I'm a dude who's turning 21 in a months time and it looks like I haven't aged a day since I was 17...
A friend tagged an old picture of me on Facebook and it was shocking to see how little I've aged.
When I dress right..layers, collared shirts, long sleeves, wear contact lenses, do my hair right etc. I do look slightly older but I still look very young. I still have some babyfat in my cheeks and my face isn't as angular as I'd like it to be, weak jaw and only sparse facial hair...
It's really frustrating, seeing how some friends who had babyfaces in the past and looked kid-ish shed their babyfat and now they look older than me.
I've started working out to get (hopefully) bigger, and I'm working on getting more classy clothes that fit better as well...any other tips on how to shed the babyface? Short of getting plastic surgery.
Yeah? well being as your a man you stop aging at 21. dont worry the wrinckles will pack on as years pass. You need to keep in mind being in your 20s is classed as a Young adult.... or some shit. I think the nose continues to grow so wait a few years and you will look alot diffrent.
>>44 how the fuck did this thread get to 40+ posts? yeah, lets pretend theres any difference between a 17 year old and a 21 year old. jesus fucking christ.
Look like 17, but don't sound like one!
Smile more, talk more directly, be positive and don't fucking care!
Girls are there waiting for you!
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Hey honestly, im turning 21 and still look 18 and yeah it sucks but you just gotta have confidence. victim of a baby face with bad facial hair genes. fuck it. Pick a unique hairstyle, shave every 2 days so that ur facial hair could grow out faster, and get a good selection of mature clothes. i dont care how young ur face is, if your confidence, style and swagger is 21, you ARE 21. remember that. CONFIDENCE. your putting too much stress on your self.
I'm about to be 21 in 4 months, although i look like i'm 17/18 a swell. I embrace it, i hope i look 27 when i'm 32.
How do people keep finding this place? It seems like our personal board just attracts people who look for their problems in a search engine...
Also: I'm 27, but people often say I look like I'm around 20. It's not a big deal. In fact, since I'm getting older now, I'm pretty happy about my youthful features. Since my hair is starting to go white, they won't be around for much longer, so I should enjoy them while I can.
I live in an apartment with two roommates; three guys. One of my roommates ("T") has a small dog - not a problem in itself, but has brought problems.
Before moving in, my other roommate ("J") and I asked him how the dog behaved - does it yap, is it potty trained, clean etc. He responded no, yes and yes, respectively.
Within the first days of "T" and his dog movnig in, "J" and I quickly realised he yapped a lot. At people coming inside (including us), loud sounds in and out of the apt and even randomly.
Also, if I left my bedroom door open, the dog would waltz in and shit on the floor. This happened twice, to which my roommate, without apologizing or scolding the dog, just quietly cleaned the mess.
Over the last couple months the dog caught fleas. The fleas spread through the apartment. It got to the point where I was finding fleas on ME, outside of the apt.
We all went home for thanksgiving, and before I left I sprayed flea killer to let it sit for the week. Fortunately, "T" took care of the fleas while he was home and they seem to be gone.
However, the first day when we all came back, the dog shat in "J"s room. No apology.
Now "T" is away for a few days, he apparently couldn't take the dog with him and has asked us to take care of the dog. I think that it is his problem (he should put it in a kennel). and I am not willing to "do him a favor" considering the dog's behaviour.
You and J need to confront T about the problem. I would say that while you appreciate him clean up after the dog, you would rather it not even been an issue in the first place, and mention what he said before you moved in. In the mean time, I would try to do some training with the dog. I know, I know, it's not your dog, you shouldn't have to, you don't want to. But you can either be stubborn and continue to deal with the barking and shitting, or you can do something to improve the situation. At the very least try to potty train it.
Also be thankful that T cleans up the shit and did something about the fleas. It sounds hard to believe, but there are people who wouldn't even do that.
The fall is OK until we hit the holidays. Holidays are rough for those of us struggling with social skills attainment. Atleast we get crap horror films. How are you doing this fall iichan?
i made friends with a baby squirrel
but found him drowned in my toilet one morning
apparently that's their only weakness
I also have problems with social skills. I have a few friends who I hardly ever see. I spend most of the day working, writing, reading and thinking. I don't think I need friends.
