I know there are several threads before, so this keeps repeating, sorry for that^^.
Well after highschool (bad grades), i have been staying at home doing nothing. Just watching TV and go to the PC (Animes and mangas :)) to kill off time.
I have no interests in anything i think and also no skill in any subject. In High school i was always alone and had no friends.
Hahaha, i think there were some girls who were interested in me(only reason would be that i not that bad-looking ;)) , but i just ignored them.
My woman of dream would be a person similar to the girls/women in mangas/animes.
They look so perfectly beautiful. I can't imagine women exists in reality, so one thing is for sure. That i will stay a loner for me rest of my life( very hort one hopefully).
Even if there were such women, they won't get into contact with low-lifes like me. I wish i would be a character from a manga/anime.
So you can call me a loser or whatever :(
6 months have already past by now since i was going out of the arpartement.
It is just a matter of time, when my parents will kick me out.
For me there is no future.
I mean i wished like in the anime/manga NHK, there would be a woman beautiful and nice as Misaki, who would try to help me.
But this is just my imagination.
So i keep dreaming.
There are several option how i end up:
2.Being kicked out, nowhere to go nothing to eat, just starving or freezing to death
3. A miracle will happen, thus turning my life completely
options 1+2 -------> chances are about 99.99999%
option 3 ----------> almost 0 :((
Well there is story about a miracle of an otaku i think.
Densha otoku it is called. But such a thing would never happen to me, i don't want them to happen, cause it requires a person in danger!
I know i am a stupid pathethic moron with no life etc.
But can't help it.
Well, if your body is operational, and it looks like it is, you can still work.
Used to be people like you and me were forced to work if they wanted to eat. Now we can live cushy lives in our parents' houses eating their food and leeching off their electiricy/internet bills. I feel pretty lame. I'm either massively depressed, but don't know it, or just genuinely lazy. Both situations are really serious.
The worst part, is now that I have some money from a partime job, I don't dare spend it. Honestly that's the most depressing part.
Well the problem is, being a hikki means that you almost don't leave your house/room at all.
So for me going to work, and even to work with other people is a rather cruel vision.
A stupid question:
Are there (small)jobs, that can be done at home?
just how long have you been secluding yourself?
i dropped out of high school and went hikki for two years. just got back into college this year and i've finally realized some things.
although i do feel like a lonely loser most of the time, i try to motivate myself by giving myself a goal to work towards. in my case i realized that if i was going to hikki myself i'm not going to do it in the shithole of a country I'm in. a hikki requires his daily routine of easy access to necessities such as anime and porn and i'm sure as hell isn't getting it here in an overly conservative third world country.
thus to solve the situation i planned on getting into a foreign university, graduate and then proceed to find a way to be a hikkikomori forever in said foreign country. hopefully the degree would be a backup if the plan does not work out so i won't have to kill myself for being stupid, illiterate and poor.
i'm working hard to have no life, i can't help it either.
Well to put it this way:
In my whole life i was a loner :(
So i am 20 now, my High-School-degrees are just bad and i got no talents nor skills :(
My last step out of the apartement was about 6months ago.
Daily routine is:
Sleeping-Eating-Watching animes/mangas-surfing through the internet
That's it
Btw: personal hygiene is important for me, sound a bit weird but i want to keep up my good appearance xD.
I have always dreamed of ending up with a beautifull anime/manga-woman :))
If all women were like those in the mangas/animes, it would be like a paradise.
I mean in highschool there were even some girls interested in me (only due to my good-looks ;)) , i think. But i keep ignoring everything.
Cause i can only end up with a person beautiful and nice as women in mangas/animes.
Well that is for the topic of women now^^
Even if i go to university it will be a waste of time, cause i know i don't have the intelligence to be the best.
So not to be among the best, makes no sense for me.
That is how it came, that i am doing nothing now.
I mean if i got some talents, skills i would use them but.....:(
MY life is just pathethic, i think i should end it somehow before it is getting even more worse than now.....
Yeah, strangely enough, I have had the Hiki-in-Japan fantasy myself. I've got to laugh at it though. What a ridiculous idea, learning a language, traveling across the world, and then sitting in my room. But hey, it could be worse, so long as I could find a way to support my lifestyle, which might be a problem. (: c)
I think in all cases, a college degree is a must. Seems like you need one of those for most things. So let that be your goal for now.
LOl, i mean the nature didn't give me the brain/mind for being intelligent.
So what can i do? If there where brain-surgeries to improve your intelligence etc. i would do it even if the chances of surviving that action would be 10% or less!
I can go to a university, but this is what i have thought about for several years now. It would be time-waste cause i am not intelligent enough.
I have no talent at all.
Being not among the best, is just like wasting all your time.
"Social Darwinism"
That is the right term, i think.
To be the best or just die is the motto.
Well than i think i have not many choices now...... :(
Believe me >>7
YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE INTELLIGENT TO GO TO COLLEGE.
