Alright, I Never considered much thought of posting my problems to a website but for some strange reason, today for the first time in years I feel I should try and see if anyone can tell me what is happening to me, what is going on, how do I fix this?
I use to be a naturally reserved person, back in secondary school but I meet friends who changed/helped me but in the end they screwed me over, now that i had to start over again with new friends i put my social skills i learnt from my previous friends in good use, then I found myself with a number of groups of friends, the thing is I'm not close with them and thats part of my problem, I cant get myself close friends, While I learnt to become socialable, I cant seem to gain close friends or in relationships.
Now at 17, Im in college and still a virgin, never in a relationship or a first kiss, not even close friends, the only thing I gained is a large quantity of friends who are not close, and are only the typical friends you would go to the cinema with, go shopping, eatting with, sports with, talk with, drink with, but the thing is they are not close enough to be talking about personal stuff with, plan to do stuff with i.e concerts/gigs... (I am actaully going to the 'Snow Patrol' Concert on Feb in Aberdeen, to be random)
I am a British Born Chinese (BBC), I get this alot that I have a Scottish Accent and I am Chinese, I do not speak chinese but I understand Chinese, the thing is I do not speak chinese not before I cant, but because I believe I have an accent/ pronouncation problem with both cato/mader (This is Not the problem as the people I am friends with are not all chinese, more like only 10% of my friends are chinese). My accent is quite the icebreaker with making 'just friends' as a scottish accent, and friendly natural voice thats the easy part.
Relationship Problem: I cant seem to find myself a girlfriend to be with, someone i can share my feeling is, I am 5"8 so I'm not short, (BBC),go to college, I have a part-time job, I am helpful naturally (i do some volenteering aswell in my free time), I go to the gym to workout 1.30hours-2.30hours 4x days a week and fit in swimming and sauna 2x a week and My body is quite nicely built but Im in general classed 'skinny' as i have a high matabolism and my body frame is Small-Medium but with noticably muscle tones, I love to talk to people and If there was an odd silence I would break it with a random laughter, I am reliable and independant, healthy, I am going to pass my drivers license on Jan, and I will have a car by then, I dont do drugs or smoke but I do go out with friends to Drink, yet there is no one who I can be with, I dream of new romantic things to do with a partner every night that, I lost count. I want to share my life with, to have a first relationship with, I am very practical in what I do (I can pick up things very quickly and very natual) and I have a logical mind and I am Capricornious (B-day in Jan, I will be able to drive legally before 18) I believe in star signs as my friend(female) introduced me to them, I was interested as it happens to give a realistic overview of my personality. I would be considered the "Jack of All Trades" as I do not excel in anything special, I am quite Artist/Creative but in the same time I am good at management/ business. I am Self-conscious as I can be un-biased at judging myself, I also give good accuracy reliable information and guidance to my friends in general when they look to me for advice. I dont have any Bad habits, I am not scared of anything and I am quick to defend people I know. I am also self-relient and even handled my own bullies, 2 bullies in different time-periods (I taken care of my own bullies myself, i beaten them myself, I would tell you in detail but too long....)
Relationship Problem: I cant seem to find myself a girlfriend to be with, someone i can share my feeling is, I am 5"8 so I'm not short, (BBC),go to college, I have a part-time job, I am helpful naturally (i do some volenteering aswell in my free time), I go to the gym to workout 1.30hours-2.30hours 4x days a week and fit in swimming and sauna 2x a week and My body is quite nicely built but Im in general classed 'skinny' as i have a high matabolism and my body frame is Small-Medium but with noticably muscle tones, I love to talk to people and If there was an odd silence I would break it with a random laughter, I am reliable and independant, healthy, I am going to pass my drivers license on Jan, and I will have a car by then, I dont do drugs or smoke but I do go out with friends to Drink, yet there is no one who I can be with, I dream of new romantic things to do with a partner every night that, I lost count. I want to share my life with, to have a first relationship with, I am very practical in what I do (I can pick up things very quickly and very natual) and I have a logical mind and I am Capricornious (B-day in Jan, I will be able to drive legally before 18) I believe in star signs as my friend(female) introduced me to them, I was interested as it happens to give a realistic overview of my personality. I would be considered the "Jack of All Trades" as I do not excel in anything special, I am quite Artist/Creative but in the same time I am good at management/ business. I am Self-conscious as I can be un-biased at judging myself, I also give good accuracy reliable information and guidance to my friends in general when they look to me for advice. I dont have any Bad habits, I am not scared of anything and I am quick to defend people I know. I am also self-relient and even handled my own bullies, 2 bullies in different time-periods (I taken care of my own bullies myself, i beaten them myself, I would tell you in detail but too long....)
For the girls I meet, I am immediately friendzoned. either that or i fail to see signs, and if they happen to give a blaunantly obvious signal i tend to be shocked and make up a shit excuse of saying no as I am scared of showing my deeper feelings when I dont mean to be, and dont realise until its too late.
Now I feel there is no one who loves me for who I am, I must look like a freak with an accent that a chinese person is not suppose to have, my family in HK and Taiwan look at me with comtempt when I went over to visit them...I do not belong with chinese and I do not belong with white people...I only ever visited my family's family twice...and my Culture is Scottish, along with its Patriotism and Braveness.
What are girls looking for in Guy?
I came to the conclusion I might be bi, as I am Attracted sexually with females but it seems to not have anything closer than that...however I know this guy that is Bi he is a few months younger than me and we are pretty close with each other. I known him since 3 years through the internet (we met through a game called Maplestory, though i quit a while ago but continued to talk to him after I workout in the gym), and recently he knows how I feel and I am actaully attracted to him, but he lives roughly 2hours away from me by train, we even send naked pics of each other, in kinky ways...different ways all the time, it even looks pornographic i believe. we even promised to meet, once I pass my driving lessons.
I need opinions and guidance for once...this is the first time I'm asking for advice in....5 years..
Ty and Please comment on or help me.
For the girls I meet, I am immediately friendzoned. either that or i fail to see signs, and if they happen to give a blaunantly obvious signal i tend to be shocked and make up a shit excuse of saying no as I am scared of showing my deeper feelings when I dont mean to be, and dont realise until its too late.
Now I feel there is no one who loves me for who I am, I must look like a freak with an accent that a chinese person is not suppose to have, my family in HK and Taiwan look at me with comtempt when I went over to visit them...I do not belong with chinese and I do not belong with white people...I only ever visited my family's family twice...and my Culture is Scottish, along with its Patriotism and Braveness.
