<ヽ｀∀´> Why does kimchi taste so good nida?
Nobody born past 1980 has a sense of fashion. They were declared illegal in November 1979.
Who is the best Science Fiction author in the world ever?
Isaac Asimov of course.
What are the three laws of robotics?
1) fellatio is better than regular, unless you are robotized real-doll.
2) spare parts can be ethically used only if they're not installed onto another robot already.
3) when taking robot exam, all mobile transmitters must be shut off and graphic calculator may not have executable programs on it. Write with black or blue ballpoint only.
That's actually just a guess, reasoned from a particular frame of reference. Do you know the real three laws?
Yes I do.
Who are the brain police?
The swibbles. Beware of them.
What can I ask for at Rei's that I'll actually get?
Try asking for a snarky answer.
What's the difference between Shorinji Kempo and Shaolin Kung Fu?
The tasty side dishes that are served at mealtimes.
Who are 'they'?
The way they're statistically right 50% of the time.
Why did they make a Scarface videogame now as opposed to when the movie was new?
Because you wouldn't have been able to tell who was who on Arati's 8 bit glory.
Are we there yet?
Because when the movie was new, videogames were seen as a child's toy, and no one would make a child's toy based on Scarface.
Why can't I sleep before 4am anymore?
Our ancestors would have fallen out of trees a lot more thanks to reduced grip, so the major world religions would probably denounce gravity as being the work of evil.
Why are manga so ridiculously cheap in Japan?
Because luxuries are expensive.
How do I get these CRANBERRY JUICE STAINS out of my AFGHAN RUG?
Bleed on them, then wash the blood out with cold water. (Disclaimer: No idea if it works, it has worked on other carpet stains for me though)
When will be the next Death of 4chan?
There are already numerous cancers that are killing /b/, so I guess it's not much longer.
Iiichan, best imageboard collection or bestest image board collection?
Wakachan is Superior.
Why can't I edit the entry about us on Dramatica?
Because you suck, and they hate you also.
Why are the mittens red and not purple?
Because purple is a highly unnatural colour, and red symbolises love.
When will someone upload Sam Harris's The End Of Faith to Bookchan?
When the copyright expires.
What color does a smurf turn when it has no oxygen?
Magenta.
Why?
No idea.
What the hell is active oxygen?
It's oxygen that doesn't just sit on its ass in front of a computer all day, eating crap while its ass expands. It gets OUT and accomplishes something, young man!
What's a good mental exercise to generate a sense of ambition?
Repeating "you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it" 1000 times, despite the fact that it is a busted myth.
Will people quit dividing by zero, only to attempt to calculate the square root of negative numbers?
i
Is Squeeks still in London?
No, he moves around daily to escape the agents of the Elitist Superstructure's affiliates. His current location is an otherwise uninhabited island somewhere between Okinawa and Hawaii.
Why are there so few good adventure games out lately? The only recent ones I've liked were Runaway 2 and Sam'n'Max.
Because great plots end up being bought by vaporware corporations.
Will wire frame graphics ever be cool again?
Of course, once retro-gaming reaches that point, so give it another ten years or so.
I need to contrast libertarianism vs utilitarianism, focussing on justice and economic distribution. How on earth am I gonna write 4500 words about that???
First, come up with a blinding, opinionated generalization about the subject, turn it into something that remotely resembles a thesis, and proceed to ramble on for a few hundred paragraphs citing nonsensical evidence to prove your illogical points. Make sure to have a conclusion with a witty quote by some famous person.
What grade will >>618 get?
DQN!
what should i have for breakfast?
Ten McRib burgers.
How many more burgers do I need to eat until my liver fails or my arteries clog up?
Doesn't matter, you're going to die in two weeks.
Is it lupus, doctor?
It's never lupus.
How many more seasons will ER run for?
5038
will you be sent to ER or a GP if you contracted a DQN?
IC, after one hour due to brainshock
I have a girl neighbour who could lose some weight and then I'd do her. How to go about it?
Cut off both her legs and rape her.
Why is DJ SHARPNEL fun to listen to and LOLI RIPE isn't?
obviously you're a retard.... both are hideous.
Is prostitution legal in your country?
Legal? Hell, they're unionized.
Why is Harvest Moon so much fun?
Because you're a born farmer. Go till some fuckin' soil, hayseed.
How do I correct against gradual buttock drift?
Move to a faster-drifting continent.
Should I spend five years studying Geophysics?
Yep. Great plan. What a suckers.
Yes Mth'kly?
.
?
!
‽
No.
If babies come from storks, why don't we all have beaks?
Storks are only employed in the shipping department, not assembly/production.
You push button ... but receive no bacon. What happens next?
A ninja drops down from the ceiling and cuts you to pieces.
How do I learned Gun-Kata?
What would happen if the vogons tried to copy the underpants gnome business plan?