Just take a look at our fine president.
Really, >>7 you don't give yourself enough credit.
The fact that you haven't made any spelling mistakes in your above post already sets you far above a vast sea of college idiots who, though incompetent, will take your job if you let them.
Don't let those idiots compete with you just because you're a pansy who's too lazy/scared to go to College.
>>8
is right, get a degree, it should be your first priority.
if you like anime and otaku culture that much like me, get into a japanese university that teaches in english, there's a few of em there.
Yeah you could study Jap and attempt an English Teacher/Translator dual-class build.
Thank you guys for encouraging me ;)
Well to be teacher is something which is absolutely not possible for me.
I just hated it, when i had to give speech in front of the class.
I would just not me, i would feel uncongenial in those situations :(
Well in Highschool we had to choose two subjects , in which we should emphasize our interests etc.
I have chosen physics and math. Well my degrees were below average especially in math, the degrees in physics were fluctuant :(
I haven't studied hard though. But there were a few guys who just gave damn shit about studies, and even though they have always received top-degrees.
So going to college is just.......i don't know:
Japanese Language? I always had bad degrees in languages too :(
Yeah i know, i am really pathethic. Thus i am naturally at home now killing off another day, watching the time flying away.
If there were no Animes or Mangas i really don't know why i should continue my life.
In Animes/Mangas, the heroes are mostly like me, a pathethic guy with no talent nor skill etc. But they end up being a heroe and being loved by a bunch of beautiful girls and women.
Haha, that is so fantastic.
I wish i could transfer my mind into another world!
But it is not possible (for now), therefore i hate the reality!
Perhaps i should try RMT (Real-money-trading) like Satou-kun (NHK) or try to become a professional gamer? xD
But even this, i think have not the strength to do it, cause i would give up easily, like always.
I just can't going on like this, but i have no will nor strenght to change anything........
PLEASE Misaki-chan, be a real person and help me like you did with Satou-kun! Onegai!
so, what about IT?
IT is one of these fields where it's easy for gaijin to get jobs in Japan.
Ever thought about learning a bit of programming?
And, if you really feel you have absolutely NO interests and are hopeless, maybe you should consider medication? They have drugs that give you energy and can alter your personality. This seems to be the expensive, popular, psychiatric trend for solving peoples' problems.
Although I must confess, I have similar issues, and have shyed away from medication. But if it's the only thing that'll help you, you should treat this depression as a medical problem and see a doctor.
Sorry, like i said, i have not the intelligence nor the will to do it.
I just give up in everything :(
I thought about learning "programming". But i do not fullfill the essential points to learn it effectively :(
Btw: With "Gaijin" you mean foreigners (aa bit negative though), or?
XD i can tell you on thing!
I am an Asian guy who was born in Europe(don't want to say the country). So just by appearance they won't make any differences.
I mean, this is just sensless, i am good in nothing, so there is no future for me.
Just way too many problems, i better get rid of myself before it i get even more of a pathethic moron......
>>13 LOl, so what if i get those medications? I would just feel better, and?
Will it change the facts? Can i be more intelligent then? Can i be a hero, and can i get be surrounded by a bunch of beautiful girls/women? -.-
In the end, it won't help at all, cause i know the facts about me better than anyone else.
Besides that i am not really depressed. It is just the hopeless reality.
This why i hate the reality!
I think you're fine.
You can eventually stop making such a big deal out of race when you've realized how trivial it all is. There certainly is a lot of bigotry, ignorance, and prejudice out there. But you shouldn't let that stuff get to you. Singapore is one of the most cosmopolitan places in the world. If you can't find a place for yourself there, then where?
Of course, moving to Singapore because of some arbitrary perception of race or ethnicity, seems very stupid to me.
Get your head out of your ass already. You're a human aren't you?
What the fuck do you need race for?
This is not an issue of race to begin with ;)
I just pointed it out though.
I can't move nowhere, cause for this you need money......
So i will stay a hikki and a Neet......until the day when my parents will kickme out. Then either i will end it my self or i will end up as an beggar.....-.-
When i first watched NHK i few weeks ago, i really realized thath i am a "dame ningen", a failure of human, i am just exactly like Satou-kun, except the fact, that he is very sharpminded and intelligent....
Without Misaki, he would have been still staying at his room almost all the time, until his parents wouldn't support him any longer...then he will either kill himself off or end up being more pathethic.
I mean, i hate reality! Why there is ANYONE like Misaki-chan?
Damn it, i feel like crying now.......tomorrow is the same thing........:
-stand up, go to the bathroom
-eat something
-go to the PC allday, (eventually watch TV)
-go bed..
And it will keep repeating and repeating........
Well anyways thanks for your advices and posts ;)
On 4Chan.org the people there are very rude -.-
Some loser copy-pasta'd this from another thread.
