Sooo... simply put I wish I were born a female, but due to the impossibility of that, I would like to eventually become "female", but not necessarily through an operation or anything - just being able to look/portray myself as female would be sufficient.
I just so happen to be extremely introverted first of all (hence me being on this site), so it'd be hard enough to come out about something like that in the first place. I am also in a relationship with the love of my life.
And so that gets us to my point... what in the nine hells am I to do? In regards to both coming out, and most importantly my girlfriend. ;(
You wish to be a lesbian girl or a straight girl?
I don't know how much research you already did, but it would be good to read about the issue and more importanrly to talk live to people who went through the same thing as you. Look for a transgendered organisation or support group in your vicinity. If you don't know where to look start whith gay/lesbian support assocations, they may be able to direct you. Anyway your aim would be to better understand from people with real life experience what you want, how to achieve it, and avoid repeating mistakes others did.
As for your girlfriend, it's a difficult situation. There's no guarantee she will wish to live with the person you want to becme, but OTOH the issue will inevitably have to be dealt with. I think the best you can do is to facilitate things to her, by explaining and answering her questions, and showing that you still care for her. She will be very anxious, so it will be important to answer in a clear way to her questions, hence the utility of speaking with people who know. In the ideal situation she would actually support you, but you have to accept that it's not certain and make your best to help her keep up with you.
Good luck, and if possible do let us know how you are progressing.
>>4
Thanks.
I will start to look into those things tomorrow, although I'm not sure if we have any local gay/lesbian/transgendered organizations here (small southern USA town).
I wonder when I should open up to her... ;/
And now that I wake up, I think I may be too afraid to do much of anything.
>>6
Don't worry, that's normal, you have quite a task in front of you. But I think that if you just ignore the whole issue your life will become more dysfunctional in uncontrolled ways (suicide, failed marriage, etc).
Start small: just learn more through internet, then you will be able to take more informed decisions (just take care to use a private browser to avoid incidents, check this: https://wiki.mozilla.org/PrivateBrowsing).
Anyways, here's a starting point: http://www.tsroadmap.com
I wish to be Japanese
>>8
I'm afraid you really are in trouble. I suggest reincarnation ^_^
I think nobody has asked a very important quuestion; Why do you want to be a girl? You need to acuciously examinate you motivations.
Sorry about any typos; haven't got any sleep in days.
>>10, you can always ask those questions, but it's not certain that the OP can even answer them. And often that's not the point.
Let's talk about sexual orientation: unless you're bisexual, you will be attracted to either men or women, and your life will be shaped by these preferences. But can you explain them why you prefer one gender over the other by something that happened in your life, did you simply develop like that?
For many of such preferences, we are just born with them, and can't really explain them. The best we can do is to identify what works for us and and have the type of life that suits us the best, without always knowing why things are the way they are.
Talk to traps on any trap board, http://2ch.us/ lists a lot, find the most appropriate and talk...
I myself talked to traps a lot once and I must say that they are the nicest people I've ever met ol.
http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=45022153
consider moving to Indonesia?
>>14
That was pretty cool. Some cultures in India also have similar gender dispositions
well all in all, i have kind of the same problem except i don't think i'm going to go very far with it. but the best of luck to you man and i hope your life is a good one!
^^ bombs and lobsters = OH DEAR SWEET GOD!!!
you wanna be a gurl somyou can play with urself. naturally since you have man hormones or are you a fag type?
I am the OP of this thread.
I am an extremely introverted and weak person at heart so I neglected to act on my feelings at the time of originally posting this thread.
After I originally posted this thread I took it upon myself to force out all thoughts of it and that it wasn't worth the risk, but from time to time I wonder if I made the right decision.
I wonder - would she hate me? Would she understand me? Would she continue to be there for me on a daily basis like she has been? Would I be able to completely ignore these feelings and break them apart from who I am? Why am I like this? Was I born this way or did I become this way through external influences?
I hate it when she expects me to be aggressive, to take the initiative, to be the deciding one, to lead.