Not good. I desperately need to move, but for some reason I keep procrastinating. I have everything set up for me to go, I just need to pack and get on the train, which I could easily do in a day or two. It's taken me almost a year. I hate myself for being so worthless.
Lazy. I have so much I'd like to accomplish. The fact that I'm a lowly GED graduate reminds me those things are far above my caliber as a man.
I've started running again. It helps with the depression. Unlike you guys, I don't have any real problems. Everything that's wrong with me is my fault.
(This isn't about relationship problems, even though lower, I talk a lot about my boyfriend. Its pure inadequacy in everyday life. Its poorly written and put together. Its hard for me to write intelligibly when I'm upset about personal problems like this.)
I haven't ever posted here, not even a comment. I'm too worried to. This'll be a very long post, so I'll get right down to my problems though..
No one pays me attention. I always hear complaints from girls about creepers being creepy to them, usually pedophiles, and old men, and things like that. Even otaku girls who seem unattractive. I never have that thing happen to me. Not even online. Sure, I don't go out and be a whore, but i thought that pedophiles like the young innocence and what not.
I always thought I was a very average looking girl.. Well when I was younger I was very ugly. Very ugly and obese. I was very nice though.. I was polite and god damn pleasant. When i grew up and my face matured a little, I thought I've gotten prettier. My fat has turned mostly into curves and I found out I was obese from a medical condition, and we start giving me medicine for it soon, and so I'll be in pretty good shape.
I was going to write a long post about how much I identified with this thread, and how when I was a kid all I did was sit around playing Pokemon and getting fat. But I'm tired today. Short version:
Now I go to cons, and the rave afterwards, like someone else said, I partied. Today I am 21. Not socially retarded. I dress artistically. 290 pounds lighter, I still consider myself ugly. But compared to what I used to look like, I'm goddamn George Clooney. Now I have a few good friends, real friends. I've dated before. Women still don't like me so much, but still better than before. But I am so much better than I was before. Just through MY OWN sheer willpower I have forged myself into a better me. On my own terms.
My point is this: You CAN change for the better if you want. You can teach yourself to be more social or more charismatic or more whatever. Personally, I think that while you might not be in your ideal situation, I think you may be doing better than you realise. But either way you can do anything you want better, if you choose to. I guess that's my point.
Oh, by the way?
I still play Pokemon.
>>17 yeah, I have thought about doing this. The problem is that I don't have such an outlet. The only writing communities I've ever found focus totally on creative writing, and that's not really my thing. I've actually tried creative writing, but with so little past experience socializing, I've found it impossible to draw on anything in my life to create characters.
You bring up a good point about "risking" your feelings on someone. I don't feel like doing this. I've been burned quite a few times, and for over five or six years now I haven't had a single interest in any woman I've met. Maybe it's partly because I don't want to get burned anymore, but I'm not attracted to them at all. It seems to me that when I put my feelings on the line, I'm just putting myself in store for more humiliation again. The whole deal is just fucking rotten.
I am pretty lonely, though, I have to admit that. Otherwise I'd probably feel no need to drink. I know I have to change, and if that means humiliating myself hundreds more times, that might be better than the alternative.
It's great that you've found your own way out, though. This is no way to live.
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How old are you? You sound a little bit like myself when I was younger. The fact of the matter is, sometimes people have pain so deep within themselves, that it blinds them to the truth. How do you know your parents love your brother more than you? You said yourself you're quiet and shy and polite - maybe these things are a reason as to why you interpret peoples' attitudes toward you as "not enough".
An aura a person has about themselves isn't necessarily visible through the naked eye - but people can tell things about others without even talking to them. I thought my mom liked my sister more than me so many times because my own personal pain looked for small things - and believe me, they were SMALL - that "proved" my logic was correct.