But look >>17, if you take medication that can make you feel better, you may suddenly realize that "reality" isn't etched in stone, it's as mutable as your mood. I think you are depressed. Nobody who talks like you isn't depressed. Maybe you've been depressed so long that you've forgotten what feeling normal was like, so you've convinced yourself that you're an idiot and useless and that there is not hope. THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE. THERE'S ALWAYS CHANGE.
So anyway, what third-world European country are you from? At least give us the general geographic area.
>>16
if by cosmopolitan you mean a country ruled by crazy the Legalist Chinese majority which is like, what, 95% of the population right?
>>17
Wishing Misaki exists won't help, read the manga where Misaki shows her true intentions. Finish the anime as well, it's Satou's hunger that kept him alive in the end.
About daily routine, I think it's almost the same for everyone else not just hikkis, it's just that people are too busy with something like school or work to realize how routine their lives are. For most people, just add some extra activities like college, sports or work to the list and you'll see that everyone goes through the same shit everyday. It's sad in a way but that's how life is.
Anyhow, if you finally have some kind of self realization a few years later, try not to regret about the time wasted. The least you could do now is at least pick up something new to learn. It's easily done on the internet anyway, just doubletask while you're on the PC.
and don't bother asking 4chan unless you're trying to troll with hikki posts.
Thank you guys, for you posts :)
I mean then i can go buy some drugs myself to help me go into another mood or beginn with Alcohol?^^
Yeah i have been always this way since i was a child, that is just me.
But i am not too stupid too know the facts about myself :(
>>19
Well that is true about Misaki, i know this. But still, i want to see someonelike her..... :)
It is quite pathethic that someone's hunger keep one alive :(
Btw: My whole life is a waist :(
I mean my motto has always been : "Mess with the Best or DIE like the REST!"
I am not able to do it, i am just a failure of human.
I mean, i do not bother the fact, that i am a social idiot or whatever you like to call it.
But the fact thath i have low intelligence (compared to others), no skills, no strenght and will is just unforgivable.
I hate myself for this reason.
go join the army or the marines it will help you become a more stronger and confident person.
Yepeeeehhhhh....... -.-
Another pathethic day for me.
I think i need to try some drugs xD, but it will be difficult since i am a Hikky xD.
You know that might not be the worst thing he could do. I'm not a big fan of the military, but a draft might be able to reshape him into something functional. It might also just make him into an alcoholic bum when he gets back.
I guess the biggest risk is if he has some kind of mental breakdown and they have to send him home, or they reject him outright, nothing really lost there, I'm thinking. This sort of thing almost makes me wish my country had obligatory military service, like South Korea or Singapore. It's like a mandatory gap-year that combats hiki-ness.
Hahaha, military...... -.-
First of all as Hikky if i would go out (6moths at home without going out!), i would go to a place where not mayn people do gather!
I can't take this shit anymore.
If i can't kill my time of with animes/mangas i have to killmyself....... :(
I feel so empty.
No future, no goals just NOTHING!!!! ;((
I hope you're just trolling.
Nobody would kill themselves over anime and manga, the only time you should kill yourself is if there are no good video games to play.
Well my life was all about animes/mangs since i was i small child ;)
I just can't keep this going on^^
Misak-chan please help me.
I just keep believing in a miracle, cause there is nothing other than this, i can do :(
I dream and keep imagening that a woman beautiful and nice as a female Anime-character would knock on the door of my home....
Ok, so as some people said, maybe you should try programming. You can make much more than minimum wage just knowing html, and css, or even less, and then using other people's scripts. Also, have you ever tried being a mooch? Why do you seclude yourself? If you are attractive, you could always meet up with a chick and mooch off of her for a while, at your age. I know that sounds terrible, but it's better than mooching off of your parents, and if you mooch off of a chick, eventually they'll give you some shit and you will realize that you need to do stuff. But seriously, learn to program. It can make you a lot, and you can do it from home, and it doesn't take a lot of brains.
Sounds nice, but how will a creep like >>1 meet and summon the will-power to greet a girl? And how will his horrible self-confidence issue attract said girl? I mean, I don't want to get this guy any lower than he already is, but I know, for me, as a pseudo Hiki myself, It's not easy, I'd rather just stay in my room and eat a rice ball.
Oh, dude, that article made me want to eat a rice ball so bad I started boiling rice, but then I realized I don't know how to make rice balls. But anyway, one thing that might work is maybe, an internet relationship that develops into one on the outside? I've known a few Hiki that have went that way. I'm not a Hiki myself, but I've heard that e-relationships are much easier than ones on the outside. Or, maybe he could try doing something like painting Warhammer 40K figurines =P Eventually, maybe he'd get bored with just looking at them and try to find the other person in his province/state/district/whatever. j/k, but being serious again, since this Hiki seems to like watching anime, maybe doing a webcomic or something? If he gains enough of a fanbase, maybe he could be convinced to attend Otakon and realize that he's not alone and that there are thousands of other people like him out there, and that these people are making a living and living their lives just fine.