I hardly expect a response to this - why would anyone? The mere idea of telling her about me makes me terrified of the potential outcome. I'm weak and unmotivated. Despite all of this it hurts.
>>18
I don't know about being a girl, but I am rather feminine myself. Read Jung. He has all the asnwers you seek. Also, are you sure you want to become a female? Are you sure that it isn't simply that the certain emotions and feelings you are experiencing are pigeon holed as FEMALE thoughts and behaviours, etc., by our society, and so you 'wish you were a woman'?
No matter what the case, do what -you- feel.
>>19
It's a mixture of the two. I don't care about having a vagina, but I would want to be everything else about a woman (I am indeed stereotyping).
I want to dress as a woman, to express myself as a woman, to openly BE a woman, but at the same time the possession of a vagina would make me no more a woman than downing estrogen pills and growing breasts. I want to be loved, to be taken care of, to be submissive, to be and do everything a (stereotypical) female can be and does do.
Maybe I'm just afraid of the idea of a sex change. When I stop and think about it I know I would much prefer a wholly female body, but as much as I know that it also terrifies me. I really am a weak person.
Where would I go about reading Jung?
>>20
Of particular interest to you would be Jung's idea of the animus and anima, but the rest of his writing is relevant.
I think I know the answer to your problem, but telling you wouldn't do you any good as in the discovery of it you'll find your answer.
However due to the modern condition, etc., it might not turn out well for you.
>>21
What books or lectures, etc. of his cover that? I tried looking and it seems he doesn't have a book purely on that subject or maybe I didn't search very well.
>but telling you wouldn't do you any good as in the discovery of it you'll find your answer
I suppose that's true.
>However due to the modern condition, etc., it might not turn out well for you.
Well, that's not very pleasant sounding. What do you mean?
>>22
Try 'Man and his Symbols' (by Jung, meant as an introduction to his theories), & 'Symbols of Transformation'.
The modern condition is what you see before you. The wasteland of the soul. The decadence of humanity.
Your environment is bound bound to affect you unless you recognise it for what it is and reject it.
>>23
Whoops rereading this I realise to some it might seem as if I was a christian or proselytizing. I'm not religious or anything along thos elines. If you don't understand what I mean then never mind.
Welcome to my world, bud.
Girl here.
A "Stereotypical" female is way away from reality.
Most "Stereotypes" of the knowing of a female person are created by male society, so, in thought you're just acting very manly because you're actracted to the idea of being one of this visions.
However, it's very possible a "normal, common" wife will find this disturbing, but if she loves you deeply i think she will understand you one day.
It's like for example, myself. I crave for the idea of being a sex toy, being fucked by my hubbie if i were a bitch, his plaything, i want to be fucked (mostly) but in my deep this is what i want. So, if my hubbie give me this, the person submitting is he, so i don't feel totally satisfied, maybe a little satisfied by the fucking but what i want is truly submit, so... if you want truly submit, you need to think about it more carefully, because something is a kink and other thing is a way of life, even for your wife is you want her to dom you, or any other dominant female. But thats my little vision of the world, i can be wrong.
I would love to my dominant hubbie to do this things to me but he doesn't want to give me the pleasure, so i think i must find a slut that acts like dom person but submit to me. :O Wow a safe beatiful world of my own imaginagion. fap
Forget it all, i think i just got to another subject.
>>26
Well, at least it was an entertaining tangent ^_^)
I'm transgendered as well, I'm andro which means I have no direct mental gender identity. I guess it makes most full transgendered people lucky, because at least they know what they want to be, me on the other hand, I was once asked "if you'd like to be treated as a boy or a girl" by a friend on the net, and I was like "duh........ I don't know >_>". My advice is always 'if it makes you happy, go for it.' Just be sure to see a therapist and have an actual doctor give you hormones if you do. Also, a way to gauge if you'd really be happier or not is to start drinking soy milk/soy products. Soy has chemicals in it that replicate estrogen, if you have depression and you think it's based on your gender identity, if you mood improves thats a pretty good indication that you should go with it.