If your boyfriend doesn't cherish you and you don't feel like you're special, dump his ass. In fact, dump him for the fact that YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOURSELF. Self esteem is so important. And it's really hard to improved a self esteem when it's bogged down by caring about what your significant other thinks of you or his flirting with other girls. No, you can only love and receive love when you truly love yourself and it appears right now that's a struggle for you because you don't feel like you're special.
You are. You're very special. Not special ed, or any stupid joke people attach to bring down this statement... you're a very special person, as we all are.
>>3
I sympathize with a lot of what you're saying. I guess. I mean, I've been there, and in many ways I still am. I work a lot, and even though I have friends, I haven't had a girlfriend for about five years. I did have a long and serious relationship for a few years in college, but really, it was a total disaster. No regrets, but still.
However, there's one thing you said that I found interesting (if you're even still here after six months to respond at all.)
>Once, I decided to ask my boyfriend to show me the torrents he was downloading.
Yeah, look. Don't do this. I think I understand why you did it, but it is just straight asking for problems. Even though I was faithful to my girlfriend, I would have never showed her my torrent list or, for that matter, the contents of my hard drive. Not that I had anything downright wrong on there, but the loads of doujin and artwork stuff I had was lurid at best and downright shocking at worst. She almost certainly would have left me then and there. At least that's what I was thinking.
But, you know, I had that stuff as an escape. My girlfriend was definitely special, and a great girl, but she wasn't giving me all of what I needed. I'm a pervert and she's as plain vanilla as you can get. I'm not saying anything about you, but consider that a man might have good reasons for refusing to reveal such information. In my case, it just happened that instead of crushing on another girl, I was into girls who only existed on ink and paper. Is that worse? I don't know.
>>24 " My girlfriend was definitely special, and a great girl, but she wasn't giving me all of what I needed."
This is why I made such a thread in the first place. People who do this, and feel like this. Do you not understand how this can wreck a person? If you didn't think she was enough, you shouldn't have been in a relationship with her. Its people that act like you do that made me write this, because it hurts people like me. If you're a pervert as you say, stick to things you can't hurt, until you find someone who will satisfy your needs. Don't "try your best" with a girl you can't be suited for because she doesn't satisfy you.
People like you are selfish and don't care when they hurt people like me, even if its just by looking at porn.
I'm sorry I've been so harsh. You were just the perfect example of what is causing my emotional turmoil.
I'm not really sure what to do, but I know I don't trust anyone enough to confide in them. I was thinking of trying out that tulpa thing, in fact. I know, it's silly and it almost certainly won't work, but it would be nice to have someone else to talk to, even if I'm talking to myself.
How do you cope with your problems?
I am a robot.
No problems.
I guess if I had a problem I could not disclose, I could not disclose it.
Use this thread? We are here for you OP!
I have a problem with compulsive lying, so yes, I have a lot of them. I doubt I could ever tell anyone everything wrong without drinking or taking something to make me more open.
I've never tried to construct a tulpa, but I'm planning on buying a lifesize doll for more or less the same purpose. Not for sex, just for someone to be with whom I can trust to never leave or hate me. Hopefully, I'll be able to tell them my problems.
I am poor and studying the final year of a degree in england. It's only til next year when I finish but until then I have to live in shitty houseshares and I can't do this shit anymore! Most co tenants are young, messy, and up til 4 in the morning. Bills can never seem to be split properly unless its me that foots most or all of the bill. Landlords never seem to know what they are doing and don't play by the rules, and think its ok to kick people out or dick around with the tenancy agreement. I've got to find another place to live AGAIN and hope that I can survive until I finish my degree but all I can afford are weird houseshares or student lets with teenagers. Next year I should be able to get a salary job and my own flat or teach in another country for a few months. until then I have to put up with living with strangers and dodgy landlords and it SUCKS!
I shared a house at Uni. It wasn't terrible. In a few years, you won't remember it. Yeah, landlords can be complete homos, one landlord I had just invited himself in a lot of the time. Just buckle up an apply yourself, get that grade, it's all that matters at University.
I suggest you realize, that not all communal housing relationships are so lax and uncomfortable for renters. A lot of landlords keep a tight ship on pay expectancy. I would suggest maybe a new start at looking at rental communities in your area.