>>31
my eyes are already hurting by the idea of an extra weeaboo webcomic on the internets, or maybe he'll be good since he's asian. still i say he'd do better by programming.
Thank you so much for you advices ;)
Really "programming", this was a thing that i have already thought about since i was still in school.
But i am so sorry, relly pathethic, i have not the will to learn it properly, most probably, cause i would give up half-way like everything i did and do :((
>>29 Yeah you are right. With my looks only, this won't work :(
I have nothing to do nothing to tell about, no confidence, just the looks :( Somthing like a zombie or a puppet....
>>31 Inet-relationships ?
Where, can i meet the most probably beautiful women (they have to bee as beautiful as in the mangas and animes though ;)) on inet?
Thanks for keeping this thread alive.
Yeah so today is another pathethic day again like always..
Surfing through the net (always the same sites) and waiting for new mangachapters and new anime-episodes.
I feel like i have always been dead, never alive.
If i would ever meet a beautiful and nice woman, (which by definiion doesn't exist in the reality, cause the perfect girls/women are in mangas/animes :( ), i would never forgive myself for making her feel uncomfortable and mooching her off.
It is enough that i leech from my parents :( .
Too leech a beautiful woman, no way, i would rather die from starving, than hurting her.
xD, when i always read a manga or watch an anime i would go crazy and become very very angry when a beautiful girl/woman is going about to be hurt. I just can't take it.
Then i imagine/dream thath i can go into the manga/anime and resolve the misery the girl/woman is being in.
Hahaha i know i know, i am quite pathethic .... :(
>If i would ever meet a beautiful and nice woman, (which by definiion doesn't exist in the reality, cause the perfect girls/women are in mangas/animes :( ), i would never forgive myself for making her feel uncomfortable and mooching her off.
Don't worry, that will never happen :).
>>38 have fun
You need the capital and good knowledge to be succsesfull.
The girls you see in anime and manga are very pretty and nice sometimes, but sometimes they are like Asuka in Neon Genesis Evangelion. I think real girls are a bit more like that. Asuka is overbearing towards everyone around her because inside, she has a lot of pain. I think real girls and real people in general are like that. Any ugliness they are showing is really pain that they have to hide from. Instead of looking for a girl who is like the ones who seem to care only for what their boyfriends are feeling, you should try to see all the little cute things about real girls.
A girl who reads books and is cold to others might have had a boring life, and she can't accept other people because she thinks her books are more entertaining. A girl who is too afraid to speak her mind because her friends always put her opinion down. A girl who yells at everyone because she thinks it is the only way anyone will listen to her. In these girls you can see that they are hurting, and inside they are beautiful girls like the ones you read about.
In anime and manga we see people for who they truly are, but in real life you can't always tell. Even the worst person in the world has something beautiful in them. I think you have a beautiful sensitivity. You see beautiful worlds without pain and want to have such a world for yourself. If you can't see the little beautiful things inside our own world, though, you'll never have a happy life! All these manga and anime are based on this world you live in, the one outside of your apartment. You need to go see this world! Even if you just go to a park or beach at night when there are no people around, look at the beauty of the stars and all the living plants and animals! The world is gorgeous! Somewhere in that beautiful world, there is someone waiting for you, but if you don't ever leave your apartment, maybe they will never meet you! They will have a more sad life for not meeting you!
I hope you get to meet them, too. I gave up once, but I met my wonderful boyfriend, who is a jerk a lot, but who makes me the happiest real life girl in the world. I know you'll find someone too, so don't give up!! (^_^) Ganbatte~!
You are only 20, I'm 27 and just started trying to have an existence outside my house. Only after all these years am I finally getting my license to drive. I have been thinking about going to a community college and going from there.
But really, i was homeschooled and have never had a job. I have a fairly high level intellect, but nobody to talk in person to or any idea what places exist in a rural area to meet people with similar interests.
Even with a degree, what good would it do?. I have severe doubts as to my ability to ever work for anyone.
But even with everything against me, at least I can say that I tryed.
What a beautiful post by you, thank you so much :))
Even a cold hearted, anti-social guy like me, can see that you are really speaking out of your soul ;)
And i am glad you live a happy live now :)
I also like the mangas/animes, because the characters show their thinking and inner feeling like an open-book.
Me, as a person who has no social competence, almost never understood what the others were thinking of (school-time).
But i think i am also pretty superficial ^^.
The female anime/manga characters are looking so beautiful :)
In my opninion they are perfect, thus no women (sorry^^) in reality can compete with them. That is why i can't fall for a real women ;(
I have always seeked for perfection. This is also the ironic.
Me i am so far from it (besides my looking (^_^) ) in every thing i did and do, it is so impossible for me :(
Therefore i live my real-life in my dreams.
I am so pathethic :(
Btw:
The only thing besides animes and mangas i like is most probably is the star sky^^.