What are girls looking for in Guy?
I came to the conclusion I might be bi, as I am Attracted sexually with females but it seems to not have anything closer than that...however I know this guy that is Bi he is a few months younger than me and we are pretty close with each other. I known him since 3 years through the internet (we met through a game called Maplestory, though i quit a while ago but continued to talk to him after I workout in the gym), and recently he knows how I feel and I am actaully attracted to him, but he lives roughly 2hours away from me by train, we even send naked pics of each other, in kinky ways...different ways all the time, it even looks pornographic i believe. we even promised to meet, once I pass my driving lessons.
I need opinions and guidance for once...this is the first time I'm asking for advice in....5 years..
Ty and Please comment on or help me.
I need opinions and guidance for once...this is the first time I'm asking for advice in....5 years..
Ty and Please comment on or help me.
Sorry about the Long Post...
>>we even promised to meet, once I pass my driving lessons.
Well, my suggestion would be to try how things go with him first, if you're comfortable with that.
hmm, but that doesnt solve my main problem, I cant find/ attract girls, and I actually want to experience some feels with one, but it has came to the point I believe its pointless.
I cant exactly be Bi, since I would die from being a failure to my family.
You seem to seriously lack of self confidence. You have a scottish accent, and so what? Why should an BBC not have a scottish accent, if he lives in Scotland? If people in HK look down on you because of your accent, they are just being silly, and you should brush it off. Actually, I do like the scottish accent, and I think it can be quite popular (think of Sean Connery). Just take the whole issue a bit less seriously, and laugh it off.
As for your love interests, it's more complicated: I think that you should explore your interests, whatever they are. If you feel constrained by your family, I suggest you contact an LGTB association in your town (Aberdeen), so that you can meet people who lived what you are going though. This does not mean that you have to follow that path, but it can help you see how other people solved the problems you are facing, and help you out.
Personally, I don't see much point in going after girls if in the end boys are your main interest. You would just be a pain to them, and they would pay you back with interests,... I think you would gain more by learning to know yourself better.
>>7
uhh, I lack self confidence...its weird, because Im usually confident around people, and people Im with believe Im confident, but your right, I do feel like a douchebag inside but I dont show it, even though people recognise me immediately from my voice is not necessary a bad thing since it draws in people, I cant seem to be in a relationship as most people automatically think Im too complicated with my background,
then there is the whole 'losing the chinese culture' thing with my family and my families country, which is not mine...it seems the only thing chinese about me is my skin.
LGTB association...I dont know if there is one, and if there was, I doubt I would go there, since I show myself outwardly that I am straight...straight that Im one of those guys that could pull of wearing pink and still look solid and hard (manly) and I dont want to stain this feeling, and imagine if I was caught going in there. not only that but I have GREAT trouble asking for help, after being bullied and having to fix it myself, I don't believe in getting help, though I do accept help to an extent or if i feel it wont effect my personal state on how people look at me.
Hmm, maybe that is the case but I doesn't feel right to be with guys with all the pressure of being with one if word comes out. not only that but I am actaully a logical and reasonable person so I actaully know my choice is limited to Girls whether I like men more than woman, as thats what nature, my family, my life intends what I do.
Its weird because even though I am with attractive girls, that I would love to be with, I dont feel I can be with them together since I Hate How All Girls Expect Guys do all the work...feels like girls arent inedpendant enough, maybe its just the girls I am friends with, meet, and know but thats typically how they act on most work, tasks, and things in general, though I dont mind if its reasonable.
learning about myself...like what? I cant learn about myself I dont really know who I am now.
Its weird because even though I am with attractive girls, that I would love to be with, I dont feel I can be with them together since I Hate How All Girls Expect Guys do all the work...feels like girls arent inedpendant enough, maybe its just the girls I am friends with, meet, and know but thats typically how they act on most work, tasks, and things in general, though I dont mind if its reasonable.
learning about myself...like what? I cant learn about myself I dont really know who I am now.
Scotland, you need to figure out what kind of person makes you happy in a relationship, not who your family and society say you should be happy with.
>I cant exactly be Bi, since I would die from being a failure to my family.
Why does it matter to your family if you're bi or not? If being with a guy makes you happy, then that's what makes you happy. If being with a girl makes you happy instead, same deal.
As for meeting people (girls or guys), I'd say go wherever you think is interesting and if there's other people there too, it means that they also find it interesting and at least you have that in common.
>>10
i owe too much to my family to let them down this way, and Im not selfish enough to make myself happy on the idea I would upset and break my family. I was broght up with respecting other peoples feelings and decisions before mine, and so now I partly got to use it, I would be happy as long as everyone is happy.
I am a virgin and also never had a relationship, so you can see, I do not understand how to build up a decent, more deeper relationship even though I dream of having one.
I actaully believe I would make a good bf to any partner because of this, as my feelings play no part in it, and I am completely willing to put all effort in it.
There is also the hard part of finding someone, as everyone is so different from me, where I live and born and never had any someone to care for, or to be with, no one to share my feelings that I wish I dont have.
>I am straight...straight that Im one of those guys that could pull of wearing pink and still look solid and hard (manly) and I dont want to stain this feeling, and imagine if I was caught going in there.
If you think being gay means wearing pink, then you definitely need to meet real life gays,... News flash: they are mostly normal, except of course for their sexual preference. So of course most gays are just plain normal. As for being afraid of being caught, get a bit more self confident. And if you are really afraid, then take precautions (go to the next town's association).
>i owe too much to my family to let them down this way,
There is nothing or no one on Earth to whom you owe the way you live your life or the people you go out with. Being gay won't break your family, families are not that fragile. You really need to update your views, your world view seems to come straight from the middle ages, as far as homosexuality is concerned.
Uhm... You know, Scotland. I think you're pretty cute, and nice, and just so perfect... i was like you once... you, you need to stomp over and do what you really want... It's ok to have your family feelings count but it's not alright... You will never be happy like that, you, you need to prove yourself that you worth it (and you really do) and for what it's seems you're a guy too smart for average seventeen guys out there...... You worth something big and something nice, a propper woman/or guy whatever, that's mature enough to understand you and complement you... well, that's what i see... and what i think... also life is long, don't rush things... you'll find one day that someone and it will be so perfect or not so like you dream off, who knows. But, just try to be patient... also, if you usually are friendzoned... maybe it's not your fault, maybe it's because destiny hasn't put in front of you a girl that worth your love, you have so much to give and random girls will not give that much you're giving... so don't rush things, i know you'll find her, you need to do also more autoknowing practice lol, so you can be very sure... I'm giving you all my luck and love, and understanding because even if i don't know you, i feel real conected... and i think i was like you once.