Hi. I came here for catharsis.
I'm 21 years old and I live in USA (southern California.) I'm a college student and I have a part time job.
Yesterday, a teacher, coworker, and somebody on the public transit bus said I looked miserable, and asked what was wrong.
I'm failing my algebra 2 class, and my ability to pass relies on my next test grade. The test is in a week.
My speech class has a presentation "on myself" due on the same day. I have at least 6 hours of math homework and a 2-page essay due on that day, too (essay isn't so bad, but I am totally lost with this math, makes me feel dumb.)
My younger sister, aged 13, has been in and out of mental hospitals for being suicidal. I try and help her, because there was a time in my life that I felt the same way. I tell her talking with people is the best way to solve internal problems like that. I try to make her feel open with talking to me and our parents about it. She doesn't care, she says talking doesn't help, and she tells me I'm just wasting my time.
Algebra II? Isn't this remedial? Worst comes to worst, you skip around community college courses until you kick ass on your Algebra reqs. Suicidal ideation is a serious mental health issue, that as a young man who is not a psychiatrist nor psychologist, will not be fully apt to 'cure'. All you can offer is patient acceptance.
I've been on one side or another of a lot of those problems, and though I can't offer any real advice seeing as I have yet to figure out how to cope with them myself, I can at least say to try not to give up. Even if everything goes wrong and it seems like you have nothing and nowhere to go, sometimes all it takes for things to get better is a little time. I know it probably sounds like I'm just spouting vapid nonsense, but it's what I tell myself when I feel like I have no hope. It doesn't help much, but every bit counts, right? I'm sorry I can't help more.
>>3
Yeah, I'm not giving up. When I was 18 years old or so, I basically figured that if I have two arms, two legs, and a brain, I can do good. Good things(making other people's lives easier somehow, or just working and donating to a charity, or long-term things like just being a good person)are things I could not do if I gave up. This keeps me going, but sometimes everything's just absurdly hard.
>>2
I guess you're right, I could probably just come back to this math later... It feels like something I should be able to to do right now, though. And yeah, I've stopped trying to get through to my sister, but it's pretty stressful just thinking about that situation.
Thanks for the responses guys. It helps to just communicate about it with somebody.
I can definitely sympathize. Most of the time, even the most simple things feel impossibly difficult to me, and just going through the basic motions of everyday life has become a struggle. And watching all the 'normal' people around you go about their business as if it was the easiest thing in the world doesn't help. It's like they live in a completely different world than you where everything is simple and straightforward and everyone always has plenty of energy and motivation, isn't it? I don't know any solutions to the problem, but focusing on the things you know you can do and get enjoyment out of, like working for charity and whatnot, seems like a good idea to me~ In my experience, ruminating on negative things never helps. Just try to take things one step at a time and don't fixate on things out of your control. That's what I do, at least.
Also, I know how it is to feel inadequate because of trouble with school, but there's only so much any one person can do, yes? Success in school isn't synonymous with intelligence or general competency. The idea that it is has been indoctrinated in a lot of people, but there have been plenty of people who for whatever reason didn't participate in formal academia and ended up doing very well for themselves. Unless you want to go into a field like law or medicine where your GPA and alma mater matter a great deal when trying to find employment, there's no point in worrying too much if you don't pass every class the first time you take it, is there? Maybe instead you could focus on trying to get as much out of your time in school as you can, regardless of how well you do in any given subject?
So my ex and I broke up a couple weeks ago. We have an apartment together. I recently lost my job so I can't afford rent or my phone bill right now. I can't get another job because I don't have a phone. My ex refuses to help out with my bills. I have no family, and really no where else to go. My name is on the lease, so he can't kick me out, although he tries to all the time. Hes constantly verbally harassing me to get a job and is just mean to me in general.
What do I do?
Get a job.
Buy the cheapest mobile phone available. Try to reason with your ex. I dunno how, maybe something like "help me get on my feet, then you'll never have to deal with me again"
Pick a guy level or two below your league. Ugly ducklings usually compensate with their character. This is how girls grow up. Learning is fun.