I could probably stare at the night sky with the stars the whole night long. (of course i do it from the window in my room^^). ( i am somewhat like Hei-kun from the anime Darker than Black)
I really hope something like a miracle happen to mee though :(.
But once again thank you for you really caring post :)
Arrigatou Gozaimasu ;)
Where beauty is, then there is ugliness;
where right is, also there is wrong.
Knowledge and ignorance are interdependent;
delusion and enlightenment condition each other.
Since olden times it has been so.
How could it be otherwise now?
Wanting to get rid of one and grab the other
is merely realizing a scene of stupidity.
Even if you speak of the wonder in it all,
how do you deal with each thing changing?
>>42
you only say that because you've never met a nice girl.
I'm not sure if that would solve things. After all, we've got to consider what sort of nice girls that OP (and any of us, for that matter) is likely to meet.
Truly nice girls -- the well-adjusted ones who live contented, ordinary lives -- are going to search for someone who is like themselves. They'll want a nice, well-adjusted, contented guy who is sociable and socio-normative and all that lovely jazz.
Basically, they'll want someone who doesn't post here.
Take away the girls who represent the above-detailed sliver in the pie chart of amiable femininity, and you've got what >>40 described: nice, not-entirely-well-adjusted girls. And here we have a problem.
Those examples -- the bookworm who avoids people in favor of fictional worlds, the girl who has been cowed and humiliated into silence, the overbearing girl who lives in fear that people will ignore her -- simply aren't the sort of girls who need a boyfriend. They need therapy. Perhaps only a little. Perhaps decades' worth.
So Mr. OP, as I see it, is floating adrift on the sea of love in the same dinghy that we all share: we aren't the well-adjusted socio-normative types who have little trouble finding companionship, yet we're in no position to play counselor to the sort of individual that we'd likely be able to find. So where does that leave us (and Mr. OP)? Frankly, I don't know the answer to that.
Perhaps we need to change something in ourselves, to abandon our geekish, reclusive, anonymous-message-posting ways and become more like the people we see at school or work. Perhaps we need to change something even more fundamental than the above -- perhaps we need to become different people altogether, and change our worldviews, our interests, and our personalities, in the hope that we can perhaps change our possibilities.
Or perhaps the anwswer doesn't lie in trying to change ourselves to fit the available parts in the game of love. Perhaps we need to find a different game altogether, played under our own rules. If we are creatures whom the world around us deems unfit for romance, why should we feel sorry for ourselves?
If the world of boys' and young mens' romance manga provides a romantic framework with which we are most comfortable, why abandon it? We can live our romantic lives vicariously, through the media of romantic manga, anime, and games. The romances we see in these media are unique and irreplicable -- what we're reading and watching, after all, are romantic fantasies crafted by men, for men. By definition, they are the sort of scenarios populated with the sorts of characters that we are fundamentally unlikely to encounter in the real world. Why not embrace the fantasy, and content ourselves with lives of vicarious romance?
Because someone claims that vicarious romance represents a denial of our essential humanity? On what grounds? I've been told -- on these boards, no less -- that a necessary component of the human condition is love for another human being. And yet, I've never heard a cogent argument for why this must be the case. Perhaps some consider love for another human to be an essential component of humanity because love, in leading to sex, in turn leading to reproduction, helps to carry on the species. Yet there are myriad ways through which modern love between humans rejects the aims of reproduction, yet we do not consider these components of love to represent denials of our humanity.
Personally, I'd have to say that I've been there and back again, and I'll stick to fictional romance. The scenarios are perfect, the girls are cute, and if the worst whould happen, there's always the reset button. There could very well be a nice, well-adjusted girl out there who would want to date me, but I no longer possess the patience necessary to seek her out.
OP, there's no shame in liking fictional romance. Often, it's honestly preferable to the real thing.
>>45
i do agree with no shame in fictional romance, i mean i do enjoy it myself. but still, i think someone like me and perhaps alot of us here who has no experience of real life romance isn't in any position to declare fictional romance as preferable to the real thing just yet.
anyway, hearing justifications of our way of life always brings a smile to my face.
man, my thread drits too much away to the "romance"kind of stuff -.-
"Perhaps some consider love for another human to be an essential component of humanity because love"
First to beginn with, i just can imgaine whta love is, since i have never felt it!
So to speak of i have never been a human by this definition, also by my thinking ;)
"OP, there's no shame in liking fictional romance. Often, it's honestly preferable to the real thing."
BUT i want this to be the reality!, especially the , beautiful angel-like looking female characters of Mangas and Animes.
In school there were some girls interested in me, that is what i think of. However i never could fall for someone who is not as perfect looking as in the animes/mangas though ;).
And someone like this doesn't exist in the real world (no even the so-called Beauty-Queen whatever are in my opinion not good looking!), yet i wish for the day i could really meet such a girl/woman^^, someone angel-like :)
Seeking after the perfection, this is it.
