I have asked this question to some people lately and the answer I get from them is trash. It's interesting to hear their views but in the end they all seem to view it very differently. One person I asked this question and he said that he doesn't have an answer. I said bluntly to him: Is it because you have not experienced it yet? He replied, yes. He also said that he thinks love and lust are the same thing. I think he's wrong. I think that love and lust are not the same thing because love is what people hold true for to have someone to be with and lust is just something they want to go after for to feel good about themselves and perhaps make his or her partner feel good as well. In other words, having sex with each other. It was bothering me from what he had said to me and that he does not have an answer when he already has. I think even with a simple crush or whatever, you have experienced love but he seems to not understand fully about love. He goes to college for pete's sake.
Anywho, I ask a few girls the same question. One girl I knew from my school days is that she talks about love including god. The love of god. I thought to myself: Okay, so this is what you believe. My question is not about religion and doesn't mean I'm asking in religious way. So in my perspective, she was quite religious about it and all I read was god this and god that with word love included.
Another person I asked was another one who I also knew from my school days. He's married with a woman who has three kids from another man. What I believe in his situation that he isn't feeling content with his life to the one he's married with. Even though he loves her, he sounded kinda unsure of himself. He would talk about how he used to date with this one girl back in high school and a recent event where a co-worker of his is trying to come onto him. He's co-worker, she's a single mom with a single child I think. So he does not have true love and the test is still underway for him to prove whether or not he loves his wife truly.
So there are people who seem to view love very differently but it comes down to my own theory. People don't know what love is and damn sure that I don't either. I think you have to live out so many years with the one you spend most of your life with and know the true meaning of love.
The thing is I don't believe in love. In my experiences and in my observations on other people in my life, love is complicated and it's stupid.
I think that it's something that, I shouldn't say, but a complete waste of my time. I'm a single guy but what have I got to lose? Most of them would say that there will be someone special out there for you but that's complete bullshit. All my life, love isn't important to me and I think me and some, if not most, people can live without it. The power of love? That can be proven wrong. If you have a strength will then you don't need love right?
I have a little love in my family. I'm being treated as a black sheep of my whole family. I realize that none of my family don't have that kind special of love. Mom told me she didn't really love my father. My grandpda married someone I think months after my grandma died. My aunt is recently divorced. My uncle has been divorced and he's fucked up ever since he immigrated here in the U.S. My other uncle in the Philippines doesn't seem to have interest to his wife anymore and I've seen watching bikini girls on youtube. So that tells me that him and his wife have no special connection anymore. I've heard stories that my other aunt was in a deep shit situation and ended married my uncle whom I never know much about him. So my family never recieved the love you see in movies and TV shows. It's because of them and it's because of other people whom I observed and/or heard their experience of love that I don't believe in love.
> ..love is what people hold true for to have someone to be with ..
> The thing is I don't believe in love.
I think you believe in love, but you don't think it could happen to you, and there is little "love" in your life.
I also think that if you keep thinking this way, then of course love will never knock on your door.
Love is a label that humans, simple-minded as they are, attach to all sorts of feelings they have for other humans.
Love, and romantic notions in general, are, in the end, nothing more than delusions. Fantasy. People spend most of their lives looking to be acknowledged by someone, so much so that they compromise their own existence, bending and molding themselves into something they are not, all in order to be acknowledged by another half-person who has bended and molded themselves into something they are not. There is no happiness in deluding yourself. A shared delusion can be nice for a while, but it won't last. If you delude yourself into believing that "love" is anything more than a temporary base emotion caused by chemicals in your body, you'll wake up one day as an old man and wonder who you are. Transcend what you were born as. You don't have to turn your whole life into a mating ritual.
Learn to love yourself and realise that you don't need anyone else to acknowledge you. Live with your head held high and don't lose yourself to base feelings of lust and a need to be accepted. Be yourself. Disregard women. Acquire currency. Go see the world, on your own. You really don't need anyone as long as you realise that your opinion of yourself is all that matters. If someone wants to follow you on your journey, that's cool.
>>2
If you think so then maybe I do but what I say is what I meant for real. I don't like love. I don't believe it like I said. It's something like >>3 said that it's basically a delusion.
>>3
Learn and live life the fullest before love, right? I don't love myself nor do I hate myself. I'm just a simple creature, an animal, a human living out in this planet called Earth. We do what we do in this reality and what we do is the things that affected around us, that surrounds us. Thus influential things.
Ugh. how bland and depressing. If you categorize love as something so vain and understandable, you've never fallen in love before, or you've been hurt, badly. Perhaps your own ego was too involved in your relationship. Pick up the pieces and begin anew.
