download Commander Keen.
( LΦ`) Like being stuck in a box.
( E-E) YES, GRANDPA, ACT!!! Talk and pretend nothing's happened, as you exhaust the last of your DEATH-INDUCED SYNAPSE BURSTS!!!
( LΦ`) I'm too manly to die from something like that. I'll just grunt it off.
(EΝE) Grandpa!
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(@Ν@) Grandpa, why am I dizzy?~~~
( LΦ`) Because you keep dancing with that shit, its bound to make anyone dizzy.
(@Ν@) But all the c00l kidz are doing it!
( LΦ`) Cool? Back in the day cool meant you snuck into the bar underage!
(EΝE) Get naked, Grandpa.
@@ i@LΦ`j Come to me Junior!
@@@@@Όρ |@@@/ρ½ Let's go!
@@@@ @@@ i@Rρρρ½
@@@@@@@@ Ι>m@
@@@@ @@Ϊ
( E-E) Decapitated grandpas and disembodied voices.
( E-E) This thread has jumped the shark.
i@LΦ`jBack in my day, you actually had to go and find the shark on your own!
(EΝE) Grandpa, what does "jumping the shark" mean?
i@LΦ`jDodging the loansharks.
(EΝE) Is http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1177025967/ a good thread?
( E-E) It can't be any worse then this one, can it?
@@@@@Όρ |@@@/ρ½ B-U-N-ERECTION
@@@@ @@@ i@Rρρρ½
@@@@@@@@ Ι>m@
@@@@ @@Ϊ1
( E-E) Never mind, I think that this thread has set the bar for bad threads across the entire internet. One day, a researcher will find this thread, nestled in the deepest disgusting depths of a massive archive of the internet, and on that day, he will inadvertently destroy what little is left of a global communications network by bringing this horrific catastrophe of a thread to light.
( E-E) Don't say I didn't warn you when it happens.
(EΝE) Isnt it your fault this thread got derailed in the first place, Beady eyes?
( E-E) It was inevitable. Since Grandpa refuses to die, the thread will continue to be derailed by Deus ex machina or simple side-tracking every time we get close to finally putting the last nail in his coffin.
i LΦ`j Niggas ballin'
( E-E) No. That takes all the fun out of it.
( LΦ`) I think you're worse than that fatass...
(EΝE) Grandpa, do you think when we get to the 9th thread iteration, the combined post will be over 9000?
( LΦ`) No, it'll be somewhere around 8990
( E-E) We're on the one that sucks.
( E-E) This while play sucks. Though I'll admit some pages suck more than others.
(EΝE) Grandpa, how did people download books without the internet?
(EΝE) How many kilobits a second is that?
(EAE) Grandpa, I've got the flu!
( LΦ`) Back when I was your age, the flu got you! Boy, were you lucky if you survived the 1918 pandemic.
( LΦ`) ...or the 1340s pandemic. All those negroes scurrying along.
(EAE) Grandpa, that's racist !
( LΦ`) Back in my day, being a Racist meant that you raced your Negro-drawn buggy against other people
(EΝE) Isn't it unfair to race Negroes against horses because the Negro, being bred solely for sport, can beat any horse?
( LΦ`) We cut off their legs first.
( E-E) Grandpa no chinchi wa chisai da yo. Yopparai mou! Honto, gomenasai.
( LΦ`) What's that? You're making tacos?
(EΝE) What was life like before books?
( LΦ`) We had scrolls, Junior. You rolled them straight out and there was none of that bothersome "page-turning" you had to do, but it was hell keeping them clear from mould or the effects of age and weather.
(EΝE) What was life like before scrolls?
( LΦ`) We had stone tablets, Junior. They lasted for ages and ages and ages, but they were impossible to carry around and you'd be lucky if you ever got to use one yourself - you had to fetch a stoneworker (and a literate stoneworker at that) and dictate your message to him, and you'd always have to pay the most outrageous fees. Mostly, we left the stone tablet business to the temples and the guards.
(EΝE) Did they have 4-Ch on stone tablets?
( LΦ`) No, but we did have 4-ch on the city walls. Mind you, if you were caught actually "writing" on the city walls, the guards would visit the most terrible punishments upon you.
(EΝE) Did Nida demand Apolojuice when he was caught writing on the walls?