Please don't give up!! IT'S FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!
i mean it.
>>12
I didnt mean wearing pink makes a person gay, just saying that as an example, like how a person would be able to pull of wearing clothes that might not fit other people depending on what their self-appearance maybe.
This is the ironic part...even though I am Bi, and that I am attracted by both genders, I am Homophobic...and I cant stand sissys or weak people in that sort...not only that but I have a 6th sense for it, I can automatically tell if a person is gay or not by their posture, speech, looks, phyiscal stature and so on...which is weird...
'familys are not that fragile' - Not in speaking terms with most of my family and my familys connection doesnt sound so great. you might think this view point is the middle ages, I agree but my family does not, they still believe in the 'whole chinese culture' and so they despise gays/bi/les and feel they deserve to die. I am guessing you are not born in a Chinese family and wont know, where they are so shallow-minded...I have to deal with it every single day.
>>13
I appreciate your enthusiusm but im not cute, nor Im I perfect, if anything, I am so imperfect that I dont even deserve to live, I dont understand why I am still fighting to live after being in a couple of incidents where I should be left for dead.
I am no one and Im only a person born to serve for peoples purpose, why do I deserve to be happy when its much better to see people be happy instead, life isnt a game, not everyone can be happy so its best to give those that are deserving to a partner and enjoy that. That is what life is, and its something I wont be included in, I realise this, Im not naive nor a gullible fool even though I can alway keep dreaming.
If you want to know my future plans, I actaully dont plan on living past 50, I prefer to keep my body fresh and strong and dont believe there is a point living as an old man, I prefer to live my life in its Prime and at its best at the peak before 'going down hill' as an old man.
autoknowing practice what is that?
how do you feel connected? and how were you like me once?
>>16
you live in amaerica, and you might think its the same in america but its totally different, so obviously you dont know me, and you obviously dont no this but I show myself confident towards everyone, and I make my friends from it, I even started my own group and connections, I make plans to go out for drinking, hanging out, shopping, eatting, talking and even go to the cinema, play some sports and the gym together, get tickets to go to concerts and so on... I even manage to fit in work 4days a week, go to college, and try pass my driving lessons...
and in college with my classmates..who do you think Im with on my breaks? they follow me, and I welcome them, I even ask people who are on their own to join us aswell, (my usual hanging place on my breaks in college is the local pub).
I cant move out because they expect me to stay here until im at least 18 or 19, not to mention there is the credit crunch.
Well at least Im only in the house with them for roughly 3hours of my waking day...and Im out or Im Sleeping...
Even showing myself confident, I am still without someone...this is why Deep inside I hate myself for who I am.
>>17
Scotland, you're only 17 years old. There's no rule of the universe that says that you have to be in a relationship by a certain age or you're worthless. I'm 17 myself and I've never had a boyfriend. Sure, I'd like to have one, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I have the rest of my life to find the guy I want to marry.
I think maybe part of your problem is that you're so focused on finding a girlfriend that 1) you're ignoring opportunities in front of you, like the guy you mentioned earlier, and 2) probably some of that stress is showing to the girls that you like. Just chill out, enjoy what you have. From what I can tell, you actually have quite a bit going for you, you just need to appreciate it.
Well, there's your problem.
1._ Insecurity.
2._ Want to please others and not yourself.
You'll never be happy like that or have a girlfriend/boyfriend.
Maybe you think you show yourself confident but soon or later they'll notice it, that you aren't what you're acting up.
In real relationships a person needs to be real instead of acting or it will simple don't work, in any part of the world, with americans, or chinese, or indians, or whatever, i know there's rules but if you want to be happy you need to break the molde and please yourself and not your family.
If you feel better with guys, go for it, maybe do a second life but do it, and also, if you want a girlfriend but you family don't aprove, go for it. But simple, try to get independized, move out, that's the best you can do.
And in this era there must be racism but it's not only with chinese, even white people suffer that, so don't be afraid and be proud of what you are.
I think you should move far far away.
>>18
its not about the age issue, its that I have no ability to ask guy/ girls out...I dont know how to flirt...to be quite bold,
I mean my actions are all...interesting and active, n all but I cant show interest/ be flirty to people I am attracted to.
As for the guy I met online for 3 years, the one we are both sharing naked pics with, I'll be meeting him after my 18th birthday somewhere between Jan-Feb.
I think you might have a point, that some of my stress is leaking out...well maybe not, since I alway have the last laugh and a joker, talkative and chatty, a few days back, me and my m8s were talking as we were waiting for the lift, as the lift opened to let us in, an obese lady rushed in before the door closed, the atomphere was so quiet during those few seconds that I can hear my heartbeat...then I accidentally broke the odd silence by laughing out...VERY Loud, it should of been embarrassing since all of us were looking at each other in this tightly pacted room and looking at this woman who taken over half the room, then I came up with an excuse for laughing so loud then I started up another bigger laugh, and moved off to a convo, my m8s all started to put on a cheesy grin/ smile, (this lady was not insulted not to mention she has a ring, so shes married and doesnt care about how she looks, so it was all good, no harm done; I envy her because she does not care about her appearance as looks mean nothing once you find love)...the point is, I 'Act' all happy, funny and light-hearted and appear this way because being bubbly and cheerful person is easier to make friends than being depressed and sad...however this doesnt reflect how I feel...and no one likes a depressed person, so I am hiding my feelings for a good reason, who would want to listen to a moron go on about a shit-life.
Besides I got use to it, I have not cried in 3 years, from phyiscal pain that left me scars on my arm and on my back and my leg, to my grandma's death, I didnt cry once... I hate myself for not being emotionally true but its a good thing and a good reason.
there are friends who seen my eyes, looking wet and teary but they look confused and dont know what is going on as my tears never drop. my eyes, tears have never run past my cheek and so I show myself a Hard man with this, as well as my gym-fit body to back it up. the closest to crying for me would be waking up in bed with tears in my pillow but feel nothing inside.
Besides I got use to it, I have not cried in 3 years, from phyiscal pain that left me scars on my arm and on my back and my leg, to my grandma's death, I didnt cry once... I hate myself for not being emotionally true but its a good thing and a good reason.
there are friends who seen my eyes, looking wet and teary but they look confused and dont know what is going on as my tears never drop. my eyes, tears have never run past my cheek and so I show myself a Hard man with this, as well as my gym-fit body to back it up. the closest to crying for me would be waking up in bed with tears in my pillow but feel nothing inside.