Love is an odd thing in of itself. We fall for people who don't acknowledge our existence. We love things that perhaps could be dangerous towards our own well being. We seek out those people even with boundaries and limitations.
OP, I believe in love. Sure, some to the base emotional impacts caused by love is from certain chemicals in the body, but you can't expect that to be the only reason why we are attracted and care for people. Love is an act between two people, a bond deeper than just mere circumstance or affliction. Can you imagine having a person there with you who almost completely understands you? And you completely understanding them? How about a person who loves to be together with you anywhere?
Lust has its part in love, but it isn't really important. The most important part of love is its strong connection and trust. Not appearances or accomplishments.
>>5
I imagine having a person there with me. Completely understanding me and completely understand that person. A person who loves to be together with me anywhere.
However, that's dreaming. A dream that could never be. I can only put it into imagination. It sucks that this kind of imagination, a dream, a fantasy that will never be true at all. Sure I sound like I gave up on love and maybe I did or I already have. I still don't believe in love and no one will convince me enough that believing in love is something "special". A feeling of two bonding together in such harmony. Whatever defines your word, love.
I will say this: Only a girl out there in this world will unlock my sealed heart. For now, I don't believe in love. The fact of believing this is probably because I won't even fall in love anymore. Thinking those things like going out, getting married, have kids. That's a hard earned dream. Something I don't believe that would happen to me.
I agree with >>5. >>3 hasn't experienced love, or has been hurt before. You fail to realise that love, whether it be from your parter, family, or faith, gives you strength.
Ryuuchi;
> I said bluntly to him: Is it because you have not experienced it yet? He replied, yes. He also said that he thinks love and lust are the same thing. I think he's wrong. I think that love and lust are not the same thing because love is what people hold true for to have someone to be with and lust is just something they want to go after for to feel good about themselves and perhaps make his or her partner feel good as well. In other words, having sex with each other.
I'm sorry, but that sounds awfully like someone who believes in love. So I ask you bluntly: Is it because you have not experienced it before?
As far as I know, love does not give me strength. I believe that you can get strength from something else than just love.
Okay, maybe I'm just standing over the edge of a cliff ready to fall. Waiting for some girl to get me out of it but asking that question and the statement that follows doesn't mean I believe in love. I just stated about how love and lust to me isn't really the same thing.
Experienced it, do you mean by love? Or sexual intercourse? Love, I did experienced it. Sexual intercourse, no. However, it does not explain why I don't believe in love. Like I said I've seen and heard so many situations regarding love that have made my reasons not to believe in love.
Okay, I'm confused as to what you mean by "not believing in love". You're able to define it, so you acknowledge that it does exist, that it happens for other people out there, you just don't have faith in it. Is that right?
Your answers are so vague.
> As far as I know, love does not give me strength.
What exactly do you base this on? What kind of love have you experienced that made you feel otherwise?
It exists for others. It does not exist for me. Yes, you are quite right. I don't believe in love because I've seen both fail and success in love. It's something that I don't have in my mind quite often.
I apologize that my answers, explanation, etc. are vague. I'm trying the best of my knowledge and abilities.
I do not believe in love because I don't like to fall in love. I do not believe in love because I know that I will fail. I will only go to first base and I'm out before I reach to second base. Heck, I'll be out after three strikes instead. I don't believe it as I don't believe myself. I will purge my emotions and thoughts that leads to love. It's not because I refuse to do so, it's simply because I don't believe in love at all. It may sound that I am pushing it away from me and not retrieving it back forever but I guess it does. I guess I am pushing it away from me. I guess I don't to fall in love because the outcome is predictable. If I like a girl and try to do something that leads regarding in love, I know at a point I will fail. Maybe because it is based on how I talk, how I express myself. Maybe because they see me the way I am but no who I am. I am just tired of pursuing things in the name of love. Thus I don't believe in love anymore.
There is something the girls see that I don't. Even if I ask them, it will be pointless because it's something I won't understand. If I ask so that I can understand, they perhaps refuse.
afraid to fail? You don't fail if you try, Ryuuchi, you fail if you don't try. Because, if you can still try, you still have a chance at success.
Don't look at life as failures ans successes. Just look at life the way you want to look at it. Society really doesn't
matter that much man. Just do what you can do.
I was feeling a mess before because I thought that I was a failure. But honestly, succeeding or failing, it doesn't really matter. Your life is your own. You can do anything you wish, but some things just take longer than others.
Don't get caught up in society's net.
