What happened to 1000get?!
Fatten it up real good by sending it to America.
Why are the portions so large at restaurants these days?
They've been cooking up the elephants you've been sending, duh.
How many trashcans can you make out of one fully grown African elephant?
1 million if they are built to the specification of Chinese generics.
1,000 if they are built to withstand the rigors of coal mining in America.
1 if it can hold 10(-100,000,000)% of the political bullishit on Earth.
Has anybody ever succeded in elephant beastiality?
Only if you count elephant paedo-bestiality.
What's the proper age of consent for elephants?
Because you define the word "nerd".
Am I right or am I right?
Neither, and you know it.
Should we all "Embrace the Suck" or fight it?
That's quite a funny question to be asking on this board!
Seeing as we're not quite dead yet, what exactly happened with regard to Squeeks', ehm, episode?
He got better.
Would you travel around the world if given the chance?
The official explanation is that Squeeks is suffering from 'exhaustion', and discretion demands that I simply leave it at that.
Do you have a preferred euphemism?
Depends on how long he spends travelling 'round the world.
What country should I personally visit next as the Ambassador of DQN?
/love/
What is the current overall 'feeling' of the internet?
Maybe when they Chinese clean up their smog, give up smoking, use and enforce patents and copyrights, and properly heat-treat metals until they reach optimum durability.
How do the underpants gnomes handle sharts?
That's in the secret portion of their three-step plan, denoted by "2. ??????"
Why Ned Beatty? Why?
Beating Neddy would be worse, I guess.
Could you say cheese, please?
I dunno. Probably from Wisconsin or something.
What's up with Wisconsin?
I dunno. Probably occupied by >>766 or something.
How can I dress for success?
By undressing before failure.
How would I go around, you know, uhmm... sexing up an automobile?
Fuck it in the exhaust pipe.
What's the best way to get a girl?
(Confusion at the lack of a question)
How would MODD punish >>772 for violating the rules of this thread?
With the B&HAMMAR, of course.
Why do my cats keep jumping on the keyboard while I'm trying to surf the Web tonight?
They want you to look at CP.
Is 'cat pictures' the first thing that came to your mind when you saw 'CP?'
No, I thought of "corporate propaganda".
I mean, what else is there?
One that doesn't have any wires, at all. Might not be the best, but it'll certainly be the most wireless.
In what context could I use the mega-contraction "wouldn't've'd"?
"Would not have done?" Obviously, when you would have not done something.
Is >>778's abuse of the English language permissible?
Although the Elitist Superstructure finds it distasteful, they will permit it under the condition that >>778 immediately consults a grammarian.
What should I have for dinner?
Sata andagi.
What is love?
Baby don't hurt me
don't hurt me
no more!
why do we allways hurt the ones we love?
because.
why?
because.
why?
Gay magic!
Did I just discover the "because? why?" combo breaker?
Yeah.
Next question?
Is not a question, but an imperative, requesting someone ask a question.
Does the Elitist Superstructure allow one to use imperatives in such a way when posting?
If such a convention were found distasteful, you would know. Or rather, you wouldn't, and the rest of us wouldn't either.
How do I ZOT web?
First you have to charge your lazor. Then you shout "shoop da whoop" and zot web.
When did you people start using "zot" as a verb? Have you been reading the Usenet Oracle again?
It probably was used as a verb when somebody intended to type some other verb, but sneezed, causing zot to be posted as a verb.
(Puzzled appearance)
How could somebody make the same mistake after only a few posts?
Einstein said that only two things in the universe are truly limitless, hydrogen and human stupidity. And the more time I spend in DQN, the more I doubt hydrogen.
Why are people posting old, busted, lame, worn-out 4chan memes here when this thread has the potential for genuine original comedy?
You mean like gay magic? That fail of a shit hasn't caught on anywhere else on 4-ch, let alone the greater intarwebs.
How come grandpa is so popular, yet genuinely funny gags like DAMAGE CONTROL struggle for recognition?
Because they're easy to use and the key term CATCH means the phrase is fucking CATCHY. Which sucks, its like those songs on the radio which blow ass but you cant get out of your head.
Are DQN people better people or are we just the only 6 people on the internet who understand anything?
I like to think of us as the 6 kind of jaunty, intellectual, cheeky social commenters who laugh at everything including ourselves, the chill guys for the internet generation.
How many paperclips do I have in my hand?
It is what you make of it.
How often do obscure pop culture references come up two posts from now?
It depends on what the meaning of "is" is.
How come the Eragon single thread invasion is the top Google hit for "becoming Japanese for real"?