>>19
Insecurity - maybe so
But pleasing others and not myself is not the problem.
"sooner or later they'll notice it that you aren't what you're acting up" - not really, they dont have a single clue, whenever there are those 'tell-tale' signs, I reply just saying I'm stressed from work and studies, then I say I cant wait to go to the gym and relieve myself of all the tension physically, and thats usually the end of myself...
as for acting and being real, I only act because I cant show feelings to them, I act because I have no one to share my feelings with, I act because I have no one to be real with. do you understand where I am getting?
I was on the bus home from college, then I seen 'her' in the bus opposite of me.
this girl, I fancied back when I was in school which is a 5year crush on her, I know her name but I have never spoke to her once, but back when I was in school, I hung out with the biggest and most popular group, she was not in it which got me down...
and there was this second group I hung about with that were classed "Emo" because they wear and dress differently but I still hung about them, just as much just to be equal and friendly.
however there was this other group of people she hangs out with, a different crowd which Im not familair with, she happens to be friends with a few of my friends of mine but I never got the chance to speak to her as she alway off, and gone with her other friends that she is close with (she is quite reserved), but everytime I see her for a moment, I freeze up and I cant even make eye contact, pretending to not notice her, when in fact I do and I am contemplating how fucked I am because I am unable to use my voice or think when she is near me. I know she has a great personality, even though she is shy and tame as when she is with her friends, she is alway laughing and crazy...
I known her name from my friends and I act as if I have no interest in her, and she probably doesnt either, but in reality Im killing myself just so I can feel closer to her.
The thing is, even though I know it is just a crush and I only fancy her out of her...looks and from my friend telling me her personality, its crazy I cant 'act normal' when she is in a area I am in, thats how attractive she looks to me while the rest of my mates think she is weird and unattractive and cant help but think why me...
The thing is, she probably doesn't know me even though, she has been in the same school as me and that its a coincidance she is in the same college as me, and she comes in my room after mine, and that she is in the same class as my old female friend, or maybe she knows me from my old 'reputation', I didnt have such a good rep, as I was in quite alot of fights, and in those 'interal power struggles' with my group. (I use to be quite rough back in school, but I tamed down now and that fighting is no longer needed in college to prove your a Man.)
those feelings of having a crush on her is coming back to me, really hard, I hate feeling..not in control of myself and my emotions, I alway manage to keep myself in-order and in-line.
This is partly the reason why I feel, I suit being with a guy better, I am more natural and not nervous when talking and being with a guy. She makes me feel that she(girls) are the unreachable relationship I can have with a girl..
What should I do, I cant bare seeing her, twice a week, she is killing me whenever I am in a place where she is...
Now while I am on the bus with her in it, I keep looking at her, and everytime she appears to be looking back, I move my eyes away somewhere else, not making eye contact with her (that is how nervous I am) I never had this problem with anyone, no one has ever got me this nerve-racked.
she is petite, slim, short hair, with a fringe, and with a cute baby face yet looks like an adult in the same time (a mature look). Everytime we just about to make eye contact, I turn away, her eyes are so pure and refreshing, her eyes...those eyes of hers are so...soft and innocent, which makes me feel all warm...
however the guy Im seeing on the internet via MSN, he has the same feeling of pureness but I am not a wreck when I talk to him compared to seeing this girl I have known to have a crush for 5 years in the bus.
What the hell do I do? I want this, uncontrollable feeling to go away...
The thing is, she probably doesn't know me even though, she has been in the same school as me and that its a coincidance she is in the same college as me, and she comes in my room after mine, and that she is in the same class as my old female friend, or maybe she knows me from my old 'reputation', I didnt have such a good rep, as I was in quite alot of fights, and in those 'interal power struggles' with my group. (I use to be quite rough back in school, but I tamed down now and that fighting is no longer needed in college to prove your a Man.)
those feelings of having a crush on her is coming back to me, really hard, I hate feeling..not in control of myself and my emotions, I alway manage to keep myself in-order and in-line.
This is partly the reason why I feel, I suit being with a guy better, I am more natural and not nervous when talking and being with a guy. She makes me feel that she(girls) are the unreachable relationship I can have with a girl..
What should I do, I cant bare seeing her, twice a week, she is killing me whenever I am in a place where she is...
Now while I am on the bus with her in it, I keep looking at her, and everytime she appears to be looking back, I move my eyes away somewhere else, not making eye contact with her (that is how nervous I am) I never had this problem with anyone, no one has ever got me this nerve-racked.
she is petite, slim, short hair, with a fringe, and with a cute baby face yet looks like an adult in the same time (a mature look). Everytime we just about to make eye contact, I turn away, her eyes are so pure and refreshing, her eyes...those eyes of hers are so...soft and innocent, which makes me feel all warm...
however the guy Im seeing on the internet via MSN, he has the same feeling of pureness but I am not a wreck when I talk to him compared to seeing this girl I have known to have a crush for 5 years in the bus.
What the hell do I do? I want this, uncontrollable feeling to go away...
She is petite, slim, short brown hair, with a fringe, and with a cute baby face yet looks like an adult in the same time (a mature look). Everytime we just about to make eye contact, I turn away, her eyes are so pure and refreshing, her eyes...those eyes of hers are so...soft and innocent, which makes me feel all warm...
however the guy Im seeing on the internet via MSN, he has the same feeling of pureness but I am not a wreck when I talk to him compared to seeing this girl I have known to have a crush for 5 years in the bus.
What the hell do I do? I want this, uncontrollable feeling to go away...
I cant be with her, so this naive feeling defiantely needs to go, she is everything I dreamt in a girl, having a 5 year crush on her, is a pain I cant describe, just too screwed up to explain...
she deserves someone better than me, too innocent and nice...she would be an angel if I had to describe her, not to mention Im BBC...Im...tainted, from my history in school..she, like many other girls, hate fighting...I did not fight because I had a chosen, but because that was the only way to hurt my bullies where it really hurt.
not to mention, there needs to be a balance in gaining respect and reputation from the Guys, while there is another which is to shown being a caring person...I didnt get the balance right, back when I was in school to her.
Looking good for the guys, and looking good for girls are completely different. gain respect from the guys = fight, gain respect from the girls = not fight.