I don't believe in love
I never have, I never will
I don't believe in love
I'll just pretend she never was real
I don't believe in love
I need to forget her face, I see it still
I don't believe in love
It's never worth the pain that you feel
>>11
Someone said that to me in a similar way. I'm the kind of guy that people seem to not understand the way and who I am. Sometimes I think my intelligence, my knowledge, my intellectual ways are the things people don't see it in me when I express it out. They would look at my with a crooked eyebrow, especially my family.
You are right, here567. Your words about life is true. It is my life of my own. I can do anything as I wish to do and not to care what others think. Nonetheless, I still don't believe in love.
>>12
Good poem, I like it but shouldn't that be posted under Culture in Literature?
>>13
It is not a poem, it is the second chorus from the song "I Don't Believe In Love" by Queensryche. I posted that to lighten thread by illustrating the absurd dramatic reasoning currently being used. It is nothing more than a quick mockery of the subject matter and an attempt to initiate some meta-cognition amongst those reaching fatalist conculsions.
>>14
So lyrics aren't even considered poetry? However, in a way it is a lyric to a song now that you mentioned it. Posted it to lighten this thread, thank you. However, all I've discussed about me not believe in love seemed to not matter anymore in a way that you have said.
All I'm just saying that this might be an issue with me of not believe in love. The question is other than the thread's question: Will a person like me ever have the chance in his own lifetime to truly fall in love with a woman who loves him also?
>Will a person like me ever have the chance in his own lifetime to truly fall in love with a woman who loves him also?
Yes, but you have to see yourself as worthy of having love. The current perception of yourself on such matters creates behavioral notions of inferiority and doubt which in turn fuel your negative outlook. It becomes circular.
And do not think that I have not been down this road in the past. I've ruminated such thoughts to the point where I no longer have a sense of attraction to anyone nor do I see myself as desirable.
Oi Ryuuchi, enough about wishy washy musings, what's up with your apprenticeship/college application you were supposed to have gotten?
I hope you're not wasting your time here moping, when you could be making something out of your life.
>>17
There's an enrollment coming up later this month and next month but I don't have money. For some reason, my mother and my sister are coming back. I don't know the reason but the way she's worried about me, she's got it all wrong. I'm still interested the one you offered me.
But you I guess you got me. I will get to it...I have to.
Um...
> For some reason, my mother and my sister are coming back. I don't know the reason but the way she's worried about me..
There's your love right there.
Anyway, does you mum know that you wanna go to college? Can she help out? How are you going to solve the money problem?
> I will get to it...I have to.
You'd better, 'cos you can be sure I'll be asking you about it again.
>>19
Unfortunately, I hate telling things to her that I want to do. She can and the money problem, I'll get around to it.
>You'd better, 'cos you can be sure I'll be asking you about it again.
Seems you like care....
> Unfortunately, I hate telling things to her that I want to do.
I have a feeling I'll just open another can of worms if I ask you about this story. All I will say is that you're gonna have to let her in on your life, and let her help you to stop her being worried about you.
> She can and the money problem, I'll get around to it.
Don't know how you're gonna do this when you're unemployed.
It'll be totally impressive if you found a part time job and got some money to fund yourself, but if that's out of the question, you're gonna have to depend on your mum.
> Seems you like care....
Yes I care. Real men should follow up their words with actions.
Dammit I hate people who are like "I'll do it soon.." "I'll get around to it.." "I feel like I should do something..." Do it NOW! I'm sick and tired of being surrounded by men who whinge more than me (a woman). Prove to me you aren't one of them.
Hello Ryuuchi. I've dedicated my life, at the moment, to learning about love. What it means, what it implies, and how it works. I'm coming to the conclusion that I never needed to think about it.
I believe in love, mainly for the reasons that most people don't believe in it--it's irrational.
People say that love has no real definition because it's so complex, but I believe it does. On the contrary, I believe it's just too simple to describe with words.
Ask yourself one thing: when a complete stranger has the opportunity to do something for your benefit, how would you rationalize his actions? In other words, what if he had nothing to gain, but something to lose while doing something for you? I wouldn't know how to rationalize his behavior... I would just call it an act of love.
And keep in mind, that love isn't restricted between two attracted people, or family. The difference between love and all the other emotions is this: love is a choice, and emotions are not.
Plain and simple--love doesn't require "strong feelings", or "deep empathy", or any of that gibberish. It is just simple, and humble actions geared towards others. Whether the act is "the act of thinking of them", or "the act of caring about them", it's just love.