>>28 when you say that you are transgendered, does it mean that you have taken/are taking some steps to modify your gender? (medication, operations, clothing, makeup, etc).
Also I don't understand when you say you're andro. Do you alternatively want to be a man and a woman, or none? I think many people do not particularly care about the gender they are born with, without this being a problem in their lives. I don't think this is what you are talking about...
>>29, transsexual means that steps have been taken to modify gender, transgendered or as it's called Gender Dysphoria is typically used to describe anyone who's mental gender identity doesn't match their biological gender, post op, transitioning, or not. Being andro means that I don't think of myself either as a man or a women nor do I identify with either. I have no preference to either as well. I think on both sides of the argument when it comes to men and women as well. I would be fine and dandy if I didn't even have genitals at all, although that's not the situation now is it. It's a difficult thing to describe, I think that the COGIATI (Combined Gender Identiy And Transsexuality Inventory) described it the best:
COGIATI classification THREE, ANDROGYNE
What this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially androgynous, both male and female at the same time, or possibly neither. In some cultures in history, you would be considered to be a third sex, independent of the polarities of masculine or feminine. Your gender issues
are intrinsic to your construction, and you will most likely find your happiness playing with expressing both genders as you feel like it.
SUGGESTIONS FOR ACTION:
Your situation is a little tricky in our current society, but not tremendously so, depending on your geographic location.
The suggestions for your circumstance are not overly complicated.
feminine. You are more likely a transgenderist, than a transsexual. It is recommended that you recognize that your gender issues are real, but that extreme action regarding them should be viewed with great caution.
3. If you have not already, consider joining any of the thousands of groups devoted to gender play of various varieties. There is literally a world of friends to discover who share your interests. There are also publications,
vacations, and activities that would expand your gender play.
Dam, I misread transgendered for transsexual, my bad. So from your last post I assume that you are perfectly happy to clothe like a male, and don't particularly fantasize about wearing female clothing, cross-dressing or pass as a female? In other words, whatever your mental gender identity, current society expectations in terms of appearance do not tax you. That would not be surprising, there are plenty of women who are comfortable being women and clothe in a manner indistinguishable from men (I'm talking of outside appearance, they don't need to wear boxers and shun bras to qualify).
Out of curiosity, in which ways does your gender identity puts you at odds with society expectations (and I include into society close family members, anything outside yourself), besides your sexual orientation? Because if there is nothing else, there wouldn't even be a point in talking about transgender as a subject.
My gender identity has more to do with my personality than my outward appearance. For example, there are social norms to how males and females are supposed to act. I don't fit in with any of them, for a male, I'm very empathetic, emotional, and submissive. I don't do competitive, nor do I ever get very angry or act "tough". On the flip side, I'm still far more masculine than most girls, I don't shy away from "chick flicks" but at the same time, I'm not a fan of the either for example. My music likes are a perfect example of my mind, on one hand, I listen to just about the hardest rock you can find, slipknot, Rammstein, Maximum the Hormone are a few examples. The rest of my music is filled with very poppy, girly music. T.M. Revolution, t.A.T.u., BeForU, things like that. Also my own personal comfort is constantly in question, most andro people have a preference in one direction or the other, and I never have figured out which it should be, I could be missing out on so much right now, or this could be as good as it gets and changing things would be a huge mistake, that's the decision I face on a daily basis, aside from my constant strive to be more masculine to fit in where I go to school. I live in a very rural, sports orientated area. Not playing sports instantly makes me an outcast and not being a farmer/rancher/etc also makes people give me a weird look. Most people out here don't even have internet access, and if they do it's like, 24 kps Dial up, I have a "Bible History" class, and today was "Horse, Hay, and tractor day" sponsored by the FFA (Future Farmers of America). I once brought a friend out here from Denver, and he said, and I quote, "I've seen this movie, the creeper comes and eats us all." referring to Jeepers Creepers 2.
Your last post was very informative, but it gives me the impression that you suffer more from Culture Dysphoria than Gender Dysphoria. You seem to have difficulties in living in a macho agrarian society and you would probably fit better in a more liberal, educated, and less gender-polarized environment. I mean, the fact that you don't identify with the local male role model (macho god-fearing cowboy) does not mean that you are necessarily uncomfortable with all forms of male-only identities.