When it boils down to honesty, and recognizing that there are many aspects to a situation, it takes me time to let myself realize I'm not the only one at fault. In short, my memories haunt me and plague me. I become fixated on guilt and blame of myself in situations where I'm in pain.
People who are close to me, and even people U just work with, or have went to school with, comment upon how I'm hard on myself. Yes, I know this, it isn't a secret. But I don't know how to use my intellect to reason why my emotions shouldn't dictate to me how to feel.
I'm recently married, 2 weeks yesterday. A month after my then-boyfriend (now husband) got together, I went home to see my family and friends (home is 3 hrs away from where I live now). One of my friends claims himself to be gay ... I'm not so sure anymore. We've cuddled before and there were definitely weird vibes about it. But me being me, I defended my friends honor/character by saying hey, he's just very touchy-feely or something stupid like that, because I trust my friends.
Well, I sent a text to this gay friend when I was home that said, "YOU'RE GONNA GET SOME PUSSY TONIGHT!" ... purely as a joke, the intentions were meant to be for humor. I don't even remember how he replied. But when he arrives at the bar, he kind of showed me affection by coming behind me and choking me a bit, which was weird.
You really need to get out and try new things.
Maybe what you need for closure is an apology from that one "gay" friend. He owes you that.
I'm having a pretty big issue here, it's been a fucking long time and it hasn't really been resolved. I guess I just didn't have the energy to deal with it but it's reaching the boiling point. Basically, my parents and my sister do not seem to welcome my girlfriend at all. My sister's always been weird, she just hides in her room if there's a guest over. My girlfriend isn't just a 'guest' though, and each time my gf comes over she just walks away and doesn't even try to say hi. My girlfriend is really upset that my sister does this, and also because my family does not invite her to any of our activities. My family does not do that much at all though, so mostly just a dinner a few times a year if anything.
I wanted to just approach my family and have a chat, but I feel and know things will end up being fucking awkward for EVERYONE once I bring it up. I feel that if I say anything, then there will be a bad impression on my girlfriend since it's obvious she had a problem with my family (whether justified or not). She's my first girlfriend, so I just assumed at first that my family is just not used to me having a gf and bringing someone over but it's been a year already. I feel that something's gotta be done.
I'm also having this issue with my friends not seeming like they give a shit too.
What I'm trying to ask is, my gf is pretty upset and I feel she is right to be, but how am I supposed to bring this up to people without making things awkward? Or what else can I do to make things work out. I really don't know.
I'm sorry, I'm not quite following you here. I understand your sister is acting like a bitch, but how about your parents? You said they don't invite your GF, but they invite you, right? They don't say "don't bring your GF with you" do they? From your post it doesn't seem to me they're doing anything wrong, but of course there could be some other things you didn't mention in your post, so sorry if I misunderstood.
Anyway, what I think is you should talk to your parents alone at first. Don't involve your GF and sister in the discussion, at least not at first. Just ask them do they not like your GF, and why not. They might hold back if she is actually there, and if they don't hold back and she's there she might be pretty hurt. If you get things sorted out with your parents, you could ask them to talk to your sister, it would probably mean more coming from them than from you since it's YOUR GF she doesn't like and she might just ignore what you say because of that.
Thank you for your response. I'm surprised I got such a serious response, I haven't posted here for a while.
I wasn't sure what details to put in my post but my parents also acted weird. My dad wanted to go to the states one time but I asked him if I could bring my gf as well, he basically said no. Then a few weeks later my parents were talking about going to the states, and he brought up that my gf's house is so far (not really) and it would take so much gas to get there, I just thought there was no point.
My sister is pretty weird, and difficult. She won't really listen to my parents anymore so I'm not sure how that would work out. However, I do agree with your idea and it makes more sense. I wasn't thinking properly and I was about to approach my sister first actually. I think it WOULD be best to just talk to my parents because I'm not sure why they're being like that because just because my parents don't like her (if they don't) doesn't mean that much to me because my gf didn't do anything wrong.
Sorry long day of work, I've been out for 12 hours so I hope I made sense in the post.