So generally speaking, I myself, am still developing what I think, but so far... this is what I believe.
Don't let logic and emotions solely rule your way of living. Stay balanced, open-minded, and open-hearted. Too much of anything is detrimental.
And a little quote for you to think about: "You let your balloon go, because it wants to fly high into the sky..."
>Yes I care. Real men should follow up their words with actions.
Dammit I hate people who are like "I'll do it soon.." "I'll get around to it.." "I feel like I should do something..." Do it NOW! I'm sick and tired of being surrounded by men who whinge more than me (a woman). Prove to me you aren't one of them.
Ouch. I'm sorry to hear that. Well, I have to do it. I just gotta. This life, this situation I'm in now, I know I won't go anywhere. It won't get me going. I need that extra hard push.
>>22
I respect your belief in love. I think that you are right because that's what most people would view in believing in love. After what you have said, it does not convinced me enough. It's what you believe and it's what I agree with you but I still don't believe in love.
That's perfectly fine, and I understand that you don't believe in love. Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I didn't believe in it either.
You're lucky though, because I'm sure as heck that you do small acts of love for others, yet you're unaware of it. People appreciate you because of that, and you're unaware of it.
I have faith that a loving woman will find you, and you will be happy enough to not even think about the existence of love. Until then, I hope you try to care for others, even just a little bit. x]
I do believe in love, but as of right now, I don't think its something I'm cut out for
>I have faith that a loving woman will find you, and you will be happy enough to not even think about the existence of love. Until then, I hope you try to care for others, even just a little bit. x]
I thank for you that but it's no somethingt I'll be expecting. It's not what I have in mind.
>>25
Everyone is up for it, even you. If you believe in love then you are cut out for it. I don't anymore. I've given up on love perhaps. If you believe in love, you should try harder. Don't expect things in love.
Haha, I give out advice about love and I don't believe it. Sounds weird to me but hey, I know most of the aspects of love so don't get me wrong.
>>26
I believe in it, and have tried pursuing it many times. But recently, I don't know what to do. I'm in love right now, but its unrequited. <:(
Like even when I had a gf, at first i thought it was true, then suddenly, it became unrequited for me. She would stop holding hands, she wouldn't look at me like she used to, and she never told me if it was over or not. Then later on, she is with someone else. I don't care about her anymore.
But now, this girl means a lot to me, but she has a bf now.
I just don't know what to do now.
>I just don't know what to do now.
Haha, like someone would say: Follow your heart? If you believe in it then you should follow your instincts and not worry too much on what the girl is thinking. Communication, communication, communication is the key.
>>28
Thanks, but she has told me she only sees me as a really good friend. That still hasn't changed my feelings for her, and the guy who she is with is someone i don't trust. I don't like him at all. I mean we talk sometimes but that's it. He has done so much crap to women and that bothers me. If she is happy so am I but I don't want her hurt in anyway. I wouldn't be able to see her hurt in anyway possible. I told her to be careful but I don't want to be the jerk who wants to make them break up. That would hurt me. I know what your saying, I haven't talking to her much. When she told me that he was her bf, I had a really hard time taking it in and I still do but try to hide it now. I stopped talking to her for a couple of days. Then on Sunday I talked to her again but haven't talked to her since then. I just don't know what to do.
Do you have a post about this situation? I'd like to help ya out and maybe others can too.
It's up to you. If you really need help on something related to romance, why not?
today it feels like i do :3
"When you start to understand love, to explain it and to quantify it, then you are no longer loving."
I think it's as simple as that. But hey, what do I know? All of my past relationships were finished by me, because one day I simply stopped liking them, or never really have liked them, and just realized it at that time. And now that one of them is in love again and aparently happy, I feel bad and have started to feel rather depressed.
Maybe I haven't really loved anybody, because I've never been sure as to wether or not I was in love. Beats me.
I think I believe in love for other people, but I don't know about it for myself.
My friends have all been "in love" with someone, even if it didn't work out in the end.
From what my friends have told me, I don't think I've ever been in love in the most real sense. I had a Mai Waifu complex a while back, but I think I've gotten over it.
I think someday, I'll probably find someone I really like, but right now I'm still too shy and introverted to find love, or even probably accept it.
Well, you know what they say: the more you look for something, the harder it is to actually find it.
Easier said than done, since I'm always looking. I think love is the one who hasn't found me (boy, that's corny).
>>37
Well, can't say anything about that. What's so corny? We're talking about love here, I don't find it corny at all. Anywho, keep your head high. At least telling you that you're doing things better than me.
You're right. Maybe I should look for a little bit of corny in my life.