They'd find that an enterprising tribe of gnomes in the area of the former Soviet Georgia had already combined poetry with underpants acquisition.
When fucking the system, should one use a condom?
Only if you're not planning on systematic impregnation.
Balsamic vinegar?
Excellent with Strawberries, really.
And stop hitting the Lucky Star so hard.
How are you going to celebrate next year's Towel Day?
By hanging myself with a towel and leaving 42 suicide notes scattered around town.
Does orgone energy really exist?
Yes, but it's all gone.
I bought a watch a couple months ago and the battery is dead. Did I get screwed?
No, the watch did.
Will playing Chess make me more attractive to the ladies?
only if you use your wang as a chess piece.
how much penis shrinkage do the scientists of Antarctica get?
Enough to turn their manhoods into miniature black holes. They had to spend millions of dollars of research grants to come up with a way of shielding the rest of the Earth from their wangs' gravitational pull.
Question: What do eunuchs do in their spare time, being unable to fap?
They watch American Wrestling
How on earth could you forget to ask a question after answering?
Short term memory loss resulting from chronic dementia stemming from neurosyphilis enabled by an immune system compromised by HIV contracted from dumpster diving in medical waste.
Do you kn
no I don't.
A public place has a men's room and a women's room. Where does the hermaphrodite go?
This is actually the reason why hermaphrodites do not exist: They die from exhaustion for never finding a suitable restroom.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't know, you creep. You don't belong here anyway.
What is the Meaning of Fife?
(Barney Fife)
Fourty-Fwo.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
why is debian so incredibly sexy?
to draw attention away from >>652.
why wont my helmet fit anymore?
Helmut swapped his with yours, because he's got a nasty case of hydrocephalus. Don't worry though, now you've got a cool spike like grandpa used to back in the Great War.
How was the Great War anyway, grandpa?
Dont call me grandpa, kid! I aint that old! Anyhow, the war sucked and wasn't great at all. Glad its over now.
Will the third world war be fought out in space?
No, it was fought below ground. You never realised it had started until it was already long over.
What doesn't Nazi science sneer at?
A moon that's made entirely out of water ice. Because it's white, you see.
What doesn't mad science embrace with gusto?
Science, scientific method, the scientific community, ethics, and hairbrushes.
What does Alien science learn by probing rural yokels?
It's like picking flowers, except it's DNA. Good DNA fetches a high price on the galactic market, I'm told.
Where are all the blue roses?
I ate them.
Where are all the orange roses?
I cornered the makret, then ate them.
Where are all the plaid roses?
The Scots turned all of them into kilts.
Where are all the spotted tulip bulbs?
The Americans turned them all into cartoon underpants.
Why are there so many patterned flowers being wiped out these days?
Because people are mean poopyheads.
How does an android get drunk?
In binary.
Will there ever be a Genshiken musical?
Yes but Timbaland will sample the whole thing for a #1 hit hip hop song and steal all the credit.
Do freshly dead people bruise?
I think so, but it's probably best to find out for yourself.
What's the native resolution of the human eye?
Yes, you will win a free iPod.
Should I go outside today?
Yes, you will win a free iPod.
Why do people think Jesus was Christian?*
*he's Jewish.
Because Christians are idiots.
When will Scott Adams's predicted Religion War start?
On the next episode of Lost.
Why doesn't my local grocery store supply Hi-C's Crazy Citrus Cooler anymore?
There's a betting pool running on how long you'll be able to survive without it.
Why did I just buy 32 copies of the Japanese translation of The Sorrows of Young Werther?
So you could sell 31 copies to some other loser who will then question his purchase.
Why?
Why not?
Why did I just buy 31 copies of the Japanese translation of The Sorrows of Young Werther?
Because people still go to watch them.
Is there anything the world needs more than a sixth season of Sailor Moon with the enemies being complete and utter moeblobs?
Yes, the world needs more pollution.
Remember when /b/ was good?
/b/ was never good.
Well, I've done the complete Carmina Burana, several anime soundtracks, DJ SHARPNEL, and Para Para Max. What should I have blasting out of my 600W car speakers at full volume with the windows down next?
Everything Hideki Naganuma: Jet Set Radio, JSRF, Ollie King, and Sonic Rush.
Should I join the Church of Scientology?
Yes, you will win a free iPod.
Now that news of Xenu are widely publicised, have Scientology joinee numbers dropped significantly?
You're not cleared for that knowledge.
Now that July 5th has come and gone many times, have any Sub-Genii demanded their money back from "Bob", or is X-day so much fun they'll keep practicing until they get it right?
All the dissatisfied SubGenii are now devout followers of Our Lady of Discord.
What's the exchange rate for 5 tons of flax these days?
6 tons of flax.
Who will you vote for? Hilary or Obama?
Stephen Colbert, as a write-in candidate.
Who will win? Colbert or Jon Stewart?
Carell.
What does he win?