I repeat myself: "Mess with the Best or die like the rest!"
This also fall into the category of my "motto".
Besides that, even if such a girl/woman would be for real, why would she hang out with a guy like me ;( ?
Therefore i can forsee (i have known this since i was a kid)that i will stay a loner for my rest of my (hopefully short) pathethic life and just keep dreaming.
This now enough for this "romance stuff" or whatever you call it. If i can't "love" myself, how can i can "love" anyone?
So you can call me a zombie or a cyborg with an rest inner-need, which i try to surpess and elminate completely!
Let's end this field and return to my maintopic please ;).
Have you considered going to some kind of anime convention? If you're living in the states, this kind of thing is common in many places, and you can start talking to people with the same interests. If you think that you are unworthy of being with other people, try dressing up as a favorite character and approaching people thinking as that character. You can meet many people there who are usually much more timid, but because of costumes become brave. This is the best thing about cosplay, I think. It can even make you gain the courage to see people outside of conventions.
Sounds good, monks do it after all, or rather, don't.
Just stay away from them dolls, they creep me out.
Also, I think OP should change his handle ID from "Loser" to "Winner". That might fix half his problems right there.
>>48 Nope, there aren't any anime conventions near-by ;(
I mean i don't know if i really like mangas/animes or they are just there for me klling off the time.
I just have no interests at all and never had any. I just feel like i am zombie or something similar.
The need for food etc., but nothing more :(
Just empty. No goals, nor skills, nor talent, nor intelligence nor will.
It is like if i would never have existed in the first place.
>>49 You mean changing attitude will resolve in changing the facts?
I am great winner, should i scream and ignoring the facts?
This would make me even more pathethic, than i am now^^
Facts, Attitudes... Attitudes/Facts
In many cases, there's a pretty thin line between the two, and this is one of them. You should realize that everything that happens to you is your own doing. Everything is what you make of yourself and your situation. Figuring out how to tap into that is what "freedom" is.
I can't handle freedom.
It is like i have been always dead.
So what should i do one i am in the so-called "freedom"?
I really don't know what to do.....
(.hack//SIGN - The World) ; I like this song ;
You are here alone again
In your sweet insanity
All too calm, you hide yourself from reality
Do you call it solitude? Do you call it liberty?
When all the world turns away to leave you lonely
The fields are filled with desires
All voices crying for freedom
But all in vain they will fade away
There's only you to answer you, forever
In blinded mind you are singing
A glorious hallelujah
The distant flutter of angels
They're all too far, too far to reach for you
I am here alone again
In my sweet serenity
Hoping you will ever find me in any place
I will call it solitude when all my songs fade in vain
In my voice, far away to eternity
I'm no psych student or anything, but this is what I'm getting so far:
You are afraid of imperfection. I think this is probably the big thing. You see yourself as worthless because you are not perfect, and hide from the world and people because they are not perfect. The world of anime and manga is much more magical, so you are drawn to this rather than the perfect world.
In addition, you finds it difficult to reach a decision on how to live in this imperfect world because all your guidebooks are based on the fantasy world, and the real world is far too open-ended you to make easy decisions. You can't make a decision on what to do in life, because in choosing one thing, you feel like you're giving up on other things. Moreover, you feel that whatever you choose, you will not be good enough at it to warrant the energy spent in the process of learning how to do it in the first place.
When we grow up, we are always told to "do our best". I think many people nowadays are misunderstanding this to be "be the best". I don't think it matters if you are the best in the world at what you do as long as you can enjoy doing it. You say that you don't have any hobbies, but it's obvious that there are things that you likes to do sometimes.
For starters, you like to look at the stars. You could get a telescope and start studying astrology if you wanted. That's a particularly interesting thing to get into because you can learn all about the stories behind the constellations and from there, you might be interested in the cultures that spawned those stories. That's two subjects that might interest you -- astrology and history. They're just small parts of those subjects but they might start you onto really enjoying bigger things related to them.
You mentioned that you've been thinking about programming. As someone who's not that self-motivated who's also trying to teach herself programming, I highly suggest you start by simply learning XHTML. It'll get you into the mindset of programming, even if it isn't a programming language. After that, you might want to start on Perl. That's where I am currently. (^_^)
Another thing you might want to consider is getting out of the habit of typing so casually. If you want to start programming, you'll eventually need to ask for help from other programmers on internet boards. I've noticed that a lot of them won't take you seriously unless you're a nazi for spelling and grammar. Capitalize "I" and always punctuate sentences correctly when talking to these kinds of people. (^_^);;
I still believe that you need to look for the beauty in this imperfect world and the imperfect things in it. All people carry some kind of pain with them. Even the nice girls you see in anime and manga usually have some pain in their past and it hurts them in some way that changes their behavior. Even the kind and gentle Touru from Fruits Basket has to deal with the pain from her mother's death, and she has a lot of anxiety to deal with, even if she doesn't let other people see it. Most girls in real life and people in general let that pain control something about themselves that makes them seem very imperfect to someone seeking perfection, but if you can see through it, I'm sure you can make friends and find people with whom you can share your life. Watch Kino no Tabi. It teaches about how the world is beautiful, even if it is full of pain.