Yeah, right. Sorry to doubt you, but... Well, I have to doubt you. Can't see you doing better than me.
In terms of love? Nope. I believe nothing will come better for me in love but you have left the track and you should get back on it unless you are ready for the kind of world that I'm in and that is not believing in love.
I think you are looking at it wrong love isn't supposed to give you anything it's not something to have its only something to give you only recieve from other people's love saying you won't get anything from love is like saying no one has anything to give which means you don't trust people and trust is one of the most important aspects of the whole thing meaning yes you probably will not get anything from love with your current mind set. Love is from what I understand wanting what is best for the other person. You shouldn't get into relationships based on feelings and appearances even personalities alone but it should be more like you love them because you can help each other become better and become happier like how people say they complete each other and similarly how opposites attract. The person you love is like your other half or the mising part of you. Also lastly I believe love isn't something that happens you choose it based on like all decisions your past experiences. I can elaboate more but I feel dizzy and have a fever so this might not even make sense but I feel what I wrote is true and good luck with everything
>>41
Feel better so that you can come back here and elaborate more. Your views are interesting.
>>41
That was an incredibly hard post to read, but I'll attribute it to your fever, lol. I agree for the most part of what you're saying, even though it is a slightly more romanticist viewpoint.
>>42
I find it rather pathetic that you're giving everyone advice about love, and yet you've decided to resign yourself to a lonely life, even though deep down inside you want someone to love you. It's not like you're 52 and lived the hard life. You're only 20(?), and have hardly done anything in your life. You just can't be bothered looking, trying, risking.
I don't think you have a right to sound so knowledgeable about love, when you've never experienced it yourself. I can put up with the vague bullshit that you write in your posts, but what annoys me most is that you acknowledge that you're hopeless, and yet you don't do anything about it. What are you trying to be? Some sort of good samaritan that gives advice to people to steer them away from "your world"? That is laughable. I think it's time you help yourself first, because I would never take advice from someone who has given up in life. But looking at your other threads, I'm thinking that you don't really like to follow up on advice do you? You prefer to talk big, and avoid doing actual work. For your sake, I honestly hope that you will realise that if you don't do anything now, you're gonna be in the same place 20 years later.
>>41 "I don't wanna be your other half, I believe that one and one make two."
>>43 Maybe Mr. Ryuuchi just feels tired. Everyone has a time when things just don't work out. You should be ashamed for saying it's laughable. You condemn him, but what are you doing? You're just saying what you want, regardless of whom you might be hurting. Honesty without courtesy is just rudeness. If you don't intend to help, then you shouldn't say anything.
I'd just like to help. I can't help reading these people who have posted that I seem to indulge myself into and end up giving advice and support to these people who ask for help, advice, suggestions, etc. However, >>43 you are right. I can't argue and debate over something you have said because you are right. Maybe deep down inside I do want to be loved by someone but I'm pushing it away because in my mind I don't want to. Even if I didn't experience it myself, maybe I don't have the right to talk about love, give advice, suggestions, and such. I don't prefer to talk big and it's not my intention but I guess that's what you and probably everyone else is looking at it so far. If I am annoying to you and probably everyone else so much then I will stop giving advice, after all there are other people who give better help than I do. I just can't help that the fact the way and who I am is making my life not going well. I'm not looking for anything for everyone to go sympathy on me or whatever. Just when this website was interesting and thought I could help out people in the romance and personal issue section but I don't deserve to be in them because I haven't fix myself up. >>44 is right too. I am tired. I am so damn tired of myself, everyone, and especially the world. I am so sick and tired of everything. I'm to a point where I just literally do not care about anything and yet here I am helping out people with my advice in the romance and personal issues section. Funny, huh?
sigh I think I'm not going to hang around in this website anymore longer. Just writing and talking about this makes me feel real down about it and >>43 you have hit me in the spot of where I didn't notice it myself and I thank you for that. I'm not saying that because I'm angry or anything. I am truly grateful as with everyone else who posted in this thread for replying and perhaps trying to help me out.
So, I guess this is a goodbye. It's been nice hanging around in this website and I hope people in the romance and personal issues section get their problems solved in no time. As for me, well if anyone is care to worry about me then don't. You're only wasting your breath to a worthless person like me.
Again, thank you all and good-bye. =)
>>44
I think you misunderstand me. Sure, I am being brutally honest with Ryuuchi, but I believe it is in his best interest to hear it plain, with no frills. If you read his thread "What should I do in my life?" and posts in other threads, you might understand why I am particularly frustrated with him. He always gets advice and encouragement handed to him on a silver platter, and yet he seems to dismiss it with a vague "that's interesting", or "I'm too hopeless for that". If he doesn't owe it to himself, he should at least consider the people who give him advice, and actually follow up on it.