It was either or...and now I regret chosing the guys, as now I've grown up, I realise the group I hung out with were NEDs, and now those people are Boys who fight often and Girls who are pregnant slags, I left them long time ago, but it haunts me still.
That was all in the past to make you who you are today. Obviously your morals are very sound and you have a really good head on your shoulders. It's all a matter of getting out of your comfort zone and all that nonsense. You don't need to flirt. I mean, hell, I was in the same boat as you by my third or so relationship. Compared to you, my relationships are numerous and short rather than nonexistent. Let's switch. You could try out the experience. ;]
You believe in a lot of things or so I see. What I think you should believe in now that you were meant to be with someone just like everyone else is. You and I are both in the threshold of adulthood and want nothing more than to have decent relationships. I think right now matters more upon living the life and waiting. She'll come, I promise.
Just don't put yourself down for who you are, BBC or not. Who you'll be with will look beyond that and see YOU. Hell, if not I'll just hunt you down for myself. You have a TON going for you. All those other gals are blind. They don't know who you are or what you have to offer. All that you said for the first post are things that most girls SHOULD look out for.
What if girls are actually wanting to be with you, but don't have the courage to face you? What if there is a girl who really wants to be with you but is intimidated by all of your achievements?
I've gotten "You're too smart for me" before. Or "It's really awkward because you're so smart." It could be simply an intimidation thing. But that doesn't mean change yourself! If I didn't have to, neither will you.
So, tough. I say stick with who you are and waiting. Not really helpful and it will be excruciatingly hard, but you'll pull through in the end. She'll come around for you. 'Cause this story has to end well and I don't want this gihugic post to go to waste.
I wish you well, my friend.
>>28
I hate my past, even though it makes me who I am, I hung out with the wrong crowd, I let myself down in so many ways because of this, just wish I can re-do everything from the begin, to start again...
what is my comfort zone and nonsense? I do not understand..., I take it your a girl...if so of course you think you do not need to flirt, as girls dont do the first move, I mean you are on your 3rd relationship...and did you make the first move in any of them? I dont think so, its your bf that got you where you are.
once again, what do you mean by 'switch'? confused abit now
ill never be with someone who will look beyond my first layer, sorry but im not naive enough to believe there is a special person for everyone, and that they will meet...out of over a 1b people and Thank you, although impossible. girls are not blind as when lookin for a guy, a girl will sub-conscious judge guys with there appearance not personality, I been with so many friends, that are girls not to believe other-wise.
>what if girls are actually wanting to be with you, but dont have the courage to face you? - Unlikely, I might be bad at seeing signals and giving out signals but I think I know when a girl just wants to be friends.
>What if there is a girl who really want to be with you but is intimadated by all your achievements? - intimatdated by what achievements, I do not consider anything I do in my time to be achievements, more like plans to keep active..unless you mean something else...
>What if there is a girl who really want to be with you but is intimadated by all your achievements? - intimatdated by what achievements, I do not consider anything I do in my time to be achievements, more like plans to keep active..unless you mean something else...
just like to say one of my typical days, I got back from work in the morning till 4pm, then went to the gym at 5pm but got my manager today, I offered him to join my gym centre as a guest, since he lost alot of muscles after quiting the gym a few months ago, he was actaully bigger than me before he quit working out, (he use to workout but was in a dif gym), we were talkin the usual stuff, then he asked if i got a gf yet,
told him "Nit, i da look fit enough and Im nae as flirty as you"
to cut it short, basically it goes, just keep bein yoursel and you find the girl that liks u for who u are and I was Not a flirt, you dont need to have a good body or good looks. then at this time I was thinkin, what a load of horse-piss,lol
I mean, he is only saying this cos he has a baby-face and has a fit body. basically to me, I think he looks lik the guys who girls would think hes totally bangable and prob is, just by how cute and muscular he is ( he was better built a few months ago but still fit-lookin now)
way to describe my manager, hes a funny guy, joker (pretty much like me), knows how to make people laugh, slightly shorter than me, white and not BBC, short brown hair (I'd say a 2-3 on his hair length), quite built (he has bigger 'arm' muscles but not with the chest and upwards to the shoulders, I have a more toned body from the chest, up to the shoulders which shows when I swim everytime after I finished working out, going to the steamroom and sauna and a visable collar bone which is like an indent, [i would show a pic of my body but Im kinda naked...full, since its pics of me for this guy who is Bi{read previous comment if you confused}, and we been talkin and we known each other for over 3 years], he is 20yr, so hes got slightly more bodymass compared to me...how dont know what else to descive him.
all I know is, we were talkin about it when we were in the changing room today about whos got bigger muscles in which areas...
when he use to workout, he was on those 'Rods' and all, and Benchpressing.
I do mostly the heavy weight resistance exercises and Benchpressing more compared to him.
Well I think thats enough of myself today...must be boring anyone who is reading this.
well I just want to ask, What is the Real way to get a relationship to start? I mean, what do I do? How should I approach a girl who I am attracted to? how do I know if a girl is attracted to me, How do I know the signs and signals?
and thanks for listening do my...boring, lonely, depressing life.
Way to describe my manager, hes a funny guy, joker (pretty much like me), knows how to make people laugh, slightly shorter than me, white and not BBC, short brown hair (I'd say a 2-3 on his hair length), quite built (he has bigger 'arm' muscles but not with the chest and upwards to the shoulders, I have a more toned body from the chest, up to the shoulders which shows when I swim everytime after I finished working out, going to the steamroom and sauna and a visable collar bone which is like an indent, [i would show a pic of my body but Im kinda naked...full, since its pics of me for this guy who is Bi{read previous comment if you confused}, and we been talkin and we known each other for over 3 years], he is 20yr, so hes got slightly more bodymass compared to me...how dont know what else to descive him.
all I know is, we were talkin about it when we were in the changing room today about whos got bigger muscles in which areas...
when he use to workout, he was on those 'Rods' and all, and Benchpressing.
I do mostly the heavy weight resistance exercises and Benchpressing more compared to him.
Well I think thats enough of myself today...must be boring anyone who is reading this.
well I just want to ask, What is the Real way to get a relationship to start? I mean, what do I do? How should I approach a girl who I am attracted to? how do I know if a girl is attracted to me, How do I know the signs and signals?
and thanks for listening do my...boring, lonely, depressing life.
And thanks for listening do my...boring, lonely, depressing life.