Neon Genesis Evangelion's original TV ending also has a huge message to people who feel inadequate. To paraphrase, "If you think that you were born without the ability to be of use to others, why do you have arms? If you think that you can never find love and will only feel pain, why do you have a heart? If you think that there is no meaning to your existence, why were you born?" I think a person's life is given meaning by the choices they make. As long as you are alive you will continue to make choices, and that is your meaning for living. This is the true meaning of "your life is what you make of it".
>>54 Thank you very much for your thoughtfull post :)
>">If you think that you were born without the ability to be of use to others, why do you have arms?"
That is a question i ask myself for too. Beneath for hygiene, eating and using the PC, i don't use my arms, hdans ;(
I sometimes wish that the people who lost their arm/hand by accident, could receive my hands/arms instead.
>">If you think that you can never find love and will only feel pain, why do you have a heart?"
That is also an unanswered question in my whole life until now.
I have never felt what that "love" is. I probably can only imagine it. But i am definitely unable to "love".
>">If you think that there is no meaning to your existence, why were you born?"
Another unanswered question. I have nor goals, nothing. Just living day by day, as a mere "bio-machine"
I wish i would have never been born at all.
>">I think a person's life is given meaning by the choices they make. As long as you are alive you will continue to make choices, and that is your meaning for living. This is the true meaning of "your life is what you make of it".
I make nothing of my pathethic life, and i can't see what i will make of it. I am unable to "move" it seems
It is useless.Perhaps one should arrest me in a psychiatry, and pump me full with drugs!
I mean, i can't leech my parents any longer. If i don't want end up homeless and begging all day, i should end it soon.
It will be better for EVERYONE! CLinging on something unreasonable is not very smart after all.
>To paraphrase, "If you think that you were born without the ability to be of use to others, why do you have arms? If you think that you can never find love and will only feel pain, why do you have a heart? If you think that there is no meaning to your existence, why were you born?"
tautology, a statement which contains proof for itself cannot be disproved-"if it exists it has a function" can be said as "it has a function because it exists." therefore these statements defy reason, they are a flaw of reason thus cannot be accepted.
>>56 nicely said :)
I thought the same, but since i am to dumb, i am not able to express it ;)
Also to add something:
THE NATURE is naturally seeking for perfection itself.
It is the reason of a human-being, which why there are so many miseries, clinging onto something, which in reality is a plain contradiction.
OUR WHOLE WORLD with its SOCIETY is based on contradiction, "created" by our own reasoning.
So you say making choice, is what it means to "live".
Then i think i have already made one.
It is to search the way out of this maze, my pathethic life in a pathethic world.
I think , i will be able to do it soon :=)
I think the people who desperately want to die aren't too different from the people who desperately want to live. They are desperate for a life of some sort, perhaps a life through death.
They're certainly very attached to something.
However, when you're in the pit like this, you don't realize what's around the pit, and you can't imagine how you can live outside of it. I've been there, but I never seriously considered suicide because I know that my reality is far too mutable and insubstantial. My misery today will be my great joy tomorrow. If you can see the big picture, realize that when a night sky is above your head, there's daylight on the other side of the world, you can free yourself of this trap of fixed-perception.
You say your life is meaningless, so is mine. EVERYBODY'S IS, so what on earth do you gain by ending it? People who are suicidal are just trying to fix their problems in the only way they feel they can, BUT THEY'RE STILL TRYING TO FIX THEIR PROBLEMS. EVERYBODY IS.
People who live in fiction have the same problems as everybody else. They're real people, created in our image. We prefer to look at these fictional mirror lives than our own. At fiction's best, it offers us insight into our own lives. Your reality is someone else's fiction. But why do you wish to cut-short your fiction? You're depriving yourself of most of the series' episodes here!
>>58
The other question is why do i want to see "my fiction" as you named it?
There won't be an answer for me.
Of course, i can find a job and go to work, 5 days a week, living a normal life etc. etc. and then either die from an illness, an accident or a "normal" death predtermined by our genes.
I can forsee what will happen anyways, like i did when i was still in school.
>"You say your life is meaningless, so is mine. EVERYBODY'S IS, so what on earth do you gain by ending it?"
Well i would say 99,999% or even much higher!of the earth's population is. There you are right.
The rest are the Elites (well i think 60.000 people is still to much of number) who determine the future of the earth and the humankind.
MOstly they are scientists! or people in very high positions.
So not being the one among them, is for be me absolutely not forgivable.
Well i have known this for a long time, this fact.
It must have been for so many years now, almost like my whole lifetime that i am just living day by day, in an empty body ; no goals, since i know they are not in my reach, due to the determination of my intelligence etc. by the GENES, not in this lifetime at least ;)).