>>45
Whilst I believe every word I said to you, I will apologise for being so harsh. It's just that I honestly don't think that anyone my age should be "tired". Perhaps that's why I feel particularly strongly about your resigned attitude. To see someone my age already giving up on life is sad. For one thing, there are a lot more people worse off than you. You are twenty. You are young. You're definitely not raising a family. Life has just started for you. I don't know how many times I will have to say it for you to realise that.
I think you should also realise that you do have a lot of help and people that care for you. More than you would think. You say that you're treated like a black sheep, but I think that's more of a mindset that you've adopted against your family. Your mum for instance, is worried about you enough to come back to see you. Your friend offered to take you out job hunting with him. If that's not caring, I don't know what is. You also said that "communication is the key" in another thread, to which I responded "you should practice what you preach". Talk to your mum more. You'll be surprised how much lighter the load will feel when you talk to someone like your mum about it. How do you expect her to help you when she doesn't know what's going on with you?
With that said, you should continue to post on here if it makes you happy. If giving advice to people rewards you with some sort of satisfaction, then I have no right to take that away from you. Keep in mind what I said about following your own advice though. People will trust and respect your advice more when they know that it comes from experience. I don't know about you, but personally I don't give advice that I wouldn't follow myself. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Finally, I really do hope that you start to do something with your life, whether it be applying for the college you were talking about, or taking up an apprenticeship. It's been a month since your last post in "What should I do in my life". I'd hate to think that nothing has come out of that thread since then.
>>46 I'm sorry. I did misunderstand you. I just don't think it's fair to be so harsh on someone if you intend to give advice. But I do agree with what you are saying. It really is too soon to give up.
So, Mr. Ryuuchi, please liston to our (and your) advices, and try! I'm sure things will turn out for the best.
I believe in love, because love is working in my life for almost half of my existence. So for me it's like asking if I believe in gravity.
i wanna love someone so much it's almost really sad. i hear all these wonderful love stories in the mangas, but i never seem to find any for myself. i know i shouldn't mix real and fake, but it's kinda unfair, right? i wanna be happy too. i almost don't mind if the person i love doesn't love me back, as long as i get that heart-racing feeling.
>>49 well, I will happen to you, as long as you are willing to go out and meet people. Only people who shun social contact have reasons to be worried. But then, you can't expect a rich social interaction like love to happen when you do your best to avoid social contact, right?
>>I think I believe in love for other people, but I don't know about it for myself.
Signed.
I want to believe that love is possible, and I desperately wish I could experience it for myself. If it's even half as good as it's portrayed in ren-ai games/manga/anime, then I have no doubt that it would be the experience of a lifetime.
That said, I can never bring myself to leave to house or open up to people, no matter how hard I try. Every time I've ever tried to talk to a woman, a thousand voices open up in my head and start screaming at me: "you worthless piece of trash, what makes you so fucking arrogant that you think you could possibly make a woman happy? You're a failed piece of shit that has never accomplished anything of merit and never will. You're a fat, disfigured wretch. Shut your mouth and sit the fuck down. A piece of shit like you has no business even looking at women. It's sickening to think you even believe you could have a chance. Just how fucking deluded are you?"
No amount of "manning up" will quiet the voices. I've tried improving my appearance, improving my attitude -- nothing ever lasts. The voices always win and then I'm back cowering in my room, with heavy curtains drawn over the windows and the lights off, so I don't have to look at anything, not even myself.
It's 10:00 am on a sunny day, and I'm sitting in a pitch-black room in front of a computer monitor, wishing I could meet a girl like Ayu Tsukimiya. After a couple hours here on 4-ch and 4chan's /r9k/, I'll probably try to drink myself into unconsciousness.
Does love exist? Maybe.
Is it possible for me to experience love? Probably not.
>>wishing I could meet a girl like Ayu Tsukimiya.
Actually, I take that back. I'd settle for a relationship with pretty much any girl, at this point.
>>51 Dude, can you talk to your mom? Aunt? Cousin? Sister? Those are women. Unless you have a family totally deprived of women, that proves you can talk to them. Whenever you talk to any other woman, just try to imagine them as being a relative of yours. That does NOT mean you should have... "strange" feelings towards your female relatives, it's just for you to get used to talking to the other gender. And believe me, women don't think so badly of you as yourself. If you have nice things to say, that should be fine. I can't garantee it will be as easy to get into a romantic relationship but, for starters, it should be ok, right?