I blame gay magic.
What's the latest fad?
My new single. It's called "Doobaroo on a boat in the Sea Sea Sea~~Umi Umi~Mar STAR!~!"I wrote it myself.
Would you like to hear it?
No.
Where did I leave my car keys?
They're in the hamper in the pocket of the pants you wore yesterday.
Is my dog finally getting enough cheese in his diet?
Only if he shits bricks.
Has anybody ever beaten Goatse in an asshole contest?
I'm so not going there.
What song should I use for my cell phone?
"I hate myself and want to die, because it's winter" by DQN-kun. Duh.
But which remix?
"All Alone for Ramadan." It's the best of them all.
Why shouldn't we annex Canada?
STRUCTURED REPLY THREAD
That's not much of a decent reason why Ontario shouldn't become the 51st state, now, is it?
So... that being said, What should we do with Quebec?
There's only one proper response: "BLOW IT ALL UP!"
Which had better songs: Guitar Hero 1 or 2?
Beatmania IIDX of course.
Why does Pop'n Music suck so much?
But where would you run to in event of a draft?
Don't register to vote is all I can say.
Why did the last two people in this thread not follow the theme?
It's elitist humour. You're not supposed to explain it.
Is the Elitist Superstructure above or below the Zionist Conspiracy in the hierarchy?
It depends which hierarchy your talking about. In terms of the relative existence-onism, we rank way higher, but on the ladder of arrogance, we rank way higher as well.
How many days have September, April, Junior, Grandpanember?
As many as Febluberry *4.
What contributes more to global warming, cow farts or beer belches?
I think DQN posts contribute more than both combined.
How much time does the planet have left before everything explodes?
Two weeks.
How long will it have if the six of us stop posting?
Three weeks.
Does anyone else have an escape plan?
Two weeks.
Does understanding that answer make you a genius?
Hell yes. (I don't understand that answer. Neither did you.)
If the Elitist Superstructure and the Gnomes of Zürich had a fight, who'd win?
Humanity.
Why is my cat digging frantically in the litterbox and yowling?
Invisible mice in the litterbox.
What is the last digit of pi?
Squid.
Why does my cat keep reaching under the door and grabbing things I put near her? Does she want something in particular?
LSD in the cat food. (that's why she does it, that's not what she wants) What she wants is a hug.
What is it about cats that makes us love them so? Why is a cat fine too?
Because some of us cannot afford to be choosey.
That being said, what is the best way to give a cat a bath?
Well, the first step is to write your will.
What comes after that?
The good old bathtub, dunk, chickenwire method works pretty well.
How come these w's always keep carrying out fnord?
Because all things can be carried out and are wwwwwwwwwww.
Linux or Windows?
U noob, Mac of course.
What was the question again?
Way to pre-empt the thread structure there, dude.
Why do some people insist on posting ITT if they only have a question, or an answer, but not both?
Because it's always September, somewhere on the net.
What's this?
Because you forgot to scratch it.
Should I avoid the itch to stay at my computer and go to bed?
No. You'll sleep better if you stay at the computer until you're sleepy.
Oops, forgot to ask a question.
Why does the porridge bird lay his egg in the air?
To train the babies to fly early on.
Why didn't my mom throw me out of the plane?
because she loves you
Why did my mom throw me out of the plane?
>>840
because she loves you
how did you get those pictures on the computer
They came with it, I swear!
Should I take up badminton?
No. If it were worthwhile it would be called "goodminton."
If free will is an illusion, then who's that who says "who's that" when I say "who's that?"
It could be someone else, or it could be you. But ultimately that someone else is controlled by you. Unless it was really someone else.
Was "Free Willy" a flap in the UK?
It did ok, but it did cause a lot of sniggering and queues of gay magicians.
Are there any reverse examples? For instance, does, say "Love Actually" mean "Do me up the shitter" in Amerikkka?
Well, just to drop an example, it is said that "gay magic" actually refers to elaborate rituals performed in connection to homosexuality, not necessarily by homosexuals themselves, and in contrast to the usual meaning of "magic", which refers to sleight of hand performed on-stage.
Why isn't biting the head off a chicken a meme?
Because the concept is not easily communicable through textual means.
Why was WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY a successful meme?
>>847 because it's the most important incantation in the field of gay magic.
If you were a master of gay magic, would you use it to attract men or women?
I'd use it to summon the ghost of Liberace. That's what I'd do. I'd be the baddest homosexual necromancer around.
What's the worst insult of them all? No really, I mean the worst.