It's the chemistry your need to be patient for. You can't force a relationship. You need to be yourself, be a friend, and the chemistry will happen. You need to wait for the chemistry
>I hate my past, even though it makes me who I am, I hung out with the wrong crowd, I let myself down in so many ways because of this, just wish I can re-do everything from the begin, to start again...
Yeah? And? So?
Can't you just let it go? Why let yourself down? What can you do about the past in the present day? All I see in it is you getting practically nowhere. Re-do everything by letting go and starting fresh. Begin a new day with optimism. Everything here seems really down in the dumps and hopeless, but there's so much more that this world has to offer and you're blinding yourself to it.
>what is my comfort zone and nonsense? I do not understand...
Anything that you wouldn't normally do. If you're shy, timid, and uncertain then to hell with that. From what I read (sorry if my perception is way off) you seem to barricade yourself in a shell for some reason or other. I don't know what it is, but I bet there's a shell. You limit yourself based on looks and other people. Do you compare yourself a lot?
> take it your a girl...if so of course you think you do not need to flirt, as girls dont do the first move, I mean you are on your 3rd relationship...and did you make the first move in any of them? I dont think so, its your bf that got you where you are.
Flirting is simply being extra friendly and showing affection. That's it. It's small talk but with added "umph" that let's the other know of the deeper feelings. How else would anything work if the other doesn't participate in flirting?
Girls do not typically make the first move as most are more sensitive to rejection, at least that's what I felt. The first two of my relationships were hardly touched upon how I viewed relationships. Numbers don't matter if there wasn't any experience gained. All I learned was how to better protect myself from hurt.
The one I am in now I made the first move, as a matter of fact. I DID, and not so much him. The notion of guys doing all the work is completely and utterly ridiculous. A relationship is not based on ONE person taking the initiative. A relationship is built upon friendship expanding because of equal feelings being shared. I mean, I could rant and rave about how effective your "its your bf that got you where you are" comment was, but eh. You just don't seem to get it.
Who is the relationship really for? Yourself, her, or both of you? This seems all about you you you. What about her?
>once again, what do you mean by 'switch'? confused abit now
No clue here either...my bad?
>ill never be with someone who will look beyond my first layer, sorry but im not naive enough to believe there is a special person for everyone, and that they will meet...out of over a 1b people and Thank you, although impossible. girls are not blind as when lookin for a guy, a girl will sub-conscious judge guys with there appearance not personality, I been with so many friends, that are girls not to believe other-wise
Never. Seriously? 100% Never with no doubts. You're not naive in that aspect, but enough so to ground yourself into the ground. You're welcome though. Girls do judge, but with you around judging, they won't have to judge. You seem to be doing a fine job of it yourself. You seem to have a gajillion layers blocking everything out.
>intimatdated by what achievements
All that you seem to have going for you. Where you are in life, I know that not many guys can account for.
Make life what you will.
Sorry for the rant there, Scot.
>>35 I appreicate it, thx
chemistry is all about personality,
physics would be appearances then, if your putting it that way.
I dont have a problem with talking, making conversations, or being chatty and humorious in general, I have no problem approaching guys or girls to be friends and just talk. though...I can never do any of those things with girls who I feel are attractive and better than me, or that they are exceptional that deserve someone better, however to remove this feeling would be impossible I feel. Take the girl I have a crush on for over 5 years, and almost 6years soon as an example...and somehow I see her twice a week from either the bus stop or she is going into my class room after I leave, its pissing me off that I have such bad luck, its like the world wants me to suffer more and be tormented, I thought I can get over that damn girl after I left that shithole of a school, turns out she goes to the same college as me...and is taking the class I would of been in if I didnt change my mind on my course...(I was originally going through accountacy and she happens to be doing that course, but I changed mine to Economics, Business and IT on my 2nd year, I didnt realise that if I was to stick to accountacy, I would be in the same class as her...I think that would of just about killed me or drive me to suicide...) I wouldnt of be able to bare being so close yet so far from her...listening to her gentle soft voice when she speaks, those heart-warming pure innocent eyes, her fragile small body frame. She is everything I like in a woman, not to mention when she giggles and laughs sounds so conforting when she walks past me to go in my class that I am leaving. The closest word in describing her is, she is an Angel.
You dont understand, how hard it is to see someone you want to be with for so long and not be able to do something to change that. Times like these I wish I died...preferably from her stabbing me in the heart so reflect how I feel inside...so I can get rid of this feeling and end it all. WHY cant I of been born somewhere else...why in the UK, why in Scotland, Why in Aberdeen, the same city as her, WHY.
As for starting fresh, I do this as best as I can; I keep standards of myself high and to be active in my use of time. I cant be optimistic, because when I do, there is alway 'something' to let me down, and now, I dont really rely, or depend on anyone, and that I feel I can and will handle all my problems alone, even though I wish I can share to someone...
>do you compare yourself a lot? - well to be honest, I do it passively, automatically...its how I can keep up better standards.
You dont understand, how hard it is to see someone you want to be with for so long and not be able to do something to change that. Times like these I wish I died...preferably from her stabbing me in the heart so reflect how I feel inside...so I can get rid of this feeling and end it all. WHY cant I of been born somewhere else...why in the UK, why in Scotland, Why in Aberdeen, the same city as her, WHY.
As for starting fresh, I do this as best as I can; I keep standards of myself high and to be active in my use of time. I cant be optimistic, because when I do, there is alway 'something' to let me down, and now, I dont really rely, or depend on anyone, and that I feel I can and will handle all my problems alone, even though I wish I can share to someone...
>do you compare yourself a lot? - well to be honest, I do it passively, automatically...its how I can keep up better standards.
> How else would anything work if the other doesn't participate in flirting? - Ok, I understand abit now, I was never into the flirting thing...I see now its important, but the thing is, how do you flirt, I give compliments to guys and girls I see in general, what else would there be? (I lack flirting skills as you see)
> A relationship is not based on ONE person taking the initiative, I know this for a fact myself..but this might be stupid but I feel like I need to carry more weight in comparision to help easy the struggle for the other.
> A relationship is built upon friendship expanding because of equal feelings being shared. - at what point does equal feelings begin/show?
> "its your bf that got you where you are" - ya, sorry got carried away, abit frusturated about another post, in which Guys are the ones to be Approach and begin a relationship.
> Who is the relationship really for? Yourself, her, or both of you? well to be quite honest, It would be mainly a partner, but both really, since I just want to be there for someone, make them happy, do stuff, care for them, basically show affection and love I wish I was able to do for someone, be the person to fix stuff, and to wake up in bed n be wit the one u love to keep them warm, be the person to trust and rely on.