Hope you can overcome your shyness. Because all you said scrams "I'm shy" to me. And that is not a bad thing.
>>Dude, can you talk to your mom? Aunt? Cousin? Sister? Those are women.
Not nearly the same thing. They're family; they have to put up with me, like it or not. Women outside my family have a choice.
Besides, as you pointed out, I'm certainly not about to ask my family for dates (the very thought is sickening); ergo, whether or not I can talk to my family has no bearing on how difficult it is for me to talk to unrelated women.
And for the record, I suppose I should have written "Every time I've ever tried to talk to a woman whom I find to be attractive, a thousand voices...". If I have no vested emotional interest in the woman, I can talk to her. It's still awkward and extremely uncomfortable, but only slightly more so than if I were speaking with another man.
>>Hope you can overcome your shyness.
That's nice, because I certainly don't. If I were even still in college, it might be another story, but I'm 25 now. People don't have the patience to be arsed to deal with a guy like me. I missed out on every chance I ever had to break out of my shell, and now I'm left to deal with the consequences.
A part of me says that this is for the best, that this is all I deserve. I'd be the most arrogant person on earth to expect anything better. A man like me should feel fortunate that he's allowed to draw breath and live; anything more, especially love, is a luxury. The slave should never ask why the master doesn't invite him to dinner.
Then you're just going to give up, just like that? You say that you're past the age to change, so that's it? The end of your life is at 25 years old? You're young!! What are you talking about? You have a hole life to make up for the times you did nothing, and to try to become better!
I know the way I put it sounds like it's easy, and I know it isn't. But if you're unhappy, then what's the point in just living? If you want to be happy, then you should keep trying. It's bound to get better. If you say that the slave shouldn't question the master, then nothing is ever going to change! You should question, and do something! Keep trying!
Hello, everyone. First off I want to say that I want to take my spotlight back in this thread that I've created, if you all don't mind? Yes, it's me. It's Ryuuchi. The real Ryuuchi. Right now...I'm smiling and laughing in my mind and at the same time I want to cry so much but I don't want to because I think it's not worth it for me. I feel like I want to have a hug with you all who replied here, seriously. I just don't know why but I want to. Second, I'd like to say some things that have been going on so far. As some of you might know or perhaps not but for the past weeks I have done nothing for myself. I would be in my cousin's bedroom and just play a little bit of video games and surfing through the internet, watching movies. However....I didn't do this to just waste my time of my life. I've been doing a lot of thinking. The words people have told me. You know, the advice, suggestions, all that stuff. I've taken it for granted. I've come to realize that I have not taken any chances in my life so far. There were so many and that I didn't grab it and went forward with that chance. I just let it slip by and to be dead honest, I didn't care about it as much. I am truly, truly apologize for not taking anyone's advice, suggestions, opinions, etc. I have been so insecured, self-doubting, so much of less confidence of myself and whatever that things only got worse and worse everyday.
So, what's going on? Well, I have a week and a few days. Why is that? I'm going to move out and...stay at my friend's place but not for long. Here's how it started. My friend who I have known for since Elementary school, offered me. No, wait. His wife, offered me, if I wanted to stay at my friend's place. Can you believe that? I couldn't and still am. Now, this guy I can't trust but here's the thing I am going to take my chance at my own life and see how it's gonna go for me. I'm going to be positive because all I've been doing is being negative to myself and everyone else. At least that's what I think. I had a long talk with my mom and especially with my aunt. I've come to realize that they are my family, no matter what. I don't know much they care about me but this part I would really want to cry right now but god dammit, I won't.
So, the week after this week, they are going to pick me up here and then I'm going with them and then I'm going to live back in my hometown again. Now my plans I'd like to keep it to myself for now but I will chronicle my life and I would like...No, wait. I'd like to ask you guys for any help along the way. I would really appreciate it. I will really do.
My friend told me that he will help me. He will guide me and from there I have to take it on most of the things on my own. I'm going to fucking take a chance and just do it. I don't care anymore, I'm just going to do it. I am going to take the damn chances I will receive!
>>46
However, you are right. I don't think I'm really the right person to give right advices and suggestions to other people. The things you have told me made me think that I am not worthy of supporting other people who have their own personal problems when I am in this kind of state I am in, as in my situation right now.