I myself am pretty comfortable with my male gender, and have no problem enjoying a romantic comedy (also gender bender fictions are a must for me). On the other hand I know plenty of females who are extremely competitive, enjoy hard rock, and do not feel the least at odds with their female gender. In less gender polarized societies, people have no difficulties expressing emotional aspects which in more conservative societies are rigidly - and in my view arbitrarily - gender segregated.
So... would it be correct to say that you have more difficulties identifying with the local macho god-fearing cowboy male identity rather than with male identity in general? For instance, I can believe that you don't identify with John Wayne, but how about Oscar Wilde? Leonardo da Vinci? Shakespeare? Arthur Rimbaud? Tolstoy? St-Exupéry? Plenty of people (at least to my knowledge) comfortable with their male gender identity, but still showing extreme sensitivity to feelings, romanticism, emotions, whatever you seem to assign to the female gender...
When did this thread become more about me than the poster? XD. Anyhow, I'm also a huge fan of Gender Bender stories, mainly anime. KashiMashi, No Bra, Otoboku, Mai Otome (the manga), I can go on but you get the idea. I've also thought of myself as a girl as much as I've thought of myself as a guy, as in my own mind. I also think you missed the point, I'm comfortable with my biological gender and identity, but that's the point of being and androgyne, in theory I'd be comfortable either way. What I said is I don't totally identify with either typical males nor females, typical being the key word, of course there would be exceptions, we are all humans and all different after all. On the COGIATI, I check out as slightly more feminine than male for example, and although tests can be bent for outcome, I also was in gender therapy for a while and my therapist agrees that I am andro. Most of what I was saying in the last post were examples. One reason why it's slightly difficult for me to explain these things is because I haven't thought about them for a long time. I was severely depressed about a year ago mainly because of this, and now I've been on an anti-depressant for a while and I've made up my mind I wouldn't let this bother me until I'm older and I'd have the ability to change things if I wanted. It's not so much that I've solved my problems so much as I've put them on the back burner.
What I have a hard time understanding, is why you are having a problem with the issue, even going to the point of depression, while at the same time saying you are pretty comfortable with your biological gender and identity. There is some kind of paradox here that I think you could explain better: what exactly is bothering you, if you are comfortable?
Anyways, I took the COGIATI test, and ended up with the same result as yours (classification three, androgyne). As it happens, I lose no sleep on my gender identity, and the whole thing is a non-issue for me. So I'm at pains to understand your problem here.
What I do think, is that these kinds of tests are actually pretty detrimental, because they tend to have many hidden and unproven assumptions (the worse being that people feel transgendered because their brain is biologically more similar to the other sex, according to their unproven criteria). But for a more expert comment on the issue, I advise you to check this link: http://www.tsroadmap.com/mental/gendertests.html
>Oscar Wilde? Leonardo da Vinci? Shakespeare? Arthur Rimbaud? Tolstoy? St-Exupéry?
Actually, at least two of the people in this list were gay.
>Actually, at least two of the people in this list were gay.
Being gay and having gender identity issues are two completely different issues. Most gay people are pretty comfortable about their natural gender. Their issue is the gender they are attracted to.
I believe none of the men I cited wished to be women.
Well, for me all those online tests are not trustwordy enough to say if you are transgendered, transsexual or just crazy. Those can be just guidelines and the best guildeline i encountered up to date is COGIATI. But i'd recomend to read the questions and think of the meaning of every answer and how it applies to your "true you" and not only count the score. This is not simple IQ test, this is something much more important, you have to feel the meaning of questions and answers. Guidelines should be treated as very basic, general ideas too.
I did this test long time ago and ended up with COGIATI category 3, which now i KNOW [by personal expirience and doctor's opinion] is corect. But the guideline turned out to be wrong, now i'm going for full sex change, including the surgery and stuff.
How it feels to be in the process of such change? GREAT!!!