> Girls do judge, but with you around judging, they won't have to judge. You seem to be doing a fine job of it yourself. - Ha, well how should I change my behaviour and attitude to life? can you personally tell me how you would judge people yourself and without making it up..be honest please?
> seem to have a gajillion layers blocking everything out. - Lol...well that settles it wouldnt you agree? I am effectively screwed now. I think I now know All I need to know now about myself...Ill have to accept it, just like I accept everything else.
>Ha, well how should I change my behaviour and attitude to life? can you personally tell me how you would judge people yourself and without making it up..be honest please?
This caught my attention first, so I'll start here before I head off today.
You can't change unless you want to change and I don't think that's something that I can help you with. Change it for the better is all I can think to say. And, especially, try to lose some of the negativity that you hold so close to yourself.
To be completely honest, I judge based on personality. I could have many people back me up with that based upon who I was with. The guy I was with before was not the best on the scale of charms to the point where my family and girlfriends were doubting my sanity. I judge on how they have fun and what we have in common. Needless to say, the fun only lasted so long as the common part was next to none. Ah well, it was an experience and that's how I view things with downfalls. I don't really judge on appearances because I have a small lack of confidence and think it really unfair to judge on looks when I don't think myself some extremely hot babe with some winning body.
I'll get back to you with the rest sometime later.
>...I can never do any of those things with girls who I feel are attractive and better than me, or that they are exceptional that deserve someone better, however to remove this feeling would be impossible I feel.
Never is a strong word. What I don't understand is why you can't or feel you can't. That's what I meant by your comfort zone. A comfort zone denotes the limited set of behaviors and environments that a person can engage in without becoming anxious. You should get to the area where you become anxious and overcome it.
>You dont understand, how hard it is to see someone you want to be with for so long and not be able to do something to change that.
I do and that's why I'm still here trying to make you see how much you're blinding yourself. There are others out there like her. When I finally had a relationship I thought it was all just a fantasy I made up out of loneliness. I felt like I must have been the luckiest person ever. The relationship eventually bombed and I was completely devastated. Nothing could ever amount to what I had because no other guy would want me, or so I thought. Others came along that I found a liking to, and that's my point I'm trying to make to you. It's Human Nature how the mind and heart works when it comes to love or feeling in general. If it wasn't meant to be then get along with life until the right one comes along.
>WHY cant I of been born somewhere else...why in the UK, why in Scotland, Why in Aberdeen, the same city as her, WHY.
I think you weren't meant to have met her so you could learn from the experience. Can you honestly say that you have not grown just that little much more from what you feel? You would rather not have these feelings? Sure they're torturous, but at least you have something to cherish and hold on to.
Man, look to the positives! Make a balance between the negative and positive! The whole world isn't black and white with strict guidlines that you have to follow.
>I cant be optimistic, because when I do, there is alway 'something' to let me down, and now, I dont really rely, or depend on anyone, and that I feel I can and will handle all my problems alone, even though I wish I can share to someone...
You are lying to yourself. Why? You tell yourself that 'something' bad is going to happen so inevitably it does. You probably set yourself up for that bad thing to happen. You should find someone to rely and depend on, even if it's someone you don't know. Like here, for instance. There's people all over the net that would glad to talk and share similar experiences with you. People weren't meant to tackle the world by theirselves, you can't handle your problems alone.
By the by, even though it's not IRL and all that jazz, you've been sharing your problems to the world and have had responses from people WHO WANT TO HELP YOU. You've got to realize that you weren't alone the moment you posted the first. You did share, so consider your wish granted. It's nothing much, but other people replying I would see as a small comfort, wouldn't you? Sure it doesn't mean much because you can't receive a hug or a pat on the shoulder, but the words posted still have meaning here.
>do you compare yourself a lot? - well to be honest, I do it passively, automatically...its how I can keep up better standards.
Well when you put it that way, I would think that natural for you and other peoples. But do you have to be so harsh about it? Seriously, you don't need to grind yourself down to a pulp. You better not think yourself worthless too 'cause that's a whole other bit of ranting that would need to unleash.
>how do you flirt, I give compliments to guys and girls I see in general, what else would there be? (I lack flirting skills as you see)
With the lack in skills, no one can claim that they start off a natural without having first tried. For the first time in ANYTHING, everyone's a newbie at it.
Flirting I think is different for everyone. I guess girls could scope out guys based on flirting, but that'd be messed up. Not sure about that, just a random thought occuring. For me, flirting is more easy-going and more about joking around. Inside jokes that only they would know. Small little quirks. Oh! Going out of your way to get her attention! Yeah, that's a good one. It's getting the attention I think is key. Body language too.
Some small research:
Eye contact, batting eyelashes, winking, etc.
"Protean" signals, such as touching one's hair
Casual touches; such as a woman gently touching a man's arm during conversation
Smiling suggestively
Sending notes, poems, or small gifts
Flattery
Online chat is a common modern tactic, as well as other one-on-one and direct messaging services
Footsie, the "feet under the table" practice
Teasing
Chance meeting
Coyness, affectedly shy or modest, marked by cute, coquettish, or artful playfulness
So not ALL of those would apply to you, but they would still work. For me I would be won over by the notes and poems, but every girl is different. Find out what she likes and doesn't like, I'd say. Get to know her better and go from there.
>I know this for a fact myself..but this might be stupid but I feel like I need to carry more weight in comparision to help easy the struggle for the other.
I read a book somewhere that was all about guys that the girls don't know. Quite interesting, but one point was made that girls don't know the deeper feeling of a guy when he has the need to provide for the other. I don't think it's stupid, but natural, to say the least. Even so, I don't think that it's so much a struggle for either one. The two should stick together with equal amounts. You can't take on everything as that would leave her out of caring for you and your struggles.
>at what point does equal feelings begin/show?
It's a common interest that's initially from the start. Or they grow? Now I'm all confuzzled. I'll have to get back to taht one.
>ya, sorry got carried away, abit frusturated about another post, in which Guys are the ones to be Approach and begin a relationship.
I got touchy, it's all right.
Almost done. I'll return.
> You can't change unless you want to change and I don't think that's something that I can help you with. Change it for the better is all I can think to say. And, especially, try to lose some of the negativity that you hold so close to yourself.
Im good at change, I adapt with my surrounding area, people, and how I spent my time easily, taking on new skills, new techniques and so on...but as for my 'Negative behaviour' thats only because I resent myself, my past, my life and regret living completely, through and through.