Or a mircale will happen that will change me completely.
I am sorry that i can't express myself properly.
If i'd only have an IQ over 180, i can argue for my points better.
It is also a pathethic fact, that many countries consider suicide as a muder.
SO ridicoulous. This means you are being a property of someone else. Well surely, if i would say that in front of people they will put me into a closed cell and brainwash me then.
If i would have the intelligence i could bring up arguments you cannot denie besides your are lying and denie yourself (or you are just like most people to stupid to understand!), just to show off this hypocrits, people who think doing the right because it is just law etc, without even thinking deeper into the matter.
btw: The only thing why i didn't commit suicide yet to free myself from this maze, is that i am "CHICKEN" xD and a Hikki^^.
Of course i can just jump off from a high building, but as i said, my body is working against my mind ;)
But luckily i found the method to log off.
It is just like sleeping, but without getting awke again, atleast not with your actual body. Just beautiful and an appropiate ending. My soul and mind (if something like this exists) would depart then from my body without great force.
However i will wait a little longer for a miracle (or call it "accidental" event), although the chances tends to abosolute zero.
Well the easiest argument you can bring up in this debate is, that you will die sooner or later, this is matter of fact.
But thanks anyway for your thoughtful post ;).
Don't be so selfish.
>It is also a pathethic fact, that many countries consider suicide as a muder.
>SO ridicoulous. This means you are being a property of someone else.
Do you really think your life belongs just to you? Maybe we should rethink this idea. Your life doesn't belong to you. You didn't ask for life did you? It was forced onto you. Your life is your DUTY, not your possession. Consider your responsibilities as a human being, man. This is why societies have established this law. It is against society's interest to have its members off themselves. There are many services you can provide, and lots of personal satisfaction to be achieved in that service. You don't need an "IQ over 180", nobody does.
>>But why do you wish to cut-short your fiction? You're depriving yourself of most of the series' episodes here!
If you already have a good idea of how that "series" will end, and that ending isn't something you want to experience, then prematurely terminating your "viewing session" makes sense.
I had wrote a long response but decided to close the window for some reason. Here are my thoughts on your situation since I believe I can relate to you and sympathize with you on some of your points.
You are also lieing if you say you have no interest in anything. How do you know which mangas to read or which anime to watch if you have no interest in any subject? There are far too many to watch and read them all.
>>60 SOrry, but you are another of those damn hypocrits!!
In my opninion you are more pathethic than even me!
So bad arguements, just poor. YOu think i am selfish! :(
Think again! and come back with more logic arguements, and don't just follow the opinion(s) of the vast majority.
Such people who think like you are scum to begin with!
First point will never happen anyways, since i can only fall for a girl/woman who is as beautiful as a girl/woman in a manga/anime.
Such a girl/woman to exist in the real world tends to absolutely zero.
So this discussion is ended with this.
Well i will give a shit about those degrees IF i would know that i have the capacity of being very very intelligent, and/or having some astonishing talents.
I have none of those.
Living a "normal" life of the majority means to die for me anways.
As i said before, the society is based on contraries and still the majority of poeple are blindfolded by those (mostly) illusive values etc. etc.
>>63
whether suicide is murder or not is something up for the egghead philosophers to talk about, how society works and the meaning behind everything is certainly a topic for sociologists and social scientists. certainly people that considers themselves stupid isn't anywhere near qualified to even bother thinking about it, they aren't in any place to tell someone to come back with logical arguments. instead, it's you who should stop jumping to conclusions and think it through, the hypho-deductive method is your friend. if not, then i really do believe you're as stupid as you claim you are.
if so, why bother making a thread in the first place? if your mind is fixed in dying, why the need to tell us? if your mind is fixed on loving anime girls, why do we need to know?
we're random anonymous people on the internet anyway, we don't really care how bad of a person you are or how you died, many of us are just here to advice because we're bored and often introverted people looking for some social interaction through the internet. the people who might actually care is your family and loved ones, stop being a burden and do something.
>>64 yeah you are right on your last passage.
I will stop being a burden and do "something" ;)
Well you see, i am waiting for the right time i think. Until then i am also bored and empty since, i have no real hobbies and since i have 24hour freetime.....
ABout your first passage:
ยด
I am sorry for having no intelligance to explain myself well...
Even the thinking of suicide being amurder is very absurd too me.
>"certainly people that considers themselves stupid isn't anywhere near qualified to even bother thinking about it, they aren't in any place to tell someone to come back with logical arguments."
So telling someone with low-intelligence seomthing absurd and deluding them is the right thing to do? -.-
The majority of the people in the society are just too dumb.
I mean how much percentage of people do have an IQ over 140/150 (although i do not fully agree to those tests) ?
My mother wants me to get a "life" and job.
Fuck that, I have a life, I'm living and thats enough.