I'm adyrogyne, i have equally strong male and female part so when i started to change i could bring to front the whole me, true me. I no longer need to hide female me behind mask of pretending i'm normal male. It's like finding out that your CPU is dual core and until now second one was disabled and you had to use only one. And not only you now have "2 cpu cores" but you aslo dont waste CPU power on pretending you are someone who you are not. In my case this "its much better" is not only on mental and social side - my body works much better on the female hormones but i think thats personal biology stuff.
There are drawbacks as well, for example how family and friends accept the new you but my life was so messed up when i started i havent payed any attention to those.
The only thing i remembered and i will remember forever is that when you do a sex change you are not changing you, your sex/gender, you are simply bringing the true you to the front and adjusting your body so as a whole it would be socially aceptable, and this is especially important to us adyrogyne transgendered.
>>38 It's great to have your testimony, thanks for sharing it!
If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you some questions, like: at which age did you start to think that there was something wrong with your gender, and how did it come about? When did you start to do something about it?
As for your family and friends, I think they will end up coming to terms with it, specially if they see that you are feeling much better after your change. In any case I wish you best of luck ^_^
Well - it was always wrong for "the others", the mob. For me it was more of "i don't understand what is gender, sex and what's the fuss with it" than "i'm in the wrong body". As if i had none. And it was since the earliest years.
I started suspecting that i may be transgendered when i was about 22 when i got the internets. You know - online sex change is way too simple and... one day i realized that i use my male name only for official stuff like internet banking and school and i basically "live" in my mind and online as Alana. Then came my ex GF and realtionship with her. How it progressed and how it ended ensured me that i'm indeed transexual and that i need to do something about it. But at this point, 3 years ago my life, my mind was badly messed up and it took me another 1.5 years of fighting with myself, family, doctors to get what i needed. Basically i had to do whole treatment myself - starting from psychological stuff finishing with getting my hands on proper medicine and using it. It thought me very much about myself and how the world REALLY works and how i can use it for my own needs. Now all i need is legal status changed and surgery but thats hard to do on your own so i need to see proper doctor.
PS: i'm not US citizen
PS2: for my family members and those "friends" who refuse to accept me as i am all i have is a knuckle sandwich and they know they will get it when they motivate me [piss me off] enough so its not a matter to worry about anymore
>>40 It's great to hear that you could take matters into your own hands and push things your way. I do hope you get access to a proper doctor, since it would be really helpful to benefit from adequate expertise, considering the complexity and importance of body changes. I am not a doctor, but I do think that the hormonal treatment should be well adjusted, since the potential for complications is real, that's powerful stuff.
Thanks again for sharing, it's nice to hear experiences from someone who seems so enthusiastic about it (although I know this comes after years of wandering and research, and that you still have your phases of weakness).
This is interesting, when I was little, I always hung out with girls... Nowadays, I don't, but it's almost like they rubbed off on me. I've got a squeaky voice, a slender, frail body, kinda wider hips, and a generally femenine streak (I hate getting dirty, I squee when I see something cute, ect.). I hate it when I see someone acting all macho and generally disrespecting the opposite gender (I see alot of this shit at my school). I'm also really REALLY shy, so I don't usually talk to people IRL... I'm not gay, by any means, but I've always wanted to be swept off my feet by a strong, confident female (like the ones in Strawberry Panic '_').
Do I have problems?
>Do I have problems?
No, as long as you are comfortable with yourself.
Well some of my trannsexual friends are/were like that but that does not mean that you have a problem. If you are OK with who you are you are OK with who you are and dont try to fix something that works [unless you are asking for trouble or seeking strange adventures]. But be advised that sometimes it changes overtime.
>>37
I know, just found it funny and worth of noticing. No harm intended.
>>46 no problem, I did not see it as a jab, but I clearly wanted to separate both issues, since in popular culture gays are often portrayed as being "girly", which is often completely wrong (actually, you would expect males attracted to males, and thus living in a mostly a male environment to be the least girly of men, but of course people come in all sizes and formats, even among gays).