> A comfort zone denotes the limited set of behaviors and environments that a person can engage in without becoming anxious. You should get to the area where you become anxious and overcome it.
I cant overcome that realistically, as asking out someone is out of my nature, and I alway think of how people look at me, I alway keep myself in a 'well-respected position', but cant describe it but at a standard you are on top, or near the top.
> I do and that's why I'm still here trying to make you see how much you're blinding yourself. There are others out there like her.
You could be all right in this, but deep inside me, no one is killing me harder her, when I see her, I can heart my heart-beat faster and that I become to turn red just that, and feel warm...she is the only person so far to have done that to me, Its pathetic, I know this, which is why Im going to meet up with this guy on Feb.
I feel so conflicted inside, I just need to run from it all and escape.
>I guess girls could scope out guys based on flirting, but that'd be messed up
do you mean that all girls can notice if a guy is flirting? If so, that is not fair, guys like me have no concept in understanding signals unless they are obvious and direct...
You could be all right in this, but deep inside me, no one is killing me harder her, when I see her, I can heart my heart-beat faster and that I become to turn red just that, and feel warm...she is the only person so far to have done that to me, Its pathetic, I know this, which is why Im going to meet up with this guy on Feb.
I feel so conflicted inside, I just need to run from it all and escape.
>I guess girls could scope out guys based on flirting, but that'd be messed up
do you mean that all girls can notice if a guy is flirting? If so, that is not fair, guys like me have no concept in understanding signals unless they are obvious and direct...
> You are lying to yourself. Why? You tell yourself that 'something' bad is going to happen so inevitably it does. You probably set yourself up for that bad thing to happen.
Why? because I been through much shit to trust now. I dont set myself up for bad things to happen, I am a cold-headed person, people are unpridictable and will backstab you the moment you reveal a weakness or affection, ya my life sucks I know.
> You should find someone to rely and depend on, even if it's someone you don't know. Like here, for instance. There's people all over the net that would glad to talk and share similar experiences with you. People weren't meant to tackle the world by theirselves, you can't handle your problems alone.
The net, I have no trouble telling how I feel here as I am Anonymous to all, I wouldnt be hurt by people here as they dont know me, and therefore cant backstab. Im here to express myself to people who will not hurt me. and yes I do feel comfort, sharing it to some people, even on the net.
So what is it exactly that you need? I give you advice and you have a comeback for everything I say. I give you tips and I doubt you're taking them in. Do you need a compliment for trying or a slap upside the head for not trying hard enough? To be frank, I'm running out of positive encouragement when you're being blatantly negative. What was once me being more than glad to help someone who I was in the same boat with once, is now become a task to come up with something motivating and helpful. I want to help, but it just seems like you don't want any when you keep rejecting everything I put.
What is your purpose, that's what I really want to know. You seem hung up about a girl yet you don't do anything but mope and lament about how unfair life is. Could you try and get even the smallest of grips on yourself? I mean, seriously, you think your life sucks? You think you've been through shit. There's stories out there and I'm not getting into it, but what you have going on would make people envious.
Your main problem is being more confident and trusting yourself. If you don't open up to anyone else for the rest of your life, why the hell are you even bothering wanting a relationship? Swing any way, but I guarantee your attitude is going to push everyone away. Flirting is an unneeded tactic. Being yourself is what's key, but do you even know yourself anymore? Open up all you want on the net, but it doesn't matter at all if you don't allow yourself to get into contact with the outside world.
If you need a constant supporter, I'll be glad to help, but my patience is running thin. I can only tell you so much before you have to take things in your own hands. YOU HAVE TO TRY.
I talked with a friend about this and it made me realize how all that I say just seems like I'm babying you along. Like the first push into the real world or something. You've got to man up and face yourself and your fears at some point or other. You can't run away unless you want to constantly be running. Think about it: how do you want to spend the rest of your like? Put that into a NICER perspective than what you're doing. Life has a TON to offer and until you realize that, NO ONE, 100% NOBODY will want to be in a relationship with you.
If you want good you have to work for it in your case. You're too young to shy away from being positive just because you've been let down too many times. Everyone has let downs. It's called LIFE. You suffer, you tolerate, you MOVE ON.
Wouldn't you think it a tad bit selfish to want a comforter? You don't need a relationship, but someone to take care of you. That's exactly how any girl would see it, I'd think. You are so resentful of yourself, how could you leave ANY room for her or a relationship for that matter? Just get passed it all ready! Really, how hard is it to move on when you could be looking forward to love and affection and all that mushy nonsense? The moment she finds out how you truly think and feel, how do you think that would make her feel? Or are you going to simply waste away and expect a relationship to make it all better?
You have a full life to look forward to and you're jeopardizing it.
I apologize if I have offended you in any way, Scot.
This will be my last post, I understand what I am now. You made me realise something inside me now, thank you. I needed that unbiased opinion and clear evaulation of my feeling, that was a good wake up call.
and FUCK, I realised I become a bitchy fucked up Emo inside now that I realise what has happened to me in the inside, this part of me needs to go and be cut-off, so this can drain away.
> Wouldn't you think it a tad bit selfish to want a comforter? You don't need a relationship, but someone to take care of you. That's exactly how any girl would see it, I'd think.
Your completely right, Im asking too much for help and understanding from a girl. I need to do this on my own like how I show myself in reality and how I physically do stuff, and get rid of my deeper personality and thoughts. I'll be too complicated to be with, when I have too much in my mind. and so I will have to tone-down my mentallity/ personality from now.
The answer was staring at me in the face, I should be following The way how I Act outside, not My feelings, My feelings were getting in the way of my life.
Cheers for your support and help, I apprecaite it. I will come back to this site again to update myself in Feb, dont think I'll need to be here any longer. Looks like its goodbye for now, Ty for everything you done. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
At last! Thank you for finally seeing and opening your eyes!
I wish you luck. You are very welcome as it was much fun helping. 'Til next time, if you need more advice.
>take it your a girl...if so of course you think you do not need to flirt, as girls dont do the first move, I mean you are on your 3rd relationship...and did you make the first move in any of them? I dont think so, its your bf that got you where you are.
and the girl never does anything huh? so you think that that cute look in the eyes of a girl that is attracted to you is all natural or what? not that it really matters, flirting is a mutual thing anyway.
but umm, the only way to learn how to build a good relationship is, well, screw up. no relation is perfect anyway. so good luck!!