>>>I think that's more of a mindset that you've adopted against your family. Your mum for instance, is worried about you enough to come back to see you. Your friend offered to take you out job hunting with him. If that's not caring, I don't know what is. You also said that "communication is the key" in another thread, to which I responded "you should practice what you preach". Talk to your mum more. You'll be surprised how much lighter the load will feel when you talk to someone like your mum about it.
I have talk with my mom and my aunt. You were really about this. When I had a chat with both of them, there were things that opened my eyes. It's like, Wow...I didn't see past this. Damn...
>>47
Will do. I will take them for granted...I need to try harder as much as I can.
>>49
I find it funny because I've been reading all these romance type mangas for the past weeks and I too want to love and at the same be loved so much from a girl who would be my significant other.
YES! I have a tiny, little of something in me that perhaps I do believe in love and that me expressing that I don't believe in love, I might have exaggerated a bit. However, shall I still say that I still don't believe in love or what? I don't know. I'm not sure.
Congrats Ryuuchi! Do something to make the rest of us sorting out our lives proud. No one has complete wisdom, so all of the statements on love you--and the rest of the anons--made on love are much valued. I have learned from this thread, and now I understand this strange word a bit better. Or at least it's questions.
It seems there is a dissagreement on what love is to each of us, I agree with >>41 about romance, but it's a small part of what I see as love. Love can be unasked for concern, or it can be selfish (as a girl a lot like >>41 has told me), changing another's image to your heart's yearning. All of these are at one time or another called love. Is love that chemical attraction that makes you help another? Is it deep trust in another... a crush of sorts? I don't pretend to have any answers, and we all need to answer at some point.
Another issue I have with some of you, is you see love as an absolute and based on specific experience, when in effect it works by degree. I understand you need experience I do not have to truly grok this, but such a concept is not unreal (we've felt it before) unless we will it to be so. Ryuuchi, you've expressed thankfullness, you've shown determination (self-love perhaps?), and for that I cannot say you have no love. Fight on.
I hope my post doesn't seem to mushy, it's basically an attempt at clarifying the issue. I will follow the thread, if not just because Ryuuchi is like me. I am trying to set up a new life after high school, I am smart, and I am a complete fool. But failure, in love and life, is a binding perspective... do not be so fettered as I have.
The matter is what I want to do in my life. That's what my mom and my aunt have been telling me all along. For a very long time, I didn't have anything that I want to do in my life. Mainly because I didn't know how to start it off. I may think a negative at times but I have to remind myself that I should do this. I should try this out and see how it goes from there.
I understand that life can be hard whether you are rich or poor, it doesn't matter. Everyone experience a hardship moment or two in their lives, right? I would like to say to wing it BUT it requires a little bit of planning and I learned that way long before. My other friend, he's been winging it and things didn't turned out so well for him. Plan is a good thing. There's nothing wrong about it.
>>58
Your post being too mushy? Please. Post whatever you feel and think that is right for you and maybe for all of us. I may be too much on being positive but I gotta take it easy, haha.
Well, half of the week is almost there and I've been thinking a lot of things lately. First off I want to say about believing in love.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the fact that I don't believe in love is maybe because I've given up the hope to ever being in love with someone. I don't like to fall in love because it's complicated but at the same time I want to experience that kind of love. The kind of love where you share it with someone you think you have a really good connection with. I think I'm just afraid to fall in love and that I don't want to take the chance anymore because I know I will fail. However, how the hell would I know I will fail if I haven't even try yet? So, is there nothing wrong to get up and try again? Should I believe in love one last time? I don't know, what do you guys think?
Okay, other than that thinking. I've been thinking about and imagining how it would be like to stay at my friend's place. I guess this is another personal issue for me and I think I should just post it in the thread that I've already created. It'll be in "What I should do in my life." Until then, do YOU believe in love? Hmm?
Hello everyone. It is I Ryuuchi. I decide to change my name into my real name, Mark.
Anywho, I thought about more of believing in love. I've decided to give love one more chance. However, I won't be looking hard for the one special girl. Should I?
As of now, I'm still single and my birthday is in a few weeks. I'll be 22 years old. I thought about love real hard the past few boring weeks. I told myself that maybe I should give it love one more try and see what happens. The question is: What happens if beliving in love again sets me back to not believing it again?
>I decide to change my name into my real name, Mark.
Nice to meet you Mark. I'm Anonymous.
>I won't be looking hard for the one special girl. Should I?
No. You should start by posting this in /love/, that's where itbelongs. Second, you don't even have a clue what kind of person suits you, don't waste time agonizing over it. But really, if you are that eager to start a relationship, why don't you use a dedicated website, that's what they are for, and they work well, if you take the time to understand how.